rate_review Reviews

update soon

The story is solid but the writing needs a lot of work.

Like what you've done so far. They're not exactly speaking like they're from that era, but otherwice good. Like the Achilles/Paris-pairing.

PLEASE update soon!! Heh heh... i like this story. Its cute!!

I enjoyed this. The way they talk strikes me as kind of odd though. I mean, it doesn't sound like the ancient greeks might, or at least the characters you are portraying. I don't know, I suppose it lacks a certain eloquence I'm used to seeing in fics especially in this particular fandom. It could do with a bit of polishing up as well. Some of your sentences seem a little disjointed. I would suggest getting a beta. I'm saying this because it was rather distracting and puttin off off to the story, which, otherwis pis pretty good. The idea and plot is good. I just think it can be better if you put a bit more into it.

manda is extrememly hot

0.0 me like. me like a lot. GIMME MORE!!!! there is no way you can make this story any better its as good as it gets already ^_^ hope you update soon

Love
Caska

I like this story, Achilles is a bit out of character, but its still very good. Please continue. I cant wait till the two finally have "men sex". And what is going to happen to Paris? Will Achilles' jealous lover kill him!?!
Oh you have to finish!!!
~Deathy

Just some of that constructive crititism you were after...I found it very difficult to read this story, because your characters simply aren't believable. A large part of the problem is their speech...I really doubt that warriors in the time of the Trojan War called people 'pricks'. Also, 'gay' didn't start to mean 'homosexual' until recently. These are just examples. I know you might think that is nitpicky, but this story is set thousands of years ago, and your language must relect that. Otherwise, you should bring the scenario forward to modern times and call it an AU. Also, you might want to try using less exclamation marks. They are really unneccessary.
I hope you don't think of this as a flame, cause it's not meant to be. I'm just trying to help you write better. Good luck with your writing.

I don't usually leave reviews because I don't have the time. And in some cases I just move on and forget that I ever read the story, but I must leave something here because I feel that you deserve to know for the reason that I believe that you have potential to grow as a writer if you are aware that there are people out there willing to give you constructive criticism. Please be aware that this is what this is and not a flaI amI am not here to tell you that your story sucks because I am a wr myr myself and I would hate to be in this same situation.

Now that this is cleared up, let me get onto the main reason why I am here. The dialogue and... ... Quite frankly, they would definitely not talk or think like this in ancient Greek times. I'm sorry. It would be nice if you did some research before you posted the story. They don't use those forms of words like 'fuck' and 'shit'. It wasn't proper and I'm pretty sure they weren't even evolved back then. Also, you need to check your grammar and spelling. It's wise to get a beta reader to check your work before posting. A very wise decision. I think the idea is good, although it needs some work here and there, but it has potential just like most people and their work do. I have faith that you can do it. But it all comes down to the matter if you want to make that happ



Good luck in the future.