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January 24, 2005 at 12:00 AM
you're doing eeeeeexcelent. the quest for the last gold is a good driving force behind the fic, and it's cute watching Jack learning to fit in (enough).
-J
-J
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January 23, 2005 at 12:00 AM
>Jack crammed the cowboy hat he was wearing over the boy’s face
Too prudish for a pirate, I think. And he should notice that neither the girls themselves nor Will or any other bystanders seem upset. You make Jack a bit into a Norrington here. Speaking of whom - they look too different; I don't find it convincing that the commodore should be Jack's son.
>Will, women in your time confuse me. Why would they wish to be equal to men
...says a man who sailed with Annamaria...
>when they’re so much superior to them already?”
...says a man who gets slapped by whores for doing whatever to them, for not paying perhaps, and who stole Annamaria's boat.
Again, Norrington might speak like that, but I would not expect such a view from Jack.
>In his wallet he kept the visa that Will had procured for him through the government
Sound very easy. But what nationality would he have? Do the USA easily hand out visa to stateless people, or is he a British, Jamaican, Haitien, ... citizen (with passport, date and place of birth, ...)?
Sorry, I dont find the events in this chapter very believable.
Too prudish for a pirate, I think. And he should notice that neither the girls themselves nor Will or any other bystanders seem upset. You make Jack a bit into a Norrington here. Speaking of whom - they look too different; I don't find it convincing that the commodore should be Jack's son.
>Will, women in your time confuse me. Why would they wish to be equal to men
...says a man who sailed with Annamaria...
>when they’re so much superior to them already?”
...says a man who gets slapped by whores for doing whatever to them, for not paying perhaps, and who stole Annamaria's boat.
Again, Norrington might speak like that, but I would not expect such a view from Jack.
>In his wallet he kept the visa that Will had procured for him through the government
Sound very easy. But what nationality would he have? Do the USA easily hand out visa to stateless people, or is he a British, Jamaican, Haitien, ... citizen (with passport, date and place of birth, ...)?
Sorry, I dont find the events in this chapter very believable.
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January 14, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Funny to no end. Unimpressed Jack and naive, shocked Will is such an entertaining combination.
I think Jack might have heard the word "shampoo" before, even though it wasn't common yet in his time, but as it is from Hindi and he must have been in the region, he might know it. What if Jack had taken "shampoo" literally: "knead/massage"? Massage oil as used in Singapore brothels?
Even though he can't eat I think Jack would be fascinated with modern food. No hardtack, no peeling maggots out of hard cheese before serving, no watering salted pork for hours, no algea-infested waterbarrels, no open fire, ...
>he was wearing a cowboy hat
>over his own scarf, aviator sunglasses,
>a Hawaiian shirt, Bermuda shorts
> and a pair of black sandals with no socks...
>and nobody gave him a second look.
And here I was looking foreward to his encounter with immigration officials. (Probably better not.)
Jack has children he knows about? You won't make Johnny Depp Jack's own offspring, will you?
End of babbling.
I really consider not reviewing any more until you add a chapter to "power of the sparrow" once more.
I think Jack might have heard the word "shampoo" before, even though it wasn't common yet in his time, but as it is from Hindi and he must have been in the region, he might know it. What if Jack had taken "shampoo" literally: "knead/massage"? Massage oil as used in Singapore brothels?
Even though he can't eat I think Jack would be fascinated with modern food. No hardtack, no peeling maggots out of hard cheese before serving, no watering salted pork for hours, no algea-infested waterbarrels, no open fire, ...
>he was wearing a cowboy hat
>over his own scarf, aviator sunglasses,
>a Hawaiian shirt, Bermuda shorts
> and a pair of black sandals with no socks...
>and nobody gave him a second look.
And here I was looking foreward to his encounter with immigration officials. (Probably better not.)
Jack has children he knows about? You won't make Johnny Depp Jack's own offspring, will you?
End of babbling.
I really consider not reviewing any more until you add a chapter to "power of the sparrow" once more.
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January 14, 2005 at 12:00 AM
with the way Jack keeps bugging Will about everything, and then of course Will is just so fustrationed haveing to teach an 18th century (that's right, right?) pirate the ways of the 21st century. Though I can just imagine what running through Jack's mind now that he really can see everything that has changed in the world since he was locked away in the cave. Anyway I look foward to reading more of this story. I tend to find everything you write very interesting.
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January 6, 2005 at 12:00 AM
That was very funny. Please keep on writing!
>he’s NOT going to eat my brains!
With a Disney movie, who knows? *g*
> “She’s gorgeous, to be sure, but she’ll
> never give you the freedom of a ship with sails.”
> “True...yachts need gasoline. Sailing ships don’t.”
Sailing ships however depend on the wind, and motor ships don't.
>he’s NOT going to eat my brains!
With a Disney movie, who knows? *g*
> “She’s gorgeous, to be sure, but she’ll
> never give you the freedom of a ship with sails.”
> “True...yachts need gasoline. Sailing ships don’t.”
Sailing ships however depend on the wind, and motor ships don't.
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January 5, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Fantastic storyline. The first 3 chapters are great. Keep up the good work. Can't wait for the next few chapters to see how Jack gets along in the new world. Any future relationship plans for the boys??? What about decendants of our friend Norrington??? Keep the chapters coming..soon I hope!!!!!
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January 5, 2005 at 12:00 AM
mistress hellborn...mistress i asume? this story is smacking of good times. this is an idea i've thought
and read about before, a cursed jack being found in the 21 century. yet it's rarely done, and it's even more
rare to find it done well. but you have suceeded and rightfully claimed this idea as your territory. i can't wait
for more, i really can't wait to read about jack's bewildered assimulation into our century. scrum-dilly-umptious!
and read about before, a cursed jack being found in the 21 century. yet it's rarely done, and it's even more
rare to find it done well. but you have suceeded and rightfully claimed this idea as your territory. i can't wait
for more, i really can't wait to read about jack's bewildered assimulation into our century. scrum-dilly-umptious!
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January 4, 2005 at 12:00 AM
Very cool. Poor Jack, coping with technology. I;ll be interested to see what you do with the plot, once the Jack-meets-world portion is done. will there be romance? Will there be villains? Internal conflicts?
Keep writing, it's good.
-J.
Keep writing, it's good.
-J.
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December 31, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Very cool. Neat idea, and a neat start to the story. I'll be interested in seeing where it all goes.
-Janelly
-Janelly
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December 25, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Wowness. I'm glad I clicked on this! I hope to see more of your story very soon; this promises to be great!