rate_review Reviews

Glad I could be of help, can't wait to see the outfit Aalya has to dress up in for the Hutts. Plo Koon seems to have his hands full and Obi's going to pieces, I can't wait for more.

I approve! You've done a hell of a job--the only real comment I can make is that I wish it were finished!

wait... I'm sure there's a rule here someplace that sais you aren't allowed to do anything bad to Aayla....

Well I was right about the cool battle scene, very well written. Only thing why didn't any of the jedi us the force with their saber style? Sorry to nit pick but thats what makes fighting a jedi so dangerous because they can us the force to bolster their attacks, speed etc etc. But other than that it was really enjoyable

Well, I wasn't expecting this. Very nice. A different side of Greivous.

Oh, I sense a cool battle scene coming on. Update soon, how are Obi and Aayla going keep their relationship working when they get back to the temple?

I can't help but say that this is a great story. I enjoy the fact that you turned it into a continuing fanfic instead of making it a one short.
You did amasingly well for a first time writing a sex scene. It was light and following, which works wonders with your writing style. I found little to no errors throughout the story (tho dancing around happily at having my two favorite characters beating around the bush didn't help ^^;)
There is one problem I caught in chapter six that I feel I need to address. As most people know, General Grevious was weezing and coughing throughout his time in Episode III. Most people think it's just in his character, but it's not. People who watched the Clone Wars (yes, that odd cartoon, it really does fill you in on stuff between Episode II and III) will know that he wasn't always weezing. Mace Windo crushed his chest on a last attempt to stop General Grevious from capturing Palpitine. This was a day or two (or less) before Episode III, so he didn't get around to repairing himself, hence why he was weezing and coughing throughout the movie.
Just a little timbit for you. Otherwise, it's a great story and I'd love to read more when you have the time to update. ^o^

yes this is definatly better than the other scene

Hey, I like this a LOT! I don't normally read Obi-Wan fics, but the pairing sounded too interesting to pass up. For your first sex scene ever, you did very well! And I thought the actual sex scene between two people who are undoubtedly virgins was very well done. I liked the bit with the bra, very amusing.

I also like that you're adding a plot to it. PWP is okay sometimes, but I'm a big believer in Porn WITH Plot, LOL.

You know, I really hope that the bad guys weren't monitoring Obi-Wan and Aayla's cell, or they're gonna be really embarrassed!

More soon!

Very well done.

The sex scenes have been good, and the story is interesting.