rate_review Reviews

ouch!

Plz update ASAP this is looking to be a good plot

Awww... poor Luke, how frustrated he must be feeling now! I feel sorry for Mara too if she had once been raped... I hope this misunderstanding gets cleared soon and they can have a nice shag at last ;) Keep it coming, please!

Well, you have a fair start here. You allude too much though, without showing enough. You only use snippets of feelings. Also, you can get rid of most of the one word sentences. A few are good for impact, you have way too many. They no longer add impact they make the reader skim over them. You can get the point contained in them across in longer sentences; maybe go for a more artistic approach than a heavy impact one?

All in all, you have a good start here. Keep workin' okay?

Great start. I love L/M fics and I very interested in where this one is going! Keep up the good work.

~DMS~