CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER!!! Please don't say it's your last chapter!!!!
Please continue! I don't want to be left hanging!
Please post another part soon. I, along with several other people, are eagerly waiting.
- Rachel
Thank you for taking the time to do exactly what I had asked. I like hearing others' opinions. I can see your point. Yes, he does seem very cruel and perhaps a little sadistic. The way I look at it, however, is that this is a man at the end of his rope. He's pretty much gone crazy. I realize I am making him do some very bad things, but he has been corrupted by the dark side and has already done some very bad things. He murdered all the younglings and turned his back while the rest of the Jedi were slaughtered. These things had already been done before I got my hands on the character.
Now, honestly, I am uncomfortable with cruelty for cruelty's sake. Through out my whole story I have tried very hard to convey Vader's true turmoil and confusion. I don't look at him as evil. Just deeply disturbed and angry...
Anyway, thank you again for telling me what you thought. I do hope that you will read this story until the end just as I hope you will read this response. I have some things planned that might surprise everyone... even you.
- Chance
P.S. As for writing my updates just to up my story... meh, if I wanted to do that I would just edit it every day. Time Retreating has not been upped for a very long time. I just like to keep people informed :-)
In a nutshell, your Vader is nothing but a sadist. We've moved from a character who made a Faustian Bargain in ROTS to a rapist and torturer just a few short years later. How? Why? In your story, he kills kids on a whim....very, very different from what happened with the Tuskens and at the Temple. Your Vader doesn't even have the daily torture of living in the suit as an excuse. I guess what I'm getting at is that I just don't 'believe' the character. When did he make the leap from a heartbroken, manipulated young man to the worst human being imaginable. The guy is psychotic.
I understand that you're trying to make his self-loathing the cause of his monstrous actions, but I think you've pushed him too far over the line. Instead of his remembrances and daydreams showing his true self coming to the fore, they only seem to show a deeper slide into insanity. The story should stand on its own, without the author having to explain what's going on. If you wanted the reader to keep something in mind, you should have added an omniscient narrator.
It's also hard to continue reading a story when you don't care about the main character. I stopped caring about Ani/Vader around the first time he raped the Padme-look-a-like. Where did that come from? Sprinkle on a little nonsensical child murder, continuous women beating and torture and the rape of his wife and now I'm just scratching my head. This is miles beyond self loathing! You've mentioned that you are planning a bitter sweet ending. Bitter sweet?!?! This guy deserves to burn in the deepest recesses of hell. Your Vader is no longer the sad, weak lap dog of the emperor...he's in control of everything in the galaxy but his mind! Am I supposed to still feel badly for him?
I kept reading, waiting for a chapter that would explain Vader's motivation. I was hoping to read that Anakin's body had somehow been possessed by Sidious or another Sith lord, or some other goofy reason for his behavior. I'm not necessarily looking for a happy ending, but something that brings a level of coherence to the story.
Obviously, some other readers love this story. Maybe it's just not my cup of tea, though I enjoy other dark fics. You asked for input, so I'm giving it. Do with it what you will.
The other thing that bugs me has nothing to do with your story. Other authors on this site seem to use the review listings to respond to their readers. By adding a chapter update every time you have something personal to say, it looks like you're finding an excuse to up your own story.
Anyway, this is solely my opinion. I don't claim to speak for any of your other critics and nothing I've said was meant to be mean.