schedule
May 6, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I love this pairing, I love this ship. Great story. Kudos to you!
schedule
June 9, 2006 at 12:00 AM
It was a great fic, but sad too knowing that the first vision is going to come true and not the second one.
schedule
April 30, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Better. Cleaning up spelling errors has helped. Your summary is much more attractive now. More paragraph breaks to spread out the text would make it easier to read.
The sex scenes are still H-O-T, but I have to tell you, I laugh when Anakin roars out "I am yours and you are mine!" when he's coming. I've never known a guy to be coherent enough at that moment to say a whole sentence!
The sex scenes are still H-O-T, but I have to tell you, I laugh when Anakin roars out "I am yours and you are mine!" when he's coming. I've never known a guy to be coherent enough at that moment to say a whole sentence!
schedule
April 22, 2006 at 12:00 AM
Interesting take ;)
The sex scenes are hot.
You really need to proofread thoroughly, though, to clean up the spelling errors (especially in the summary), punctuation, and paragraph formatting. It would really make your story better and easier to read. Try italicizing the Force-communication instead of offsetting it with slashes. Paragraph breaks are a good thing, too.
Some of the dialogue is stilted and sounds more like the speech of historical romance characters than 2 teenagers. You could try thinking about how teenagers sound when they talk-- not so formal and courtly. It would just make them sound more natural.
The sex scenes are hot.
You really need to proofread thoroughly, though, to clean up the spelling errors (especially in the summary), punctuation, and paragraph formatting. It would really make your story better and easier to read. Try italicizing the Force-communication instead of offsetting it with slashes. Paragraph breaks are a good thing, too.
Some of the dialogue is stilted and sounds more like the speech of historical romance characters than 2 teenagers. You could try thinking about how teenagers sound when they talk-- not so formal and courtly. It would just make them sound more natural.