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July 15, 2009 at 12:00 AM
the chapters are too short, you mix the past tense with the present, there is some massive repetition (you keep specifying the size of their dick) and both boys seem very OOC (Duke is always tough when he's around the other guys and wouldn't blush like that. Seb is also far from gay so he'd need a pretty good reason and alot of time to think things over before turning to guys).
Other then that, i like how you mix in what BOTH of the boys are thinking so it's not just one POV. it's also good that you didn't totally ignore the fact that they both do have girlfriends. all in all, i await the next chapter ^^
Other then that, i like how you mix in what BOTH of the boys are thinking so it's not just one POV. it's also good that you didn't totally ignore the fact that they both do have girlfriends. all in all, i await the next chapter ^^
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January 18, 2007 at 12:00 AM
looking forward to you're next update.
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September 4, 2006 at 12:00 AM
so hot. . . really hot. Love it. More?
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August 3, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I Like yur storii its real kute
lol cCONTINUE
lol cCONTINUE
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July 31, 2006 at 12:00 AM
hooot write more
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July 31, 2006 at 12:00 AM
CONTINUE IT PLEASE
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July 26, 2006 at 12:00 AM
awesome! PLS continue!
schedule
July 26, 2006 at 12:00 AM
awesome! PLS continue!