schedule
August 13, 2006 at 12:00 AM
I really liked the plot of this first chapter and I am curious whats going to happen next.
though you could change your style of writing it is...well...to fast. you just state the action instead of describing it so a lot of atmosphere is lost. one example is
>>“... and push your shoulder back in place, okay.” Dag stated softly.
...“One…Two…Three.” Dag pushed Rowan’s shoulder back into place.<<
instead to state dag pushed her shoulder back into place you could as well write: "he made this and that movement, she winced, painful noises could be heard." etc.
though you could change your style of writing it is...well...to fast. you just state the action instead of describing it so a lot of atmosphere is lost. one example is
>>“... and push your shoulder back in place, okay.” Dag stated softly.
...“One…Two…Three.” Dag pushed Rowan’s shoulder back into place.<<
instead to state dag pushed her shoulder back into place you could as well write: "he made this and that movement, she winced, painful noises could be heard." etc.