schedule
June 21, 2010 at 12:00 AM
why wasnt the real story like this one
schedule
August 1, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Kawaii means 'cute' Kowaii means 'scary'
("Aren't you cute of me?" .......??)
Very good otherwise, though!
("Aren't you cute of me?" .......??)
Very good otherwise, though!
schedule
October 9, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Not bad. A bit out of character, but overall not bad. I think the end was rather abrupt, and would definitely be far satisfying if you filled it out with a bit more detail.
I'm not quite sure why it was there (a beta? I've noticed that they like to do that), but the inclusion of "~Yaoiomgsohotiloveyaoiyum~" was highly distracting. I suggest doing without it. In addition, statements such as "At some point they had both lost their pants" are more comedic than descriptive.
As a side note to both you and the person who reviewed before me: kawaii (two "i"s at the end) is, indeed, cute/adorable. Kowai (one "i" at the end) is scary/frightening or scared/frightened. For this, I would have said "kowakunai?" (lit: you're not frightened?) or "kowakune?" (a more masculine way of saying "kowakunai?").
I hope you decide to come back and rewrite this at some point; I would definitely love to see what you can do with this piece!
I'm not quite sure why it was there (a beta? I've noticed that they like to do that), but the inclusion of "~Yaoiomgsohotiloveyaoiyum~" was highly distracting. I suggest doing without it. In addition, statements such as "At some point they had both lost their pants" are more comedic than descriptive.
As a side note to both you and the person who reviewed before me: kawaii (two "i"s at the end) is, indeed, cute/adorable. Kowai (one "i" at the end) is scary/frightening or scared/frightened. For this, I would have said "kowakunai?" (lit: you're not frightened?) or "kowakune?" (a more masculine way of saying "kowakunai?").
I hope you decide to come back and rewrite this at some point; I would definitely love to see what you can do with this piece!
schedule
July 25, 2007 at 12:00 AM
Hey, really good. Just one mistake, Kawaii means cute, Kowaii means afraid, scary.