rate_review Reviews

I would like to see Star and Michael turn and go off on their own...I would also think that Max and Lucy get together.... Lucy being the over protective vampire mother while Max is the no- nonsense vampire father of the lost boys (Sam included) and the single lost girl (Tempest). Please update soon! :)

This story is a nice change of pace from the other Lost Boys stories I have found, which I don't know why. This would be, I would think, every fan's fantasy view of the Boys. I think you should keep Micheal and Star as they were in the movies, not wanting to be vampires. It should set up a good conflict between the Boys and Tempest with the rest of the Emersons. I'm a little surprised Micheal isn't more protective of his sister. Let me know when you update. I can't wait to read it.

1. Please learn to space your paragraphs. It looked like one, annoying, big wall-o-text and it got bothersome to read.
2. Learn to make interesting original characters and don't change the canon ending just for an excuse to insert your lame Mary Sue, spotlight stealing sister/author avatar insert. Though to be fair, I see this is a common trend with the Lost Boys fanfictions and 99.9% of any story with a OC female inserted in. (That 1% of authors with actual creativity and talent has become a gawd send...)
3. Warn people next time the characters are so OoC. It's annoying when you expect everyone to be portrayed properly and they're, well, not.

i like your story so far post more xxxx

I love it!!! Please update soon!!!

Hey, I love this story. I have always liked the shared girlfriend concept and this story is turning out to be great.

great story update soon!! one of my fav so far:) I like the way you have developed the characters, very belivable and you havn't made them soppy like a lot of authors tend to do.

I was planning on updating this weekend, however, this might come to a halt due to my own indecision and not liking some of what I had wrote so far. This WILL be updated, and soon, but I am trying to write this as the boys truly would be, not some romantic sop that isn't even them at all. The boys in the movie are 'want, take, have' and I plan on keeping them that way, just I want to add a touch of understanding and warmth to them...but not too much! They wouldn't be the Lost Boys if all they experienced were 'warm and fuzzy feelings' lol.Anyway, I will have the next two chapters up within a couple of days. Thanks for reviewing, I got a kick out of it!

I like the basic idea of this story and where this story's going. You definitely have great knowledge and love of the movie, as well as a clear idea of where you're going. It does capture a reader and I'm intrigued to find out what happens next. With that in mind, I'm only saying this because I think it's a worthwhile story and I make it a habit of only reviewing stories that I really like, and I usually tend to give balanced reviews. For me, the narration goes a little too fast, especially given all the new things that Tempest is taking in in such a short period of time. Don't be afraid to have fun with the details and play around with her thoughts and feelings...for instance, why was Michael protective/wary about her and the boys, but when they were harrassing Michael with the chinese food, she didn't seem to have a problem with it (and they're best friends). Does she feel torn at all between the boys and the emmersons?

I like the group dynamic of the boys, but at the same time, it makes me wonder why they were so quick to take in tempest if they were obviously having problems with Star. Would they be that quick to trust again, especially with a girl? I'm not saying you shouldn't have that be your plot, but those are all things that you could explore and toy with that might flesh out the characters even more. We all know the movie, and I think it's cool to play with scenes within the movie the way you're doing, but don't be afraid to describe and deal with things even if the reader already knows what goes on in that scene.

My last little thing is that I like the fact that Tempest has a past...and I'm only saying this due to a lot of my own character research and reading for other things i've done over the years...but if she's been sexually abused, especially continuously, why is it that she's so willing to trust four guys she doesn't even know? While I think because she feels right with them or safe, or whatever is definitely a valid explanation...it slightly makes me wince to think of her being able to jump into an intimate relationship with all four of them without any worries at all (and it could be that i was reading quickly and missed anything you may have done with this). Often times abuse victims of this nature feel claustrophobic or can be triggered by intimate contact, even innocently done. I'm not saying don't go for it, but it might be something that you want to address.

From experience, i can tell you that the readers will wait if you take your time, so don't be afraid to polish your chapters to their very best, or to take it slow if that's what you're feeling.

Michael and Star have never been my favorites, but it might be fun to overthrow the conventional way of dealing with them...I adore Lucy and would love to see her get more empowered screen time, so to speak...you could have her go with Max, or (lord, here's a thought), he could turn her, and she's so protective of her own that she kills him off (purposefully or accidentally) and takes his place. Either way, it would be amusing if Michael finally got out of the house only to be back under his mom's roof, so to speak. And with all that tempest has been through...I don't know if Lucy would let her go down that road without someone (especially a female presence) to look out for her. And honestly, I think if anything the boys might be amused by that.

Again, I only give the criticism because I believe in balanced reviews, and I really do like what you've done so far. However you end it will be great, just don't rush things along to get to an ending or a specific scene.

*Smiles* Trust me, I understand constructive criticism smashthemirror and I wasn't offended. I know what you're saying and well but I assure you this is not going to be a short, gratuitous sex story. The boys accepted her so quickly because of instinct, i'm going with the 'vampires have a feral, animal instinct' approach. Tempest, well let's just say I didn't have to research to know what she's going through. She accepted them because something in them called to her, let's face it, I think if they were real they would call to a lot of us ;-). Tempest has a lot of issues that will need to be addressed for this story to go anywhere without seeming redundant and stupid. She trusts them, to a great extent but as far as anyone who has been abused can; they make her feel safe, cared for and people who have those issues long to feel like that. I'm going by experience, the only research I am doing is into the movie and vampiric nature in pop culture. I have specific plans in mind for the Emerson's though, and as to why Tempest didn't say anything, well we'll just say she was bedazzled by the boys and angry at Michael as seen earlier. Don't worry I don't plan on abusing Michael and Star, merely making sure they don't cause any trouble. Lucy is going to be a big part of my story soon, as is Sam and the Frogs. Right now, though, I am going over chapter three and 'polishing' it up to make it better. I'm not very pleased with it as it stands and I don't want to disappoint my readers with a shoddy chapter. Thank you for your help, ideas and opinions. They have been taken into consideration and all readers' ideas will be used in some fashion with a notation at the end of chapter as to whom they came from. Thank you so much for reviewing, please continue to do so if you get the time as the story progresses.