schedule
February 7, 2008 at 12:00 AM
I have to agree that you certainly have a gift. That story left me feeling just peachy as well. It was just what I needed for a little pick me up. Try not to go too heavy with the narration as someone else stated, but keep doing what you are doing. Your writing is lovely.
schedule
December 16, 2007 at 12:00 AM
DAMN...
I WANT TO TASTE JARETH'S PEACHY LIPS NOW!!!
I WANT TO TASTE JARETH'S PEACHY LIPS NOW!!!
schedule
September 13, 2007 at 12:00 AM
That was sexy as hell!!! Will there be more?
schedule
August 26, 2007 at 12:00 AM
In terms of plot, it was sweet; cute with a warm ending that I loved.
But...
Let me say this first: you have skill. You can turn a phrase that others would never think of when writing their own work. I felt like I had been dipped into a classic Victorian novel. There were a few grammar mistakes at times, but considering the length of the piece I would say it isn't anything you need to worry about.
In terms of descriptive writing, certainly you caught my attention. It's very rare to find an author that can paint a scene so vividly, with such rich life. But at times it felt as though you went just a hair too far, entered the realm of purple-prose. It was a case of too much of a good thing, which kills me to point out because I don't think I've ever met your equal. You turned a fairly simple idea into a long and trailing grandiose narration, and I think that somewhere along the line that minimized the impact. Perhaps if you had tempered it out with more dialogue, or something of the sort, the narration wouldn't have felt quite so heavy.
Please, don't take this the wrong way. I really did enjoy the story (and I'm not usually the sort of person who leaves reviews). I only comment because I think you have a lot of talent.
Best Wishes,
Ergott
But...
Let me say this first: you have skill. You can turn a phrase that others would never think of when writing their own work. I felt like I had been dipped into a classic Victorian novel. There were a few grammar mistakes at times, but considering the length of the piece I would say it isn't anything you need to worry about.
In terms of descriptive writing, certainly you caught my attention. It's very rare to find an author that can paint a scene so vividly, with such rich life. But at times it felt as though you went just a hair too far, entered the realm of purple-prose. It was a case of too much of a good thing, which kills me to point out because I don't think I've ever met your equal. You turned a fairly simple idea into a long and trailing grandiose narration, and I think that somewhere along the line that minimized the impact. Perhaps if you had tempered it out with more dialogue, or something of the sort, the narration wouldn't have felt quite so heavy.
Please, don't take this the wrong way. I really did enjoy the story (and I'm not usually the sort of person who leaves reviews). I only comment because I think you have a lot of talent.
Best Wishes,
Ergott
schedule
August 17, 2007 at 12:00 AM
I have to say that I was very entertained by the story. Jareth needs to send me a visit in such a manner. *wink, wink* This story reminds me of the deli scene in When Harry Met Sally except for the fact that there's no older lady in the background asking for what she's having. Very funny.
schedule
August 7, 2007 at 12:00 AM
oh my!! the descriptions were... orgasmic! i had started to read it out loud because the cadence of your words just rolled off the tongue: : :
"But here she was staring into the face of temptation and it was mocking her as the cream glided in smooth rivulets over the enticingly toothsome crumbled crust." ~just one example.
*drools*
i wanna go and eat peach cobbler right now.
thank you,
ginny
"But here she was staring into the face of temptation and it was mocking her as the cream glided in smooth rivulets over the enticingly toothsome crumbled crust." ~just one example.
*drools*
i wanna go and eat peach cobbler right now.
thank you,
ginny