rate_review Reviews

hm...you managed to give some details about poor krys and yet raise even more questions in this chapter.*slightly frustrated* what crazy experiments is her family doing to her and why? with the hunger for blood and the weird looking eyes i guess its save to say that they are rather magical than medical, plus her fears of her family reading her thoughts hints that they aren´t exactly human...and this three times bathing in a row all but screams cleansing ritual, though its weird that they mistreat the bride/sacrifice in such a way. i would say her whole damn family including that guy she´s engagaed with since she was eleven(!!) are a case for red+the samaritan!!

Good Story....BUT.....BUT....BUT....You really should read the comics...I'll bet that not only would they inspire you, they'd also give you quite a bit to draw on, plot and Character wise....Thank You for the decent tale, my Dear.....

i´m so damn curious that i´m chewing on my nails here! who(or maybe what ;-) is that girl, whats her problem, how can they save her AND how will she react when she finds out with whom exactly she´s been chatting for years?! btw, since you´ve mentioned that this isn´t your hb/myers story, i´ll take that this will be a red/myers/krys story, right?
i hope you´ll update soon - and thanks for allowing anonymous reviews, for i cant log in to this site somehow *sniff* (otherwise i would give a certain missfae the dressing down of her live for writing a story with a TOTALLY NEEDLESS heartbreaking end *fumes* i hope you´ll read this, missy!!)

Pretty good story line, you do however NEED someone to beta read your work, just see if any of the other more experienced authors would be willing to do a little editing. Also, don't tell us what they "would do" just day what they ARE doing. Example: Hellboy would walk down the hall and would eat a sandwich. VS: Hellboy walked down the hall and ate a sandwich.

Using "would" makes it very hard to read because it sounds like you are making a prediction rather than telling a story. SO yeah... if you take out the woulds and just tell us what they are all doing directly it would vastly improve your writing style and people will be more likely to read and get into the story.

Here is a pretty good writing guide, it has a lot of tips and ideas as to how to make your writing more professional, check it out and like I said, find a beta reader/correcter/editor who can give it the once over and catch grammatical and spelling errors that Word doesn't. http://littlecalamity.tripod.com/HowTo2.html

Happy writing!