rate_review Reviews

This is AWESOME!!! He is so hot. I can't wait for you to update. I really hope it is soon.

Ah, the feeling of wanting to get into the thick of it. Sometimes the urge to rush on ahead actually hurts the story. I don't mind being thrown into the thick of things, as a lot of stories can be like that, but it's the approach you had with the character. It's like a summary of a character for a video game, short, to the point adn yet allows you to get the jist before the game starts. Unfortunately, this is not a game. It's a story that gradually needs to be told. I like the build up of a character. Even if you simply use one of the other characters to introduce Richella. That's fine. At least it's in the story and easily accepted because it's someone saying it rather then the author having to tell you.

I've noticed the improvments on your punctuation, well done. Constructive crit is always good, and I mean no harm. I'm glad it helps. What I find helpful for getting into the character role like Nuada is what you've been doing. Keep watching his scenes, watch how he moves, speaks, interacts etc. It all helps. As for the jumping into the story for the Nuada lovers, sometimes the build up is needed. Sometimes it's necessary so as the character interaction is more believable. erhaps show more how Nuada feels when around Richella and when he's not. As in, does he notice that his feelings abruptly change when around her? Even that could prompt him to ask what her powers are or what she is to cause this and boom! There is your introduction to your characters powers. You understand?

Anyways, happy writings and hope it goes well.

Wolfsoul

HI,
I applaud your attempt to write a Nuada fiction that does NOT stick to the Hellboy 2 endgame of death to the prince and princess. I wanted that ending changed so badly that I am tempted to write it myself, changing the entire timeline. (Nuada's death broke my heart.) While I like your idea, I agree with the last reviewer, your 'set-up' of the story makes it hard to get into the plot. Also, Nuada fans would probably agree that you have not captured his speech patterns or his personality. He IS hot, I agree with you, but much of his attraction comes not only from his body, but from his bearing, his personality and his tragic past.

Keep at it! Write his speech/thoughts and read it to yourself a few times to see if it sounds to you like Nuada would actually say something like that, rather than just trying to rush the story out. Then, if it sounds right to you, go with it!

I'm sorry, I couldn't get past the first chapter. One or two things to point out; don't explain what's going on before you get to the story. It makes it redundant to read it as we are suddenly supposed to know the character. Build it up, gradually let us see what the character is like. Not - she is Veela and can do this and suddenly we're supposed to know everything about her. It kind of ruins the suspense of finding out about this very old person who never ages. Have flashbacks or memories of when she trained to fight and use her powers or something. Not - she learned and and that's it, I'll tell you nothing else. Same thing for Nuada. Don't give a summary of what happened after HBII, show us in the story. You're basically throwing us in there with bits of information and we're supposed to know what's going on. I mean, it's like meeting someone for the first time and they tell you everything about themselves; you still wouldn't be able to say you know them enough to be part of their story (lives).

Also, if you're using punctuation - commas, fullstops etc in the description, please use it in the dialogue as well. It is not exempt just because someone is saying it. "If I were to say something to you, I would write it like this," I said. "not like this" I said.

It looks to be a promising story and happy writings.

Wolfsoul