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April 30, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Honestly, I like the set up of this one better (the whole sex flash back thingie in the original of the first chapter was a little too out of place/choppy for my taste... but I was almost a college English Lit Professor,so... take what I say with a grain of salt). And I like the added details to the story. I really hope to see you continue with this one (the author of this review wishes it to be known that she WILL one day finish her fics... one day).
There was only one mistake that made me snicker:
“Yes! You’re mine now Will.” Jack pulled himself out and thrust back in. The tight walls of Will’s body squeezed him, making the pirate see stats.
I totally had this vision of Jack with this cheap @$$ Saturday Night Live vision bubble thingie above his head of Wall Street Journal Graphs suddenly appearing above his head.... So, yeah, nothing a little re-read won't fix...
Keep up the good work, my dear!
There was only one mistake that made me snicker:
“Yes! You’re mine now Will.” Jack pulled himself out and thrust back in. The tight walls of Will’s body squeezed him, making the pirate see stats.
I totally had this vision of Jack with this cheap @$$ Saturday Night Live vision bubble thingie above his head of Wall Street Journal Graphs suddenly appearing above his head.... So, yeah, nothing a little re-read won't fix...
Keep up the good work, my dear!