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rate_review Reviews

for Elemental Breakdown

by Hnoss

schedule June 5, 2021 at 12:00 AM

I just wanted to ask if you still write this fic 😅 I really love how you write your OCs and they are all amazing, so I really wanted to see where this fic goes. Hope you're doing well and staying safe and healthy 🤗 Lots of love and hugs 💙💞💜💖💖💓💙💜💖💜

person SaiyanMother
schedule May 13, 2011 at 12:00 AM
is ther going to be an update soon or what? it's been months
person Anon
schedule March 1, 2010 at 12:00 AM
I do truly hope, you'll update this story again, this is a wonderful story and I look forward to reading more of it.
person M.Storm
schedule November 4, 2009 at 12:00 AM
I fucking love this . I have been imaging warran peace with anthor guy since the movie came out. I mean I just want to tie him down and lick him from head to toe, thinking about him with a hot hot oh so hot guy just ahhhhhhh really i that i can think is just ahhhhh.
person Hello
schedule September 11, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Enjoyed this chapter. I like how Kevin's and Warren's relationship is progressing. Can't wait for more. :)
schedule September 8, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Chapter 3, which is really chapter 2 - Still liking it ^-^
I like how you sometimes use metaphors instead of describing things, like when Warren was going to bed, he "brushed his pearly whites". It explains the action and the condition of his teeth all rolled in to one short, neat package. There really doesn't have to be any long rambling descriptions of how perfect anyones teeth are ;) So I'm definately liking that ^-^
I saw a new side of Kevin ^-^ When he wants, he can be a kind of brat with his tendency to throw temper tantrums. But in a way it's also charming how he can be seducing one moment and show his immature side the next. It makes him more complex and real :)
I like how you took the dream out of the song becuase I love that song :D And the picture you painted with the words of that dream was beautiful. Yellow, orange, red, burnt sienna, blue and violet; dunes and clouds; heat and wind; fire and a flash of thunder... Pretty pretty pretty ^-^ I also liked the result of that dream, the way it was sensual for both of them and how Warren was covered with frost and Kevin swam with sweat. The opposited were nice.
You also had me worried there for a while, and I'm gonna be disappointed if the relief the dream brought with it proves to be just a fluke. I'm talking about the (what's his name?) water-y guy who can talk to dolphins. Please don't make him fall in love with Kevin also and have Warren and him battle it out. I can understand how tempting it is to use that as a plottwist but please don't. It ain't very original and I like this story far too much to want it to sink to the level of many other fics.
Please think about it?
schedule September 8, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Chapter four, which is really chapter 3 - Ah, NOW I can see the plot moulding, and it's looking entertaining :D
Liked the cafeteria scene, especially the things Kevin said. It was so true what he said, how he and Warren are gods among insects. But also in a way it's really conceited to say it out loud and be all villain-y. ...These dual-feelings you cause in me are thrilling ^-^
Once again, loved the metaphors, "someone used Catwoman's litterbox", "genitals on the outside" and all Gwen's "swearwords". All very creative, original and witty ;) Really hilarious :D
This is the reason I want to keep reading :D You have good characters, nice chemistry between them and awesome dialogue and tongue twisting descriptions. Also, it's interesting and highly netertaining ;) I really hope you keep writing because this has promise ^-^
schedule September 7, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Chapter one - Kevin's appearance is a little too perfect. When you were describing him, I almost stopped reading.
Thankfully I didn't. I like his personality, how he's bitter and sarcastic and strong and so proud of his mom. I like that his view of the world is alittle twisted and he isn't naive or idealistic - he knows how the world works. I loved what he said about Warren's name "I like War better. I think you could start a few and win them all" . That was witty, creative and utterly perfect.
I'm not sure I like his dad. Could a hero really be like that, hit his own child? ...If he decided tough love was the way to go, then I guess.
And I can't really figure out pricipal Powers. One moment she's the understanding, tough but fair principal, and the next a mean hateful woman. But I think that's because you mix the canon reality and Kevin's perspective of her.

All in all, I think Kevin's personality outweights the bad points, so I'm gonna keep reading ;)
schedule September 7, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Chapter two, which is really chapter 1 - I'm loving the characters :D
Kevin's a delight! So playful, witty and clever, all wrapped up in a dark edge. And pricipal Powers... I'm still not sure about her. She seems nice, but she isn't going to accept Kevin the way he is. So that shock treatment was awesome! I'm pretty sure she took it as a joke, and is going to take everything else "gay-behaviour" as Kevin's attempt to skheaken her up and undermine her authority.
But the Kevin's mother... I know she took the wrong measures with trying to force her way through (but the way you made Kevin explain it, it seemed like poetic justice instead of villain-y behaviour. She has the power, why not use it? But people aren't ready for it), but the way she loves her son... The scene was just so sweet and pretty and perfect. I would love my child like that, explain things to him/her and trying to give him/her everything s/he could ever want - within limits, of course ;) But she seemed so ordinary, it's not right for her to go to jail! (love the nick names she gave kevin, by the way!) I love this conflict you have going on with her. It makes her more real and ads another interesting twist to the story.
The dynamics between Warren and Jade is hilarious! The way Jade so obviously enjoys it (lives and breathes it actually) and how Warren just goes along with it because of it and also because of the tips - but still has mixed feeling about it (irritation and the hate of humilitation). It's all so real :)

I'm still trying to get a feel of what your plot is, what's your ultimate goal (just to get the two together or have them turn villains and follow in Kevin's mother's footsteps or have them see the error of their ways and turn into the best and greatest heroes of their time) and how your plot's gonna move, so I can't really say anything about it. But I'm gonna say that I liked the lyric's at the end, now I'm gonna have to listen to that song ;)

liking this story more and more ^-^
person Anon
schedule August 27, 2009 at 12:00 AM
Ahh. I want to read more! Hope you update soon.