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schedule
February 23, 2018 at 12:00 AM
Love this story and cant wait to read more
schedule
January 15, 2017 at 12:00 AM
That was fucking amazing
schedule
July 2, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Whyyyyyy isn't there more to this story!!! I come back to it every few months hoping desperately for more. Im hooked. And its nice to see a nice transition from movie to after. Many stories just act like parts of the movie didnt happen and I feel like this one satisfies my needs :) and the characters are just as I imagine them! Feel free to emIl me. I neeed more! :))) indulgentnicole@gmail.com
schedule
July 2, 2013 at 12:00 AM
Moooooooooooore. I starving for more davidddddd
schedule
June 12, 2010 at 12:00 AM
Holy crap. I'm glad I waited until I was wide eyed and not about to collapse from sleep last night.
That was DEFINITELY a steamy chapter. *Fans self* Sh*t..... That ones being bookmarked, saved to my hard drive, printed out and kept next to my bed! lol
Okay, as for the technical review part. I really appreciated the way you formed your story line. I've read too many fanfics that just ignore the whole idea of the movie, or the characters don't act at all like themselves, or they just mindlessly fall in love with the heroine blah blah blah. I couldn't have possibly thought of a better way to write a fanfic than to follow the actual line of the movie, and then bring them back. In the first chapter you set up her powers so it wasn't cheesy and just like 'oh hey, I'm bringing you back. Done" There was a process, and consequences, and its not all sex. I'm really curious how the consequences of bringing back, not just one but a handfull of, vampires. PLEASE do not get discouraged in any way and stop this story. Trust me, its sound.
I do have some criticism though. Something that breaks up the flow in the story is the grammer/spelling mistakes. Like saying 'food' instead of 'foot' or 'horse' instead of 'hoarse'. Simple things that could be fixed with a quit read through from someone else for editing (spell check isn't enough since you didn't spell the words wrong, just the wrong word for the context).
And in the steamy scene with David I was just a little confused because I thought it went from him using his hands and suddenly he was using his man parts (lol, >.<) and I couldn't figure out how we went from A to B. Did he unzip his pants? Is he not wearing pants?
I am by no means trying to be rude, I LOVE this story. I will read it many times. But just a quick edit clean up would really help the flow and keep the reader lost in your story, instead of just lost at why her voice is Horse, instead of Hoarse.
If you'd like to email me, please do! I'd gladly edit for you if you'd like! <3
~Loyal Lost Boys Addict~
Camelia Rose
That was DEFINITELY a steamy chapter. *Fans self* Sh*t..... That ones being bookmarked, saved to my hard drive, printed out and kept next to my bed! lol
Okay, as for the technical review part. I really appreciated the way you formed your story line. I've read too many fanfics that just ignore the whole idea of the movie, or the characters don't act at all like themselves, or they just mindlessly fall in love with the heroine blah blah blah. I couldn't have possibly thought of a better way to write a fanfic than to follow the actual line of the movie, and then bring them back. In the first chapter you set up her powers so it wasn't cheesy and just like 'oh hey, I'm bringing you back. Done" There was a process, and consequences, and its not all sex. I'm really curious how the consequences of bringing back, not just one but a handfull of, vampires. PLEASE do not get discouraged in any way and stop this story. Trust me, its sound.
I do have some criticism though. Something that breaks up the flow in the story is the grammer/spelling mistakes. Like saying 'food' instead of 'foot' or 'horse' instead of 'hoarse'. Simple things that could be fixed with a quit read through from someone else for editing (spell check isn't enough since you didn't spell the words wrong, just the wrong word for the context).
And in the steamy scene with David I was just a little confused because I thought it went from him using his hands and suddenly he was using his man parts (lol, >.<) and I couldn't figure out how we went from A to B. Did he unzip his pants? Is he not wearing pants?
I am by no means trying to be rude, I LOVE this story. I will read it many times. But just a quick edit clean up would really help the flow and keep the reader lost in your story, instead of just lost at why her voice is Horse, instead of Hoarse.
If you'd like to email me, please do! I'd gladly edit for you if you'd like! <3
~Loyal Lost Boys Addict~
Camelia Rose
schedule
June 12, 2010 at 12:00 AM
And in the steamy scene with David I was just a little confused because I thought it went from him using his hands and suddenly he was using his man parts (lol) and I couldn't figure out how we went from A to B. Did he unzip his pants? Is he not wearing pants?
I am by no means trying to be rude, I LOVE this story. I will read it many times. But just a quick edit clean up would really help the flow and keep the reader lost in your story, instead of just lost at why her voice is Horse, instead of Hoarse.
If you'd like to email me, please do! I'd gladly edit for you if you'd like! <3
~Loyal Lost Boys Addict~
Camelia Rose ---(My comment cut off halfway through, and I realized I too made some word mix ups in my comment! See! It happens to all of us!))
I am by no means trying to be rude, I LOVE this story. I will read it many times. But just a quick edit clean up would really help the flow and keep the reader lost in your story, instead of just lost at why her voice is Horse, instead of Hoarse.
If you'd like to email me, please do! I'd gladly edit for you if you'd like! <3
~Loyal Lost Boys Addict~
Camelia Rose ---(My comment cut off halfway through, and I realized I too made some word mix ups in my comment! See! It happens to all of us!))