rate_review Reviews

Oh, this whole chapter broke my heart... Starting right away when Jack says "He's on deck" so softly and is so very affectionate to the younger man. You just know right then and there, if there EVER was a doubt that Jack would do absolutely anything to protect Will, it's gone, right there in that moment of tenderness.
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Little correction: "Will worried his lower lip between his lips." I'm assuming that should be "between his teeth."
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"Easy, luv. We survive. Right now, it's the second most important thing." -- He tells him the utter truth. Live through it, live through it whole and some day we'll be able to escape. Until then... just try to survive. Again, you hit the emotional nail right on the head and I stand impressed.
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Jack smiled and kissed Will again, chaste and brief. "The most important thing, to me, is keeping you safe." -- Do I even have to mention how poignant and moving this line is? It makes you ache for them both.
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"That's right, luv. Survive." He whispered, pressing a kiss to Will's temple before closing his own khol-lined eyes and surrendered to the darkness that called his name so sweetly. -- It's just so heart-twisting... You want to do everything you can to help them. The kiss on the temple is just the sweetest thing in thrld rld too. I can see it... I can see the sadness in Jack's eyes as he kisses Will and then stares up at the ceiling. You know the agony he is going through if for no other reason than that he can't protect Will any better. He's doing the best he can and Will is still suffereing and it's killing him.
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I am seriously panting over here. Will and Jack are so sweet, so protective of each other. Jack is sothiothing... Oh the poor things! This is a very moving chapter, and so endearing. No matter how you feel about Jack/Will slash, you CAN'T read that and not have your heart warmed, and filled with hope. It is a beautiful chapter.
Love,
Julie-Rae

Ahh... plot exposition... it's gotta' go somewhere. I'll tell you, you made my husband very happy with this line of thinking. He's been arguing with me since the first week Pirates had hit the theaters that the monkey could bring Barbossa back. I don't agree, but for the purposes of this story it works, so I'll suspend disbelief. To tell you the truth, you've made so so horrible that I don't even really care how he's back... just that he is. However, it's good that it was explained. Now... back to Jack and Will and stupid rotten Barbossa
Love,
Julie-Rae

"Jack was convinced that if he moved, his head would fall off." -- Just such a great line! He's got this pounding hangover and you can almost feel it.
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"Jack could have gone forever without ever hearing that voice again." -- Another really well written line. Very in character for Jack.
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"Strange how calm his voice was, when his heart was pounding so hard." -- And those fabulous lines just keep on coming!
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"Leave the boy out of this." -- It begins. He protests so much over this... it's skirts so close to melodrama without actually taking that step too far. It's just incredible, really... If I was being completely honest, I'd have pasted all the lines in here, the "He has nothing to do with this" line, and the "leave him be" line as well. They were all stirring, and they're the kind of lines that make you reach out for your monitor in a vain attempt to comfort the characters.
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Jack probed the corner of his mouth with the tip of his tongue, tasting the sweet copper flavor of blood. "Never." -- Echoing Will's line from the movie. So perfect.
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When Barbossa threatens to pass Will around to the crew... gave me chills.
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Oh... god..... "Yes, Jack. Would you let him suffer alone? I'll just kill you now, shall I, and that the boy face his fate alone?" "No." Jack shuddered. -- Oh that BASTARD.... I'm just... can't... breathe... SO... GOOD...
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"Convince me." -- That has SO MANY connotations it's not even funny. And he's created a situation where the best thing Jack can hope to bargain for isn't even Will's freedom, isnt' even his own freedom. Barbossa has created a scenario where the best possible outcome is for he and Will to only be tortured and raped by one man, as opposed to many. He's so devious and so clever.
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Even reading this for the third time, my breath is still catching in all the right places. Such a wonderful job. I've archived a copy of the whole thing on my PC. Let me know if that bothers you in the slightest and I'll get rid of it... but that puts this fic among the very very elite. This whole story flows so well.
Love,
Julie-Rae

The blue-eyed pirate dropped into a nearby chair and stared at Jack for a long moment. “So protective of the lad?” -- Damn perceptive pirate. You can hear it too, in that low rumbling timbre of his.
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“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” -- Not one of your more convincing lies, Jack.
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"I wonder if he'll sound anything like his father?" -- Ooooo, SLAP in the FACE!!! Yikes! And that was a good way to bring in Jack's history with Bill without having it sound like exposition. Nicely done.
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"Because I wanted to, Jack. Because I could." -- And that's the most evil thing of all. He loves power for power's sake.
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"Jack's belly shrank in on itself in a futile attempt to escape." -- That's just such a great almost cartoon-ish moment.
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Again... this is all great. I really enjoy this piece!!! Barbossa is so deliciously evil. PLEASE continue! E-mail me if you want more ideas.
Love,
Julie-Rae

"Oh relax, lad. You might even enjoy it. Bootstrap did, at least at first." -- Ooo... nasty.... Gotta' get in a jibe on the dead guy. How cold! He's so casual about the whole thing, tossing his coat over the chair. So nonchalant. It makes him all the more frightening.
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"A reward of sorts. Fer not whining, or bein' pathetic. And this way, ya can always blame the rum, for whatever ya feel." -- Wow. *blink* That was really nice of him. The question is... is it just him feeling generous, or is it the beginning of "the carrot and the stick" (threats and promises, conditioning technique, which again you've nailed). You know, I'd love to have a conversation with you on the topic. (AIM, YAHOO, & MSN = Yakkorat [add @hotmail.com for MSN] and ICQ = 59149333)
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"Ask me nice." -- Nice foreshadowing (I HOPE I HOPE I HOPE) I'm waiting for the begging. And you know when it happens, Barbossa will force it from one captive to save the other, either from death or from some new horror he has yet to unveil. Jack would do it to save Will from torture. I don't doubt that for a second.
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"Jush get it over with." Jack slurred, gritting his teeth at the violation of Barbossa's fingers and the steady betrayel of his own body. -- That's exactly what I was talking about before, about a man's body being able to be used against him. (Though of course, it should be "just" not "jush.") Not to mention the dialogue is very in character with Jack. He might have even thrown a "mate" on the end of it.
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"Look at me, Jack. I want to see yer face." -- Again, reinforcing possession, and being just plain sadistic. Oooo, I love to hate that guy!
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"Yer mine, now." Barbossa growled in Jack's ear. -- I can't stop pointing out all subtsubtlties of conditioning you're using, and they really add to the story, even if most people don't recognize it consciously. I find myself wondering if ever Will is not a big enough deterrent to keep Jack on his good behavior if Barbossa will resort to some of the heavier techniques.
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"Christ!" Jack gasped. -- I don't know why I love that line so much. I just do.
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"Yer still a bastard. No fuck'll ever change that." -- How very priceless! So in character for Jack.
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I can't stop gushing about how wonderful this is!!! Please keep it going!!!
Love,
Julie-Rae

"Young Will Turner, son of Bootstrap Bill, shifted in his sleep, moving closer to Jack Sparrow" -- This is the first thing that tugged on my heartstrings. They're so sweet, looking to each other for comfort even in sleep, and Barbossa is PLAYING WITH HIMSELF watching them. You IMMEDIATLY set the scene with his lecherousness, his EVIL EVIL nature. It labels him immediately as "the bad guy" and makes Will and Jack innocent by default, even if they weren't already so innocently sweet. It sets him against them, even if you didn't know the back story.
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"Another subtle shift, and he was in Jack's arms." -- Again, it makes them so sympathetic, so loveable. These poor poor men.
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"How sweetly Will did t, wi, with the taste of apple slices stroked over his bound body." -- Now the bomb has dropped... we know that no only is he a voyeristic bastard but that he has had his way with Will (or so we assume), and since you so nicely paired Will and Jack in our minds and made them seem so innocent and loving, it can only be surmised that Will was unwilling. It was a wonderful piece of writing.
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"And sweet indeed were Jack's muffled cries as he sat, bound and gagged, so close- yet so far from his young lover." -- This one I have a pro and a con against. The first time I read it, it was unclear to me that this line was also a memory from the night before, so I was a little confused how Will could be in Jack's arms if Jack was bound and gagged to a chair. That having been said, the line still got to me. It stil made my stomach clench and my breath catch in my throat. As a matter of fact, this was the first line that devestated me. There were many many more.
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Will review the rest! Thanks SO much for writing this!
Love,
Julie-Rae

"Barbossa laid the flat of the blade against the pale, unmarked flesh of Will's cheek and grinned to himself at the flash of fear in the near black eyes.
Slowly, he dragged the blade lower, pressing the tip to the fluttering pulse point in Will's throat. He noticed how still the boy became, as if he hardly dared to breath." -- Other than the fact that it should be "breathe" not "breath", this line is absolutely brilliant. You can see every nuance, every shift in Will's facial expression... Hell you can even feel the cold of the steel against your skin. Very VERY well written.
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"He placed it between perfect white teeth before leaning over and kissing the blacksmith, biting half the slice away and earning a growl from Jack." -- I'd growl too! Seriously, though, taking a "Lady and the Tramp" moment and perverting it like that... I'm breathless. Barbossa reinforces that feeling of evil evil evil every time he touches, moves, says or does ANYTHING. You really wrote the proverbial dirty old man so exceedingly well.
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"All the while he kept an eye on bounbound pirate, enjoying the scalawag's misery at Will's quiet moans." -- This is the most exquisite thing of all... it really is the most sublime torture, and it's ongoing, which just makes my day. Will is the one being touched, but who is in more anguish? The man? Or the man who loves him and who can do nothing to help him? Angst in spades... you are the MASTERS of it. I bow down before you.
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"Kiss me back, boy, keep yer eyes open, too." He licked his lips and thrust his hips, forcing a groan from the blacksmith. -- This was such a beautifully evil touch. He really has robbed Will of any possibl escapism, and forcing him to keep his eyes open just reinforces possession. Barbossa is no fool. He knows how to break a man.
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"Hard kisses, the wet noises of lips and tongues and the occasional muted clink of teeth easily reached Jack, who found himself growing hard against his wishes." -- That's the hardest part about being a man in those types of situations, that nobody seems to understand. Your own body can be used against you, and it frequently is. It's all the more horrific because, like most rape victims, the poor man has to wonder if there's some part of him that wanted or encouraged or didn't fight back as hard as he could... it was an incredible addition here.
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God, there's just so much I want to point out! Let me roll this all into one... The whole end of this attack, the sublty with which you described Will's reaction to it all, Jack's continued struggle to get free, even though he knows it's hopeless... you two are just so talented.
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"He gripped Jack's hair and pulled his head back, not allowing Jack to look at Will." -- Of course not, that would be too intimate. Can't have that. Damn bastard.
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"T'is simple. Treat it like ya would a sweet. Lick the head, take it in yer mouth, mind yer teeth - no biting- and suck till ya gets the cream." -- I've never heard it described to succintly, and so tactfully, and yet so very vulgar just because of who it's coming from and what the situation is. Bravo.
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"Barbossa kept eye contact with Jack, forcing his head back, as Will licked and sucked at Jack's turgid flesh. Barbossa's free hand roamed Jack's chest and played with his nipples." -- Again, he's always reinforcing possession. You two know a LOT about conditioning. It's obvious that even if you've never researched it, you have got a feel for it, a nal tal talent.
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"Back in bed, pet." Barbossa followed, his half-hard cock swaying as he moved behind Will. -- Oh, he called him "pet!" I know Jack is too drained to be outraged here, but I personally am going to go find the S.O.B. for that one... But again, reinforcing ownership. Ever read any of Anne Rice's stuff before she became Anne Rice? If you have, you know what I'm talking about, and you two could have taught her a thing or three.
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"Get some sleep, both of ya. One word, Jack, just one, an I'll tie the boy to the mast for the rest of the night." That stopped Jack cold. He knew that Barbossa would do just that, subject the innocent blacksmith to the evils of the Pearl's Damned crew. He closed his mouth and leaned back, taking the trembling youth into his arms and glaring at Barbossa. -- I had to include this entire section. The threat is genuine, and it's frightening, and Jack's reaction to it is priceless, I mean just perfect. He stays close-lipped, a real achievement for Jack, and takes Will, who is terrified, into his arms. It's so sweet it chokes me up. I mean my breath was hitched and I realized I'd been biting my lip for a paragraph or two. Made it bleed by the end of the story too. Your fault. (And I love you for it.)
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Another incredible chapter. Geez... I don't know how I'm going to get through these reviews... they're taking forever because so much is so good! Please, please, PLEASE keep it up.
Love,
Julie-Rae

Hey, that was so damm cool I can't say another thing, I Love Jack and I like this fic, continue, savvy?

this tory is so so so fucking good! ive always liked this point of view. keep up the good work, ill keep my reviews coming. im really liking it so far.

Gah, I really really REALLY hope you keep writing. I'd cry forever if you didn't torture Jack some more..