schedule
December 20, 2003 at 12:00 AM
You're grammar needs a lot of help. I found the errors distracting. Please consult asitesite on writing and have this beta'd.
schedule
December 20, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Jesus, I mean your grammar. *sigh* When you write a sentence with someone speaking, make sure to put a comma inside the quotes and also do not capitalize the next part unless it's a proper noun. Like this: "Hello," said Obi-Wan. Not "Hello." Said Obi-Wan. It looks choppy that way. I am sure if you read up on a few bits of English grammar you will do much better. You're not bad in the ideas, you just need help on the execution. Keep writing, you will improve.