schedule
January 18, 2004 at 12:00 AM
Okay, little corrections first.
"making Jack writh" -- "writhe"
"twisting his hips only to recieve a sharp" -- "receive"
"caused his arousel to increase" -- "arousal"
"Damn you, move!" He growled" -- "Damn you, move!" he growled
"Gods teeth, man!" -- "God's"
"Anything, please!" He sobbed." -- "Anything, please!" he sobbed.
"Please, let me come!" He sobbed" -- "Please, let me come!" he sobbed. (I also wouldn't have used "sobbed" again so close to the first time.)
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These were all itty bitty errors, but if you'd like me to proofread in the future, all you have to do is ask. :)
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I liked thightight from the first line. "Strong, sure hands" starts it all off. You're already painting the picture of a perfect lover.
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"Jack cursed as the other slapped his hand away." -- It's so playful. I love it.
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"What are you waiting for? Damn you, move!" -- Every single line of dialogue in this whole piece is just wonderful, and all for different reasons. This one establishes 's 's state of mind, that he's not under duress, that he's also playful. There's a banter between these two.
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"Beg me. Tell me what you want." -- It was at this point when I began to hold my breath. I didn't KNOW right away that I was holding my breath... but I was.
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"Gods teeth, man! Please! Just do it, please!" -- I love the "God's teeth." It's such a great curse for Jack. Nice choice. It keeps him in character.
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"Tell me, Jack. Say the words." -- *leaning forward...* Trying to figure out who would have such an easy way with Jack and yet demand this of him.
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"Fuck me! Please! Anything, please!" -- I have a constant problem with the term "Fuck" being used in the 1680s (In case you don't know, the film has to take place somewhere between 1678 and 1692. I can give you the historical reasoning behind that if you'd like.). It makes me cringe every time I read it. But I also have nothing better to offer, so I pretty much have to grin and bear it.
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"He was rewarded with swift, hard thrusting, his lover kissing him again" -- It was at this p tha that I realized that I'd been holding my breatnce nce the words "Beg me." I started breathing again. Panting is more like it. You have a gift for using dialogue to build tension.
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Very hard to say who it might have been. My first inclination would have been Will. Will might have teased him with the whole slapping his hand away and slapping his hip, and remaining still just to antagonize him, but I cansee see him reducing Jack to begging, not for any reason. So... scratch the idea of Will. But when looking at the other characters you've suggested it always comes back to that begging. Who *would* make Jack beg? Of the names you listed, only Barbossa. But I can't see Barbossa having that kind of easy candor, that teasing manner with him. So... I'm going to have to guen orn original character. One idea (to which I can not claim credit) is that possibly this was a part of his "bartering" passage off that little island Barbossa left him on. It was suggested in another fic I read (though don't ask me which) that since Jack had nothing left to barter with, he may have bartered himself. The dream could be with the captain of the rum runners' ship.
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So who did YOU think it was?
Love,
Julie-Rae
"making Jack writh" -- "writhe"
"twisting his hips only to recieve a sharp" -- "receive"
"caused his arousel to increase" -- "arousal"
"Damn you, move!" He growled" -- "Damn you, move!" he growled
"Gods teeth, man!" -- "God's"
"Anything, please!" He sobbed." -- "Anything, please!" he sobbed.
"Please, let me come!" He sobbed" -- "Please, let me come!" he sobbed. (I also wouldn't have used "sobbed" again so close to the first time.)
-
These were all itty bitty errors, but if you'd like me to proofread in the future, all you have to do is ask. :)
-
I liked thightight from the first line. "Strong, sure hands" starts it all off. You're already painting the picture of a perfect lover.
-
"Jack cursed as the other slapped his hand away." -- It's so playful. I love it.
-
"What are you waiting for? Damn you, move!" -- Every single line of dialogue in this whole piece is just wonderful, and all for different reasons. This one establishes 's 's state of mind, that he's not under duress, that he's also playful. There's a banter between these two.
-
"Beg me. Tell me what you want." -- It was at this point when I began to hold my breath. I didn't KNOW right away that I was holding my breath... but I was.
-
"Gods teeth, man! Please! Just do it, please!" -- I love the "God's teeth." It's such a great curse for Jack. Nice choice. It keeps him in character.
-
"Tell me, Jack. Say the words." -- *leaning forward...* Trying to figure out who would have such an easy way with Jack and yet demand this of him.
-
"Fuck me! Please! Anything, please!" -- I have a constant problem with the term "Fuck" being used in the 1680s (In case you don't know, the film has to take place somewhere between 1678 and 1692. I can give you the historical reasoning behind that if you'd like.). It makes me cringe every time I read it. But I also have nothing better to offer, so I pretty much have to grin and bear it.
-
"He was rewarded with swift, hard thrusting, his lover kissing him again" -- It was at this p tha that I realized that I'd been holding my breatnce nce the words "Beg me." I started breathing again. Panting is more like it. You have a gift for using dialogue to build tension.
-
Very hard to say who it might have been. My first inclination would have been Will. Will might have teased him with the whole slapping his hand away and slapping his hip, and remaining still just to antagonize him, but I cansee see him reducing Jack to begging, not for any reason. So... scratch the idea of Will. But when looking at the other characters you've suggested it always comes back to that begging. Who *would* make Jack beg? Of the names you listed, only Barbossa. But I can't see Barbossa having that kind of easy candor, that teasing manner with him. So... I'm going to have to guen orn original character. One idea (to which I can not claim credit) is that possibly this was a part of his "bartering" passage off that little island Barbossa left him on. It was suggested in another fic I read (though don't ask me which) that since Jack had nothing left to barter with, he may have bartered himself. The dream could be with the captain of the rum runners' ship.
-
So who did YOU think it was?
Love,
Julie-Rae
schedule
September 30, 2003 at 12:00 AM
*grin* Oh it's Will. And a dream. And... yeah. No dream with Will could be a night,are. ^_^ Unless he dies... that would be sad..
Stop rambling! Great stuff, 'ere.
Peace,
Willow
Stop rambling! Great stuff, 'ere.
Peace,
Willow
schedule
August 11, 2003 at 12:00 AM
I think it was Norrington. Can i have a cookie?
schedule
August 11, 2003 at 12:00 AM
i hope it's will... *knaws nervously on her thumb*
schedule
August 9, 2003 at 12:00 AM
OH MY GOD, that was HOT. *fans self* I loved this! Jack begging for it.... yummm.....
Who do I think it is? Hmm..... prehaps Bootstrap? I'm DYING to find out!! *waitsatieatiently for next chapter*
Who do I think it is? Hmm..... prehaps Bootstrap? I'm DYING to find out!! *waitsatieatiently for next chapter*
schedule
August 4, 2003 at 12:00 AM
It has to be someone with a markedly strong personality in order to have our dear 'Captain' Jack Sparrow begging so verily pretty. Very intriguing peice of work, and I would much appreciate if you contacted me in order to reveal the indentity.
Sincy,
Salathiel Seweryn
P.S. Once again, Salathiel_Seweryn@hotmail.com
Sincy,
Salathiel Seweryn
P.S. Once again, Salathiel_Seweryn@hotmail.com
schedule
August 1, 2003 at 12:00 AM
PLEASE PLEASE MAKE IT BARBOSSA OR NORRINGTON! PLEASE! jack and Will are a lovely couple, but Jack has to have other lovers, I mean...He's Captain Jack Sparrow!
schedule
August 1, 2003 at 12:00 AM
Definitely a dream, and I would hope it's none other than that saucy blacksmith, Will Turner. ^_^ Although it'd be interesting if it were Bootstrap...hehehe, lovely little ficlet here, luv.
schedule
August 1, 2003 at 12:00 AM
nightmare definately a nightmare lol
schedule
July 31, 2003 at 12:00 AM
It just has to be Will. anything else would be to crual.