Degrees of Sanity

What if Richard and Justin had not been caught for murder? What if they hadn’t been pinpointed as suspects, at all? Would they be able to deal with the guilt and go on with every day life? Would the guilt push them away from eachother or pull them closer together. Hell if I know. I’m just writing for the heck of it. So, I suppose everybody has assumed that I don’t own Murder By Numbers or the boys involved. Well, you would all be right. I’m really not sure where I am going with this story. I have been told that I need to venture into new genres, other than humor and I thought what better story, no?

Warnings- There will be possible angst; there will be drug use, and maybe underage drinking. There could be slash. It’s really up to the reviewers. If there is slash I can make it more explicit or just implied. Again it will be up to you guys. I’ve been told that my wrg stg style is worth reading, but at times I may get pissy about my writing and how long it takes to get out the next chapter. Reviews really do help overcome that.

I dedicate all of this to my alter ego and my good friends who have no idea I write fanfiction. Cheers and Oi Oi Oi to all of them.

::Degrees of Sanity- Chapter One::

Richard lazed back in his chair, counting the little potholes in the ceiling. He had reached somewhere near two hundred when Justin pulled him out of his daze.

“What do you think Richard?” Justin looked up from his History book and caught his temporary student ignoring him completely. ‘I should be used to this by now.’ Justin thought, dejectedly. He waited a moment, hoping he wouldn’t have to get snippy with the other boy.

There was a pause, while Richard contemplated answering or just pretending to not have heard.

Justin growled low in his throat, as the boy continued to look up at the ceiling. “Richard!”

Well, he couldn’t very well ignore that tone, now could he? Richard dropped his head and grinned infectiously at his tutor and partner in crime. “Yes, all high and mighty one?”

Justin arched a brow and scowled at the blonde boy. “That’s not amusing. Now, why aren’t you paying attention? You do want to pass History, don’t you?”

Richard smirked and shrugged. “I would prefer to just kill our History teacher and live in prison for the rest of my existence.”

Justin shook his head, causing a couple of stray strands to fall in his face. “You can’t just kill anybody who annoys you, or gives you a bad grade.” Justin pushed his bangs back behind his ears and gave way to his own kind of smirk. “If that were the case, I would have killed you a long time ago, instead of playing it out in my mind, over and over again.”

Richard leaned forward in his swivel chair and rested his elbows on his knees. “You think about killing me, Justin?”

Justin blushed slightly, before looking back down at his History book and sighing. “So, do you or don’t you think that Rasputin was an actual sorcerer?” Justin looked up at the blonde, when he didn’t receive an answer. “What are you staring at?”

Richard leaned back and ran his fingers through his hair. “You.”

“What about me?” Justin sighed and rolled his eyes. He didn’t have time to play tonight. He had time to study and then to make it home to fix his mother supper. “Nevermind. I don’t care.” Justin pushed himself up from his chair and made his way toward Richard bedroom door.

Richard jumped up and ran to catch his fleeing companion. He grabbed Justin’s arm and turned him until the two of them were facing. “Yes, I think he was a sorcerer and that he cast a curse on the whole lot of those royal types.” Richard sniffed and turned his head to the side. “I also believe that the Titanic was cursed from the get-go, and that you and I brought a curse upon ourselves when we did what we did.”

Justin looked at the hand that was holding him in place and he looked at the door beside him. Two things that blocked an escape from this conversation. Justin patted the other boy’s hand and pushed it off of his sleeve. “I have to go and finish a term paper for Biology. I’ll see you tomorrow at school.”

Richard frowned and shook his head. “I won’t be there. “I’m skipping so I don’t have to flunk that history exam.”

Justin argued with himself, inside his head. “You wouldn’t have to fail if you would actually study!” He finally exclaimed. “You are very bright. If you only tried to pass, you would.” Justin sighed, when the other boy just turned and walked to his bed, before plopping down on his stomach. “I can stay and help you a little bit longer.”

Richard turned his head toward the wall and yawned. “Goodnight, Justin.”

Justin turned to walk out of the door, when his heart clinched. “Will you be at school tomorrow?”

Richard shrugged, but said nothing.

Justin nodded and headed out the door. “Goodnight, Richard.”

The next morning Justin’s head was buzzing. He had turned in his Biology paper and had aced his English final without a problem. Next he had History and he hoped beyond hope that he would see Richard there. He walked into the room and glanced at his surroundings. Richard’s usual desk was empty, but there was an envelope lying on top, unopened. He walked over to it and quirked a brow. It just said “Richard” in sprawling, yet pretty handwriting.

Justin knew it would be wrong to take the paper, but seeing as how his moral standards had lowered over last few months, he took it without hesitation. Nobody seemed to notice or care. Who would do either? Nobody in this class cared if he existed, let alone if he took a classmate’s letter. He returned to his desk and waited until class started. He waited to start his test, watching to see if Richard came in tardy or not.

Richard didn’t come in tardy. He didn’t come in at all, which left Justin disappointed. The test had been simple, and he wasn’t the only person in class to express that opinion. It was all multiple choice, except for one essay question, which was on the belief of whether Rasputin was truly a sorcerer or not. ‘How ironic.’ Justin had thought, drolly, as he jotted down his answer.

Justin walked the hallways during lunch and waited for the fourth block bell to ring. Once it did he got tired of being at school and head out of the building. He didn’t know where he was going for sure, but his feet seemed to know their destination. He found himself standing in front of the local library and he decided to take a seat on the front step. There he pulled the letter he had picked up off of Justin’s desk and opened it.

J.

I know you are ing ing this. It shows how predictable you
are. Where are you? I bet you aren’t at school. I’m probably
at home pretending to be sick. You can pretend to bring my
homework to me, later on.

Don’t worry, because I’m not mad at you for reading this.
Best friends don’t have to trust each other. That’s meant for
the lovers and the married people. Just bring me some weed
and we’ll call it even. Don’t try to convince me that you don’t
have any weed, either. I’ll kick your ass.

R.

Justin dropped the letter in his lap and shook his head. How had Richard gotten that note to school? How had he known that Justin would take it? Where was he going to get some weed? “Damn it.” Justin cursed, aberrantly. He picked up the letter and ripped it into small pieces, before walking over to the trashcan nearby, and depositing it inside. “I’m going to kill him, yet.”

Justin walked around town, until he figured it was the time people were getting off of school. He headed home and found his mom passed out on the couch. He wasn’t sure, but he thought that she might be in the same position he left her in that morning. He headed back to his room and looked to see if he had anything left of his stash that he was hiding for Richard. He pulled out a small baggie and shook his head. It would have to do.

He went back through the living room and sighed. “Mother, I’m going to go take Richard his homework. He was sick at home today.” Justin stopped in the doorway and walked over to where she lay, face down. He turned her over so that she wouldn’t suffocate and checked her pulse. He nodded and stood up when he was sure she was all right. He leaned down to kiss her cheek as an addendum, and headed back for the door. “I’ll be home late.”

He walked to Richard’s house and stopped outside the main entryway. He still couldn’t believe he spent most of his days there. He couldn’t believe he spent his days Ric Richard. ‘What am I doing to myself?’ He pondered, with a sigh. Richard didn’t really like him. He didn’t really like spending time with him. He was just a means to an end, so to speak. He was a lackey, no matter how much he tried to be otherwise. Justin contemplated turning away and returning to his old life, when the door opened up and Richard was standing there staring at him.

“What took you so long?” Richard grinned and took a step back. “So, do you have my ‘homework’?”

Richard look funny standing there in his pajamas, Justin realized. Justin shrugged and took a step inside. “I’m sorry to say that I didn’t get to bring you as much as I would have liked to.”

Richard screwed up his eyebrows and frowned. “Did you bring a quarter of it?”

Justin shook his head. “Hardly a fraction of what you need, I’m afraid.”

Richard looked down at his feet and glanced back over his shoulder. He turned back to his friend and shrugged. “That’s all right, Jus. I don’t really feel up to homework, anyway.” Richard turned toward the stairs and started up them two at a time.

Justin smiled and followed suit. “So, what did you do today?”

Richard shrugged and walked into his bedroom. “Stuff.”

Justin sighed at how standoffish Richard beinbeing. “What sort of stuff.”

Richard jumped up and plopped on his bed. He pulled up his pajama bottoms and showed an almost fresh cut on his calf. It was no longer bleeding, but it hadn’t scabbed over yet. “It didn’t really hurt as much as I thought it might. The blade was sharp, so it sliced very nicely.”

The color drained from Justin’s face. “Richard?”

“Well, you do it and I wanted to see if it hurt.” Richard dropped his pajama leg and shrugged. “I wasn’t going to let you continue if it hurt too bad.”

Justin arched a brow and shook his head, until his hair dropped into his eyes. “You don’t have the right to stop me, whether it hurts or not.” Justin bit his bottom lip and grunted. “Is that all you did today?”

Richard dropped back on his pillows and shook his head, with a grin. “I watched some porn and ate ice cream, then slept for a couple of hours.” Richard beckoned his friend to join him on the bed. “Have a seat, you’re making me nervous.”

Justin frowned. “I would prefer to stand.”

Richard leaned forward and sighed. “Are you mad about the cut? It will close up and I don’t plan on doing it again.” Richard waited for the other boy to loosen up a little, but it was useless. “I would just experimenting. You do it, constantly, and I don’t get all wound up over it.”

Justin’s frown grew deeper and he shook his head. “Don’t take my neurosis on to you, Richard. It’s not very flattering.”

Richard laughed harshly and shook his head. “Why do you have to be such a dick, half of the time?”

“It’s what comes naturally.” Justin hissed testily. Justin dug in his pocket and pulled out the baggie he had gathered earlier. He pulled it out and tossed it at the foot of Richard’s bed. “There’s your ‘homework’, Richie Rich. Hope you choke on it.” Justin all but ran out of Richard’s room. The whole way down the stairs he berated himself for being an asshole.

Richard sat up on his bed and turned until his feet were touching the ground. He reached for the baggie and sniffed. “There’s enough for us both.” Richard shook his head and rolled his eyes.

He got up and walked to his closet, before picking out a pair of jeans and a gray tee shirt. He threw his pajamas to the side and slipped his pants on and his shirt over his bare torso. He stuffed the bag in his back pocket, along with his cigarettes. He grabbed up a lighter and stuck it in his front pocket. He grabbed his penknife as an afterthought and stuck it in his boot. ‘That boy needs to chill out.’ He thought, with a devious smile.

Yeah, they had killed someone, and so what if it wasn’t the ecstasy they were both looking for. Yes, he felt bad about it, but what could they do to fix it? Nothing. All they could do was continue with their lives and try to maintain their rights as good citizens. It was agreed that nobody would find out the secrets between them, unless they both agreed on it.

Richard concentrated on zipping his pants without castrating himself and sighed, when he did the button up. Justin just needed a break from being the good boy, the excelling student, and ‘the rich boy’s babysitter’. He just needed to relax a little while.

Richard waltzed outside onto the pavement and breathed in the autumn air. It was his last year of school and possibly his last year of seeing Justin every day. Justin was smart enough o be whatever he wanted to be. True, so was he, but he preferred to be the rich playboy, and Justin wasn’t really wanting to be a part of that.

Richard walked down the street and headed toward the woods. He knew where Justin would be, collecting his thoughts. He would be right next to the river, somewhere near the nearly dead tree that reminded him of Robert Frost’s poetry. Beautiful with it’s harsh and cold exterior. Dead to the world around it, but pulsing and alive on the inside. That’s how Justin had described it. In truth, the tree reminded Richard of Justin.

Richard reached the river and walked down to the flowing stream of water. He searched the bank and found who he was looking for, but not what he was expecting. Justin was there, but he wasn’t sitting on the bank staring at the water. He was wading in the water, searching for God knows what.

Richard took a step closer and sat down on the soil. It wasn’t cold outside, by any means, but it definitely wasn’t swimming weather. Richard watched his friend reach into the water and come back empty handed. He couldn’t tell, but he was pretty sure the boy was cursing. ‘That’s unusual’, Richard thought with a grunt. He watched his friend reach down in the water again and shivered.

Justin fell forward, but hopped back up, before Richard could dive in and grab him. He waited a moment longer, before retrieving his friend from the icy water. Justin’s hair was plastered to his forehead and his shirt stuck to his chest, as if it was pasted there. Justin smacked the water and Richard couldn’t wait any longer. “Jus, come out of there before you die of hypothermia.”

Justin looked up and scanned the trees. He didn’t see his friend, but he knew from what general direction he was being addressed. “What do you care?”

Richard sighed and walked out of the trees. “I don’t care if you die, stupid. I just care how you die.” Richard grinned and walked up to the area that Justin had vacated, before jumping into the water. “Hypothermia is so last year.”

Justin smirked and shook his hair out of his eyes. He walked back toward the bank and tugged at his pants. They were stuck to his thighs in a rather lewd fashion. “I dropped my pendant.” Justin held up his hand and grinned. In it, lay a piece of shiny metal with the face of some dead Saint on it. “I found it.”

Richard smirked and shook his head. “You’ll never cease to amaze me.” Richard took that opportunity to pretend his legs were jelly and collapse on the forest floor. “Let’s get high.”

Justin shook his head. “I don’t want to smoke, right now.”

Richard shrugged. “I could give you shotguns.” He grinned at the look that brought to Justin’s face. “All right, then. Just sit with me and I’ll get high.”

Justin nodded and looked around for a log to sit on. He was sopping wet and he didn’t really want to get muddy, by sitting in the dirt. “That works for me.” He took a seat and sighed. “Got a knife on you?”

Richard pulled out his penknife, his cigarettes, and his lighter. He threw the knife to Justin and lit up his cigarette, while watching the other boy roll up his wet sleeves. “I can do that for you.”

Justin shot the boy a wary look and shook his head. “Trust is for lovers and married people remember?”

Richard shrugged and took a long drag off of his cigarette, before snuffing it and pulling out his weed. “I may be ‘bright’ but I’m also an asshole. Try to sift through the shit I say and find what I’m really saying.” Richard went to work pulling out a pinch and placing it on a piece of rolling paper. He made swift with the assembly and had a nicely rolled joint, in moments.

Justin thought about what his friend had just said, and realized that whatever he had meant by it, was probably not something he wanted to dwell on at the moment. Instead he pressed the blade to his forearm and hoped to God he didn’t pass out this time.

TBC

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