A past that never is

Title: A Past that never is
Author: Psycho D-girl, Psycho Babble
Archived: fanfiction.net
Rating: R
Pairings: Roland/OOC
Feedback: Reviews are good
Characters: The whole crew of the Hammer
Beta’s: Akasha
Author Notes: (If you have something to tell your readers, do it in one concise spot)
Disclaimer: I dont own the Matrix or have anything to do with the movies.


A past that never is.

Summary: Shifter. A woman of extraordinary means. With an unusual past. Saved By Morphius from dangerious circomstances. She is smart, tough, but alone. In her unending quest for inner peace. She is like the others from the Matrix, but sometimes the past can never stay where it belongs in...The Past that Never is.

I walked slowly up the ramp of the Hammer, my home for the next two years. As I reached the top I was met by a tall man who introduced himself as Mauser, he took me to see the captain of the ship.

“Captain Roland, this is our new trainee operator, Shifter.” Mauser said, then he left. I stood at attention until Roland gestuto tto the seat across from his desk. On the desk was a file and he tapped it with one finger.

“There are a few things I’d like to know that aren’t explained in this file. I know that you’re a plug in so why is that you’ve trained as an operator and not for some other position?” He asked. I should have known that he would have asked me that, it was a question that I had foolishly hoped that would never be asked of me.

“I have not had good experiences in the matrix. I made my deon non not to go back in there if I could avoid it.” I replied.

“If I knew what your reasons were for not going back in there, I might better understand.” He said.

“I know. But like I said, it is not something that I enjoy talking about. It will not affect my duties as operator.” I said. He stared at me for a moment as if trying to determine if I was being deliberately insubordinate. Eventually he shrugged his shoulders.

“As I understand it was Captain Morpheus who freed you from the matrix. Why didn’t you put in for a position on his ship?” He asked.

“He did free me, but not from the matrix.” The words had been out before I could stop them and I certainly hadn’t meant to say them out loud.

“They already have an operator on that ship, and you know Morpheus is a very private person. Besides I didn’t want people giving me breaks just because they knew me and everyone on the Nebachadenezzar knows who I am.” And what those bastards did to me. I closed my eyes for a moment trying to get rid of some unwanted images. I opened my eyes again and stared at the wall over Roland’s head.

“Okay. Our current operator is AK; you will work with him for the last two hours os shs shift then take the shift after his. He will also give you your room assignment. That’s all.” He said. I nodded and left, so that was the man that everyone referred to as ‘the captain that never smiles.’ I made my way up to the main deck. I waited for the operator to notice me; he finally turned around to face me. He was very easy on the eye, and I had no doubt that some of the women in Zion would like to do certain things with him, I was not one of them however.

“Hey, Shifter right?” He asked. I nodded.

“I’m AK, the greatest operator to ever exist.” He said. I raised my eyebrows slightly. And the maddest, I added silently.

“Is that all you brought with you?” He pointed at my small carryall.

“I’m not one for having loads of possessions. You can get to attached to them.” I replied. He gave me an odd look.

“Whatever floats your boat.” He mumbled. Now it was my turn to give him a strange look.

“What’s a boat?” I asked curiously. He gave me yet another odd look and was about to answer when a woman came in.

“Maggie, this is Shifter, Shifter, Maggie. You’re no longer the only woman on board.” AK said, in some relief. Maggie smiled at me.

“Nice to meet you.” She said.

“Likewise.

“There’s another reason why I’m here. Medical exam, Shifter.” She said to me.

“Might as well get it over with.” I said. I followed her down to the med lab and she ran through some tests.

“Why does your left knee not respond as it should?” She asked me. I looked back at her. I had always hated medical exams, they reminded me too much of what they did to me, as a result I tried as much as possible not to pay to much attention to medical exams being performed on me.

“What do you mean?” I asked. She tapped my right knee with the small hammer, it jerked slightly, and then she did the same to my left knee.

“That’s what I mean.” She said.

“Oh...I damaged it when I was a child.” I said. Mostly due to the fact that they removed part of the bone, I thought. I still walked with a slight limp.

“Okay, next are the x-rays. According to your medical file you haven’t had any in the last number of years.” She said.

“I don’t need x-rays. I have been cleared for them.” I said.

“Does the captain know this?” She asked, taking the disc.

“I don’t know.” I answered. She went over to the mic and asked for Roland to come down to the med lab. A few moments later he arrived and she spoke quietly to him for a moment then they both turned to me.

“I received no word of this from Commander Locke.” Roland said.

“Perhaps it wasn’t from him, but maybe the counsel.” I said easily, I had never liked Locke much, after Morpheus brought me back to Zion after he rescued me Locke had almost instantly used me as a science experiment. After Dozer and Tanks family spoke to the counsel about what was happening and they ordered him to stop did he do so. Ever since that time he had gone to every effort to make my life miserable. Roland shook his head.

“No, no word from them either. Why are we not supposed to do x-rays on you?” He asked. I stared at the floor, then back up to glance at Maggie.

“Alone, please captain.” I requested. He looked at me for a moment, then turned to Maggie, who left. Then he faced me again.

“This had better be good.” He said. I nodded once, not meeting his eyes.

“I have seen the way people look at me when they find out that my skeleton is at least fifteen percent metal. I have been called many things for it. Do not think me so childish as to say this is the only reason why I do not want to get x-rayed or medical exams. I have my reasons, perhaps to you or another person they are not good ones, but there are reasons as to why I can’t tell you everything.” I said. He eventually nodded.

“I will be contacting Commander Locke to verify this.” He stated.

“Of course, sir.” I said as I slid off the bed. I walked in the direction of the dorms and deposited my bag there, after that I wasn’t quite sure what to do.


A past that never is Pt 2

((Two months later))

At the moment all the crew save myself, AK and Mauser were in the matrix. I sat in front of the matrix feed, symbols scrolled down the monitors. Mauser and AK were in the mess hall, eating some of the wonderful glop referred to as food. It only took a moment of glancing away, but when I looked back the monitors, the feed had changed.

“Dammit! AK get up here!” I called into the mic. Already my fingers were dancing across the keys. AK and Mauser came running onto the main deck.

“What is it?” AK asked as he joined me. I nodded at the monitors, figuring he’d need no more information than that. Mauser however looked at it like the whole thing was written in some foreign language.

“What are you doing?” Mauser asked.

“Trying to slow it down. AK we have to get them out now, I don’t know how long I can keep doing this.” I snapped. I could vaguely hear his voice in the background as he spoke to Roland. A few moments later they started coming out, first Maggie and then the others, Roland was last. As soon as AK had pulled the spike free of the socket in his head, Roland came over to me.

“What’s going on?” He asked.

“Virus.” Was all I said. My fingers flew across the keyboard, as I tried in vain to keep up with the virus.

“Can you stop it?” He asked. I shook my head; no.

“Don’t look at me, I’ve never seen a virus like this before.” AK added. I glanced briefly at Roland.

“I can only do this for so long. You’d better find us a good hiding place, because there’s only one to stop this thing.” I said.

“How?” He asked.

“Shut it down, flush the whole system and reload everything.” I replied. He knew what I meant and he instantly started barking orders, everyone started moving to follow his commands. I didn’t stop working though; damn this virus was a tricky bastard. We flew for a few hours, eventually it turned into two days, every where we tried to set down there were sentinels. People came and went through the main deck, before the second day even started I wasn’t really noticing who they were. Someone touched my shoulder and I nearly jumped out of my skin.

“Shit! Don’t do that.” I snapped. Roland stared at me one eyebrow raised quizzically.

“I brought you some food and coffee.” He said. I blinked several times and rubbed my eyes, before replying.

“Thank you, sir. Didn’t mean to sound rude, sorry.” I mumbled, as I grabbed the coffee and slugged down half of it before he had time to say anything.

“Don’t worry about it. It’s not easy to be polite when you’ve been up for forty eight hours.” He said. I shook my head.

“Has it been that long already? I think I lost track of time sometime yesterday.” I said.

“Shouldn’t you be working at that?” He gestured to the monitor. I shook my head slightly.

“It’s slowing down, maybe five minutes before each new break out.” I answered.

“Most viruses can be stopped, why not this one?” He asked. I looked away, as I ran a hand over my hair.

“I...uh... don’t know, captain.” I muttered. Then my eyes drifted back to the monitor and I almost dropped the cup.

“Breaks over.” I put my hands back on the keyboard. As Roland silently left me alone to my work. I didn’t know it then, but he had asked everyone to give me the peace I needed to work. A few hours later he returned with more coffee, at yet another lull in the virus. He sat down in a nearby chair. This was the first time I had ever been this close to someone for the first time in my life that I could remember.

“We’re getting near somewhere that we think will fit our purposes. How are you holding up?” He asked gently. I stared at him for a moment, this was the person that people thought didn’t care for other people? Of course he could just be worried for the fact that I was the only one who could do anything about the virus, but that wasn’t the feeling I was getting.

“Good enough captain. When this is all over I’m gonna sleep for a week.”

“Yes, I’ve never seen that shade of red on anyone before.” He said jokingly. I stared blankly at him for a moment.

“Your eyes look terrible.” He said.

“Yeah, you ought to see them from in here.” I grinned. Then mentally pulled myself back, I knew what he was doing, but did I want the same thing? Be honest with him. A silent voice told me.

“Captain, about this virus. I don’t think that we caught it randomly.” I said.

“What do you mean? Are you saying that someone on board gave us this on purpose?” He asked. I shook my head.

“No, sir.” I ran a hand over my hair.

“Before Morpheus rescued me from the matrix, about eighteen years ago if I remember correctly. I created a virus, it could not be stopped, slowed down yes.” I said. He looked at me, uncomprehension clear in his eyes. I sighed, time for the whole truth? The thought was fleeting, part of the whole truth I decide finally.

“Morpheus rescued me, but like I said it wasn’t from the matrix. It was from the machines, they had removed me from the matrix, and I don’t even remember it. I made a virus that could be planted into a computer of any ship that hacked into the matrix.” Now I saw understanding dawn on his face.

“Please, try to understand. It wasn’t worth my life to defy them...” Until I did, I added on silently.

“Oh and what is your life worth?” He asked, instead of sounding angry he sounded genuinely curious.

“Now? I’m not so sure. Back then, it was all I had and I’m not even sure I wanted it all that much, but how was I to know if death was any worse?” I asked. And they would have made my death one to remember. I thought. I could imagine the look on his face if I told him the whole truth, and not just pieces of it, like I was currently doing.

“But they’ve worked on it since then. I made it so that if it weren’t destroyed within forty-eight hours then it would shut itself down. It’s also adapting, moving faster than it’s supposed to. Every time I think I’ve stopped it for a while it comes back stronger and harder to hit than before. You better pray that we get there within the next hour, Roland. If we don’t I don’t know what’s going to happen.” I said. I didn’t even notice that I had addressed him as ‘Roland’ and not as Captain or sir. He didn’t seem to notice.