For the Love of Jackass

For the Love of Jackass

By: Gina Zielsdorf, and sometimes Savannah Sanphasiri, with some thrown in by Heather Raizor
Began: February 11, 2007

This began as the brainchild of my friend Gina. She showed it to me, and I was inspired. Heather was curious, and soon she was thrown into the mix. This has created a great friendship, and now we're our own little group of Jackasses... or it could be Wildgirlz. Anyway, this it just our little fantasy. This is just the first chapter, which goes to about page seven. I'll clue you in. So far, we have 77 pages. this will be long. very, very very long. we might never finish, as graduation is only 7 weeks away. Yes, this is written by highschool students. (We're all 18, though, so don't worry, AFF.)It might be a little juvenile, but we like it alot. I hope you like it, too. Leave us reviews, critique us, do what you please. Thanks,

Savvy

P.S. Here are some little drawings I did. It gives you an idea of what we look like.

http://img245.imageshack.us/img245/5533/gina2gi5.jpg -- This is Gina. She has 'Fiery red hair', bright blue eyes, and the coolest personality around.

http://img401.imageshack.us/img401/5691/heather2si3.jpg -- This is Heather. This is the only drawing I tried to color, and it came out horrible. So I just greyscaled it. Heather has brown, black, and a little bit of blonde hair. She has brown eyes, and she might do a little drugs-- which is why she has that dopey smile.

http://img156.imageshack.us/img156/1174/savvy2oe7.jpg -- And finally, me. I have black hair, brown eyes, and I'm Asian. I'm kinda blunt, and I'm goofy. So yeah. There we are.

Characters:

Comedy is the Name of the Game Crew

Gina - 26 years old. Has a feisty attitude to match her fiery red hair. Can be shy upon first meetings, but after warming up to you, there’s no cooling her sarcastic remarks down. She is the leader of the group, and loves the spotlight, when it’s not too hot.
Savvy - 26 years old. Doesn’t like to be the absolute center of attention most of the time, but after breaking out of her shell, relishes in the spotlight. Plays small roles in the show, but prefers to write the skits and work on the production aspects.
Heather (a.k.a Hizzle) - 25 years old. Likes to do crazy things and be outrageous, but is generally shy around people she likes. Has a sarcastic side and likes to laugh at the others in the group. Can break out into turrets like incoherent outbursts when mad. Resident tattooist.
Courtney - 24 years old, Savvy’s younger sister. Courtney is sarcastic and laid back. Brings a stable force to the group that keeps them on track and focused. Tho
ugh she is not organized herself, she knows how to get things done.
Kyle - 25 years old, Gina’s best guy friend since, like, first grade. Shows up in the skits, but mostly does camera work and writes for the show.
Karen – 25 years old. Big floppity bag of douche.

Johnny Knoxville – 28 years old. Is absolutely insane, but that’s what gets him paid. The front man for Jackass, he is multi-talented. Loves to be the leader, but knows when to hand the reins over to someone else.
Chris Pontius – 28 years old. Very funny, and has no problem with getting naked on screen. Absolutely outrageous. Slightly sexual in nature, and likes to have a good time.
Steve-O – 26 years old. Wild and crazy to the extreme. Almost stupidly so. Loves to participate in extremely dangerous stunts.
Bam Margera – 27 years old. Strong personality type who must have the spotlight and be in control at all times. Otherwise he feels underappreciated. He is very creative and headstrong
Preston Lacy – 26 years old. The butt of a lot of jokes.
Wee Man – 25 years old. Midget and is exploited because of it
Ryan Dunn – 26 years old. That one guy



“Why, exactly, do you want to meet these people?” Bam asked, his arms crossed over his chest.
Johnny sighed. “Bam, their show rocks! I heard one of them mention how much they love our stuff, and I thought-”
“This is stupid,” Bam walked out of the room.
“Well, you don’t have to come. Which means if something happens… a contract signing or something-”
“What do you mean, contract signing?” Bam stomped angrily back into the room.
“We have been talking about doing a new comedy show where we do more stuff than just beating the shit out of ourselves, and maybe these girls-”
“Fuck you, Knoxville, this is stupid as fuck,” Bam said.
“Why are you so mad, man, just chill!”
“If you haven’t noticed, I have done perfectly fine being the leading man for myself,” Bam stated.
Johnny was taken aback. “I know that, man. You’ve done awesome things for yourself. I am not trying to step on that-”
“Knoxville, think about this. If I do another show with you, I will just be a background player, again!” Bam was getting angrier with every word. He hated spouting his insecurities in front of his pals, but he had no other way out of this one than the truth.
Johnny sighed, unable to look at Bam. They were just two too powerful personalities that were finding it harder and harder to mesh seamlessly. Bam and Johnny would always be pushing for the spotlight, but a show with the rest of the Jackass crew would seem somewhat… empty without Bam being there. Johnny stared at the wall, trying to think of a way to sell this idea to Bam without making him angry.
“Just… think about it, then. At least meet with the girls. Then tell me what you think. Come on.”
Bam shifted his weight from foot to foot, not looking at Johnny. “Shit.”
Johnny smiled, realizing Bam was weakening.
“No.”
“What?” Johnny blinked in surprise.
“I am not doing it. You all are on your own on this one.”
Johnny stood up, his fists balled. “What the fuck did you get into this business for, Bam? Just for money? For your name in lights? Is that all? What about the fans? What will they think when the Jackass crew shows up in a new show without you? Things will go crazy! This is bullshit. You are a selfish asshole. All you care about is yourself. You have to have complete control over every goddamn thing-”
“Yeah! Yeah, exactly. It’s about time you realized that, asshole!” Bam fired back.
Johnny shook his head staring down at his trademark scuffed Chuck Taylors, his hands resting on his hips. “Whatever, dude. Fuck you. We can do this on our own. We don’t need you.”
“And I sure as fuck don’t need you,” Bam dangerously muttered, punching the wall on his way out.
Chris Pontius sighed. “Well, shall we get going then?”
The rest of the guys stared at Johnny warily. Johnny shook his head, staring at the indent in the wall where Bam had hit it.
“Yeah, we’re late already.”


“What do you think they want to meet with us for?” Savvy asked, brushing her short hair back from her eyes.
“I think it might be about what Gina said on the last show,” Heather said before taking another draw from her cigarette and blowing smoke rings.
“Great, good going, Gina. Now they are going to come and kick our asses,” Courtney said leaning back in her chair.
“Shut-up, they are not mad. I only said how awesome they are,” Gina said, although her face gave away her worry.
The group sat in silence for a few minutes.
“Why are we all sitting here biting our nails? I am sure if this was a meeting over something bad, lawyers would be here,” Savvy stated.
At this the company slowly turned their heads toward Heather, who was absently biting her nails and staring blankly at a wall. Once she realized everybody was looking at her she blushed. “Uh… sure… I mean… yeah, you’re probably right.“
Now, slightly embarrassed, she grabbed a pencil to doodle something that looked increasingly like turtle sex.
“I am sure they just want to talk to us about… something. God, I can’t imagine what on Earth they want with our humble little show,” Gina said, crossing her arms over her chest, staring out the window.
Down on the sidewalk below, she spied Johnny Knoxville himself stepping out of a long limousine followed closely by Pontius, and then Wee-Man.
“Holy shit, they’re here,” Gina stammered.
“Really?” Savvy raced over to the window, shaking with excitement. “Oh, yeah and there’s Pontius.”
“Oh my God! They’re here! I think I might cum all over the window!” Kyle screamed, imitating a girly high-pitched voice and running over to the window, jumping up and down and clapping his hands.
“Oh my God, I knew you were gay!” Gina exclaimed, pointing at Kyle and laughing.
Heather spun her chair around to watch her friend’s excitement, hers mounting as well, but sat silently trying to not let it overwhelm her. Kyle sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. Gina smiled over at Savvy and shook her head. They watched as Steve-O and Preston trailed out of the limo and the group walked into the doors of the building.
“Get ready, guys, here they come.”
Courtney went to the door and opened it. Johnny Knoxville peered through the doorway, the other guys peering around him.
“Hello,” Johnny smiled, waving.
Courtney beckoned them in, and they all took seats around the long rectangular table. Savannah tapped away on a computer sitting away from the table as Gina, Courtney, and Kyle started excitedly talking to the guys. Savannah was naturally shy, and the talking and laughter going on made her feel like an outsider. She knew her friends would just tell her to open up more, but she couldn't, especially with the Jackass guys sitting in the room. It was torture.
Knoxville explained to the girls that ever since he heard of the girls’ interest in them on the show, he had wanted to create a hybrid show from the cast of Comedy is the Name of the Game and the cast of Jackass. He wanted to have the two casts live in a large house and have competitions weekly to determine, by viewer’s votes, which cast won each competition. Since Comedy is the Name of the Game was a female-dominated show and Jackass was a male-dominated show, it would almost be a boys versus girls competition. The girls were excited about the idea, and the Jackass guys seemed relieved at their acceptance.
There was a lull in the conversation, and Gina called out to Savannah, who was still tapping away at her laptop in the corner.
"Savvy! What are you doing over there?"
Savvy turned, using her hand to brush the stray hairs out of her face.
"I had an idea for the next episode that I just had to write down. Sorry."
Savvy's eyes flickered to all the Jackass guys, staying half a second longer on Chris Pontius.
"Oh, don't mind her; she's shy unless she's on camera. Which, now that I think of it, she is on camera,” Gina smiled, gesturing to the camera man in the corner. “What's up, Savvy?"
Great Gina, put me on the spot, Savvy thought to herself. "Oh, well, it's just… You guys are legends. We could never compare..."
The guys laughed, Johnny Knoxville standing.
"Hmm… we should test this theory. Let's do something. Something good. Let us decide if you girls can compare..." Knoxville laughed, the sound like an exploding shotgun, and soon both groups were standing in the parking lot, spouting ideas of something 'fun'.
"Oh, I know!" Gina shouted. "How about we go get drunk first, then some good ideas will come to us!"
In unison, everyone shouted their acceptance, even Savvy. Drinking was her domain.
"I've got a plan, guys," Savvy finally added. "Let's hit each other with shit and if you curse you take a shot."
"Did I mention Savvy writes most of our stuff? And that she can drink us all under the table?" Gina beamed, eyeing Savvy and Pontius and getting an idea.
Steve-o got an evil glint in his eyes. "You're a drinker, huh? You wanna have a friendly wager?"
Savannah giggled insanely, finally coming out of her shell. "Oh, you think you can take me? I'm the first woman to win the annual Bourbon Cup. Three times."
"What's that?" Pontius asked, walking behind Steve-o and Savvy, who were currently involved in a staring contest.
"It's a competition... who ever finishes a whole bottle of Kentucky Bourbon and can still stand gets a hundred bucks and bragging rights till next year."
Steve-o gave a great laugh. "You compete? That's so lame."
"Lame? Dude, it's a night of free, expensive bourbon, and a hundred bucks off my considerable bar tab. Why not?"
Steve-o conceded and nodded in understanding. "Hmm… I might have to try that."
Savvy smiled to herself, catching Pontius' eye in the process. Blushing, she averted her gaze and moved to walk next to Gina.
Heather watched the whole precession, noting the subtle clues that Savvy and Pontius were shooting at each other, but also slightly jealous that Savvy could so easily talk to Steve-O, whom she had always had a small girlish crush on, but was feeling uncommonly shy now that he was ten feet from her.
"Let's take the limo, guys. That way we don't need a designated driver." Knoxville said, whipping out his phone and calling the limo driver.
"Gina, this is... weird. They're actually responsible? This makes me feel so bad about myself..." Savvy joked, gaining a plethora of laughs.
This was the exhilarating feeling Savvy loved; being the center of attention. The limo pulled up in front of them, and the girls excitedly piled in, while the guys looked like nothing was out of the ordinary. Savvy guessed nothing was out of the ordinary for them. They were used to being stars, having the luxuries that most normal people couldn't have. This was why she'd gone into business with Gina and all her other friends. Sure, it was the best time of her life. She got to hang out with her best friends, mess around, drink, and generally be a teenager again, and she got paid for it. But she was also in the business to get what her family had never had the chance to have. Savvy wanted to be able to live the life of luxury. She wanted to be able to see a limo and have it not faze her. She wanted to be just like these guys.
Gina was bouncing with excitement at being in a limo with a group of huge movie stars. Johnny was the last to climb into the car. There was hardly any room for him to sit.
“Well, shit,” he laughed to himself, looking around for a spare space.
“Here, Knoxville,” Dunn said, scooting over and making a space between him and Gina for Knoxville to sit.
“Thanks, man,” Knoxville smiled, staggering over everyone’s legs to the empty space. He sat down and found himself closely acquainted with Gina. His arm was smashed between their bodies. “Hold on, let me just…” he grunted, pulling his arm out from under Gina and then squirming for a comfortable place to put it. He looked at Gina and muttered, “Do you mind if I-“ as he looped his arm across the seat behind Gina’s shoulders.
“No, that’s fine,” Gina smiled, hoping her blushing was not visible to the other people in the car. Apparently it was because she caught Courtney smirking at her from the seat across from her. Gina quickly turned away before Courtney could say anything. Heather poked her head around from behind Preston to say something, but elected to watch what was happening instead, turning first to Gina, then to Courtney. Realizing what she had just seen, she let out a good-hearted cackle and winked at Gina which conjured many confused looks around the limo.
“Here, turn here. I know a great place,” Heather proclaimed, calling out to the limo driver.
The driver nodded and pulled into the parking lot of a biker’s bar. Everyone piled out and Heather led the way to the bar. It was a Wednesday night, and the bar was only inhabited by three truck drivers sitting around a table. They merely glanced at the large group entering the bar and then went back to their engaging conversation concerning ‘Smokey Bears’ on Highway 62. Gina plopped onto a bar stool and waved at her uncle Terry who was the bartender and had owned the bar for the past five years.
“What are you doing in here, little lady?” Terry asked, leaning over the bar.
“We got a score to settle, Terry,” Gina laughed. She pointed at Savvy and Steve-o. “This guy wants to challenge our dear Savvy to a little drinking contest.”
Terry stood back and laughed. “He wants to challenge the three time Bourbon Cup Champion?”
Gina nodded, smiling.
“Serve it up, Terry, you know how I like it,” Savvy said, sitting at the stool next to Gina.
Terry nodded and pulled out a tray of shot glasses and a bottle of Maker's Mark. "I was wondering when you girls would show." Terry said as he doled out shots.
Savvy grinned; she really wasn't that much of an alcoholic. Steve-o was beginning to look wary, even with the encouragement from Johnny and Pontius. Terry emptied the bottle and then separated the shot glasses.
"Okay, what rules are we using? Competitions rules or are we just going as fast as possible?"
Steve-o, gulping, asked Terry to explain both sets of rules to him.
"Well, in competition rules, a shot is taken every 5 minutes. That ensures you get the alcohol circulated, so you're actually drunk by the time it's over. And there's less chance of alcohol poisoning!" Terry said gleefully. "Then there's just drinking as fast as possible, you should know the rules. Who ever finishes their drinks first, wins. Either way, Savvy's the champion."
Steve-o conferred with Johnny, Pontius, and said 'competition' in the most courageous voice he had. Gina, Heather, Courtney, and Kyle all cheered. This was going to be a snap.
“Well, seeing as how I don’t feel like finding out what Steve-O had for lunch today, even though I would revel in seeing you both shit-faced, I’m gonna go contract some pink eye,” Heather announced, addressing Steve-O indirectly for the first time that night. She then pulled her long brown hair behind her ear revealing an easily concealed joint. “Anybody care to join me?”
“Hell yeah!” Wee-man quickly piped up while walking toward her.
“Awesome,” she grinned happily at the thought of being able to talk one on one with anybody, even if it would be slightly incoherent speech. “Oh and Terry let me say what a fine establishment you have here… and uhm… thanks for not calling the cops on me.” With this she took a quick bow and saluted Terry then started a quick pace conversation with Wee-man and walked out the door before Terry could utter an objection.
“Well you two, lets get this competition started,” Terry stated while setting a shot glass full of bourbon in front of both of the combatants.
Savvy and Steve-o both reached for their first shot, and Savvy gulped it down with a straight face. Steve-o realized, much too late, that he'd never had Maker's Mark before. He swallowed, but was unprepared for the fire that burned it's way down his esophagus. At his coughing fit, the girls cheered again, while Pontius and Johnny grumbled in a friendly manner.
"Nice day to go soft on us, Steve-o." Johnny said, turning to watch Gina and Savvy talking excitedly.
“Shut up, Knoxville. I know what I’m doing.” Steve-o was a known user. He took all the drugs he could get his hands on. Sure, he drank the occasional fifth of whiskey to go with his pot, but he wasn’t used to the hard alcohol all the time. This was going to end badly. Why had he even challenged Savvy in the first place? She’d just seemed so smug; he’d had to at least try to beat her.
Pontius watched as Savvy suddenly stopped talking. She cocked an eyebrow, and then turned to Steve-o. “We never decided on the prizes for this little contest, Stevie.” Savvy said, her competitive spirit making her squint in arrogance. “What are you gonna give me when I win?”
Steve-o looked thoughtful, and then leered at her. “What do you want, babe?”
Savvy choked with laughter, recovering easily. “There are a lot of STDs I never want to experience, Steve-o, and I’d probably get them all from you.”