Without

Disclaimer: I do not own, lay claim to or make money from Flatliners, the characters, or anything else covered under copyright law. The following is a work of fanfiction for entertainment purposes only. Again, I don't make any money or profit from this.

Author's notes: Well, I hadn't planned to do another Flatliners piece, but this was inspired by a cute tiny piece called "Triptychon" on ff.net. Except somehow it ended up consisting of angst-porn-angst-porn-more angst-more porn. Consider yourself warned. :)


Without


The night of their final experiment, Dave went home with Nelson. After being clinically dead for over twelve minutes, it would have been stupid not to have someone with him, even if just for observation purposes. He stayed by Nelson's side while the others tucked away their pilfered equipment, helping him back into his shirt, wrapping his own jacket around his shoulders to keep him warm. Told the rest of them that he'd get Nelson home, stay with him to make sure he was all right.

In truth, Dave wanted to make sure he was all right as much as Nelson. He felt drained, physically and emotionally, and the doctor in him knew that he was suffering the aftermath of an adrenaline rush, his limbs left weak and trembling, his stomach tied in knots. And he knew he wouldn't be able to rest, to sleep, unless he was certain that Nelson was all right. He couldn't trust the others to do it... they'd given up. Even Rachel. He'd lost all respect for her in that moment, and from the look in her eyes, she knew. She'd tried to make up for it, helping him finally, but it wasn't enough. The trust had been broken.

Nelson was silent as he bundled him into the truck, seeming somehow very young and small. Finally, as they neared his apartment, he spoke. "Dave... how long was I out?"

He glanced over. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean. How long did I flatline? No one's said a word... you all just... give me this look...."

Dave wet his lips, hands tightening a little on the steering wheel. "Well... from when Rachel said you called her... and depending on how long it took you to - " he tried to say the word, and couldn't. " - to go under... at least twelve minutes, Nelson." He glanced over to find his friend staring, looking almost horrified.

"Twelve...."

"What did you expect?" Dave pulled up in front of his apartment building, parking the cumbersome army truck, and suddenly the stress and fear that he'd felt came out as anger. "Jesus, Nelson. You took off and went under without the rest of us. You're lucky we were able to bring you back at all."

"I knew you could," Nelson replied softly, not moving to get out of the truck.

"Yeah, well." Dave gave a little bitter laugh. "None of the others did." He looked over to find Nelson watching him seriously, strangely vulnerable.

"Dave... thank you. I really didn't mean..." he stopped. "I'm sorry."

Dave sighed. "Just wish you'd told me. I would have helped, you know that. Kind of felt like you didn't trust me."

"I tried." Nelson glanced up at him a little sullenly. "Why do you think I called Manus? Thought you'd still be with her."

"Instead of out looking for your crazy ass?"

He shrugged. "Would have been the better choice. She's a great woman, Dave."

Dave paused, then shook his head slowly. "She's not who I thought she was. I don't think I'll see her again."

Nelson sighed. "Don't say that. You have a good thing going with her."

"She gave up on you."

"She's human, Dave. At twelve minutes I probably would have thrown in the towel too."

Dave raised an eyebrow. "If it had been me on the table?"

Blue eyes looked back at him seriously. "No. You know that."

"There you go, then." He shook his head. "Lets get you inside. Some doctor I am, keeping out out in the cold..."

"I'm all right, Dave..."

"Yeah, and I'd like it to stay that way." He got out of the truck, making a note to get some plastic to cover up the broken window. "You coming? I didn't bring you back just so you could catch pnemonia."

Nelson followed him silently, unlocking his apartment when they reached it. "Sorry... it's kind of a mess."

Dave glanced around the apartment, which was almost sterile in its emptiness. "You don't have enough stuff to have a messy apartment, Nelson."

Nelson gave a soft chuckle as he took Dave's jacket, but there was no mirth in it. "Why didn't you give up? After twelve minutes...."

"I promised I'd bring you back." He folded his arms across his chest, and Nelson glanced away.

"Thank you. Really."

"Get some rest," Dave replied softly. "Lets not talk about this anymore tonight."

He nodded slowly. "Hey... I don't have a spare bed. Manus slept in a chair when she stayed. You want my bed?"

He sighed. "You need your bed. I've slept in worse places than a chair."

"Bunk in with me, then. It's a double."

Dave followed him into the bedroom, too tired to argue. "Sure." He grabbed a blanket that sat folded on a chair, noting the deadbolt that had been screwed to the inside of the bedroom door, but not saying anything about it. He spread the blanket on top of Nelson's white down comforter as the blond stripped down to his boxers and a tshirt, climbing into bed. He perched beside him for a moment, checked his temperature by touch, took his pulse.

"Will I live, doc?" Nelson asked sleepily.

Dave smiled despite himself, stripping down to his boxers and leaving his clothes on the chair the blanket had sat on. "You seem remarkably all right, all things considered." He climbed under the covers, curling up on his side on the edge, to give Nelson as much space as he needed, and the exhaustion of earlier caught up to him in a rush. "Night, Nelson," he murmured sleepily, and heard a tired, mumbled response as he drifted off into much needed oblivion.

Sometime in the night, he awoke to find that he'd curled around Nelson's sleeping form, up against his back, one arm around his waist. For a moment, it was disorienting... being unexpectedly close to him, pulse racing, a strange tension caught around his heart that made it strangely difficult to breathe, and a warm pulse in his groin that generally only paid call after an erotic dream. He closed his eyes, cursing that the desire he'd so often buried away had chosen this moment to manifest, and rested his face lightly against Nelson's shoulder, which was warm and solid though the thin cotton. His fingers, splayed low on Nelson's hip, tried to find something more appropriate to do with themselves, moving back toward himself slowly so as not to wake his friend. But as he slipped them past his mid line, he felt Nelson shudder against him, shifting a little, hips arching, and Dave realized that not only was he awake, breath coming tense and short and fast, but he was most definitely aroused.

"David..." Nelson breathed softly, and without thinking about the whats or whys or hows, Dave curled his hand around the hardness in his boxers, palming him slowly. Nelson gave a very soft whimper, pressing back against him, against a quickly hardening erection that was fuled by Nelson's closeness, by the little trembling gasps of breath he was taking, by the way he'd said his name.

A tiny corner of his mind told Dave that this was a very bad situation, the kind of situation he was going to hate himself for in the morning, but the rest of him was too caught up in it, face pressed to Nelson's neck, nuzzling locks of soft blond hair, nuzzling pale skin, then dropping soft kisses up his neck to his earlobe. Caught up in the rush of what he'd felt earlier, the kind of desperate relief and need that could only come in the aftermath of being a hairsbreadth away from loosing something - someone - extremely important. He slipped his hand into Nelson's boxers, curling his fingers around his cock, thumb massaging the head of his cock his head before starting to stroke him, slow and firm, his own desire surging a the little at the helpless, trembling groan that escaped from Nelson's throat.

Nelson's turned his face back toward him a little, body pressing back into him more, breath coming in soft pants. "David...."

"Shhh," he breathed softly, and leaned up enough to catch his mouth with his. If he'd had any questions about what Nelson wanted, they were answered by the desperation at which the blond returned his kisses, turning more into his embrace, a hand slipping up to tangle in Dave's hair, to hold him to him as he tore trembling, breathless kisses from him. Dave let his lips part with a soft groan, tongue flicking out to taste his lips, to kiss him deeper, tasting heat and a faint hint of cigarettes, still stroking him slowly, tugging his boxers out of the way.

Nelson whimpered his name again, fingers releasing his hair to move down to his boxers, fumbling to yank them down, hand wrapping firmly around Dave's erection, stroking in time with him. Dave rocked up into his touch, letting his hunger surface in his kisses, stealing his breath, nipping at his lips. "God... don't stop..."

Nelson's fingers tightened around him a little at his words, moving a little faster, and Dave met his pace, rocking into his touch, gasping against his mouth at the hard shocks of pleasure and sensation that thundered up his spine at Nelson's touch. The little voice from earlier was gone now, completely silenced by desire and pleasure and raw need, and he gave into it entirely. Before he knew it, the kisses had fallen to breathless, helpless cries of pleasure, forehead pressed to Nelson's and eyes shut tight as the pleasure built, fast and hard and strong. Nelson was shuddering against him, his touch the most delicious agony on Dave's cock, whimpering his name over and over against his mouth, breathless and trembling. Dave gasped his name helplessly, and his friend bucked up hard into his touch, breath in a rough cry that Dave stole from his mouth with kisses desperately as Nelson's body bucked tense, shuddering, climaxing hot and thick on his hand, on his stomach.

He cried Nelson's name again, helpless and whimpering, and his friend continued his touch, stealing feather light kisses from his lips, breathing hard. His fingers pulled tight the thread of pleasure, letting it build, tense and shuddering until it all broke free - the pleasure, sensation, the emotion he'd been holding back, breath coming in helpless, trembling cries. "Nelson - !"

Nelson clung to him wordlessly, nestling his face into his chest, breath warm against his bare skin. He swallowed hard as he tried to catch his breath, tried to come back to himself, shifting to work his free hand around his friend's body, stroking his back slowly, nuzzling his hair. "Clean up later," he managed to breathe, hearing a soft noise of agreement, and before he could question it, sleep took him again.

When he woke up the next morning it took him a moment to take in everything that had happened in the past day. Nelson flatining, just barely being able to bring him back, then going from Rachel's bed, platonically, to Nelson's, not so platonically... his mind moved to what had happened in the middle of the night, and he felt his stomach lurch, felt a shiver of leftover desire race through him. What on earth was he going to do about that...?

Nelson wasn't in bed with him, and he could hear the sound of the shower running, then turning off. His friend emerged a few moments later, wrapped in a white terrycloth robe, and he stood in the bathroom doorway, watching him silently for a few long moments. "...hey."

Dave let out a breath he didn't know he'd been holding, his stomach still tying itself in knots. "Hey. How are you feeling?"

Nelson paused for a few moments, and when he spoke, Dave could tell he was choosing his words very carefully. "Better, after a shower. I'm going to make a pot of coffee... there's clean towels on the counter, if you want to clean up."

"Thanks," he replied, and Nelson nodded, padding out of the room in bare feet.

He did feel a little more himself after showering, though he couldn't keep his mind from what had happened, away from the memory of the sensations, the intimacy. Nelson hadn't said a word, and part of him was almost relieved. Maybe they could just pretend like it had never happened. He dressed silently in yesterday's clothes, then wandered out into the kitchen where Nelson was sitting quietly, still in his robe, with a pot of coffee and the remains of several cigarettes smoldering in an ash tray in front of him. He indicated a second mug. "Coffee?"

Dave sat down and poured himself a cup, ignoring the carton of milk and the sugar bowl and sipping it black. Nelson lit another cigarette, wordlessly offering the pack to Dave after a few moments, which he contemplated silently before taking, lighting one. "I haven't smoked since high school."

Nelson gave a ghost of a smile. "Sorry. I'm a bad influence."

The cigarette was a little comforting, and easier to focus on than his thoughts, his uncertainties. "I'm going to stop off at home and grab a few things," he said finally. "You should get some rest. I won't be long."

Blue eyes looked up at him over the coffee mug. "You're staying?"

"I'd like to, yes. Keep an eye on you, make sure you're okay." He paused for a moment. "Unless you'd rather I not."

"You can stay," Nelson replied softly, and glanced away. "Can you pick me up another pack of cigarettes?"

"Sure. You need anything else while I'm out? Food?"

Nelson waved a hand absently at the fridge behind him. "Whatever you'd like."

Dave finished his coffee, then stood and opened it. The fridge was mostly empty, condiments and a carton of eggs and a loaf of bread. The freezer, however, was stacked with low calorie frozen dinners. "... you have horrible eating habits, Nelson."

His friend gave a soft chuckle. "If you have time to cook from scratch and go to school, you're a better doctor than I."

Dave glanced back at him. "Well, I'm getting you some fresh fruit and veggies. You need something better right now than this crap pumped full of preservatives."

The blond gave a little shrug. "Sure." He looked up. "See you later, Dave. I'll leave the front door unlocked."

He hesitated, watching him for a long moment. "Nelson...."

"Yes?"

Nelson's showed no expression other than weariness, and Dave realized that he still didn't know what he wanted to say. "Um. Never mind. See you later."


Part of him wanted to stay away the whole day, to run away from the uncertainty and the tension that hung thick between them. He very firmly pushed that part away, knowing that it would just be an even bigger mistake to make. But he couldn't stop thinking about it, remembering the way it had felt, and he still had no clue how to react to it. He threw some clothes and a couple of his textbooks into a duffel bag, then swung by a grocery store, picking up a couple packs of cigarettes, a premixed spinach salad with some dressing, some oranges and a couple cans of chicken soup.

He loaded up the back of the truck, then went to unlock the driver's side, not that there was much point to keeping it locked with the window broken. He leaned up against the side of the truck with a soft sigh, staring at the broken glass, knowing it was probably going to be hell to get it replaced. What had he been thinking? He could have just as easily yanked open the lacings on the canvas at the back to get into the truck. But he hadn't been thinking, not at all, just reacting to the sight of Nelson with the pickaxe digging into his flesh, reacting by smashing a rock through the glass to get into the truck to get to him. Why did he always do such brainless things when it came to Nelson?

Nelson was asleep when he returned, something that rather relieved him. It was around mid afternoon, having been late when they woke up, but after his brush with death, Dave was happy to see his friend recuperating. Plus, if he was sleeping, he didn't have to address what had happened between them....

He checked on Nelson quietly, carefully so as not to wake him. His breathing seemed normal, and his pulse was strong, so Dave settled in the chair by the window with one of his books, studying, trying to keep up on the course material he was missing at school during his suspension. The afternoon seemed to stretch on, and when the phone rang in the other room, he jumped, and went to answer it quickly before it could wake Nelson. "Hello?"

Joe was on the other end. "Oh, hey Dave. You're still there?"

"I don't really want to leave him on his own after everything that happened yesterday," he replied.

"Good call. How's he doing?"

"He's ok. Sleeping at the moment."

"Good." Joe was silent for a moment. "You ok, Labraccio? You don't sound too hot."

He gave a soft sigh, wondering if it was that apparent that even Joe could pick it out. "Yeah... I'm ok. It was just a rough day yesterday."

"Yeah... try and get some rest over there, okay? I'll stop by to pick Nelson up for class on Monday morning, if he's feeling up to it."

"I'll let him know. Thanks, Joe." He hung up the phone with a soft sigh, shaking his head. He must really be a basket case, if even Joe had picked up on it.

He headed back into the bedroom, only to find Nelson whimpering softly, gasping for breath in bed. Dave sighed, and perched on the edge, reaching a hand out to touch his shoulder. "Nelson? You ok?"

There was no response, but he calmed immediately, falling back into a deep sleep. Dave sighed, and left only long enough to grab his textbook, sitting beside him and leaning up against the headboard. He let a hand rest gently on his shoulder, then slipped his fingers to curl in his hair, stroking ever so slightly as he studied, careful of the stitches by his temple. The room was warm and comfortable, and before Dave knew it he'd drifted off to sleep.

**TO BE CONTINUED**