Funny Girl ~Harley/Joker Fic~

*I did have this story here once, but it got deleted cuz of my lack of disclaimer. I also have it on quizilla. :D the name is autumnwednsday so hit me up*


You twirl your tangled up pigtail, biting your lip sore as you gazed at your heated coffee. MMM starbucks, it had been a while since you'd had that privilege. You know, with dodging police and stealing random shit from rich wankers. You turn to your left to see a middle aged balding man sitting bored, alone, and reading a newspaper. Poor fucker must've been having his annual mid life crisis. He needed some spark, like for reals. "HEY YOU! BALD FUCKER!" You shout and toss your mug of steaming coffee at his table, shattering it and its contents splashing on his, most likely, overly priced suit. He stares at you in disbelief and fury. "Whats up hot cakes, Life got ya down?" You practically leap from your chair to the top of his table and begin taking off your clothes, stopping at your 3rd torn up black wife beater, and all red skirt with 3 harlequin diamonds daintily placed on the corner top of your right thigh. You kick him in the chin, causing him to fall backwards making you laugh callously jumping up and down like a five year old at a jungle jim. Everyone stare in disbelief and horror. Sure they felt bad for him, but there was no way they were coming near this crazy bitch.


Like always, the cops had showed up. Luckily for you, you spotted em outside and headed out the back exit, quick and in a hurry. After probably and hour of running aimlessly and cackling wildly, you find yourself at a dead end in some random alleyway. Kick ass. You spin around and around, you deep, almost stark red auburn locks moving in the rhythm of the wind. a few chunks of sloppily added, black dyed hair landing your mouth you still giggling whole heartily. Your combat boots splash the water drenching your torn black stocking that lay beneath your wide holed, red fishnets. Buttoning your black leather jacket, still spinning you spot a rodent in the corner of a trash can. Spotting it, each spin landing his rabies infested way. Damn, you really loved that jacket. Aged, tattered, and three red harlequins donning its slightly torn back. That's how you dressed, harlequins red and black, only thing missing was your dear sweet jack. That was your new motto. Yep, there you stood, poking your finger in the top torn, murky green/grey wife beater's hole. It let the white one under show, as the torn white one let the black top be shown. You thought about him endlessly. The Joker, no you hadn't met him, but ever since you saw his face laughing wildly before torturing some shitty ass batman poser, you were heavily intrigued. You knew, he was the best laugh in town. He was a clown for fucks sake. How could he not be? He was a damn clown! Over lonely nights, boredom and heat of thinking about his protruding scars often left you in a perverse fit alone with only your hand to comfort you. Oh shit here comes boredom.
Walking, walking, walking it was getting late. Time for you to head to your shitty ass studio apartment. Maybe you'd pass out on your plastic covered couches that always seemed to make you sweat as the lull of Kurt Cobain's voice blaring through your cd player put you in a deep sleep. You kick random cans at people hitting their shins and earning looks of disgust shooting straight in your direction. You only smirk, flipping them off as they walked passed you. No one messed with you. Everyone knew you as the harmless, wannabe Joker, psychopath. Sure you were cruel humored, but it was all in good fun. You'd never really hurt anyone...too badly.
Tossing your favored jacket on your baby shit green, plastic covered couch, you turn your cd player on. Even In His Youth repeated throughout your small studio apartment in Kurt's soulful, shrilled screams. Tossing your head from side too side grinning broadly and furthering your hairs tangles, you hop over to your nearly emptied fridge grabbing your cheap whiskey and sit on your floor. Your all black cat, rubs up against your back as you sit centered in your home. You pour her some of your bottles contents as you gulped it like a baby on his mothers milk filled tits. In a matter of minutes you lye passed out and tuckered from a long day of not so harmless pranks.
~~~Bored yet again, walking down random streets in Gotham's midnight hours, you search for a dark alley to hang alone in. Who knows, maybe someone'll try and rape you and you'll get to practice your ball slicing skills. "He had ribbons in his hair...and lipstick was everywhere..." You sang softly as you paced back and forth, dragging your feet across the soaked pavement. Hole was a kick ass band to you. No matter what people said. "Oh we're lucky tonight boys." You turn to see three brute men in tattered clothing staring at you, menacing faces playing over their big empty heads. You look over innocently smiling, twirling one tangled lump of hair between your dainty fingers. "Why hello there horny bastards." Before they knew what was coming, you slid across the concrete crouched over, jumping up head hitting his chin up, him biting his lip open letting blood pour on your tanks. He groans in agony as you laugh, quickly, easily dodging his and his friends blows laughing maniacally. "HAHAHA, c'mon guys. Don't give up you almost got me." You duck again, missing a punch to the face and high kick another brute in the balls causing him to fall back gasping for breath."Booooooooooooorinnnnnnnnnnnng.." Fed up with their lack of both stamina, and speed you kick and punch in every direction, whilst dodging their so called punches. Pulling a pocket knife out, you slice ones throat, his blood shoots out in another's eyes as you stab him in a vital area below his bulging belly making him bleed heavily, soon to death. The last one lying helplessly, and the one to speak to you, stares up cowardly. "oh?" You scoff, then laugh. "Yea fucking right" Jumping on his crotch making him scream in agony you lean in his ear, "Is this a fun game for ya, baby?" In a flash your dug your fingers in his eyes, blinding him. Eeeeeeeeeeeewwww, squishy. You rub his eye boogers on your shirt and look down at him. After seconds of forced suppressed giggles, you laugh loudly sturring up some of the city's neighbors, making some look out the window to see just what the fuck had been going on for the past hour. Wow that's weird, you could hear your laughs coming from behind you. You turn around to see...nope they were yours. Just some tall guys. "HAHA, that WAS funny."