Anything and Everything

Prologue

He still came into the city, a few times a week, though at first he wasn't particularly sure why. He had his paradise now - Shell Beach, full of warmth and sunlight and all the good and wholesome things he remembered from his past - even if it was a fake past. He even had Anna, who wasn't quite Emma, but she liked him, and really, it was the only thing he had left to build on, wasn't it? The only tie to a normal life was a woman who didn't even remember their marriage. Mind you, neither did he - just flashes. Having dinner, drinking wine, making love. Sitting with her on the riverbank, Daniel giving him a flower to give to her....

Ah yes, Dr. Schreber. The figure dominated his set of memories, as far back into childhood as he could remember. The essential mentor, teaching him how to control the abilities that saved the city, that kept the city going. The Merlin to his Arthur, his brain supplied, images from an old storybook of things left behind, before they came to this place. But he didn't particularly want to be King Arthur.

Somehow, though, he still went into the city. Mostly at night, after he'd dropped Anna off at her home after a date. It was familiar to him, and part of him could sense it, where everything was, and if he concentrated, where people were. And somehow, within the first few weeks, he found himself at Schreber's office.

It was surprising to him, that the Doctor hadn't moved. Even more that the office had been reopened - everything inside repainted to bright, soft colours. He'd only been here once before - while he was trying to find his identity, sneaking in after the Doctor had left, and the impression then had been incredibly gloomy. Now all the signs of Schreber's experiments seemed to have been erased. There was even artwork on the walls in the waiting room. It looked... strangely normal. The lights were on inside despite the late hour, so he knocked lightly on the door.

There was a moment of silence, then familiar shuffled footsteps, and the door opened to blue eyes and a shy, crooked smile. "John!"

He'd missed Daniel, he realized, a thought which was strange to him, but somehow not unwelcome. Before he knew it, they were upstairs in Daniel's apartment, talking over tea like old friends. Which in a way, they were - at least as far as John's memories were concerned. There were differences, of course - the most obvious being Daniel's appearance, scarred now against the golden perfection of John's memories. But the longer he spoke with Daniel, the more he found he liked the differences. The Daniel from his memories was firm, driven, and left little time for anything but learning. That was, he supposed, his role. This Daniel was quiet and patient, listening much and speaking thoughtfully, and the next time he came into the city, he found himself back in the same place.

"Why didn't you ask me to change anything for you?" He asked one night after several such visits, as Daniel took him around to show the small changes he'd had made to the building, the small offices where he now took clients - an excellent psychologist, what with the advantage of knowing the history of everyone in the city - his library, his apartment.

Daniel gave a soft, breathy laugh, shaking his head. "You have already done -- so much for me, John. It would be very rude -- of me, to make requests of your time -- for frivolous things."

"I don't think it's frivolous," he replied with a little frown. "Is there anything you need doing? I'd like to do something for you. To thank you."

The doctor looked a little surprised. "For?"

He pointed a finger to his own temple. "Saving my ass with that nifty little memory cocktail of yours."

He could see the tips of Daniel's ears turn pink, something he found strangely cute, and the doctor gave a little shake of his head, lowering it. "I am honestly -- fine, John. But thank you for -- your offer."

He smiled, but didn't take no for an answer. Upon leaving, he stood outside the building for a long time, sensing it, figuring out which areas were and were not used. Then, he put a bathhouse in the basement, much like the one he'd met the Doctor in a few times, before the city changed. Not large, but good sized. Enough for a few people to relax. For Daniel. He threw in an elevator for good measure, only accessible with Daniel's key, and left a neatly folded white terrycloth robe with a couple of towels in a bag in front of his door, with a brief letter explaining the gift. It was such a simple task for him, but strangely it made him happier than he'd been in a long time.

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Chapter 1

The next time he came into the city, the Doctor wasn't in his office, or his apartment. It took him a moment to remember the bathhouse, and he took the stairs down, knocking lightly on the frosted glass door. "Daniel? It's John. Are you here?"

"Yes -- please come in, John." Steam escaped when he opened the door, and the room he stepped into was warm and comfortable without being too hot. He crouched down beside the small pool, where Daniel looked up at him with a smile, arms folded on the edge. "This is amazingly -- wonderful, John. But you didn't have to --"

"I wanted to, I told you that." He cut the doctor off with a smile, feeling almost fond as he looked down on him. "It's no trouble for me at all. I'm glad to see it's being put to good use."

Daniel chuckled softly, smile widening. "Oh yes. In fact, sometimes I would rather not -- get out. You have completely spoilt me."

"Good, you deserve a bit of spoiling. Are the controls and everything all right? Not too hard to change the temperature?"

"Of course, it is -- very easy. Come in and try the water -- if you like?"

He considered it for a moment, then nodded, creating a few more hooks on the wall beside the one Daniel's robe hung from. He undressed, prudently Tuning himself a pair of swimming trunks and pulling them on - not so much for modesty's sake, but because Daniel still lounged in the water in trunks and a t-shirt, and he figured it wouldn't be polite to go skinny dipping in someone else's pool if the owner was not doing so himself.

The water was lovely, and he said as much, leaning back against the side of the pool with Daniel beside him. They talked for a while - about the city, about Anna, about Daniel's practice. About the challenges of being the only two awake in the city of dreams, the only ones knowing the truth.

Finally, he turned to Daniel, leaning on his elbow on the side of the pool. "I'm curious... why do you bother with clothes here? It's private, you're the only one with access. Well, other than me."

Daniel glanced down at his shirt with a little sad smile. "That is a very -- good question. Unfortunately, I am... heavily scarred," the doctor said simply, though by the tension in his shoulders, John could tell that the words did not come easy to him.

"Because of the Strangers?" he asked softly, and the Doctor nodded.

"Yes. It is not something that I would -- inflict on others."

"But there's no one here to see...."

"I do not particularly wish -- to inflict it on myself -- either."

John felt his lips part at the admittance, felt a rush of dismay. What had they done to him that would make him loathe to even look at himself? He watched the doctor for a long moment, long enough that blue eyes turned away from his, the tips of his ears turning pink again.

"I can fix it," he found himself saying, before he really knew what he was doing. "I'd like to, if you'll let me."

The flush on his ears moved down to his cheeks, and he gave a little shake of his head, still not looking at him. "Thank you, John. But I am fine."

"Not if you can't look at yourself," John replied softly. "You're the Doctor, Daniel. Isn't it an unhealthy state of being?"

Daniel was silent for a long moment, looking out at the steam rising in curls off the water. "It is... deserved."

He felt another rush of dismay, and a little anger, and he moved to face Daniel in the water, reaching out to curl fingers around his biceps. "Bullshit. It is not deserved."

"John -- the things I have done...."

"I know what you've done. And you still don't deserve this. You've suffered enough."

The doctor's lips parted slightly, eyes searching John's, almost astonished, and John found himself thinking about how blue they were, how expressive. "You... mean that?"

"Of course I do." He forced himself to speak more gently, rubbing Daniel's arm ever so slightly with his thumb. "It's honestly no trouble at all... please let me do this for you?"

Daniel lowered his eyes, and he could feel his form shiver a little under his touch. Then he gave a short, quick nod. "Thank you. Just tell me -- what to do."

He glanced around the room, then elongated and widened the stone bench to the size of a single bed, giving it a waterproof cushion, draping it with towels. Then he started to climb out. "Come here and take off your shirt for me. Lay down." He handed Daniel another towel, turning away politely as the man took off his top and half dried himself before settling on his back on the bench. He perched on the side of the bench when he turned back, finding his friend trembling slightly, watching him with more than a little anxiety. He let a hand rest lightly on his chest, spreading a dry towel over his legs for comforts sake. "It's not so bad."

"You lie very -- obviously, John," came the soft reply, and he gave a little rueful smile.

"I guess I do." He let his fingers run over the expanse of skin slowly, watching them, taking in the myriad of thin lines and puckered burn scars with sorrow. "Truthfully. I don't know how you survived all this."

"They made sure -- that I did." Daniel replied softly, trembling under him, and John found himself wishing he could somehow calm the man. Instead, he let his palm rest on Daniel's bare chest and went to work.

His lungs were first - something that John had been itching to try for a very long time - carefully replacing damaged tissue with fresh, strengthening collapsed passages, making everything new and young again. Then, when Daniel could draw breath deep and even again, he started on the rest. First the leg, once broken, badly healed. Then his skin, his fingers moving slowly across his chest as he did, focusing on each mark, each scar, slowly smoothing them away.

When he reached the top of his shorts, he looked up to find Daniel watching him, very close to tears. "Your back as well?" he asked softly, and Daniel nodded silently, turning over and pillowing his face in his arms. His back was almost worse, and a little more difficult with the shaking of his shoulders, so John leaned down to nestle his face against Daniel's damp hair, an arm around him, holding him close. "Shhh...."

"I'm sorry," the doctor whimpered, and John found himself squeezing his shoulders gently.

"Shh. It's all right. It's almost done." He pressed a soft kiss to his hair - though where the strangely intimate gesture had come from, he wasn't sure - then sat up again, going back to work.

When he reached the small of his back, he stopped, fingers slowly tracing the line of his shorts. "Is there more further down?"

A quiver, and a soft reply. "Yes."

"May I - "

"Do it."

He gave a slight nod, folding the towel down on his thighs, easing the band of his shorts down over his ass, trying to focus on what he was doing and not the sudden, strangely enticing thought of this man laying mostly naked and vulnerable under him. He let his fingers trace slowly over the marks on his skin - lash marks, he realized this time with sorrow - Tuning them away, leaving the skin under his fingers soft and smooth.

Without warning, Daniel gave a soft whimper and moved, sitting up and wrapping the towel around himself protectively, legs over the opposite side of the bench to face the wall. "John, I need to stop. I am sorry."

He turned more into him, resting a hand on his back. "Of course - what's wrong? Did I hurt you?"

The blond shook his head, and John could feel him trembling almost violently under his touch, flushed and breathless. "No, no. You - please, I just need some time alone."

"All right..." he hesitated, not moving, not lifting his hand from the shoulders that shook under his touch. The man was obviously upset, and he hated to leave.... "Are you sure there's nothing I can do?"

Blue eyes turned to look at him, anguished. But there was something else there, some mix of fear and passion that hadn't seen the doctor display since they vanquished the strangers. He leaned a little closer, searching his eyes. "... Daniel?"

The doctor sighed, soft and helpless, then leaned into him, fingers slipping up into John's dark curls and eyes falling closed as he pressed his lips to his. It was just a simple kiss, a soft, short caress of trembling lips against his, the shivering sigh of Daniel's breath like a gentle touch afterward. Then he pulled back entirely, turning away to the wall. "I'm sorry. Please leave."

He stared at the man for a long moment, at the edge of his profile, mind reeling. Trying to put it all together, trying to take in what it might mean. "Daniel..."

"Please, John." The doctor's voice shook, thick with emotion. "I have so little dignity left when it comes to you. Please leave me."

"I don't want to." The words were out of his mouth before he could stop himself, and he leaned a little closer, smoothing his hand up his back. "I never meant to make you feel... undignified. I...."

Daniel shook his head, cutting him off. "It is nothing that you have done, John. It is simply that you know everything about me. I cannot keep it from you - who I am, my past, what I have done. I cannot even... hide this." A soft, shivering laugh, and he shifted away from him on the bench, shrugging away the touch on his back. "Please, John."

He didn't move, and Daniel didn't say anything or acknowledge his continued presence, hands clenched so hard at the towel that his knuckles had turned white. But John found that as much as his mind was reeling from the implications of what Daniel had said and done... he couldn't make himself leave.

"What if I don't want you to hide it?" he said softly, and watched Daniel's shoulders stiffen under the towel. He moved to kneel on the bench, catching his face gently and trying to guide him to look at him, but Daniel jerked back from his touch.

"John, please don't do this."

"I don't want to leave." His fingers hovered in the air where Daniel's face had been, then slowly drew back. "Can't we figure this out now?"

"I hardly think that sitting mostly naked in a bathhouse is the ideal time to be discussing our relationship," Daniel said softly, still refusing to look at him.

"What does it matter?"

Daniel gave a soft, helpless laugh. "God, John. Are you so stubborn that you can't understand - " But that was as far as he got before he found John Murdoch's mouth pressed to his, urgent and demanding. Daniel resisted - or tried to - for just a moment, the hand that wasn't clutching the towel coming up to press to his chest, but he couldn't push him away. He whimpered softly instead, lips parting, slipping trembling fingers up into dark curls to pull the other man closer.

John suddenly found himself understanding why doing this half naked in a bath house might not be the ideal circumstance... or perhaps it was. He couldn't resist the way the smaller man shivered against him, kissing Daniel again and again and slipping arms around the towel clad form, flicking his tongue against well-shaped lips that parted for him without hesitation. He couldn't stop himself from tasting him, caressing and claiming his mouth with his own with a soft groan, couldn't stop his hands from roaming over damp, bare skin, stroking and caressing as he had been moments before, but this time with an aim to actually feel every inch of his skin, to arouse him. Before he knew it he'd pressed Daniel back down onto the bench and was laying half over him, legs tangled against his and feeling very clearly the reason for Daniel's distress pressed hard against his thigh. It was heady, almost overwhelming, and sent an unexpected rush of desire through him, something that left his nerves tingling and craving more, something so intense that he found he could hardly remember what it felt like to kiss Anna at all.

John drew back finally, feeling a little dazed as he looked down at him, breath coming in soft pants. "Do men... do this?" he whispered, fingertips slowly tracing over his cheek.

"We used to," the doctor replied softly, drawing a trembling breath. "Before we were... here. They put a stop to that, they considered it... unnatural."

"It doesn't feel that way," he replied softly, more to himself than anything else, and found himself thinking that if the rest of the city knew how good it felt to kiss Daniel Schreber, he'd have a very long lineup to fend off indeed. He stroked his hand over his hip, slow and gentle, trying to return Daniel's anxious gaze with a reassuring smile. "Can I finish with your scars?"

Hesitation, then a slow nod. "John...."

"Then may I go back to kissing you?"

Blue eyes closed for a moment with a shiver. "Anything you like, John."

He smiled, tugging off the doctor's glasses carefully and tucking them by the leg of the bench, telling him so. Then he leaned in to press his lips to the damaged eye, smoothing and straightening rumpled skin, feeling Daniel quiver under him and holding him closer. "Shhh...."

"John, we should not be... doing this...."

"No?" He let his hand smooth down his chest, tugging his shorts down gently, seeking out his scars with gentle fingertips and tuning them away as he trailed soft kisses over his face.

"You...." he drew a sharp gasp as John's fingers ran down his thigh, hips arching just a little. "You - Anna...."

He hesitated, fingers growing still on his skin at his words, wondering a little himself at why he was doing this. "I need you too," he murmured softly, realizing the truth of the words as they came out. "She keeps me sane, but... you know who I really am. That's why I can't stay away from you. I'm sorry..."

Daniel whimpered softly, reaching up to catch his face with trembling fingers and draw him in to claim his lips again. "Just kiss me," he murmured, voice shaky and breathless, and John gave himself over to it without a second thought. It was easier, just to forget about Anna and think about Daniel, about the connection he'd always felt without realizing it, about the emotions and sensations he was feeling now, surprisingly intense. He didn't want to stop this, stop the addictive way his touch and kisses made Daniel writhe and arch under him, whimpering his name against his mouth.

Daniel's shorts were barely on by this point, and it was simple for him to pull them off entirely and free his erection, which fit into John's palm almost naturally, still a little damp from the pool. He let his fingers curl around him, stroking slowly, experimentally, more than rewarded by the helpless gasp the other man drew against his lips, the way his fingers clenched at his back. And even though it was him touching Daniel, it made him groan against his mouth, arching closer to him, letting his erection grind against Daniel's hip.

John let his fingers explore him, skin sliding against skin, circling his head with the pad of his thumb, seeing what brought the greatest reaction, what made the man shudder and moan. Daniel's fingers almost raked down his back in response, tugging at his shorts desperately until he could return the touch with trembling fingers. "God, John...."

His lover's thighs parted more to accommodate him as he shifted to rest between them, balancing his weight on one forearm, pressing their lengths together and wrapping his fingers around both. Tuning lubricant was easy, stroking it over their skin, over Daniel's fingers as they joined his in the tease, and it made it even more intense. John let his hips rock slowly into their touch, rubbing against the slick length of his erection, against their joined fingers, searching the blue eyes beneath him - trusting, vulnerable, needy. Beautiful. "I'm sorry," he whispered, letting his eyes close as he claimed his mouth again, rocking a little faster, stroking more firmly. Daniel said nothing, just arching up against him, fingers clenched in his hair, breath in soft whimpers against his mouth through trembling kisses.

He hadn't realized how heady it would be, being wanted by Daniel, having his kisses returned with need and desire that he found echoed his own. Pressing close to him, feeling him shiver and arch into his touch, gasping John's name against his mouth. Kissing his neck hungrily, drinking in the taste of him as his pleasure built, nipping lightly at his skin and feeling Daniel yield to his passion, head thrown back against the cushion, crying out in pleasure. Then his fingers bit into his back, body jerking tense against him with a breathless cry as he pulsed and came, slick and hot in John's fingers.

The knowledge, the sensation of Daniel climaxing against him, the feel of him slick in his fingers was elating, a rush of stimulation compounding the hard knot of pleasure inside him, and he followed Daniel quickly, crying out breathlessly against his skin as the shudders of ecstasy cascaded through him, overwhelmingly sweet. He held tight to him for a few moments as he came back to himself, pulse slowing, mind once again forming full thoughts, and he wondered with a sudden surge of guilt if he'd just ruined everything. He felt Daniel draw a long breath, then the gentle touch of his fingers, stroking through John's hair.

"Thank you, John."

The words surprised him out of his guilt, and he shifted to lay against his side, leaning on one elbow to look down at him. "For what?" The words came out more self depreciating than he'd intended, and Daniel gave him a little soft smile, reaching up to touch his face gently.

"For healing me. And for this, which was very, very nice, although as a psychiatrist I must discourage you from continuing it..."

"Because of Anna?" He asked softly, and Daniel glanced away for a moment.

"That, and for the psychological difficulties of carrying on something that is considered by society to be deviant."

He was silent for a long moment, watching him. "How long have you... felt like this?"

"About you? Quite some time, I am afraid. About men in general... well, all my life, as far as I can remember," the doctor replied softly, sitting up as he spoke and picking up one of the discarded towels, meticulously cleaning off his fingers and stomach. He reclaimed his glasses and tucked the arms around his ears. "I am the only one in the city. This I know for certain."

"And me."

A soft smile, indulgent. "Perhaps."

John Tuned away the rest of the mess idly, wondering if he should dress, or at least pull his shorts back into place. "Can I stay with you?"

Daniel glanced over to him with a little surprise, and for a short moment John saw so much emotion in his eyes, so much vulnerability that he just wanted to pull the man to him and never let go. But then it was gone, carefully locked away, his features schooled. "I do not think that is a good idea." He stood, taking his robe down from the hook and belting it around his waist. "I have appointments early tomorrow morning, I am afraid."

"But - "

"I think it might be best if we simply remain friends, John." He located his wet things, folding them neatly and setting them down on a towel, then leaning against the wall with his arms folded across his chest, watching him.

John sighed and stood, Tuning his clothes to their proper place, brushing himself off. "I guess. I mean... sure." He sighed, raking his fingers through his hair, then closed the distance between them with a few steps, hands cupping Daniel's face as he leaned in to claim his mouth, yearning, trembling just a little just as Daniel was, his arms slipping around him tentatively, leaning into him with a soft whimper.

"John, please do not do this...."

"I don't want to just be friends," he murmured, and the look Daniel gave him was tortured, lowering his head with a soft sigh.

"All right, John. Anything you need from me that is within my power... it is yours."

He stroked Daniel's cheekbone slowly with his thumb. "Don't you want this?"

Daniel gave a soft, breathless laugh, almost a sob. "Yes. I just... I need some time, John. Please."

He gave a little nod, leaning in to kiss him gently, but wasn't prepared for Daniel's arms to pull him so tightly against him, returning the kiss with a soft whimper before releasing him finally, stepping back. "I will see you?"

He nodded, casting one last glance at him before leaving out into the night.

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