More Than Eyes Alone Can See
10
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Watching Sands out of cautious eyes, Tessa sat up on the
couch. As she had spent most of the
night crying, she had become more and more horizontal until she had eventually
ended up lying face down on the couch.
Now, she wanted to give her patient somewhere to sit down before he
needed it . . . and it was hard to defend one’s self
while lying down.
Sands took the spot
she had vacated, and she envied him. She
envied that he had heard that she was moving and had been able to tell where
she was in space in relation to him without any visual cues; jealous of the way
that he so confidently trusted his senses.
More often than not, Tess had to think over whether or not she’d heard
something, not daring to trust the information her own ears sent her.
had fooled her enough that she was cautious when it came to immediately
reacting to audio stimuli. Her eyes, at
least, she could trust, for the time being.
As time went on though, it became more and more likely that her
schizophrenia would start displaying itself in other areas of her mind.
As she listened to
Sands’ conversation with
half a mind, she thought how preposterous it was to be jealous of a man who had
lost his sight in a rather gruesome manner.
Her patient would laugh himself sick if he knew what she was thinking.
below that he would think himself gifted in his current state.
position – would find her grip on reality fraying with each day that passed in
darkness. Without the visual world she
would be unable to combat the voice in head ead that fought to ring in her
ears; she’d lose herself in the dark.
before it turns on the person thinking them? she
wondered as she leaned against the arm of the couch and hugged her knees to
herself.
How much of my instability is caused by lingering on such thoughts,
reveling in the darkness of what shouldn’t be questioned?
dwell in the depths before adapting so totally that it can’t exist
anywhere else?
began whimpering in the back room. Glad
for the distraction and the excuse to leave, Tessa got up from the couch and
went to fetch the infant.
Walking into the
room that the four siblings shared, Tess gently scooped the girl-child up from
her make-shift cradle. While old enough
to start crawling around the house,
young to sleep through the night without interruption.
baby’s unhappy mumbles; they were used to sharing a small space with their
youngest sister. Tess, however, was used
to living alone and found the quiet whimpers nearly as loud as a shout in the
small house. “What’s the matter?
Not enough light in here to tell.”
Carrying the child on her hip, Tess went into her bathroom.
clean. “Hungry then?”
against her side, Tess went into the kitchen to fix a bottle of formula.
As she passed the
living room, sheicediced that Sands was still on the phone.
than an indistinct murmur. He didn’t
appear agitated, but that meant nothing – the man was an expert at hiding
reactions that he didn’t noticed by others.
Still, as his current doctor,
isn’t it my job to keep him from getting too agitated?
think that either of us wants to be in this situation for any longer than we
hav be. be.
started fussing again as Tessa slowed to peek into the room.
You want food. Just be patient.”
It was easy enough
to mix together the dry formund snd some warm water from the tap.
hand and holding the baby with her left, Tess walked out the backdoor and onto
the small railed patio there. The night
air was warm, but not unpleasantly so.
Culíacan’s proximity to the coast kept the temperature relatively mild
for all but the hottest he she summer months.
Slowly pacing back and forth, Tess fed the bottle to the child and
softly sang bits and pieces of songs to her, hoping that she’d go back to
sleep.
Eventually,
did fall back asleep. Teslkedlked
straight to the children’s bedroom and put the girl-baby back down in her
bed. She silently checked on the other
children, but they were fast asleep and showed no signs of tears or nightmares.
Assured that all
was well for the time being, Tess decided that she had better go check on her
patient. She was glad that he had been
able to walk around, that his body was healing, and that his pain levels were
decreasing, but none of that would last for long if he over-exerted
himself. It didn’t matter if he wanted
to talk on the phone some more, he needed rest.
With this thought
in her head, Tessa went back to the living room to usher what was likely to be
her recalcitrant patient back to bed – the only problem with this plan was that
Sands wasn’t in the living room. Nor was
he in the kitchen, the hall, the bathroom, or her bedroom.
house. Well, I sincerely doubt that he’s taken off after sticking around for
this long, and even Logan at his most exuberant shouldn’t have been enough to
make him head for the hills. But . . .
he’s definitely not in the house. So
where is he? As Tess stood in the
middle of her empty bedroom, she heard the cry of a small barn owl as it passed
in the night. I suppose it’s possible that he went outside.
Shrugging her shoulders because “why” didn’t really matter at the
moment, Tess followed her instinct and went back outside.
*****************************************
Whatever else Sands
thought about Tess and her friend and his wacky idea, he had to admit that the
kid had enthusiasm. Not that hew how how
old the other man was – if he had gone to school with Tess he must have some
experience under his belt, but he had a voice that sounded as if it should
belong to a med student rather than a doctor with years of research and
experience to rely on. And Sands had to
admit that there was a certain type of genius to the man’s plan – not that thaade ade it any less crazy.
That’s why Sands
had decided to talk with “Dr. Pierce” more extensively.
of madness. God knew that all of his
plans contained more than their share of lunacy.
couch, Sands stood up, biting back a groan as the
muscles of his legs burned and his head resuits its pounding.
I’m getting tired of this.
Sands made his
faintly unsteady way down the hall and towards the back of the house.
observe him, he placed his left hand against the wall to help keep his weaving
and wavering to a minimum. Uncaringly
grabbing his pack of cigarettes and the lighter Tess had provided from the
bedside table, Sands debated where he should go to smoke.
his smoking, he was fairly certain that she didn’t approve of it in her house.
that I care about what she approves or disapproves of.
Quietly, he made
his way through the house to the kitchen.
Earlier that day, during the meal, he’d heard Tess take some garbage out
that way. He assumed it was the back
door, although he couldn’t say for sure since he had no idea if this house had
more than one. Turning the knob, he
carefully stepped through, well aware that a missed step or twisted ankle would
be the crowning achievement to his recent bout of ignominionjurnjuries.
sprain an ankle because he was being anything less than supremely cautious,
he’d have to laugh himself out of the CIA; there simply wasn’t anyone else
around to do it for him.
supporter.
It took several
moments for Sands to light his cigarette – he didn’t have the kid around to
tell him whether to go left or right with the flame – but he eventually managed
tt tht the cigarette lit and was able to take a healthy drag from it.
should at least try to cut back on the amount of cigarettes he smoked, but at
surrounding was giving him any pleasure.
He inhaled slowly again, holding his breath to keep the smoke in his
lungs. Alone. Finally.
bother me.
hooted. Sands let out the breath he’d
been holding.
For the space of
several breaths, Sands remained alone, just he and the night that saw less than
he did. Or maybe it saw more.
long that her tangled thinking was creeping into his own mind.
smoke, Sands. That’s what you came out
here for.
Taking one last drag, S snu snuffed out the snub that was left of his
first cigarette on the railing he was leg
was lighting it, he heard the hinges of the screen-door creak as someone came
out of the house. There was the distinct
-slap- of a single bare foot against
the boards of the porch before his guest hesitated.
“How’d you know it
was me?” Tess had been dying to ask the
question for over a day now. How did a man
who couldn’t see so accurately tell who was around him, even when the other
person had made no more noise than a single quiet footstep?
“He who hesitates
is lost. You doubt yourself a lot, don’t
you? Tell me, on a scale of one to ten,
where would your self-confidence level be?”<
<
“Caution is the
better part of valor. I fail to see how
my state of mind has anything to do with how you always know it’s me.”
faint light the action produced threw mysterious shadows over his face.
little she knew about this man.
For several
minutes, Sands didn’t bother replying, not really caring to answer her original
question. To answer would require
thought about he he perceived things now that he couldn’t see – something he’d
rather pay no mind to at all.spanspan>He hated
that he was blind, hated that it was a rather permanent reminder of his failure
and stupidity and the futileness of trust.
Hated the teasing sensation of hope at the back of his mind that told
him that this woman was his only ticket back to the realm of the sighted.
“He’s trying to
imitate Frankenstein. You’re aware of
that, right?”
Without thinking,
Tess replied, “We live in a Newtonian world of Einsteinian physics ruled by
Frankenstein logic.”
Sands paused before
asking, “Do have a quote for every occasion?”
Tess shrugged,
wrapping her arms around her middle and leaning back against the carved porch
rail. “The race is not to the swift, nor
the battle to the strong, nor bread to the wise, nor riches
to men of understanding, nor favor to men of skill; but time and ce hce happen
to them all.” Turning her eyes to the
strbelobelow her ho Tes Tess went on, “Perhaps not every occasion, but I’m
getting there. What do you mean
is trying to imitate Dr. Frankenstein?”
“Look what a madman
did with just pieces of dead bodies.
What is your friend going to make with a living man and a pair of
eyes?n stn style='mso-spacerun:yes'> Frankenstein’s creation didn’t
thank him. What makes you think I’ll be
any more grateful?”
“What makes you
think that . . .” No,
that wasn’t the question she wanted to ask.
“Why do you compare yourself to a monster?
or . . .” she trailed off, sure that she was about to overstep her boundaries
as a caregiver.
“Or what,
Of my own overbearing arrogance?
Is that what you wanted to suggest?”
Yes, that was what
she had been about to say, and if he could tell then he must be thinking that
on some level himself. “The mass of men
live lives of quiet desperation.”
Straightening, she said, “No one is forcing you to do anything,
You are free here to come and go as you please.
wake me.” Sands thought that she was
going to go in, but was surprised to hear her walking towards him.
later he felt the cigarette that he was holding be plucked from his fingers.
Tess raised the
cigarette to her mouth and took a deep drag.
She immediately started coughing so hard that her eyes began to
water. Muffling the explosions behind
one hand, she gave the cigarette back to Sands, who took it with a bewildered
look on his face. Breathing deep through
her nose, Tess said in a rough voice, “Just as I suspected – some things never
change.” This time when Sands heard
footsteps, they were moving away from him and were followed closely by the
noisy hinges of a screen door being opened.
“However, most of us have a choice to change.”
was once again alone with his thoughts.
*****************************************
the country?” Tess looked up from
brushing her teeth to find Sands once again blocking her way out of the
bathroom with his trim frame.
to go to LA and meet with
she wondered as she took her time scrubbing her back
molars. Or was he listening in long enough to hear me tell
toothbrush, and then placed it in the cup that now held four others.
of personal hygiene products. Never
before in her life had she found herself gazing at her toothbrush as it sat
next to others. In the dorms when she
had been away at school, she and her roommate Ingrianotanother med major – had
kept their things in separate cabinets and their few surface areas clean.
held nothing more than her own belongings.
“
“Oh, sorry.”
haltingly responded. “I hadn’t quite
decided that yet. It’s easy enough for
me to get out of the country – I have a passport – but I wasn’t sure, and I’m
still not sure, how many people I need to get out of the country.
to at least accompany me as far as
is nuts?”
Sands shrugged,
playing the nonchalant bystander. “Just
because he’s nuts and his plan sounds like it was cooked up by a forth grader
doesn’t mean that it doesn’t have merit.
I’ve come up with too many crazy schemes on my own to discount this one
outright.”
“Mmm.”
pulled a piece off and started cleaning between her teeth.
of silence, she looked back up at him.
There must be something else he wanted to say or ask.
intimidate or annoy her.
my nerves. rest and act like a normal person for once?
Who are you to judge?
I may not be normal, but at least I’ve seen how normal people act, and
I’m not sure that this is it.
Throwing the used piece of floss in the wastebasket, Tess crossed the
bathroom and took Sands by the arm.
“Bed. Now.
tomorrow at all, then you need to rest.”
The arm she had taken hold of flexed and twitched out of her grasp.
wanted at the moment, Tess let it slide, and followed her patient to the
bed. “I swear we’ve done this at least
once tonight.”
“What’s wrong, “Haven’t we gone She had almmademade Tess was perfectly “That’s not what I “I know . . . but “It’s Sands.” Just over the ***************************************** Tess sat her Remembering what Tess darted towards Her query was met “Vicodin, but “When’d you turn “When I started “Whatever you say, ***************************************** “You’re kidding “Changing your mind “No, I truly do “What? “Yes, but “Why are you “Mmm-hmm, I don’t “No. That stung. “Then why do you “It’s –” “– a long “Yeah, pretty sure. “I was saying that “No!” Tessa “Why not?” “I can trust you, “Of course you “How “Ok . . . then “First of all, are “– I don’t “Yes. “How many different Tess sighed and ***************************************** Having settled mosf thf the details about their departure with her friend, Tess got up to go check He obediently got up from in //I need to talk to Setting //Another doctor //Yes. //Can he help him //We both hope so, Marcos shook his Oh, the pain in his //Sí, señora.\ //Ok. //No.\ //Are you sure, He nodded. //But you you ready //I’ve already Tess nodded, having Even if I don’t make it, I can at least make sure that they’re provided The boy looked at Tess shook her Marcos looked //Then what can you The boy thought for //How about Aunt //We’ve never had Tess turned to see The voice in the
over this as well?” Tess watched as her
patient settled back on the pillows. “I
need me I’ll be on the couch.”
it to the doorway when Sands asked, “Why?”
aware that he wasn’t asking why she left him to himself every night –
hadn’t told
his sight, why she cared. He asked too
much, so she pretended she didn’t know what he meant.
like to intrude. Besides, I’m a horribly
restless sleeper. You wouldn’t get a
wink of sleep if I stayed.”
meant, niña.”
you were asking a question I can’t answer.
We all have secrets, ‘Giovanni Tirado.’”
Tess hesitated before adding, “Sleep well.”
threshold, Tess turned back and studied the man in her bed.
make him entrust her with that confidence, and she had torn feelings over
it. She was glad that he trusted her in
some capacity, but that trust also terrified her, even more than the trust of
Marcos and his small family. They
trusted her because she was an adult and therefore trustworthy.
she couldn’t begin to guess why. All she
could do was acknowledge that she’d heard.
“Thank you.”
kitchen table the next morning with her head in her hand and the weight of
weariness pressing down on her spine.
thing I’m going to do is take a very large
dose of sedatives and sleep for a week.
The past night had been full of disturbing dreams, but that was the
worst that she could say about them. Her
voice was still too much under control to be able to manipulate her dreams to
its own purposes, so while the feelings of her long ago past had emerged, none
of the images had, and that was better than some of the
nights she had. It was a sad
state though, when even exhaustion couldn’t ensure a night’s dreamless
sleep. And here it is, before dawn, and I’m just as tired as I was yesterday
night. She didn’t even dare drink
coffee for fear that the caffeine would trigger another migraine.
arrangements, talk with Marcos, then go meet with Paulo.
bed and ignore the rest of the world, Tess got up to start on her
Sands had said the day before about the hesitation in her step when she went
into a room, Tess made sure that there was no pause in her stride as she
entered her bedroom. She tried to be
quiet, and apparently – for once – it paid off.
Sands was still asleep when she checked on him.
herself, got some rest, Tessa went into the bathroom and gathered her daily
handful of pills, swallowing them all with the ease of long practice.
quietly as she had entered it, Tess was interrupted by a small gasp from the
bed. She spun around and saw that while
Sands’ body was still reclined and he seemed to be paying her presence no mind,
his hands were gripping the covers tight enough to turn his knuckles white and
his face was pale. Crap!
the bed and threw open the lid to the trunk that still sat by the bed.
and injected it into the muscle of his shoulder.
sting, Tess waited for her patient’s hands to release their death hold on the
blankets. Once they had, Tess asked,
“Why didn’t you come and wake me if the pain was getting worse?
wide awake.
with a growl of either impatience or ill-temper.
apparently I could have given you a shot of sugar while I was at”
dressing down of her life when she interrupted him.
Don’t you dare start in on me.
I feel is best for you. We’ve done
things your way for the past few days – kept you on nothing stronger than
Ibuprofen – and while that may be enough to keep the pain tolerable, it’s not a
crime to rely on something a bit stronger if you’re hurting this much.”
you’re concerned about the possibility of dreams, but I’d think that by now
your mind and body are so exhausted and tired of fighting the pain that you’ll
be able to fit in several hours of uninterrupted sleep, especially with the
influence of what I just gave you.”
Hands at his head were adjusting the pillows so he could recline a bit
more comfortably. “Now, I want you to go
back to sleep. I’ll come in and check on
you now and then, but until I do, I don’t want to hear a word of protest out of
you, comprendés?”
into such a shrew?”
getting four hours of sleep a day and looking after men who are too stubborn
for their own good. Sleep,
me.” Tessa’s voice was flat with disbelief.
about your opinion of private practice, T?”
find satisfaction in my work. It’s just
that . . . that’s a rather big perk.”
or hospitals get cars, golf clubs, stocks, expensive bottles of champaign . . .
.”
complaining? It’s not
it down to
for you to use . . .” he dangled the offer like a lure before a fish.
here quickly and in style.”
doubt that. It’s just that I’m not sure
an infant. And what do you mean, ‘my
mystery patient’? Didn’t he tell you his
name?”
What do you mean ‘three drendren and an infant’?
you find to have kids with?”
need to bring them?”
story. Yeah, you’ve said that several
times already.”
sighed. “Are you sure you aren’t a
Russian spy named Natasha and the whole schizophrenic doctor thing isn’t your
cover?”
handlers to double check that however.
What’s this about a plane?” If
Logan could get her a plane, that would reduce a lot of the planning that would
be needed to get four nationals and a blind American . . . whatever . . . out
of the country. Not for the first time,
Tess wondered if she was really better off not knowing what Sands had done to
get him in so much trouble.
I could send it down for you and your crew.
After all, the thing is for firm business, and if I’m to meet with this
prospective client, I need to get him here, don’t I?
what you’re worried about.
airport there in Culíacan.”
objected in an emphatic hiss. She looked
around to make sure she hadn’t attracted any attention from the house’s other
occupants. Now was not the moment for
untimely interruptionp>
p>
sounded bewildered by the strength of her objection.
right Logan?”
can. You’ve got enough information and
pictures from college and med school to blackmail me for years.”
comforting.” Tess bit a lip as she
decided just how much to tell her friend.
people looking for me, my patient, and possibly for the orphans I’ve taken
in. A private jet flying in from the
this soon after so much political unrest?
After a coup d’etat? Why don’t I
just announce in the newspapers where I can be found?”
where do you want me to send the plane?”
you really going to be able to do this?
Or are you saying you can and not checking with anyone to see if it’s
really possible?”
think. I’m running off
of personal experience here,
talking with your friend. I thought that
you might be able to talk him into coming up.”
ways do I need to say ‘yes’? Just tell
me where you want to meet the plane. You
know the geography around there a bet better than I do.”
rubbed the bridge of her nose, a gesture left over from the days when she used
to wear glasses. “How ‘bout
Mazatlán? It’s a four hour drive at most
from here, and it’s a tourist trap.
There’s wealthy Americans flying in all the time.
place.”
on Sands. The last three times that she
had looked into the bedroom, she had brelirelived to find him resting peacefully.
he’ll sleep through this next talk I need to have, all
will be well, and I can concentrate on getting him to go along with the
plan. Divide and conquer.
front of the TV and came to her. //What
is it, señora Tessa?\\
you about what we’re going to do next.\\
quickly for Tessa’s peace of heart. It
disturbed her to see so much concern in one so young.
she needed to discuss living arrangements with the boy.
everything down on the table, she took a seat across from Marcos.
cookie. After taking her first bite and
deciding just exactly what she was going to say, Tess began.
friend in there to safety, right?\\
//Well, to do that, I’m going to need to take him back to the
States
help him.\
injuries.\
yes. But that’s whatwhat I needed to
talk to you about.\\
Marcos hung his head.
//Hey, don’t do that to me. It’s
all right to let me know what you’re thinking.\\
her. She knew he was afraid that she was
abandoning them. //Marcos, I need to
know if there’s any family that might be looking for you.
head. //No, señora.
grandparents died when I was a baby. We
don’t have anyone else.\
voice made tears come to Tessa’s eyes. She
understood the feeling of having no one around to care for you all too
well. Reaching across the table, she
took his hand in hers. //Believe it or
not, that makes things a bit easier for us to decide.
not going to leave you alone. I want you
to help me decide how to care for you and your brother and sisters.\
her eyes. //Now, we have three
options. I can alert the city government
that you’ve been orphaned, and they’ll find a place for you somewhere.
they’ll probably split you and your siblings up, and I know you don’t want that
to happen.\\ The
boy shook his head. //So we can
eliminahat hat choice altogether, can’t we?\\
home for you here somewhere. The
downside to that is, I can’t stay here.
– people are going to be looking for me – so I’m going to go live in the
States
The upside to this is you’ll all get to stay here in a culture that you
know. You’e toe totally provided for,
and I will find the best people to take care of you –\
Marcos?\\
to move to another country? Where
there’s another language, and customs, and holidays, and so much else
started teaching Alma and René English.\
already figured that this was going to be his choice.
to be the parentaguregure that they needed, but she was willing to
once she was settled somewhere, she could find a nanny or something to help her
out . . . a really nice housekeeper, perhaps.
realize you’re taking on at least eighteen years of responsibility, right?
years?
for, that they’re kept off the streets, that they’re given more of a chance to
succeed in life than other children in their position.
grinned ear to ear. //There’s just one
thing I need you to agree to, ok?\\
her, too content to even ask her what it was.
//Whatever it is, señora, I agree.\
head. \I’m glad you do, because being
called ‘señora’ constantly is making
me feel old. If we’re going to live
together, I need you to call me Tess or Tessa, ok?\\
shocked at the thought of addressing his elder in such an informal manner, but
this was one point that Tess was not going to back down over.
kids called her ‘señora Tessa.’
call me that isn’t so formal?\\
a moment.
Tessa?\\ Tess
turned around in her chair to see Alma and René sitting against the wall.
overhear the entire conversation, and outspoken
had blurted the choice she thought was best.
an aunt before.\\
volunteered, apparently approving of the name that his sister had come up with.
what Marcos thought. Certainly, if the
children would pretend to have some sort of familial relationship with her, it
would make the charade she was about to attempt seem a bit more
convincing. Marcos simply nodded, but
she could tell that he like the idea of having an aunt just as much as his
brother and sister did. //Okay, I
suppose that will do. Hey!
acceptance, the three children had jumped up and mobbed her.
relieved children, she thought, If this is what I have
to look forward to for the next eighteen years, then maybe I can do it.
back of her head seemed to say, We’ll
about that.