More Than Life
10
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out before a month passed between postings.
I swear, I’m getting worse and worse at
this. I’m just glad that I still have a
few reviewers. ^_^
spend too much time in them. Tess paced
back and forth, through the bedroom, small study, and bathroom that made up her
suite. She was getting cabin fever –
she’d read about that in
interesting. She was starting to hate
the sight of her room and everything in it.
Not that there was much to see in the murky twilight.
power to her room cut, the windows covered and there was a man in the courtyard
below watching to make sure she didn’t creep close to any of them.
hadn’t eaten in three, and hadn’t made any sound at all in two.
wrong this time? The grown Tess couldn’t
remember. It could have been
anything. A missed note at a private
recital. Something less than perfect on
a worksheet. Drawing attention to
thought. I was invisible.
she was still invisible for the most part.
Carlos saw a cousin who had something he needed.
been too terrified to talk to her own family without permission.
the bastard daughter of their deceased leader.
The government saw an invalid that they could bully into doing their
will. Sands . . . she wasn’t sure what
Sands saw in her. He was too
complicated. A past threat, a current
tool, and a semi-agreeable diversion.
Perhaps twas was it. Perhaps she
was way off base.
desperation, in an act to gain some sort of attention, young Tess picked a
table up off a lamp and threw it against the front door to her room, an angry
scream muffled in her chest. This was
Why did they treat her like this?
What had she done wrong?
satisfying, but it wasn’t enough.
Twirling, the twelve year old ran to a nearby wall, one that was
occupied by an enormous mirror. She was
poised to bring it crashing down in a spill of silver glass splinters, but she
caught sight of herself. It was
something she avoided doing most of the time, but this time she couldn’t, and
she was horrified by her appearance. If
Father saw her like this, she’d pay for it dearly.
clothes hanging loosely off her body, her eyes wide and desperate in a small
face . . . and as blue as the sky outside must be.
image of her father appeared in the mirror over her own reflection.
were those eyes.
My rules. You will listen, or you
will suffer. That is how it’s always
been, that’s how it will always be . . . .”
reflection shifted, and mercifully the eyes changed.
the voice was the same.
they don’t listen, I watch them fall.
And if you ignore me, I’ll leave you here to rot, niña.
your eyes,” she whispered in her defense.
“I saved you, helped you, returned you to your
home.”
disputed. “You gave me
And I’ll use you as I see fit, in the field or in my bed.
me. You will listen to me.
azúcar.” Sugar.
she have? “I will listen.
************************************************************************
She woke with a start, unable to
breathe. There was a gloved hand over
her mouth and nose, suffocating her. She
struggled to free herself, but sleep and a lack of air fogged her mind and her
hands were soon caught. Unable to do
anything, she tossed her head, feeling the room go black.
she didn’t want to do it again.
The hand shifted, and she found she could breathe through her nose, and
while this wasn’t enough to satisfy the demands of her body, it was enough to
keep her alive and to help her mind clear.
And once she could think straight again, she realized that someone was
talking to her in a voice quiet enough to be drowned out by the rustling of
bedclothes.
“Just calm yourself, sugarbutt.
The last thing I need is for you to scream and bring the guards outside
your door in here. That would definitely
crash the little party I’m trying to plan.
Sands.
swept from her veins by anger and irritation.
What the hell
possibly me as well. But irritated
though she was, she couldn’t help being a tiny bit glad that he was here.
variables, and she appreciated that more than she’d imaged a few weeks ago.
Why don’t you just admit that you’re hot for him, and pull him into
your bed. It’s
not your childhood bed, but it’s good enough.
herself need him. Not here.
Sands noticed when Tess relaxed under his hands.
Now, don’t say anything when I let you go.
install a few things, and then I’ll be out of here.
two sets of footsteps.” His mouth was
close enough to her ear that she could feel his breath stirring the loose hairs
against her neck. “Savvy?”
She nodded, and he let go of her.
But when he turned to get to work, she grabbed his arm.
Sands frowned, and turned back to Tess, anticipating some sort of silent
female drama, but he let her pull him down so she could whisper in his
ear. “What are you installing?”
He shook his head, then
mimed making a list, then pointed at her laptop.
untraceable e-mail to her private account.
The account had been set up by some of the best in the business so that
if someone tried to open it without the right password, every message would
immediately be erased and the part of the hard drive that back-ups were
normally stored on would be locked.
Lost in these thoughts, several seconds passed before Sands cocked an
eyebrow at her, looking down at the hand on his arm.
to get to work and get out of here, he was telling her.
Reluctantly she let him go, watching him as he moved around the
room. In his dark clothes, he melted
into the shadows. As he worked, she
found herself reminded of the fantasy that’d over taken her as she’d watched
him – then a black-clad stranger, dying and fighting in the streets . . .
ancient Olmec shamans, a man who could change into a jaguar at will; a human,
but more cat than man. The ease which he
now moved in the shadows did nothing to dispel that imagery, neither did the
fact that he’d snuck into the compound and
her room without one of the many guards noticing.
grace, and that this man did, only
added to his allure.
allure. She had to remember that,
and let the past be the past.
Sands was acutely aware of her eyes on him, and he cursed.
this point in the game. He should still
be concentrating on setting up his pawns to support his queen, not playing the
errant knight. The best way for him to
keep her from being captured was to stay a long way away from her.
captured as well went without saying.
But here he was, in her bedroom, tinkering and puttering with things
that didn’t need tinkering or puttering.
Installing redundant fail-safes and bps.
given to the “cleaning woman” they’d placed within the compound.
To reassure himself that Tess was safe.
Tess, and startursiursing himself for being weak.
responsibility. It was too much.
anything past that was foolish.
Finished, Sands turned to leave.
Tess saw that he was gathering his empty bag and getting ready to leave,
and her hand twitched, catching his attention.
She met his eyes, not saying a word, relieved and tense as he stayed
away from her. It’s best, she told herself, trying to convince herself of the
truth of that statement. And failing
miserably. She wanted him to hold her
and let her forget about situation she found herself in.
dangerous than letting herself need him at all.
spent together in
Antonio
Sands saw her struggle in her eyes, even across the darkened room, and
he hated. He hated her for falling so
did, she’d be fighting tooth and nail, not staring at him with such
vulnerability – but she was in the palm of his hand.
manipulate her . . . This time he cursed
under his breath. Tess was perfectly
aware of his penchant for manipulatiopan pan style='mso-spacerun:yes'>
If he was right . . . .
Stalking silently across the room, Sands came over to Tessa’s bed and
grabbed her chin, making her look in his eyes.
Now that he was closer, he could read the expression that had caused him
so much unease, and he resented her for it.
And in his resentment, he did what he could to make her hurt, because in
her eyes he’d seen that even though he was whole and independent, even though
he no longer needed her aid, she was still willing to give everything she had
to help him. Even if that meant letting
him mulatulate him . . which
wasn’t manipulation at all.
Tess shrunk against the bed as Sands’ mouth took her lips in an angry
kiss. The contact was brutal and
demanding, but her body responded, and that’s what scared her.
to man that could use passion and anger against her.
Struggling now, she managed to bring her arms up and push Sands
away. Panting, she stared at him, saw
how he was tensed, as if waiting for her to cry out and alert the house to the
intruder in her room, but she couldn’t.
She couldn’t turn on a patient like that.
healed. He was still wounded, and it was
still the fault of her family, and still hers by default.
veins. The same weakness,” she warned
him, certain that by some trait that had been spread to her through her blood,
she’d betray and hurt him. “Convinced
myself, I seek not to convince.” Turning
her head away, she softly whispered, “Go.
Some traits breed true no matter how diluted the blood,” she mocked him
with his own words.
if I’m not able to help it?”
There was silence for a long time.
Long enough that she became curious.
By the time she looked back, he was gone.
************************************************************************
Carlos rarely slept these
days. Most of his nights were spent
planning and strategizing how to squash various rebellions within his
ranks. Tonight his time was being spent
making arguments to convince Tess to join with him.
money that was held in her name. With
that money, he could pay his increasingly belligerent workers and finally get
his plans for the takeover of the territory north of
here. It was too moist so close to the
coast. Too hot.
Zacatecas province, where the mountains provided relief from the heat in the
winter. It was dry and hot in the
summer, but that’s why he’d kept the Culíacan house . . . to avoid that.
The house outside of Guadalupe was less well known.
pressure of maintaining the cartel, a place where planning a drug-oriented coup
would be safer. Besides, he’d seen the
look on Tessa’s face over dinner – she hated it here.
Going to his window, he looked out over the nighttime courtyard.
the balcony of Tessa’s room. When she’d
retired earlier that evening, he assumed she’d sleep the night through.
weighed down her words as wespanspan style='mso-spacerun:yes'> But if
she was up, perhaps this was a good time to talk to her.
He went to the door of his study and left, dismissing the bodyguards who
started to follow him. He hated that
wer were necessary, but was practical enough not to do away with them
altogether.
The walk across the compound took some time since Carlos decided to take
the outdoor second floor walkway instead of cutting across the courtyard.
to hurry on his way. Tess would still be
in her room when he got there, and if she was still awake, they’d talk.
A few minutes later he was standing in front of Tessa’s door.
– both to ensure her safety, and to make sure she wouldn’t bolt in the middle
of the night – and knocked on her door.
“Come in.” She didn’t sound upset
to be interrupted, but she didn’t sound as if she relished the thought of
company either. Not that this was going
to stop him.
Opening the door, Carlos stepped into the room, looking around in the
dark for Tess. There was a single light
turned on by her bed, but it wasn’t enough to chase away all the shadows.
that Tess wasn’t in the room. Walking
through the cool room, he made his way to the balcony, where Tess was wrapped
in a blanket and sitting in an
“Can’t sleep,” she murmured, not bothering to look up.
and Sands had jueft.eft.
“Why not?” He took a seat on the
railing across from her.
“Night has patterns
that can be read,/Less by the living than by the
dead,” she replied cryptically. She rubbed her face with both hands, then said
in a normal voice, “Just restless, I suppose.
This isn’t exactly what I thought it would be.”
“What do you mean?”
Tess shrugged.
Everything. It’s harder than I
thought it would be, and easier than I thought it would be.
that things weren’t supposed to be like this.”
are you talking about, Teresa? Coming
home or Sands? Because I can assure you
that men like Sands are always this difficult, and you know what they say . . .
only birds can go back to the nest.
Shaking her head
slowly, Tess tried to pull her scattered mind together.
that she quite knew why – and scatterbrained was not a good mindset to be in
when talking to someone who was your enemy by default.
I’m having a hard time really waking up, I suppose.
about?”
Carlos examined his
cousin, sure that something other than slees ths the
cause of her restlessness. “I saw your
light on and was a bit surprised. I thought
you might sleep better if you had someone to talk to.”
Tess smiled at
that, a wry smile full of self-condemnation.
“Remember that time I broke my arm, falling off that horse?”
It was Carlos’ turn
to smile wryly. “Yes.
back. Not that military school wasn’t
worth making sure you saw Guevera.”
The smile on
Tessa’s face faded. “I’ve fallen off
another horse, primo. And I’m broken
inside . . . but I don’t think you can help me this time.”
much are you going to tell him, Teresa?
Are you going to let him know that your mind is held together with
chewing gum and hope?
“What
happened? A man break you heart?
She laughed
dryly. “Yes.
known me. I just thought . . . I thought
that perhaps I was getting better. But I
come back here and I’m the lost five year old who
doesn’t understand why her father just smacked her.” She gave her cousin a sad smile,
hard.”
You idiot!
Carlos reached over
and took Tessa’s hand. “As soon as I get
business wrapped up here, I promise I’ll take you away from all this.
This was one of the
opening she was supposed to be looking for.
nothing more than to lie down and sleep.
“And then what, Carlos? What am I
going to do? Sit around, a pretty
decoration? I’ve gotten used to being of
some worth, having something to do with my time other than study and the quiet
occupation of staying out of everyone’ way.”
“Join us,
Tessa. Uncle had a dream of all of us –
an
style='mso-spacerun:yes'> And while I don’t deny that he went about
things the wrong way, he was right.” Seeing that he had her close to folding,
Carlos moved to sit at the end of her chair, one of her hands now wrapped in
both of his. “I know we’re not
technically related, but you have always been a cousin to me.
I still need you.
and developed to fulfill a role, and currently, I’m without a chief
physician. And that’s what I need from you.
Even more than the bank accounts I’m sure you’re aware
side, giving me advice along with
me. She’s never liked me.
“
will get over it. She knows we need
you.” Carlos pressed his advantage while
he could. “Join us, Teresa, and I
promise I will have you out of here by the end of the week.
want. Clothes, jewels . . . whatever you
want, I can give it to you.”
your price, Tessa? At what price are you
going to let him buy your soul? Your
conscience? Your sanity?
“I’ve never wanted
anything more than family, Carlos.
Nothing more than acceptance.”
Her voice was silent, disgusted at what Tess was doing.
myself. Everything else I’ve been
given.
ever been denied me.”
Carlos was quiet
for a moment. He was divided about how
to proceed. Part of him said he was
using Tess, but another part – a voice that had been long quieted by the
absence of hope that Tessa would ever be back – told him that he could give her
what she wanted. “You
deny it now.”
************************************************************************
Ten miles away, Sands was listening in on the conversation
over a radio. There were other people in
the room – some delivering reports, some pp sup sup surveillance equipment or
developing film, some making a transcript of the conversation he was currently
listening to – but they all faded into the background.
between cousins . . . and trying to convince himself that he wasn’t
jealous. She was simply doing her job –
taking advantage of her opening to get into the cartel’s hierarchy.
woman who doesn’t even know what being in her right mind is?
the past. Things change.
that. And either she was a damn good actress, or
she was struggling with her loyalties out there.
still not telling yourself the whole truth, Sheldon.
to kill her or claim her. There’s not
going to be a medium where she’s concerned.
You’ve invested too much in her.
Too much trust, too many thoughts, too much lust . . .
“I’ve never wanted
anything more than family, Carlos.
Nothing more than acceptance.
Everything else in life I can get for myself.
There was
silence. “You
deny it now.”
Sands’ hackles rose
at the tone in the man’s voice.
get to her bank accounts?
Why does it matter?
see her tonight.
His conscience was right.
was still trying to get his revenge on the irritating woman.
she’she’d burned him. She’d left.
why I’m upset. I need her to be dependent
on me, so that when I eventually ditch her, she’ll feel as betrayed as I
did. That’s the only reason I don’t like
this guy – he’s a threat to that dependence.
It made sense.
So why did it sound
so empty?
Sands turned his attention
back to the two cousins as he tried to put the whole matter out of his mind.
************************************************************************
“You are family,
prima. I’ve never denied that, and I’m
not going to deny it now.”
Tess stared at her
cousin, wondering if he was telling her the truth.
to hand her family over to the authorities.
Because if she did belong, she wouldn’tableable to do it.
the kids and her freedom. So she shied
away from actually accepting his offer.
“What do you need
me to do?” she asked instead.
“Well, if you’re
going to be the head physician for the cartel, I’ll need you to draw up a list
of supplies and people you need. And if
you want to truly help make us strong again, I need you to transfer the
off-shore accounts to me. Or at least
give me power of attorney over them.”
Tess nodded, feeling
guilty for the thousands of lives she was affecting just to bring down a select
group of people. “We’ll go the bank in
the morning,” she whispered. “Right now
I just want to be alone.”
Carlos
control. “I will see you at breakfast,
querida. Sleep well.”
just above her forehead.
Tess waited in
silence as he left. When she heard the
door shut behind him, she slumped in her chair.
“I hope you heard that,” she muttered to whoever was at the other end of
the microphone in her necklace.
Shaking her head, she got up and went
back into her bedroom, climbing under the covers.
extremely maudlin. Wanting to do nothing
more than to sleep, she arranged her pillows more comfortably and settled
against them, the blankets pulled up to her chin.
under the weight of her fatigue, her mind asked one last impertinent question.
glasses that have tiny video cameras in them, then why the
hell did Sands feel the need to but up surveillance equipment in your
room?
Tess had no way of
knowing that Sands had asked himself the same thing.
************************************************************************
Quotes: Tolkien,
Book of Counted Sorrows.