Almost Alice

A tear in my brainAllows the voices inThey wanna push you off the pathWith their frequency wiresAnd you can do no wrongIn my eyesIn my eyesYou can do no wrongIn my eyesIn my eyesA drunken salesmanYour hearing damageYour mind is restlessThey say you're getting betterBut you don't feel any betterYour speakers are blowingYour ears are wreckingYour hearing damageYou wish you felt betterYou wish you felt betterYou can do no wrongIn my eyesIn my eyesYou can do no wrongIn my eyesIn my eyesIn myIn my eyesIn my eyesIn my eyes

Hearing Damage - Thom Yorke

For the second time, Alice prepared herself for battle. Leaving her armor behind for now, she strapped the vorpal sword to her side and headed down the stairs, only to find the bandersnatch waiting for her. She smiled at him and threw her leg over him. "Shall we go?"

He leapt forward and dashed down the halls until they found the hatter. Tarrant was saying his goodbyes and strapping his rather long sword across his back, before he clambered up behind Alice on the heaving back of the beast.

"Lets be off then." he said and they bolted through the gates and into the open, heading towards the north. Alice relaying all the butterflies words as they went.

"Yes. I know the Banganesh field. I'll have to teach you some sword play Alice, so that you can wield it of your own will."

She nodded and leaned over the bandersnatch, feeling the hatter mold against her. His warmth a comfort to her. On the collar of the bandersnatch his hands covered hers.

They traveled for days, the air growing cooler, the magical colors of Underland slowly fading from sight, as darker areas rose to meet them.

At night, they drank Pishsolver and shrank to sleep beneath his hat, the bandersnatch to sleep beside and guard them. He had tucked a night dress and sleeping pants into the lining of the hat for them. The nights were far colder here and she huddled against the hatter. Tarrant's warmth a lifeline to her. He didn't mind in the least.

Alice was tormented by the wishful thought that maybe, just maybe he would kiss her again. Frustrated by the many times it nearly came true.

During the frequent stops for rest, Tarrant began to teach Alice the way of the blade. "Long afore we were hatters, we were the fighters of the queen's service. But Underland hadn't had war in as long as anyone could remember. So we had to find something else to do at court." He explained as he walked her through the basic moves.

"Who will I fight?" she asked.

He had shrugged, "I really don't know. But I want you to live no matter who it is. Alice slays, she must not be slain."

As they lay curled beside one another in the folds of his coat, cuddled in a pocket, Alice made a request one night. "Will you tell me the story of the Jabberwocky again?"

He leaned up on his elbow, peering down at her intently, "But you know that story Alice."

She nodded, "I just need to remember how to be brave Tarrant, I am a little afraid right now."

He pulled her closer and murmured against her hair,

"Twas brillig, and the slithy toves,Did gyre and gimble in the wabe:All mimsy were the borogoves,And the mome raths outgrabe."

Alice took a deep steadying breath as his low voice, deep brogue and hot breath washed past her ear.

"Beware the Jabberwock, my son!The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun

The frumious Bandersnatch!"

Here he chortled to himself as he heard the indignant snort of the bandersnatch just outside.

"He took his vorpal sword in hand:Long time the manxome foe he sought --So rested he by the Tumtum tree,And stood awhile in thought.

And, as in uffish thought he stood,The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,And burbled as it came!

One, two! One, two! And through and throughThe vorpal blade went snicker-snack!He left it dead, and with its headHe went galumphing back."

Alice sighed, "The first time you told me that story I was a bit frightened of you. You were so dark sounding." She smiled a bit recalling that time.

He nodded, "Not a happy story, no. But you did slay the jabberwocky. And now my beamish boy you've come to my arms."

"Tarrant?"

"Yes Alice?"

"You don't sometimes forget that I am a girl do you? You sometimes call me a little boy."

He chuckled darkly and she gasped as he pressed a heated kiss to the exposed column of her throat. She shivered in response. "I'd ne'er forget wha a bonny lass ye are Alice. Ne'er."

She rolled to look at him fully, his eyes locked on hers then slipped to study her mouth. "You kissed me" she said then.

He nodded.

"And then you left. You must not have liked it much. I'm sorry. I'm not accustomed to kissing you know." Her secret thought slipped from between those lush lips before she could catch it. She blushed red as his hair, wanting to cover her face and die or mortification.

Tarrant leaned ever closer, "I liked it very much Alice, very much. But an Alice kiss is not like any other kiss. And when I had it I wasn't sure I wanted to stop. That I could."

She blushed at his words, then thought about them, "An Alice kiss?"

"Oh yes. The most delicious kiss in all of the worlds."

She felt a pang of jealousy and inwardly called herself a fool for it. "So you've had others."

He nodded, not at all ashamed, "I am hundreds of years old Alice. Everything in Underland is. One might imagine in that time I have had a few kisses."

"Oh" she felt like complete idiot. Her eyes fell away from his.

"But I'll tell you a secret" he whispered against her temple. He waited until she turned her eyes back to his. "Yours are the only ones I have ever really wanted. Have waited for. A very long time I might add. And then I had one and I thought I'd completely lost my head."

"Really?" she breathed. He nodded, his expression so serious she couldn't doubt him. "Do you…. Do you think you might lose your head again? Her voice was shy and breathy now.

Tarrant nodded, "Bound to happen" he replied with a smirk, "I am mad." and he closed the distance to take her lips again. Alice sighed at the wonder of his touch. His hands, marred by scars, nicks and chemicals, stroked her cheeks, her hair, his thumb ran delicate circles over the pulse in her throat and she moaned softly for him.

He took his time to teach her. Pressing the upper and lower lip in turn. Biting softly on the plump pillow of her lower one until she gasped softly and then he lapped at the tender corner of her mouth. She sucked in a shivery, whimper of a breath.

Tarrant loved that sound. Love that he had put it there, at times like this there was only one voice in his head. He angled his head and let his tongue touch hers, tempting and teasing until her own began to play in earnest. His tongue slid against her palate and she clutched at him. Her hands sliding into his bright wealth of hair, lifting herself up ever so slightly against him.

He groaned and rolled them, until Alice was sprawled atop him, her softness crushing against him. His hands roving down her back, pressing against the bare skin, the low back of her night dress granted him access to. Her hands clutched his shoulders and twined in his rich red hair. His hand slid to her hip as the other tangled in the gold of her hair, holding her closer to him.

"See what you do to me?" he groaned against her mouth.

His lower hand firmly cupped her bottom, as he ground upward against her, his teeth catching the pillow of her lower lip at the same moment and she moaned breathily, "Tarrant…"

Oh this was killing him.

He took a deep steadying breath, and gave her a chaste peck on the mouth. "Rest now Alice. Its far too dangerous to pursue such things now."

"But.."

He closed his eyes, "Now is no the time for lovin lass." When he opened them, he noted she looked very sad about that and caressed her cheek, "Doona be like that Alice" he said in a soft voice, "I'll love ye proper soon enough."

She laid her head over his thundering heart, knowing hers matched that hasty cadence. The tight heated knot in her lower stomach in full effect. But as she shifted slightly, she felt the hardness against her leg and knew he suffered just as much as she did.

"We can be miserable together." she muttered against his throat.

"Aha haha, yes!" he said brightly and cuddled her closer.

The attack came from nowhere. One moment they were sparring against one another. Alice focusing solely on a dangerous looking hatter and hatter working very hard to keep from accidentally harming her. The next moment, huge black ravens were descending on them, pecking and scratching and the ground opened up and swallowed Alice.

Tarrant shouted for her, reaching after her, but the hole was gone and so was Alice.

Tarrant sank to his knees in the loamy earth and wept, then threw his head back and shouted to the heavens, "Alice!"

He dug into the dirt for hours but couldn't find her. The only thing that could was the Oraculum. So he and the bandersnatch set off at high speed to find it.

Alice fell rapidly, her grip on her sword tightening in her fear. She hit the ground hard, saw stars and then nothing at all.

"What ha we here?" came a low voice and Alice fought to wakefulness. To open her eyes hurt terribly.

"Its wakin up" came another voice. A lilt in the words.

"Tarrant?" Alice called out, forcing her eyes open. She stared at a dozen tiny people and a cat in a rather fine hat.

"Wha is it then?" one asked the other.

"I think it's a girl"

"Bloody large one"

"Give it the pishsolver. It canna move round down here like tha." Another chimed in.

"Supposin it eats us?"

"Where am I?" Alice asked.

"Underoutlands." one supplied.

Alice's brow crinkled at that. "And who are you?"

"Balthus" one little man said and bowed low, "Do ye be eatin littlens?"

Alice blinked, "Erm, what's that?"

"Usselves."

"Oh, Certainly not."

"Get the pishsolver then"

They handed her a little cup, "Drink that down, ye can't be stayin here, that arse of a knave is after ye."

"Stayne?" she asked.

The little people rushed forward, holding out their small hands, "Ye mustn't speak it. It hears everywhere!"

Alice drank the potion, coughing. "I really wish they could make it taste better."

She held her stomach as she shrank to the tiny height of the people before her.

"Thas better" Balthus said, "Now off with us, we canna linger here."

"But my friend!" Alice cried out, pointing upwards, "I really must get back to him."

"And do what?" Balthus asked.

"I have to find something with him. And fight." she said , not wanting to reveal too much but needing them to understand how terribly important it was.

Balthus eyed her carefully, "Who are ye?"

"My name is Alice?" she replied.

"The Alice?" they asked all together.

"Not anymore." she said unhappily.

"Weel no anymore Alice" Balthus grumped, "Come with me and see what's happenin in this world."

And Alice had no choice but to follow him through the underground passages, where soft brown earth and twisted root met high overhead.

"Ye killed the jabberwocky?" he asked after several minutes of tense silence.

"I did. I just held on to the vorpal sword." she admitted.

"I hate to break it to ye not anymore Alice, but tha just won't do this time round."

"Well what then?"

Balthus paused and peered at her in the dimness. "Ye canna save what ye donna want."

She blinked, "I want to save it."

"What is it ye want lass?"

And at his words her heart ached, "I want to be with Tarrant."

"Tarrant?"

"Yes, Tarrant Hightopp, the hatter."

"Then ye best be ready to die for it."

They climbed up earthen steps and came out a small hole near the base of a tree. There was no Tarrant in sight. Only a horrible swirling blackness at the far edge of the field.

"What is that?" Alice asked, not taking her eyes off it.

"The end, no anymore Alice." Balthus told her, "It draws closer each day and leaves nothin behind it."

"Its covering Underland and the Outlands?"

"No covering," he said quietly, "Erasin."

Erasing the realms. How could that be possible?

"The knave has destroyed the balance in the realms lass. This is yer foe. The great nothingness that will swallow all ye've come to love here. Yer Vorpal sword isna enough this time. Ye have to fight the beast within the blackness and kill it, e'en if ye must die te do it."

She felt fear and dread lock up her heart in frozen chains. "How?"

"Ye must go to the knave lass."

'But you said…."

"I know what I said. He fancies ye. If ye could just get close enough to find the breastplate."

"Breastplate?"

"Aye, one o the midwigen witches wears it always, it can send the darkness away and weaken the beastie."

Alice hung her head, "This isn't going to work."

"Of course it is" came a feminine voice from high above. And Alice peered into high branches to see a lovely woman with orange eyes staring down at her.

"Who are you?" Alice asked.

The woman dropped to her feet gracefully and knelt to stare closely at Alice. "I'm a midwidgen witch, champion Alice."

Alice slapped against the golden bars that held her captive in the pendant around the witch's neck. "Let me out!"

"Not just yet girl, be silent and listen." The witch snapped.

"You are helping Stayne!" Alice accused.

"Only because it helps me at present."

Alice stared up at the chin of the woman, "I don't understand."

"In this battle Alice, each of us has a part to play. Things to undo, sins to atone for. There is always a price for everything we do. No matter which world we live in or come from. I am paying my price and you will help me to do it."

" I won't help Stayne."

"Do you know why we were banished?"

"Dominion over the dead."

"Just one. Alice. And it was not my sisters' fault. Only mine."

She reached up and unhooked the necklace to hang it from a branch and sat on a log nearby. "What would you do for someone you loved?"

Alice thought about it. " I suppose whatever I had to do."

The witch nodded, "And so I did."

She stared across the way and Alice watched the hill open up and the witch plucked her up and entered that dark place.

Down, down, down they went. Until the narrow stone opened to a warm living space.

Alice held on tightly as the pendant was set carefully on the table. "I am going to see to it that you can fight Alice. That you survive, but it will cost you much, and me."

Alice swallowed hard as the woman moved to the corner and spoke to a person who appeared to be sleeping. The face that raised itself was like a punch to the stomach. "Tarrant?" Alice whispered.

"Not him, no." The witch said. The eyes were vivid green, the hair darker, the flesh pale and stretched, but still eerily lovely.

"This is the last clan head of the Hightopps. Argus." the woman said and her voice was filled with sadness. "He is my husband. Was."

"Was?" Alice asked.

The witch nodded, "I am Espelth Hightopp. A very distant relative of your much loved Tarrant."

Alice shook her head, "What happened?"

Espelth sat beside the still man, "He died Alice and I couldn't bear to be without him. I knew it was forbidden but I broke that very ancient law and brought him back. But there was a high price. I cannot touch him, he cannot speak. I can only look at him. Its merely the shell of the man I loved so much."

"The price was that?"

Espelth shook her head, "Only a fraction. I cannot kill him again and until his body dies I cannot die either and join his spirit. Once brought back no means of Underland or Outland can slay one such as him."

"And yet you made so many others like him for Stayne?" Alice demanded.

She nodded, "Compounding my sins."

"Then Tarrant was right, we can't win this fight." Alice said tightly.

"Not as you think Alice, but it can be done. Even now Tarrant will be finding the compendium. He will return to the white palace in a rage and prepare for battle. You must also prepare. And you must retrieve the breastplate as the littlens told you."

"Do you have it?"

Her orange eyes closed as Espleth shook her head, "My sister, Dimindia. She never parts with it."

"How then?"

Espelth looked coy now, "If a champion were to forget, to become the champion of the knave, trick him, catch hold of his horrid heart, he would demand it be given over for battle."

Alice wanted to vomit. "There is something else you aren't telling me."

"Yes, you would have to fight that who you love so dear."

"Fight Tarrant?" Alice cried out.

"Only for pretend Alice. He wouldn't understand at first but I doubt he could kill you. Once you are defeated, he will take you as prisoner and then you shall have the means to win the true battle."

"And risk losing his care for me."

"Yes. Winning isn't easy Alice."