Behind the Mirror

Daniel Schreber


Ben's request for one more tomorrow turned into a week tomorrows, a mutual, whispered agreement somehow made each night as we curled in each others' arms, answering desperate requests for sensation and pleasure to try and dull the ache of what was to come, neither quite ready yet to face reality, to face separation.

He showed his city to me, his New York, so big and beautiful and full of life. We went to the opera, to shows, museums and art galleries, even to an amazing, collossal monument called the Statue of Liberty. We dressed ourselves in thousand dollar suits and jewelry, we stole food and fancy martinis from the waiters hands in five star restaurants, we drove in luxury sport cars while drinking champagne, thieving ghosts in the middle of a world that couldn't touch us. It was a heady thing, beautifully amazing to me, visiting these things that I had heard or read about but always filed away in my mind as almost legend, as lost pieces of history my little civilization in space would never regain. We shared a kind of fragile, intense happiness in these days of wildness and excess, and I wondered if this was how I had once felt with David so long ago, if this echoed the memories the Strangers had erased from me.

I continued my lessons with Ben, continued to coach and train him to use the strange ability he'd required by accident. He would never attain the omnipotence that John would, not without the Strangers machine to amplify it, but I wanted to be sure that he could protect himself, control himself, and keep himself and those he loved from danger. I showed him how to heal as well, to manipulate the human body, practicing on my scars. He refused at first in fear, but when I finally urged him into it, it strangely proved to be easier for him than anything else, though still tiring. I tried to ignore the possibility that the Tuning ability might not follow him home. It was the one thing I could give him, the only way I could still take care of him when we were parted.

We made love, sometimes several times a night, sometimes even during the day - in stolen offices or in plush opera boxes, on the grass in the park, wherever we happened to be. I'd seen the passion he was capable of when I met him, though I knew it had been expressed as helpless sorrow so many times in the past in his life. He expressed it now as love and desire, let me feel all of it, and I returned it in kind, matching his passion and desperation with my own. Perhaps I thought that part of me could stay with him if only we could get close enough, if the ache I felt could translate into the physical. It was perverse, I knew. But for that moment, I didn't care. I wanted to hurt from him, to carry it with me constantly, to feel him on my skin. I needed the reassurance. I needed him.

"I need to let you go," he said softly, on what proved to be our last night, and I curled closer to him, closing my eyes and nestling my face against his chest. "I'm sorry I've been so difficult about this."

"It has been more than mutual," I murmured softly, forcing myself to face it, as much as I wanted to do anything but. "But your children need you. I cannot -- keep you."

"Your lover needs you," he replied softly, lips pressed to my hair, breath warm on my skin. "And your city, too. More than I. I know it's been selfish of me to keep you here. I just... I just needed a little more time."

I nodded silently, swallowing hard at the emotion I barely kept at bay. "Myself as well. It - it has been beautiful, Ben. So wonderful. I am -- blessed. You have given me so much." And he had, more than I could ever fully explain. The companionship I badly needed to get through this, the love and intimacy we were originally forced into, that was only the beginning of it. There was a healing in it, a strengthening of self that it seemed I could only really have ever attained by looking into a mirror, regardless of how completely John loved and cared for me. Our years together had been beautiful, but, I came to realize, selfish. I had slipped into the easy role of his help mate and support when I could offer so much additionally to the people I had wronged for so long during my slavery. I had abilities that no one else could match, to help people grow past the imprints they had received. My unique knowledge of each person's history made me ideal to help them past their pain and sorrow, more effective and sure than any normal psychiatrist.

Lastly, I realized that as selfish as our last week together had been, he had given me one last gift through it. If I could help people break free from the pain and sorrow I had imprinted them with... what was to say it couldn't be more than that? That natural talents and abilities could be encouraged and nurtured? The art and culture, the things that made humanity more than just a sum of its parts, that inspired and brought joy and beauty to others - who was to say that my little city could not develop the things it had so long been denied?

I spoke to him of this softly, as we curled together quietly, long into the night. It would be our last, I knew that now. And as I spoke of the future, everything I would aim to achieve, the pain of leaving was calmed by the warmth of hope.

"You're beautiful," he said softly, nuzzling my hair. "Truly, Daniel. I hope you'll always remember that. So beautiful and unselfish."

I gave a soft, shivering sigh, raising my head to look at him, stroke my fingers over his cheek, give him a brave smile. "As are you, my dear Ben. A beautiful man and a -- noble spirit."

"This Tuning," he said softly, "if I am able to still do it at home... I'll keep developing it. Even if I can't go back to the force, I'll keep helping people, however I can. That is the purpose that you have given me, and I won't give up on it, no matter what."

I felt a soft wave of thankfulness, of warmth and love for him, and drew him to me tenderly for soft, warm kisses. The ache of sorrow and despair had lessened somehow, with the voicing of these things, the acknowledgment of a sense of purpose for us both beyond this place. Perhaps it was the last thing that we needed to complete or attain here in order to really move on.

When we made love for the last time, it somehow had the same depth and wonder our union had in the beginning, before we were faced with the looming inevitability of separation. It was beautiful and languid, slowly sharing pleasure, watching him kiss away the marks the past week had left on my skin. We aroused each other with skillful, gentle touch, teasing and coaxing our bodies to a beautiful intensity of sensual joy. It was how I wanted to remember him, over me and inside of me, every part of me slowly and intensely claimed in love and joy and wonder, minds and souls singing as we reached completion, soothed and strengthened by love.

Afterward, for the first time in over a week, I slept easily, feeling that all was right with the world.

~~~~~~~


We dressed and ate together in near silence the next morning, but somehow rarely came out of contact with each other, whether it was his hand in mine, or just sitting side by side. There wasn't much to say, to think about beyond the looming separation, and as much as I'd found peace with it the night before, I couldn't help but despair as we finished breakfast, as he took my hand silently and started for the elevator, down into the loading bay to the SUV. When he'd climbed into the drivers seat, however, he sat silently for a long moment, staring at the wheel.

"I wish I could see you off first," he said softly, looking over to me with more than a little anguish in his eyes.

I managed a brave smile. "Do you think you could handle -- traversing dimensions on your own?" I'd meant it to be teasing, but the words were a bit leaden.

He reached out to take my hand, squeezing gently. "No. I need you. I'm just worried about you."

I returned the squeeze, giving a slight shake of my head. "No... all I need do is -- to give myself the power I -- gave you. I have one syringe -- left, upstairs. My ticket home. Do not worry about me, dear Ben."

He seemed a little less worried at that, and let go of my hand just long enough to start the car, taking it again whenever he could. We were parked outside the Mayflower far too soon, and I watched him key in the code to open the security door, taking me into the property and back into the abandoned building.

"Be careful coming out of here," he said as we made our way toward the staircase that lead to the basement. "I'll leave the flashlight with you."

I nodded, grateful for the warmth of his hand at the small of my back, but unable to answer otherwise. Before I knew it, we were slogging through the still flooded basement, stepping up into the room with the mirrors, which was completely empty now apart from the frame of metal and glass. Ben paused just outside the entrance, and I heard him give a long sigh, silent for a long moment before speaking. "All right. So... how do we do this?"

I swallowed hard at the lump of emotion in my throat that had been steadily growing since we'd woken up. "Best if I go inside. I will coach you through the mirror -- from the outside. When you step out, you should be -- on the other side."

He gave a slow nod, not indicating his faith in the solution in any other way. Then he turned to me suddenly, pulling me to him and pressing his face to my hair. "Daniel - !"

I'd told myself firmly that I wasn't going to give in to emotion, but I could barely choke back a sob, shivering in his arms as they tightened around me with a little desperation. There was nothing to be said, but I needed those last few moments with him more than I could have imagined, clinging tightly to him until I could once again breathe, until he moved to press a soft kiss to my temple, moving a hand from my back to wipe his face.

I found a pocket handkerchief and blotted away disobedient tears, then pulled back just enough to look at him, arms still tight around him. "I love you," I whispered, and meant it. It wasn't the whirlwind of romantic love and desire I'd felt when I fell in love with John, nor the lasting sense of beautiful completion and adoration that compounded that. But it was love all the same, warm and beautiful and fulfilling, and my heart ached desperately at the thought of this separation.

His fingers stroked over my cheek, warm and gentle, as if trying to memorize the feel of me. I closed my eyes as his lips found mine, drinking in the sensations, the warmth and adoration, the feel of his warmth against me. "I love you, too," he murmured with a soft shiver in his voice, and I knew there was something between us, something in all that we had shared, intangible and unspoken, that could never be quite the same with anyone else. "I'll never forget this, never forget you, Daniel."

I nodded wordlessly, stealing one last soft kiss before forcing myself to pull away from him, going into the mirror chamber and taking a few moments to compose myself, calling on every bit of professional discipline I could. Then I turned back to where I could just see the outline of his form on the other side of the glass, giving what I hoped would be an encouraging smile, then began to guide him just as I had in our lessons. I pulled his attention to the mirror, convincing his mind to treat it as a doorway, pulling his focus to his world, his son and daughter, then to slowly moving back to that world through the same mirrors that had brought him here.

I saw two hand prints appear on the glass, clear as day, then with a sudden cold rush that swept through my body, they disappeared. When I ran to open the door of the chamber, Ben was gone.
~~~~~~~~~


Ben Carson

It took a few moments of staring in the musty half darkness to realize where I was, daylight filtering down around me me in tiny fingers from the domed ceiling. I was still in - no, back in the Mayflower. I turned to find the huge mirror in cosmetics behind me, or what was left to it - only a few shards of glass clung to the edge of the frame, and the rest was scattered around me in pieces on the floor, on the display tables, even embedded into the mannequins. I shuddered, remembering what had happened to Anna when the downstairs mirrors had shattered, and felt soft relief that I hadn't been around when these had broken.

"Ben." A soft voice, almost a whisper, but so familiar to me. I looked around wildly.

"Daniel?" Then I caught sight of movement, just out of the corner of my eye - a piece of mirror embedded in one of the shelves, angled just so to catch my reflection. As I moved closer, I saw the source of the movement, the ghost image of my doppelganger, just over my shoulder. "... Daniel?"

"Hello, Ben." He smiled, a little wonderingly. "This is -- quite fascinating. I can see you, but -- only in tiny pieces."

"Maybe whatever these mirrors are reflecting," I mused, glancing around for the largest glass shard I could find, holding it up to see more of him.

"That's better." He tilted his head slightly, still smiling, almost glowing at our discovery. "You really are back -- aren't you?"

"It seems that way," I replied, wondering a little at the fact that I could still see him, still speak to him.

I heard a crunch of glass behind me, and a light swung into view. "Holy Mother Mary Jesus Christ!"

I held a hand up, trying to block the light. "... Lorenzo?"

"Ben? Ben Carson?" The figure that walked toward me lowered his light, and even in the darkness I could see how pale he was. "How - what - ?"

I smiled, wondering how on earth I was going to explain myself. "Lorenzo. How long has it been?"

"A-almost eight months," he stammered, eyes still wide. "Where the hell have you been?"

"It's a long story," I replied, transferring the piece of glass to my other hand and stepping forward to offer a handshake, which he clasped after a moment's hesitation. His grip was warm and sure, and I felt a wave of relief course through me. I really was back. "Look, can I use your phone?"

He stared at my hand for a moment, not letting go, then up at me. "Yeah. Yeah, go ahead. I, ah - I have to finish the rounds, so - "

"I know the way out." I smiled, squeezing his hand lightly before releasing. "Thanks." I was halfway to the department exit when I heard him call my name, and looked back. "Yeah?"

"We, ah - we had to hire a new night watchman...." He looked distinctly uncomfortable and apologetic, and I laughed despite myself.

"Don't worry. I understand."

Once he was out of sight and earshot, I lifted the piece of mirror again. The ghost image was still there, though strangely distorted. "Daniel?"

"I'm still here, Ben. I'm going back -- upstairs, but I can see you in -- the water." Yes, it was ripples that distorted my view. He seemed to stop suddenly, watching me, so I stopped as well, watching the ripples slow, his image clear. "Ben...."

"Yeah?"

"I - I'm going back to the hotel..." he seemed nervous suddenly. "Do you think I will still be able -- to see you, when I leave?"

"Take one of the small mirrors with you from cosmetics," I suggested. "I'll stay with you. I want to make sure you get out."

He gave a relieved smile. "Thank you. Can you come back to -- the hotel with me?"

"Yeah. Yeah, of course I will. I'll just need to make a phone call first... I'll need some transportation, and I have a feeling my credit cards have probably been cancelled."

He chuckled softly, and nodded. "Of course. Thank you."

The light of day was almost blinding, and I took a moment to adjust, blinking. It was a little chilly outside - spring, my mind supplied. It seemed appropriate. I crossed the site to the security trailer, taking the steps two at a time and going inside.

"Oh! Ben!" I glanced over to find his reflection in the TV, the device turned off, and I smiled.

"That's better."

"Yes. Do you think it will always -- be like this?"

I considered it. "I'm not sure. Probably not, once you get out."

"Oh." He seemed a little disappointed, but gave me a smile. "Still, it is reassuring -- to see you for now. I will wait here -- in the Mayflower, until you have your ride? Then we can meet at -- the hotel? In our room?"

"Of course. I'll take the mirror shard with me. I'll keep in contact." I placed the shard on the desk and concentrating on it, reaching out to touch it with my mind like he'd taught me. It ached a little, but after a moment the shard grew to a decent size, the edges smoothing out at my will. "I can still Tune."

"I am happy to -- hear that." He smiled, watching me. "Don't overdo it."

"No kidding." I picked up the phone, took a deep breath, then dialed a cell phone number I knew by heart. What would he say? How would he react?

"Larry Byrne."

I closed my eyes for a moment, breathing a soft sigh of relief. It felt so unexpectedly good to hear his voice. "Larry. This is going to sound really impossible... but it's Ben. Carson."

"Ben." He was silent for a long moment, and I could hear his breath quicken. "Holy shit... Ben? You're dead."

"Apparently not." I resisted the urge to chuckle, but found myself smiling. "Larry, listen... I'm at the Mayflower, in the security office. I could really do with a ride...."

"I'll come see you. I'll come right now." His reply was quick and immediate. "Fuck, Ben. Where the hell have you been? I mean - Amy told me about the mirrors, but... god, Ben, it's been eight months...."

I glanced to Daniel in the reflection of the TV, who was watching me quietly with a little smile. "It's a long story, and you might not believe me. I'll try and explain it to you in person."

"Ah... okay." I heard a little incredulous sigh. "It really is you, isn't it?"

"It's me." I paused for a moment, then smiled, thinking quickly. "Here, let me prove it - when we were at the academy, a month before graduation... when we lost Archie Hugo in that firearms accident... you got really drunk in my room and told me you'd had an affair. But he wasn't out yet, so you never told anyone else about it out of respect for him, right?"

"Fuck. It is you." A soft laugh, still a little incredulous. "Oh god, Ben. I'll be right there. Don't go anywhere."

"I won't. See you soon, Larry."

I set down the phone, letting out a long breath that I hadn't quite realized I was holding, and glanced over to Daniel's reflection. He was still smiling, watching me with a strange, knowing expression. "A close friend, Ben?"

"Yeah, I guess you could say that. Known him for ages. We were roommates when we were in the academy together, up until I got married. Partners for a bit on the force. He's a good guy."

"He seems it," he replied, still smiling. "I am happy to hear -- that you have him. Will you go back -- to your wife?"

I hesitated, then shook my head. "No. I mean... just to work things out for the kids. It's better that way."

"Good," he replied. We spoke for a few moments, but were interrupted by the sound of hurried footsteps on the trailer stairs, the door bursting open.

"Ben?!" Larry was out of breath, staring at me incredulously.

I stood, giving my friend a soft smile. "Hey, Larry." I offered my hand, and he took it, then pulled me into a sudden hug, his arms wrapping tight around me with no sign of letting go, cheek pressed against my hair.

"Ben. Oh god, Ben." He was faintly shuddering against me, and I closed my eyes for a moment, suddenly overwhelmed by the closeness, the scent of the after shave he wore, which I hadn't even realized I liked, let alone missed. "God, I'm so sorry, Ben. I sent you into this, I told you to take the job, and the mirrors - I should have helped you...."

"Hey, hey..." I pulled back to look at him in sudden shock, amazed at the agony in his words. "Larry, this wasn't your fault."

"I thought you were dead," was his only reply, gaze mournful and broken.

"Me too," I said softly, and pulled him back to me impulsively, wanting to push away the sorrow, wanting to reassure myself that this was real.

"Kiss him," I heard Daniel whisper, and I stiffened at the idea, and the strange appeal of it. Kiss Larry?

"What?" Larry pulled back in confusion, and I stared at him. "What was that?"

"You heard that?" I glanced to the TV, and he followed my gaze, only to jerk away with a curse.

"Fuck - what the hell - " he glanced around the trailer wildly, then at the TV again, then back at me. "Ben?"

I ran a hand through my hair with a soft chuckle, surprised but not dismayed that he could see him. Maybe it would make things rather easier. "There's been some really crazy shit happening for the last eight months, Larry. This is Daniel."

He was still staring at the TV. "That's... you. Two of you."

"Not exactly," Daniel replied with a smile. "Pleased to meet you, Larry. Will you take good care -- of Ben, for me?"

He glanced to me, then back to the TV, stunned. "Uh, yeah. Yeah, I will...."

I watched Daniel for a long moment, and he held my gaze for a moment with a little smile, giving a soft nod. I then glanced over at my friend, who still looked more than a little shell shocked. "Larry...."

"Am I... dead?" he finally asked, and I gave a soft chuckle, stepping back toward him, speaking softly.

"Tell me if this feels dead," I said, catching his tie and the front of his shirt to hold him still, and leaned in to press my lips to his.

For a moment, he stood stock still, and I had a brief flash of worry that maybe I'd misjudged - that Daniel had misjudged. Then his arms slipped around my waist with a little shuddering moan, pulling me tightly against him and returning the kiss with more passion that I could have imagined he'd have toward me. Passion that, I quickly realized... I wanted to be directed at me. It was very different than kissing Daniel, Larry's mouth entirely new and unknown to me, but as I worked to match his kisses, to taste and explore him, it only made me want him more.

He broke the kiss finally, breathless, forehead resting against mine, and gave a little incredulous sigh. "God, Ben... what happened to you?"

"I... discovered a lot of things about myself," I said slowly, slipping a hand up to stroke through his hair, feeling suddenly, unexpectedly affectionate. I glanced toward the TV to discover Daniel smiling widely, looking very much like the cat that just swallowed the canary, and I narrowed my eyes in mock displeasure. "Shut up, you."

"I did not say -- a thing," he replied, smiling wider.

I looked back to Larry, who was watching me with a little wondering smile. "You busy tonight?"

"Not anymore," he said softly, then leaned in to claim my lips again with a little sigh. "God... was sure I'd lost you. I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you, Ben, that I didn't believe you about... all this...."

I gave my head a little shake. "We both made mistakes. And I pushed you away. Think you can help me re-enter the land of the living?"

He gave a long exhalation as he thought, then nodded slowly. "Yeah, yeah I think so. You're just presumed dead - I mean, it's not like we ever found a body. And people have bizarre long term amnesia all the time, right? I can call in a few favors, fudge some hospital records.... Yeah, I'm sure we can. You wanna come back to the force?"

"I'd like that a lot," I replied softly.

"Crash at my place until we get things figured out?"

"I'd like that even more. Thank you." I leaned in to kiss him again, with more than a little hunger, suddenly intoxicated by the idea of being with him, loving him. "Look - I need to take care of Daniel, before I do anything else. Can you help me? I need a ride downtown. I'll explain to you more about... all this, on the way?"

He glanced at the TV and nodded. "Yeah, sure. Just tell me where to go."

I grabbed the mirror fragment off the desk and took it with me, giving a wave to Lorenzo as we left the trailer, who waved back, and then crossed himself when he thought I wasn't looking. I started to explain things to Larry on the drive to the hotel, about all of my apparent doppelgangers, what we'd discovered, leaving out only my strange new ability to Tune, and my relationship with Daniel. Daniel helped at times, voice small but still audible through the mirror shard, driving back to the hotel on the other side. Finally, we pulled into the familiar loading bay behind the closed hotel.

"Larry...." Daniel's voice was soft from the mirror, and I glanced to it to find him watching the both of us, a little hesitant. "Larry... you love him?"

My friend glanced to the mirror, then back to me, colouring slightly, a kind of self-conscious embarrassment that I rarely saw in him. "... yeah. Yeah, I do, I...." he gave a soft laugh. "I have for a long time, I just... never said anything, for obvious reasons. I'll make sure he's okay. I lost him once... won't let it happen again. So don't worry."

"Thank you," I heard Daniel whisper in reply, and I tore my gaze from Larry to look to the mirror, finding him emotional, but smiling, blinking back tears. "Thank you so much."

"You want me to come with you?" Larry asked me, but I shook my head.

"I'll be fine. Just wait for me. I don't think it will take long."

"No," Daniel agreed. "Goodbye, Larry. Thank you again."

I left the car, still with the shard, making my way to the door I'd broken into so many times. The lock was easy enough to influence with my mind, and I slipped inside into the darkness.

"Did you have any idea?" I could hear Daniel ask softly, though I couldn't see him.

"I knew he was gay, I roomed with the guy for years," I replied. "But no... I had no idea he had those kind of feelings for me."

"And you return them? The way you look at him, Ben... it's beautiful."

"I do," I replied, a little wonderingly. "I really do. Daniel... thanks."

"I just want to make sure that you -- are taken care of," he said softly, and I smiled in the darkness, finding the elevators and hitting the button to go up, making my way in silence to the suite on the third floor. It seemed empty, lonely, without all the things we'd drug into it over the weeks we'd been there, and I was struck with a sudden sense of loss. My heart was singing at the sudden discovery of feelings for Larry, and feelings returned... but it still couldn't completely quench the ache of leaving Daniel.

I met him in the bathroom, and he returned the wistful smile I could see in my own reflection, reaching out to place a palm to the mirror. I pressed my own to it, looking down at our fingers - perfectly mirrored, apart from my scar. "I'll miss you, you know. Kind of wish I could kiss you again."

He nodded, smile gone now, and gave a shuddering sigh. "I know. Ben, I... I would not have made it, you know. If it hadn't been -- for you."

"Me too," I replied softly, and reached out to brush my fingertips against the side of his reflection, against his face. The glass was no substitute. "Look, Daniel... if there's any way to... I don't know."

"Nine pm," he said softly. "Tonight, and tomorrow if you -- cannot tonight. Be at a mirror... a bathroom mirror, I think. We will see."

I nodded, feeling a soft sense of relief. I couldn't let myself truly hope that it would be work, but... it made it easier, saying goodbye. "Nine pm. I promise. You make sure your John is good to you?"

Daniel smiled, then, warm and beautiful, and nodded. "Don't worry at all -- about that." He glanced down, taking his last syringe from his coat pocket, flicking the device open and regarding it for a moment, then looked up at me. "Here goes... I suppose. Goodbye, Ben."

"Goodbye, Daniel." I watched him shrug out of his coat and jacket, folding them over one arm, then undo the top few buttons of his shirt, enough to pull it aside and bare one shoulder. He patted the bare skin lightly with his fingers, giving a little nod. Then he picked up the syringe, glancing up at me with a little nervous smile before plunging the needle into his skin and activating the device, gasping in pain as the liquid injected under his skin. I winced, knowing how much it burned, and leaned in a little closer, still watching him, my hand still on the glass.

He took a few deep breaths, composing himself, tucking the empty syringe back in his coat pocket and glancing back to me. "I... I think it is working."

"Daniel? What are you doing out here?"

The doctor froze at the voice, and he slowly turned away from me wide eyes. The reflection of the bathroom behind him grew blurry, then shadowed, giving me the impression that I was looking through a two way mirror into another room behind. I moved, trying to follow his gaze, and in the shadows of the reflection, I could just make out the figure of a tall, dark haired man in a long jacket.

"John...." I'd never seen someone's face actually light up, but the doctor's did now, bright as a summer's day. He took a few steps toward the figure before stopping suddenly, turning back to look at me. "Ben...."

I gave Daniel a smile, heart aching with a mixture of happiness and regret. But I couldn't begrudge him this. "Go to him. I'll be fine."

"Good luck," he said softly, returning the smile. "I love you."

"Love? Who are you talking to?" The figure was more substantial as he approached, and he took Daniel's coat before slipping his hand into his.

Daniel stood stock still at the touch, staring down at the man's hand then back up at him, looking very close to tears, saying nothing. Finally he shook his head slowly. "Lets go home," he said softly, and the two of them walked away, fading into nothing.

I watched until there was no sign of him, then let myself lean heavily on my arms on the vanity, letting out my breath in an unexpected sob, overwhelmed with the sudden sense of loss and grief. But... this was how things needed to be. This was where I was meant to be, here in my world, with my children. And maybe, it seemed... with Larry.

I splashed my face with water and dried it on one of the hotel towels. The urge to drink, never completely gone, was strong, but I pushed it away. This was my second chance. I wouldn't fuck it up. I picked up the mirror shard from the counter, half hoping that it would be different, somehow, because it was from the Mayflower, one of the original mirrors. But all that looked back at me was my own reflection. I gave a soft sigh, slipping it into my jacket pocket. As I did so, my fingers encountered a small package, and I pulled it out in confusion to find a piece of paper folded over on itself and taped closed, completely enclosing something hard. I peeled the tape carefully to find one of the two pairs of matching cuff-links we'd liberated to wear during our last week of decadence, beautiful gold set with diamonds and polished amber. On the paper itself, only a few words.

'Remember how beautiful you are to me. All my love, Daniel.'

A lump in my throat, I tucked them away carefully and made my way back downstairs and out of the hotel.

Larry was watching the door of the hotel when I walked out, and an intense look of relief crossed his face. I found myself smiling, crossing to the car to get in. "You thought I wasn't coming back, didn't you?"

"It had crossed my mind," he admitted, then glanced up at the rear view mirror. "It's done?"

"Yeah," I replied, trying to bite back the feeling of loss that resurfaced. "Yeah, he's gone, he got back."

"Was it hard to let go of them?" he asked softly, watching me, and I sighed, forcing a smile.

"A little. Him most of all. We... understood each other."

His hand found mine on the arm rest between the seats, giving it a little squeeze. "You going to be okay?"

I smiled more easily at his concern, meeting his gaze, then leaned over to press my lips to his - intended just to be a peck, but it ended up being yearning, and I felt that soft, wonderful rush of desire again. "Yeah. Yeah, I'll be fine. This..." I gave a soft laugh, lacing my fingers with his. "This is really unexpected. But... I want it. Think you can put up with me?"

He chuckled. "I think we've put up with each other long enough that there aren't going to be too many unpleasant surprises. Just maybe don't tell your wife right away... she's kind of scary when she's angry."

I laughed, immediately feeling more at ease with him. "Yeah. Don't worry, though. She's seeing someone, I plan to put the divorce proceedings through as soon as I can. If she gives me trouble in regards to custody, well... we'll deal with that then. I think it'll be all right."

"You want to head over there now?"

I considered it for a moment, then shook my head slowly. "No. I just want to spend some time with you."

He gave me a warm smile, slightly wondering, and nodded. "I can live with that," he replied softly, then started the car, and we headed for home.


Larry's apartment was much as I remembered, small and cozy and very much a bachelor pad, but I'd always felt comfortable there. It was refreshing, away from Amy's carefully planned interior design with all those damn mirrors. How many mirrors did one house need, really?

He took my jacket and hung it up, watching me, and I smiled. "I like it here."

"You want a cup of coffee or something?"

"Yeah. Coffee would be great." I joined him in his kitchen as he turned the machine on to brew, grabbing a couple of mugs out of the cupboard. I watched him quietly, leaning back against the counter. "Larry, how come you never settled down with anyone?"

He gave a soft chuckle, turning to look at me, leaning back against the counter across from me. "I tried, couple of times. It wasn't easy, with the long and crazy hours. You were lucky you met Amy through the force. Now that I've got Detective and have halfway decent hours...." A soft laugh. "I'm too old to go picking up boys."

"I don't think you're too old," I offered, and he smiled.

"Maybe because you've got a year on me already?" He poured coffee, adding milk and sugar, still remembering the way I liked it, and handed me a cup. "You really don't think we're too old for this, Ben?"

I took a sip, watching him. "Still have half our lives left. Why waste any more time?"

He half folded his arms across his chest, nursing the coffee. "You have to admit that it's a hell of a midlife crisis."

"I don't think people usually have their midlife crisis triggered by being sucked into an alternate dimension by supernatural mirrors," I replied dryly, setting down the half-finished cup of coffee and moving to stand in front of him, resting my hands on either side of him on the counter. "It puts things in perspective, Larry."

He set his mug aside with a soft sigh, letting his hands rest lightly on my shoulders. "Look, Ben, I know you. You've never even done so much as even look at another man."

I quirked an eyebrow. "Maybe, but I don't really ogle women either."

"You know what I mean." His fingers stroked slow patterns on my shirt, watching me. "Why now?"

I glanced down, focusing on the patterns on his tie. "I just... I was with Amy for so long... and then trying to cope with what happened... funny thing is, it turns out she's been having an affair for three years. And I had no clue." I chuckled softly, mirthlessly.

"God, Ben... I'm sorry."

I shrugged. "I've let go of Amy. It was one of the things I had to do, to get back to reality. The men I met behind the mirror, the ones who looked like I did... I think I learned a little, from all of them." I hesitated for a moment, then looked up at him, holding his gaze evenly. "I slept with Daniel."

His eyebrows raised slightly. "... how was that for you?"

"It was... beautiful." I leaned in a little closer, my voice unexpectedly husky at the admission. "It made me wish I'd done it a lot earlier."

"... god, I'm going to hell for this," he murmured, then pulled me close and claimed my mouth with his.

I gave a soft groan as his tongue flicked past my lips, tasting warmth and coffee, arching against him, craving the feel of his form pressed against mine. "Hell? I'm not that bad at kissing, am I?"

He surged forward with a soft groan, kissing me with the kind of need and hunger that I'd craved, pushing me back against the counter on the other side of the kitchen. It made me feel like a teenager, rediscovering love and desire all over again. It didn't matter that our friendship had waned after my marriage, that our lives had drifted apart. Just that this was real, that I wanted him, that I was here with him now.

He'd always kept himself strong, trim and toned, and I found I loved the way it felt to touch him, feeling sinewy strength surge under my fingers as his hands stroked hungrily over my sides through my t-shirt, slipping to cup my ass and pull me against him. It made me think back to combat training, to watching him pin his opponent to the mats, panting, hair tousled and skin streaked with sweat. I wondered if he'd look like that in bed, practically radiant from exertion. God, we were just kissing, and I was already wondering what it would be like to see him come. It made me intensely aroused, and I let my hips press to his, let him feel what he did to me. My fingers tangled in the back of his shirt, in his hair, answering his wordless reach for dominance with my own, pushing him back against the other counter. Somehow that ended up knocking over the spice rack, and we broke apart with a start, laughing softly as we realized what had happened, getting in each others way as we set it right.

Larry leaned in to press a kiss to my earlobe, soft and warm, voice husky. "Come to bed with me, Ben."

"Thought you'd never ask," I replied dryly, then grabbed the end of his tie and towed him down the hallway to where I knew his bedroom was.

"Me?" He gave a little mock growl behind me. "For the amount of times you wandered into my room drunk at 2am and then passed out, you could have damn well tried something earlier. I made myself more than available."

"Did you, now?" I turned back to face him as we entered the room, smiling despite myself, quirking an eyebrow, leaning in to nip at his bottom lip. "Don't tell me you got off on it? Having me drunk and helpless in your bed?"

"Maybe I thought one day you'd be drunk enough to fuck me," he murmured, low and throaty, returning the need of my kiss, sucking at my top lip, his tongue tracing the contours of it, making me shiver at the unexpected surge of pleasure and press closer to him. My fingers were already tugging the buttons of his shirt undone, tugging impatiently at his tie, and he pulled away just enough to pull it off himself, chuckling softly. "God, you're eager."

"Your fault," I growled, stripping his shirt the rest of the way off, then pulling his undershirt off over his head. He reciprocated by stripping me of my t-shirt, hands rubbing over my chest, stroking down my biceps, thumbs pausing to stroke the tattooed bands around my arms.

"These are still just as sexy on you as when you had them done. Just so you know."

I chuckled, running my fingers over his own. "Yours, too." I dropped my mouth to kiss it, finding the surge of muscles under bare skin even more delicious than it had been when he was clothed. I kissed and sucked along the band of ink, nipping teasingly at his skin with a soft groan, then moved to press my lips to his chest, sucking and nipping at his collarbone, at his throat.

"God, Ben..." He was tugging me back to the bed, the same kind of huge plush futon he'd always preferred, topped with a thick navy comforter that got kicked back before we tumbled down into its softness. It had been perfect to fall onto when drunk, and more perfect to fall onto half dressed and almost out of my mind with desire. He pinned me under him, and I found myself writhing against him almost embarrassingly eagerly, grinding up against him, feeling him hard against my thigh through his slacks.

"Fuck, Larry... drive me crazy...."

He nipped sharply at my bottom lip, breath heavy and warm against my mouth. "You want to? Can fuck me if you want."

"I thought we were too old?" I couldn't resist teasing. He tried to growl, but only ended up laughing, kissing my mouth, long and warm and possessive.

"You're such an ass," he chuckled, and I let my hands stroke down his bare back to cup his ass, kneading the firm warmth as our kisses quickly grew hungrier. The friction between our grinding hips was maddeningly good, but no matter how I arched, it wasn't enough. "Fuck me," he murmured again, husky and urgent, moaning as I managed to get his slacks and boxers undone, pushing them down his hips as he pulled back to kneel over me.

"Anything you want," I breathed, groaning and arching against his hand as he palmed me through my jeans, reaching up to kiss him as he started to tug them undone, my hand slipping down to curl around his cock, stroking him. He cursed softly against my mouth, pulling at my clothes a little more frantically, shifting to kick his slacks and shorts off as he yanked mine down. "Now who's eager?" I breathed softly, then gasped sharply as he dropped to lick my aching erection, mouth closing around the head of my cock. I arched up into his mouth before I could stop myself. "Oh god, Larry...."

He gave a low chuckle around me, stroking the base of my cock as he worked his mouth on me, tongue swirling around my head, swiping against me, warm and wet and eager. How were men so much better at this than women? He pulled back, sucking briefly at the tip before reaching for his bedside table, fumbling for lube, and I watched him squeeze an ample amount onto his fingers, looking up at me with dark eyes as he stroked them over my erection, satiny slick. "You sure about this, Ben?"

"Come here," I murmured huskily, catching his mouth as he crawled over me and pulling him down to kiss me hungrily, my fingers clenching in his hair. "Want you."

"Want you like crazy," he growled in reply, biting a little harder on my bottom lip as he kissed me, a lick of pain that made me shudder and arch up toward him. Then he pulled back, one hand curling around the base of my cock to hold me in place, holding my gaze as he started to slowly lower himself onto me, eyes narrowing, unfocusing with the pleasure of penetration. His free hand, braced on my shoulder, gripped hard, digging into my skin as he slowly rocked on me, gasping. "Oh god, Ben - "

"So good," I gasped, stroking shaking hands up his thighs, over narrow hips, urging him closer until he sat flush with my hips, shuddering against me, hot and tight around me. "Holy fuck, Larry - !"

"Better than fucking yourself?" he breathed softly, rolling his hips on me ever so slightly as he leaned down to catch my mouth, breathless and shivering.

It was different, very different, hot with tension and the joy of discovery, with more passion and need than I would have ever expected. I rocked up against him with a shuddering groan, grabbing at his back, his hips, pulling him closer with almost frantic desperation, craving him. "Fuck, yes. Oh god, Larry. Oh god, don't stop - "

"Not for the world," he breathed, rocking a little harder on me, the increase of sensation making us both gasp and groan through trembling, desperate kisses. I worked a hand between us to stroke him slowly, then a little faster as he bucked against me in reply, groans a little more helpless, pleading. It was intoxicating, and I rocked harder with him, a little more frantically, shifting until my thrusts made him gasp and cry out, his forehead falling to rest on my shoulder. "Ben - !"

I let my eyes fall closed, concentrating on the sensations, on the feel of him against me, on the way he shuddered as we connected again and again. It was more intense, more overwhelming than I ever could have anticipated, and I bit down hard at my bottom lip with the effort of holding off, craving the feel of his pleasure, needing his completion. I stroked him almost frantically, fingers slicking over his skin the pearls of his seed that seeped from the head of his cock, drunk on the knowledge that I could cause this passion in him, this pleasure. "Come for me," I whispered, and within a few hard thrusts it was all over, his body clenching and shuddering around me as he came between us in hot, thick spurts that stained our stomachs. His pleasure pulled me over the edge to a hard climax, bucking up into him, my head thrown back with a breathless cry of pleasure. As ecstasy rushed molten hot through every nerve in my body, I clung to him, and was overwhelmed with the most amazing feeling of fulfillment and joy and -right-. It was followed by a sudden surge of relief that I still felt these things, this connection to him regardless of gender, that it wasn't just Daniel who could rouse this passion in me. That I felt more complete with him than I ever thought possible.

He was still shivering against me when I shifted to press my lips to his hair, and he lifted his head finally, regarding me with an anxious expression that faded when he saw my smile. I drew him closer to me, finding his mouth with my own for a tender kiss, feeling him relax against me.

"Thank god you're back," he whispered softly, moving to trail slow kisses over my face, soft, almost worshipful. I closed my eyes with a soft shiver of emotion, heart aching from the beauty of his care. I felt... cherished, adored, loved, and I realized in that moment how long it had been since things had been like that with my wife, and how amazing it was that I had found these things with him.

"I should have done this a long time ago," I murmured softly, stroking my fingers over his cheek, watching him smile.

"Ah, you're just a late bloomer," he replied with a smirk, and I laughed, kissing him, nipping teasingly at his bottom lip.

"Better late than never. Or are you complaining?"

He echoed my soft laugh, my gentle kisses, smiling against my mouth. "No, never. This is more than I could have ever hoped for, Ben."

"Me too," I breathed, wrapping my arms up around his shoulders to hold him tight. "It's the most amazing thing, falling in love with you."

Larry drew a shuddering breath against my mouth, and swallowed hard. "Stop that. You're going to turn me into a sentimental old queer."

"Then we can be sentimental old queers together," I replied, chuckling despite myself at the thought, and how neither of us would ever fit that stereotype. "Larry, I'll get things sorted with Amy as soon as I can, I promise."

"She could use this against you, you know," he said softly, eyebrows knitting together in concern. "To deny custody. The courts are going to want to see that your life is stable and secure, and... normal."

"Just get me reinstated," I replied, giving him a reassuring smile. "I'll deal with Amy. I promise I'll do right by you."

He glanced away with a soft chuckle, with the same kind of self-conscious embarrassment that I'd seen earlier, when he'd told me that he loved me. "Worry about your kids first, Ben. I'll be here, no matter what happens."

I smiled, unexpectedly touched by his words, and kissed the corner of his eye. "Even if you become Uncle Larry?"

He gave a soft laugh, eyes shining as he looked back to me. "Yes, especially if I can be that. Just as long as I can be part of your life."

~~~~fin~~~~