The Darkness of Desire

Darkness of Desire

Disclaimer: This is a non-profit story, and I own none of the characters.
Author – Courtier
Rating – N-17 for situations of sexuality and slash
Summary – A coming of age story chronicling the relationship between Anakin Skywalker and his master, Obi-wan Kenobi; a story of passion, empathy, and confliction.


This story continues three years following the previous chapter. . . .

XII – Revealed From Within


“You look tired.” Anakin commented. Indeed his master did look rather weary. His fair skin was paler than usual, and his eyes, which usually shone with bright brilliance, were dulled.

“I’m quite alright,” the Jedi commented, looking upwards with a determined will to display an expression of exuberance.

“You didn’t sleep well?” the Padawan asked.

“I slept fine, Anakin,” Obi-wan countered, his voice rising very slightly with annoyance and striving to bring the matter to a halt. Anakin was insistent however.

“I heard you cry out in your sleep last night.”

At this, Anakin noticed his master’s eyes flit towards him quickly, looking almost ashamed.

“I assure you, I’m fine.” Obi-wan heaved a sigh and turned his attentions expectantly towards the closed elevator doors before them. From without the elevator, a mechanical hum could be heard as it brought the two Jedi upward.

Breathing a short sigh of his own, Anakin drew his dark cloak further around his shoulders. He’d recently been fitted for a new one. After having gone through another drastic growth spurt the previous season, his old cream colored cloak had barely reached his ankles. The long, dark robes he wore now were much more to his liking.

As he exhaled, he noticed a cloud of breath flutter before him. Ever since they had arrived on this planet, its cold climate had plagued him bitingly.

Two standard weeks past, the Jedi Order had received a request by the planet of Dunnac’s Baroness to dispatch a Jedi Knight to the system. Anakin and his master had been promptly sent to the sovereign’s aid. The assignment seemed strange to the growing Padawan. The planet’s leader had not stated any kind of reason for calling upon the Jedi, but had simply requested their presence.

He felt relieved as the elevators doors finally slid apart and his master led him into the corridor beyond. The howling winds of an ice storm could be heard raging from without the manor’s walls as Anakin trailed behind his master. Dim light generators hummed on either side of the hall eerily. A cheerful place, this. . .Anakin thought to himself, taking in the gloomy atmosphere.

At the farthest end of the hall, a young man in a maroon cloak stood silently, awaiting their approach. A small seal of office had been embroidered into the shoulder of his attire. Anakin stole a side glance to his friend beside him. His master wore an expression of utter gravity. Smiling inwardly, he thought, Always playing the part of a wizened knight.

As they neared the end of the hall, the cloaked young man bowed before them.

“My lords, my lady is very pleased of your arrival.”

Anakin and Obi-wan inclined their heads in return.

“We are loyal to those in need,” Obi-wan replied smoothly, allowing himself a cordial smile.

Nodding in approval, the young man turned to lead them further along the corridor. The three of them walked in purposeful silence until they stood before a set of large red doors. Quietly, their young host cautiously opened one of the doors and ushered them inside. Beyond the doorway was a large room with blood red walls. The opposite wall however, was not a wall at all, but one large window. It provided a view of the distant bleak mountains of Dunnac, and the blowing gusts of ice in the air. It faintly reminded Anakin of the sand storms of Tatooine, although this was much colder obviously. At the lower end of the window, a woman could be seen gazing morosely into the dreary scenery. She seemed very small against the massive landscape beyond the glass wall.

“Baroness,” the young man announced to her. She turned her head abruptly. “Two Jedi Masters have arrived.”

A shade of relief seemed to cross her face as she heard this news.

“Thank you, Lear” she responded gratefully. “Leave us.”

With a quick bow, Lear retreated through the door, closing it silently behind him.

Smiling thankfully, the Baroness strode towards them, one of her hands outstretched to take theirs in reception.

“Masters,” she addressed them, “I thank you heartily for deigning to meet with me.”

“It is our duty to do so,” Obi-wan replied, clasping her hand briefly in greeting.

“I am Sora, Baroness of Dunnac,” she stated

Anakin’s eyes furrowed slightly as he noticed the Baroness studying his master rather queerly.

“I am Obi-wan --” the Jedi began.

“. . .Kenobi?” finished the Baroness. “You are! I knew you seemed rather familiar! Years ago, during the rebellion, you and your master were sent to us to aid my father in preventing a war.” A smile brightened her eyes, and she no longer seemed weary. “I’ve never forgotten your brave service to our people.”

Anakin watched as his master smiled warmly.

“You’re very kind to say so, Sora. In fact, I do believe I recall your face. However, you were but a youngling when last I was here.”

Anakin barely suppressed a sharp sigh. He didn’t like feeling left out of the conversation. What does it matter if they knew each other years ago? That can’t be why she brought us here!

“I must say, the years have been horribly kind to you, Master Kenobi,” The Baroness boldly commented.

I do believe I’m going to be sick.

He cleared his throat loudly, wishing to put an end to the meaningless banter his master was exchanging with this fawning woman.

Her eyes shifted towards him, and she smiled congenially.

“And who is this handsome young man with you, Obi-wan?”

“This is Anakin Skywalker, my apprentice.” Obi-wan introduced him.

“A pleasure to meet you, Anakin,” she spoke kindly, holding out her hand. He clasped his hands behind his back and smiled tightly.

Her smile flickered a moment and she retracted her hand slowly. After a moment of silence, she finally spoke,

“Well, Masters, I don’t wish to take any more your time. There are matters I wished to discuss with you.”

She turned to lead them towards the corner of the chamber where her throne of office resided, as well as an extra pair of seats.

Once they had all seated themselves within their respective places, a serving maid appeared from a side door and asked her mistress if she would require anything. The Baroness politely asked if the maid would bring them three glasses of wine, and did not speak until the she had left the room. Seeming to contemplate her words carefully, she finally began;

“A month ago, I received a visitor. A rather formidable visitor who told me unsettling accounts and made a rather frightening proposal to me.”

“Who was this visitor?” Anakin heard Obi-wan inquire.

“He was a Count,” she replied, drumming her fingers nervously against the side arm of her throne. “Count Dooku he called himself.”

Anakin recognized the name. He’d heard it mentioned before somewhere. Obi-wan, however, seemed to know exactly who it was the Baroness was speaking of.

“Are you sure?” he asked now. “Dooku was a former member of the Jedi Order.”

The Baroness nodded,

“Yes, in fact he told me he had once been a servant to the Republic.”

At that moment, the serving maid returned with three goblets of wine. Anakin received his gratefully and immediately took a swig. The warm flush of the drink spread throughout him instantly. It was a welcome change from the frosty climate he’d endured since arriving here.

The Baroness took a quiet sip from her own cup and continued,

“He informed me of some rather ill tidings.” She looked down into her drink and swirled the dark lavender liquid round the sides of her glass.

“Such as. . .?” Obi-wan prompted her.

“He told me that the Republic was under the influence of darkness; controlled by evil and no longer what it once was. . .”

Anakin drank deeply again from his wine, more to stop himself from scoffing than to feel warmth. The Republic controlled by evil?! That’s ridiculous! It’s never been in better hands! He glanced beside him to see Obi-wan stroking his chin thoughtfully with a frown on his face. Master, please do not tell me you believe this tripe!

“Did he tell you why he believed this?” Obi-wan asked cautiously. The Baroness shook her head.

“No. He gave me no proof of his accusations.”

The Jedi and Baroness sat in discontented silence. Beyond the walls, a harsh whistling wind whipped through the air.

“What was the proposal you spoke of?” Obi-wan asked finally.

“Ah, yes.” She set aside her glass and nervously intertwined her fingers in her lap. “He has plans to form his own government; a separatist movement. . . . . .He means to overtake the Republic. And,” she paused, gazing across the room unseeing, “he offered friendship and protection if I allied my army to his.”

Anakin could no longer keep silent.

“I certainly hope you spat in his face!” He cried.

“Anakin!” Obi-wan quietly chided him.

“But it’s treason!” he replied.

“I am aware of that, Master Skywalker,” the Baroness cut in. “I did not accept his offer. I told him that my family has been loyal to the Republic for generations and that I was not about to partake in its downfall. Naturally, he was far from pleased with my answer.” Sighing, she tiredly rubbed her eyes and leaned her head against the backing of her throne wearily.

“I asked you here for two reasons, Masters. Firstly, to inform you, knights of the Republic, that there is now a threat upon our government. I met with him for hardly the span of an hour, yet this Count Dooku seems to be a very determined man. I do believe he will be persuasive enough to rally planetary systems to his cause.”

Not if we kill him first, Anakin thought.

“And secondly,” she continued, “I asked you here for help. I am more than a little afraid of having this man as my enemy.”

“Understandably,” Obi-wan agreed. “I will confer with the council on the matters you have told us. I am quite confident that they will send a small contingent of Knights to be stationed here for your safety.”

A weak smile broke across the young woman’s face.

“That is good news. I must admit, since the death of my husband, I have felt somewhat lost and alone. . . . .in need of guidance.” She turned her eyes upward, and Anakin noted she looked fairly pathetic.

“I am sorry for your loss,” Obi-wan spoke sadly.

She nodded; her eyed glazed in sadness and stood from her seat. The Jedi did so as well.

“You are no doubt weary.” She spoke to them. “I will have you shown to your rooms.” She pressed a button on the arm of her throne and the serving maid entered presently, curtseying meekly.

“Show my guests to their rooms for the evening,” the Baroness commanded and turned to the Knights. “Sleep well, and thank you my lords.”

“Good night, Sora.” Obi-wan nodded to her kindly.

As Anakin followed his master from the room, he stiffly dipped his head to the Baroness as he passed her. He really did not like her at all.

Exiting through the door they had entered, the maid led them through many winding dark halls until finally pausing in front of a pair of doorways.

“Your rooms, my lords,” she quietly told them.

After Obi-wan had politely dismissed the girl, Anakin made move to enter into his own room.

“Anakin, I wish to speak with you for a moment.”

Obediently, he followed his master into the nearest doorway. The chamber within was spacious and quiet. As his eyes roved round the room, he noticed the embroidered tapestries adorning the walls. They were very old fashioned of course, yet lovely nonetheless.

Obi-wan walked towards the center of the room, facing away from the apprentice. Silently, Anakin waited until his master chose to speak with him. After a moment’s pause, the elder Jedi turned round, looking uneasy.

“This is very troubling news. If what Lady Sora says is correct, we are at risk of civil war. A galactic civil war.” He paused to pace restlessly forward and back. “There hasn’t been a war involving the entire galaxy since well before the Jedi Order was even established. Count Dooku is a very dangerous threat.”

“Not if we kill him first,” Anakin stated.

“Easier said than done!” Obi-wan replied. “Hunting down one man in an entire galaxy is no simple feat. The council will be greatly disturbed by this news.” The elder Jedi ceased speaking, his eyes roving in thought. Presently, he slowly strode to the window at the far end of the room and stared thoughtfully out into the snowy view. Evening had come, softening the harsh winter skies with a purple haze. The sharp winds of ice had been replaced with heavy snow, thus creating a muffled silence.

Anakin remained standing by the doorway, wondering whether his master was even aware he was still in the room. Slowly, he backed towards the door, wishing to leave the Jedi alone with his thoughts. He stopped short however, when Obi-wan addressed him.

“You were angry, earlier,” he stated, his eyes never leaving the window.

“What do you mean?” Anakin asked. From across the chamber, he thought he could sense a small tremor of anger from his mentor.

Obi-wan turned his head from the glass pane and fixed the padawan with a slightly accusative glare.

“I didn’t need the force to sense your anger’s presence. It was clear as day on your face. And you were rather unkind to Lady Sora.”

Anakin stared fixedly forward, making an effort not to roll his eyes upward agitatedly. It had been beyond his control. He hadn’t been able to dissipate the bitter twist that writhed within his heart as he’d witnessed the young Baroness sweetly compliment his master and gaze upon him with her cheerless and pitiable eyes. The thought of Obi-wan and another woman, or anyone for that matter, never ceased to gouge into his soul. He would often lay awake at night, dreading the day Obi-wan would take another padawan once he had become a Jedi. He’ll forget about me. . . Anakin had always felt a thirst for love. Separated from his mother at a relatively young age, he’d longed for the closeness of another being. Over the years, that being became Obi-wan. Gazing at him now across the room, he realized his master was awaiting an answer. Swallowing, he answered,

“I never meant to offend her. It was the news of Count Dooku that startled me.” It was partly true.

His master watched him silently, and Anakin wondered whether or not he believed him. Finally, Obi-wan weakly nodded and turned away.

“Well then you must learn to guard your feelings more closely.” The elder Jedi advised, shrugging off his long robe and letting it fall onto the bed in the corner.

Like you? Anakin could not help this thought from springing to mind. He watched his mentor make his way back to the window. Sensing the conversation had been put to an end, Anakin once more made move to leave, yet he stopped. Quietly, he walked across the chamber to stand beside his master at the window. A thick layer of snow had covered the Dunnac landscape since their arrival.

“You never told me you’d been here before,” he voiced quietly.

Obi-wan jumped slightly, seemingly unaware that Anakin had been standing beside him.

“Y – yes,” he recovered. “Though it was years ago. In fact, it’s when I received this. . .” he lifted his arm and brushed his tunic sleeve aside to display his right hand. Anakin caught sight of a faint silver scar lined along his master’s wrist.

“I’ve noticed this scar before,” Anakin nodded. Lowering his hand, Obi-wan continued,

“It was the result of a skirmish that I caused due to rather rash behavior. A rebel leader fired his blaster at me.” Anakin furrowed his eyes.

“He must have had terrible aim if he merely nicked your wrist.”

Obi-wan’s eyes had become lost in the memory, gazing into nothingness.

“He would have killed me, of that I have no doubt. However, Qui-gon thrust him aside, impairing his aim. . . .He saved my life.”

“That was kind of him,” Anakin replied good-naturedly.

Obi-wan faintly smiled, and nodded in agreement. Slowly, he lifted his eyes and looked at Anakin sadly.

“You remind me of him sometimes.”

Anakin straightened in surprise. I remind him of Qui-gon? Pride raced in his heart.

“I do?”

His master nodded.

“Your mannerisms are so similar. He had the same passion for life that you do. You even wield your lightsaber similarly.” After a slight pause, he added quietly, “Your very presence is reminiscent of his at times.”

Anakin held his breath and watched his master. A torrid charge of emotion was rippling around them both, shimmering with the force. And then, as quickly as it had blossomed, the moment vanished. Obi-wan turned from the window and left his apprentice’s side.

“The hour is late, Anakin. We had best retire for the night, there is a great deal we must do tomorrow.”

Slightly confused, Anakin nodded and left the room. Once in his own room, he threw off his cloak and outer tunic and slipped into the bed. It was a long while before he fell asleep. Something in the back of his mind was nagging at him.

********************************

Anakin’s eyes flew open. The guest room he slept in was dark and silent. Unthreatening shadows towered against the walls. Silver moonlight shone in through the heavy curtains against the window. Puzzled, he pushed his sheets aside and sat upwards. The quietness of the room was so heavy it was almost a sound in itself.

And then he heard it. It was a muffled cry. He knew immediately what it was.

Obi-wan is having his nightmare again. The nightmare that he refuses to admit exists.

Taking care to move with stealth, Anakin stood from the bed and left his room. In the still hallway beyond, he paused at his master’s door. No more sounds or cries could be heard. Convinced that he had merely imagined the sound, Anakin retreated from the door. Then he heard it again. Scarcely daring to breathe, he entered the room. Through the dimness, he spotted his master lying in sleep. Nothing seemed amiss, except for the fact that the elder Jedi occasionally gasped and whimpered, his head thrashing from side to side.

Obi-wan is in horrible pain! Anakin thought, turning pale. He wanted to help him, to alleviate his master’s terror, yet he was unsure how. I need to know what he dreams of. I can help him if I know what he fears.

Biting his lip, he stepped quietly across the padded carpet to the bedside until he stood over the elder knight. I will use the force to enter his mind; as I did years ago.Cautiously, he lifted his hand and placed it carefully against Obi-wan’s forehead.

Nothing in the entire universe of life could have prepared Anakin for what now assailed his mind. Nothing.

It was not pain that flowed through his master’s soul so rabidly. This was much stronger than pain. This was passion. Obi-wan was in the throes of passion.

He was not alone.

Images flickered and ripped through Anakin’s mind, illustrating his master’s dream. Obi-wan was binding with someone; succumbing to lust and love.

This is who Obi-wan loved.

Willing the force to aid him more strongly, the images of the dream became clearer. The face of his master’s lover was shown. It was Qui-gon.

With a trembling hand, Anakin let go of his master and the force, sinking to the floor. He brought a hand to his mouth, stifling his ragged breathing. Though the blurred images of the dream had ceased, his thoughts continued to race.

A memory came to him of a sudden. He remembered being ten years old and standing uncomfortably in a heated nightclub, eyes wide in shock as he saw two men in a lover’s embrace.

‘Can two men like each other. . . . .as lovers?’

‘Well – well yes they can, Anakin. There have been instances.’

It suddenly all made sense. Obi-wan had been ridden with guilt over his love for his master. He’d striven to hide his feelings his entire life. Anakin now understood Obi-wan; fully and completely. His eyes welled with tears as he realized that he felt the same as Obi-wan had felt in his own youth.

Choking back a sob, he knew. His affection for his mentor was greater than brotherly or fatherly devotion.

I am in love with him.

His mind racked with astonishment, confusion, and horror. For the first time in his life, Anakin Skywalker felt utterly afraid.


To Be Continued. . . .


I realize the past two chapters have been nothing but dialogue, really, however the next chapter will be a severe turning point in the story. Thank you for taking the time to read this and reviews are gratefully appreciated. And thank you all so much for the kind words concerning my previous loss. :)