House on the River

Chapter 12: Choices

It was Wednesday afternoon, and Kira accompanied her next-door neighbor Marty Rex, along with her brother Tyler, in the communal room kitchen. As much as it pained her, she had succeeded in not catching sight of the Skeksis former slave-master since he had left her apartment early Sunday morning, after their one illicit encounter. Although the unrelenting urge nagged at her like an itch she could not scratch, she would not call him. No, she could not know if the overwhelming yearning to lay eyes on each other was as strong with him as it was with her, but she was aware of one thing. Nothing constructive could come from continuing on the path they had been following.

“Hey Kira, can you help me with these dishes? There’s only a few here,” the human tyrannosaurus called out, abruptly waking the gelfling from her daydream.

“Sure. It should only take us a couple of minutes,” she agreed. Any activity was better than sitting around, once again sifting through senseless emotions, which had no rhyme or reason.

“Hehe,” Marty chuckled. “You look like you’re in deep thought about something. Anything in particular?”

Kira promptly turned her face away. “Um, no not really. Just trying to figure out what I’ve got planned for the weekend.” The lies were getting easier day-by-day.

The two of them proceeded to clean up after their midday lunch they had made for themselves. Tyler sat on the couch, watching the latest episode of the Sopranos.

“Hey, lazy sack of shit! Yeah you, sitting there on your ass. Want to come up help us?” Marty called out to her brother.

“What? You know I like to rest up after a good meal! That was great prime rib by the way. Who hunted that down, anyways? That was awesome!”

“No one hunted it down, Tyler.” Kira chimed in, as she emptied the dishwasher. “Here they have something called farms. The animal is raised solely for its meat from the time it’s born.”

“Bah, where’s the fun in that?” he quipped. “As that guy on the television who calls himself Ted Nugent would say, “You can’t grill it unless you kill it. Or something to that effect.”

Marty laughed out loud. “Yeah, I know that’s how they do it nowadays. Makes things easier I know, but damn I miss a good chase.”

Kira smiled nervously. She had to admit to herself she was definitely glad food was provided; regardless of the fact that she was a vegetarian.

The two of them continued to clean up the kitchen while Tyler entertained himself in the living room. A few minutes passed as they made small talk, finishing up the last of the dirty dishes. Always wanting to make a grand entrance wherever he embarked, SkekUng entered the room, immediately announcing his presence.

“Well something sure smells good in here! What is it we’re cooking today?” The former garthim-master and one-time Skeksis emperor proclaimed in his overtly large, booming voice. Kira immediately felt her shoulders tense up at the sight of him.

“Actually we just got done eating, Ung. Sorry we missed you.” Marty answered back, looking towards the gelfling. She could see her friend was visible uncomfortable with his presence.

“I’ll let it slide this time,” the Skeksis replied, half chuckling. “Actually there’s a reason I’m in here. I’m passing out flyers for the upcoming election. You see, I’m running for President of Internal Affairs on the Random House board. I’d love it if you all would vote for me.”

All three of them at once made the quick realization why Ung seemed to be in such a good mood today. It was simple. He wanted something.

“Anyways, if elected, I can assure you I will get us better facilities, including a bigger in-ground swimming pool, better parking and more amenities to each communal room.”

The gelfing could not help but roll her eyes, as she shook her head. She honestly did not care if he noticed it or not. Making his usual arrogant strut across the room, Ung proceeded to hand the three of them flyers, including Kira. As he walked towards her, she held her hands behind her back, refusing to take one.

“Wow. You really think I would you vote for you,” she managed to spit out in a cold, almost caustic tone.

“Of course! Didn’t I just tell you I would get us far better amenities than the ones we have now? Look at the carpet in here. It hasn’t been replaced in almost 3 years!” Ung, as wrapped up within himself as was his nature, had a single-minded focus here. After all, it mattered not who voted for him. Not even a gelfling.

“Sure, I see. You know what?” She asked, using a soft, quiet tone better suited for conversing with a child, rather than one’s worst adversary.

“What’s that, my dear?” Ung replied, regarding her with a fake, twisted smile.

“You have a lot of fucking nerve, that’s what.”

The skeksis took a step back. “How dare you, you little shit kelffink! How dare you speak to me that way!”

“You have to be joking. I mean, after knowing about you what I know and what you’ve done, you honestly think I want you elected? Come on. Think for once.” Kira gave him a frosty stare, straight in the eye, not so much as flinching.

Marty and Tyler looked at each other with a nervous grin and began to snicker under their breath. Observing this, Ung picked up his flyers, and stormed out of the room, with the feeling of complete humiliation falling upon him. “You’ll get yours you little beast!” He could be heard calling back to her, already half way down the hall.

Marty and Tyler couldn’t help it. Simultaneously they both let out an uproariously laughter. This could still be heard by the garthim-master, already on his way to his next destination.

“That was awesome, Kira!” Marty exclaimed, walking toward her to give her a high-five.

“You go, little muppet!” Tyler called out to her, smiling widely.

“Muppet?” Kira looked at him, curiously. That was a new word she had not yet heard.

“Never mind. I’ve just never heard you tell one of them off like that before, that’s all.”

“Yeah well, I’m sure I’ll pay for that later, but he had that coming. I mean, he’s out of his mind!” Kira shook her head once more, letting out a frustrated sigh.

The three of them chewed on this thought a bit more, making small talk here and there, while going about their usual business. A couple of minutes had passed when SkekSil, the former castle chamberlain, entered the room.

“Hey everybody,” Sil said, wearing his usual sly, sinister grin. “I just wanted to let you all know that I am running for President of Internal Affairs, and am asking for your votes.”

Marty covered her mouth and put her face into a dishrag, attempting stop herself from cracking up. Kira just stood there, stone faced, looking at Sil in astonishment. Noticing Marty’s self-contained cackling, the former castle chamberlain looked at her with a curious glare.

“What?” He inquired harshly.

“Nothing. Nothing at all. Hope you win, Sil. Good luck!” She couldn’t help it. She let loose all the laughter she was struggling to contain. Tyler joined in. Sil’s smile lessened greatly, and his eyes narrowed.

“What’s their problem?” he inquired, directly looking at Kira.

“You’re really asking me?” She asked, doing nothing to hide the contempt within her voice.

Marty stopped momentarily, catching her breath. “You’re running against Ung, correct? Oh man, that’s good!”

It was true, in another time, back on Thra at the Crystal Castle, Ung and Sil were once members of rival factions within their clan. Competing for the throne directly after the first emperor had succumbed to illness, Sil, had come out the loser in the match. Suffering complete humiliation, he was banished from the castle, being forced to fend for himself. Here, with their rivalry just as fierce as it once was, they were now competing for the lead position on the Random House board of elections. Of course, Marty and Tyler could not find this bit of entertainment more amusing.

Sil’s expression became an icy glare. “Like that bastard even stands a chance against me. He’ll get his. It’s payback time for that slime face, and it’s coming in full.”

Tyler chirped in. “That’s right kids, it’s time for Trial by Stone! Grab your swords everybody!” They both once again let out a burst of laughter. Kira looked around, pretending not to be amused.

“Make fun all you want, you putrid lizards. You’ll see who’s laughing now when I am Empo- uh…I mean, president.”

“Okay Sil. I think you forget who you’re talking to here. Look at me. I’m shaking in my boots,” Marty quickly shot back.

“Whatever. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll remember to vote for me on May 18th. Anybody who votes for that shit faced opponent of mine who calls himself SkekUng deserves what they get.” Sil picked up his things and quietly left the room, letting out a slight whimper as he exited the doorway. Tyler stretched out fully on the couch, continuing to watch the program in which he was so engrossed.

“Good lord, please let those not be the only two choices!” Kira exclaimed, waiting until Sil had gone.

“Oh man, we are so screwed if they are,” Marty agreed with nervous laughter.

They both continued what they were doing, finishing up the last minute kitchen chores. Kira was down on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor, washing up some juice that had spilled behind the trash can, when she heard someone else enter the room. Not turning to see who it was, she overheard Marty acknowledge their arrival.

“Oh don’t tell me. You’re not running too, are you?” Marty exclaimed.

“Um, running from what? I don’t see that I’m being chased by anything at the moment.”

Kira froze in the spot where she was on the floor. She knew that voice.

Marty giggled in response. “Apparently there’s an election going on for President of Internal Combustion, or whatever the fuck you call it. Sil and Ung were both in here separately, passing out flyers for their campaign. I was afraid you were in here doing the same thing.”

From behind the counter, Kira stood up from the position of where she sat on the floor, turned her head, and looked Na Na straight in the eye.

Momentarily gasping, the Skeksis paused, completely losing his train of thought.

“Na Na? Hello? You’re not running for that campaign, are you?” Marty regarded him curiously, trying to understand why he seemed so flustered.

“Oh, yes? Oh that. No.” He quickly averted his eyes from Kira’s nervous, shaky gaze. “I’m sorry, who did you say was running?”

“Sil and Ung. Apparently they’re running against each other in the Random House latest election. Is it just me, or do you find that absolutely hysterical?”

Na Na barely heard what Marty had said, although he made his best attempt to pretend he did. “Yeah, I suppose that is pretty funny. Actually I had come in here looking for Ung. You said he was in here earlier. Can you tell me where he went to?”

“I don’t know, why don’t you ask Kira that. She’s the one who chased him away!” Marty chuckled, looking towards her friend.

Kira immediately shifted her eyes to the floor, refusing to look towards the one who had caused her so much misery, along with so much delight. She spoke so softly, that her voice was barely audible. “He headed back down the hall. After that, who knows.”

Abruptly realizing he needed to maintain appearances for both of their sakes, Na Na found what he thought to be glare of hostility to send her way, at least the best one he could muster. Kira, with her gaze still pointed towards the floor, did not even notice.

“Well, I’ll go and find him. Thanks for the info, or rather, lack there of.” He had to leave quickly. He knew the longer he stayed, the worse off things could be for the both of them. As he made his exit, Kira exhaled out a sigh of relief.

“Are you alright?” Marty asked her friend inquisitively. The color had very visibly drained from her face.

“I’m fine, Marty. Why do you ask?” She answered, continuing to get back down and scrub the floor. She would not look her in the face. No, it wasn’t that she wouldn’t. She absolutely couldn’t.

“You look positively shaken, that’s what! Are you sure nothing’s wrong?”

“I told you, I’m fine. I guess, out of all the Skeksis, I like that one least of all.” She had to find something to come up with, even if it wasn’t the truth.

“Yeah, the slave master certainly has that effect on people. You know, the stories I’ve heard about him would make you want to cry.”

Kira, being in the tormented state of mind that she was in, already did want to do just that.

Later that evening, the gelfling sat in her tub, trying to focus on the warmth of the bath water, and block out all other thought. Finding this was impossible, she was futilely attempted to reconcile the strange and unrecognizable feelings she had almost come to accept with the logic that told her this could never be. Once again coming to no resolute conclusion, she exited the tub, dried herself off, and lay down on the bed. She closed her eyes, as the memory of his smell and his touch came to the forefront of her mind. Just as she was about to briefly doze off, her phone rang.

“Hello?” She answered. She didn’t know how or why, but somehow she already knew who it was.

“Hello,” said the voice on the other end. Her intuition had not failed her.

“Na Na. How did I know that was you.” She said this more as a statement, rather than a question.

“I’m not sure. To tell you the truth, I really don’t know anything anymore.” She could hear the cold frustration ringing from his voice.

“Is everything alright? You sound distraught.”

“No, everything’s fine here. As fine as it can be, I guess.” He paused slightly. “I don’t know how to say this, Kira. I need to see you.”

Kira closed her eyes and let out a heavy exhale. This is what she was hoping for, and what she was dreading.

“Any particular reason?”

“Honestly? No, there’s no reason. I just need to see you, that’s all.”

“Na Na,”

He interrupted. “I know. You don’t have to say it. I already know. I just don’t know what else to do.”

“Neither do I.” There was a two minute pause, neither of them knowing what else to say to each other, just listening to each other’s breathing on the other end of the phone. Finally, Na Na broke the silence.

“Can you meet me at the diner?”

There was a brief pause. Kira let out a heavy sigh, and she finally spoke. “God, I shouldn’t do this.” Her voice was shaking. “Give me one hour. Will that work?”

“That will be fine. See you then.” They both hung up the phone.

Arriving just minutes shortly after Na Na, Kira walked through the doors of the establishment to find him seated in the corner booth, farthest from view of the other patrons. Making direct eye contact, she sat down across from him, striving to maintain the guise of a confident demeanor. It was all she could do to not wrap her arms around him right then and there.

“Hey.”

“Hey,” he replied back.

The only thought they both had on the long drive to the diner was of each other. In spite of this, neither one knew what to say now that they were in each other’s presence.

“This is crazy, Na Na.”

“I know.”

“It doesn’t make any sense.”

“I agree.” Short pause. “So…did I hear Marty right in the communal room earlier?”

“Which part?”

“Sil and Ung. Are they really running against each other in the upcoming election?”

“It appears that way. Why? Is this why you wanted to meet me?”

“No, of course not. I just find it funny, that’s all. Those two are fire and ice. Some other time I might explain more on the subject. It’s a long story.”

Kira nodded. “That’s very interesting. I haven’t really been following the election though. I’ve had other stuff on my mind, as I’m sure you’re well aware. Do you know if there are other candidates running? Please tell me there are.”

“I don’t know. I haven’t really been following it either. I have had other things on my mind as well.” He looked at her directly, almost as if he was looking at her soul itself. She immediately shifted her eyes away from him.

“Why are we here, Na Na?”

“We’ve been over this what could be a hundred times. Each time we come up with the same thing. I almost think there is no answer. At least none that we can find.”

“What if we never find it?” She asked, not being able to erase the look of anxiety off of her face.

“I asked you that the other night, remember? Then look what happened.” He had a smirk of what almost looked like triumph across his face. He couldn’t help it; self- glorification was in his nature. He had gotten something he wanted, forbidden or not.

Kira felt herself blush. A couple of more moments passed, then Na Na spoke again. “Like I said on the telephone, I really don’t know how else to say this. It’s just that night when I was with you, I felt different. I almost felt…whole.”

“Whole? As in, complete?” This was indeed astonishing. Having lived in the Random House for quite some time now, she was fully aware of his past, and what the Skeksis actually were. Back on Thra, before the last triple solar alignment also known as the Great Conjunction, brilliant beings known as the UrSkeks ruled in splendor, as well as peace and tranquility. However, attempting to gain further power out of the great Crystal, it cracked, resulting in the UrSkeks being split in two. The creatures, which were known as the urRu, or mystics as they were sometimes called, came from the gentle, kind nature, as well the supreme wisdom of the UrSkeks. The Skeksis on the other hand, came from the much darker, more sinister side. The side that above all else lusted for power and domination. Each race was one half of a part that was once complete. For someone such as Na Na to make a statement like this was indeed remarkable.

“Yeah, I guess that’s accurate. I don’t think I ever recall that feeling. Not ever.”

The waiter came and took their orders. Once he had left, Na Na began again. “I do know one thing, Kira. We cannot keep doing this. We need to make a decision. We either see each other fully, or not see each other at all.”

“See each other fully, as in having an actual relationship? You really believe after all that after knowing who we both are that’s a viable option. Are you out of your mind?” Kira exclaimed in response.

“And you, gelfling, are the perfect picture of sanity. After all, that’s why you agreed to meet someone such as myself here, correct?” he responded back, his voice full of contempt. “Tell me, Kira. How easy do you think the second option would be for either of us? Would it be a walk in the park, or do you actually enjoy going without sleep?”

She had no response. Na Na continued. “I’m saying living in this in-between state of mind is doing neither of us any good. We need to make a decision. Here. Tonight. We either agree not to see each other again, other than what is necessary considering our living arrangements, or we see where this takes us. I claim not to know where that would be, but I do know that I myself cannot go on the way things stand now. I just can’t do it.”

Kira looked down at the table and let out a heavy sigh. Contrary to what she wanted to tell herself, she could only admit that he was right. They could not continue in limbo, having no direction on where they were going. A decision had to be made, and it had to be made now.

“Na Na. For arguments sake, let’s imagine a pretend world where I have nothing to fear from you, and you personally have never caused me any harm, whatsoever. You yourself have told me what the other members of your clan might do to not only myself, but to you if they find out. Are you actually willing to risk that? For someone such as me?”

He regarded her intently, softening his tone. “You are all I think about. I wish that weren’t true, as I know you do too, but that’s the way it is. I wish you didn’t fear me the way you do. I would never harm you, Kira. I know you don’t believe that, and have no reason to. Still, it’s the truth.”

She shifted her eyes away, trying to understand the whole thing, a seemingly impossible task. She wanted so badly to believe him. Was it actually possible this ‘thing’ that had overtaken them both could actually change him? She didn’t know. She did know that while the first option that he had presented to her sounded downright preposterous, she had already been through the second option. The only way she could describe it was excruciating.

“Everything tells me I should run while I’m still capable. I must agree though, you are right. We can’t keep doing this to ourselves. I only see two options, Na Na.” It took all the energy she had left in her to keep her voice from shaking.

“Two options, yes.” He looked at her intently, wondering what she was going to say next.

“We live in misery, or we live in fear. Those are our choices.” The quiet sound of desperate sorrow could be heard within her voice.

“Misery or fear. Misery, for if we were to never see each other, and fear from my other clan members if they were to ever find out.”

“Yes.” As she looked at him intensely, she could feel tears welling up in her eyes. It was all so simple, yet so complicated.

“So tell me your choice then, Kira.” He caressed her face, wiping the tears away. She did not back away from his touch.

“My choice. Right now? This instance?”

“Yes.”

She stumbled on words, looking for what to say. She looked at him impassionedly, attempting to understand the burning desire she felt for him. The actual idea of being with him was nearly all consuming. Her mind was brought back to that previous Sunday morning, when all of her hunger, longing, and fears were finally realized.

“Why are you putting this all on me? This choice? I want to know yours.”

“No, Kira. I cannot do that. This decision is yours, and yours alone. I owe you this.”

“Owe me?” She leaned closer to him, trying to figure out where this was going.

“Yes, I owe you. I owe you something I can never repay. This here is at least something I can give you. It’s not much, but it’s a start.”

She understood immediately what he meant. As much as she wanted to believe this was just another example of Skeksis deceit, the mournful expression in his eyes told her he was sincere. It took all of her will to resist the urge to cry.

Seeing the expression on her face, and realizing she was choked up to the point she could not speak, he continued. “Whatever you decide, I will honor. You have my word. If you tell me that we cannot see each other again, I will make myself as scarce to you as what is possible. I will not call you, and I will not follow you. Things will be as they always were.” He paused, looking for further words, his green eyes peering into her brown ones. “But if you pick the other choice. Then by all means, I would honor that as well.”

She no longer had to ask him. She knew by the way his eyes devoured her, what his choice would be had he been the one to make it.

“Misery, or fear,” she finally responded, almost in a whisper, one teardrop finally falling down her face. Looking at him, she understood his sincerity. She could not fathom how it could come from someone such as himself, but it was there nonetheless. “Secrets get out, Na Na. They always do, no matter how hard you try to contain them.”

“And I’m good at keeping them as well. Ask any of the other Skeksis, it’s a well known fact.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” She smiled through her tears, if ever so slightly.

“Your choice, then. Please, Kira. You must.”

She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. She always considered herself a good judge of character, but this was a situation unlike any other she had ever faced. There was no changing what he was, she knew that much, no matter how human he looked here. How could someone of his kind possibly give her the happiness and fulfillment she so desperately craved? Yet, taking just one glance at Na Na, how could she ever live without him?

“Why do I feel this way about you?” She asked, taking his hand in hers across the table. The tears began to flow, no matter how much she tried to hold them back.

“I’d ask myself the same question. There’s no explanation for it, nor will I think there ever will be. I know you fear me, even still. Someday I hope that to be different. I would never do anything to hurt you again.”

“I want so desperately to believe that, Na Na, I really do. I’ve explained to you before though, at this very place that we’re at right now, that I don’t think you could ever understand what I have been through. Those aren’t just empty words with the sole purpose of bickering with you. They’re the truth.”

“Then make your decision and be done with it.” His words came out with a rather caustic ring, as he shifted his eyes away from hers.

She squeezed his hand, their grasp still held tight with their fingers clasped. “Okay. I will make my choice.” She paused. She already knew what her decision was. She just had to bring herself to say it out loud.

“Tell me.” These words came out much softer than the last ones he had spoken.

“I choose…God, I must be crazy.”

“Please, Kira.”

“I choose you,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. Na Na immediately let out a breathless sigh, and she could visible watch his entire demeanor relax as sweet relief washed over him. “I don’t know how, and I don’t know why, and all logic tells me this is absolutely mad, but I choose you.” The tears rolled down her cheeks, and she did not bother wiping them away.

Na Na looked at her in a state of awe. He smiled. It was the same smile she recalled seeing on his face that early Sunday morning she woke up in his arms, right before they made love.

“Aren’t you going to say something?” She asked inquisitively, semi regaining her composure.

“I…I don’t know what to say.” He squeezed her hand tighter yet, almost to the point of pain, but she did so much as wince, much less let go. As emotional as she was at this moment, Kira found this rare display of vulnerability almost endearing.

At this point, the waiter brought them their food. Kira had always ordered light on the few outings she had been here with him, and this occasion was no different. They paused for a moment, smiling politely as the waiter handed them their plates and refilled their glasses. As soon as he had left, the two of them resumed their conversation where they had left off.

“As I told you before, I can keep secrets. No one will know of this.” In the millennium of his lifetime, he could never recall feeling the elation that he felt at this moment. She was so beautiful, and now she was his, despite the odds that stood in their way.

“Yes Na Na, no one will know.” She took a mouth full of lettuce and swallowed deliberately, not taking her eyes off his.

The two of them finished their meals and paid their bill. They walked out to their cars, parked directly next to one another. Before she opened the car door, they simultaneously took one another in each other’s arms, and kissed right there in the parking lot, the middle of nowhere keeping them safe from outside eyes. They just stood there kissing, not ever wanting it to end. Their lips finally parted, and the two of them just stood there, held in each other’s embrace.

“Do you remember the side entrance to my apartment? The one that you left through, this past Sunday?”

Na Na immediately knew where this was going. “Yes, I do.”

“It’s quiet through that way, hardly any one ever uses the stairs. Give my door two knocks. I’ll know it’s you.”

He nodded, understanding her intentions. He kissed her once more, before they made their way back. Driving home, she replayed in her mind their conversation. Each time, she came up with the same conclusion – this was the only choice that was possible.