The Pon T'Keshtan

CHAPTER TWELVE:

Spock felt agitated, pained and distracted as he left the Shuttle Bay after discussing the plak-tau women with his father, Sa'aat and Gilgreni. He tried to assist the engineering crew with the last of their maintenance duties before his meeting in the Medical Conference Room, but he found it difficult to concentrate and had to step back from doing detailed work and simply supervise. His pelvis ached and his nerves tingled and twitched. It was all he could do to keep from trembling.

Once their work was complete, Spock thanked the engineers, awarded them additional shore leave for accomplishing their tasks ahead of schedule, and dismissed them. They rushed off, excited to take advantage of the perk, leaving him alone with Pa'shu. Spock was grateful to see them go. As soon as they were out of sight, he let his rigid posture slump with exhaustion. Gait unsteady, he walked with the sehlat to the aft portion of the deck, past the warp cores and hefty water circulation processors, under the towering scaffolds and metal catwalks. Sitting on the floor with his back to the wall, he tried some breathing meditations to calm his agitation as Pa'shu squatted next to him. Although he tried to shield her from his disquiet, he knew she could sense it. He refrained from touching her, afraid he would trigger some distress in her if they accidentally linked.

"If there is one thing this ship doesn't need, it's a four-hundred pound sehlat running amok," Sybok said. Spock looked up, startled, and Sybok, standing across from him at the bottom of a metal staircase, with his hand on the rail, smiled. His longish hair was loose, and he wore soft shoes and pale chapped-cloth robes decorated with calligraphy that indicated he was a healer and an adept. Spock knew Sybok had undergone rigorous training under the guidance of his mother, T'Rea, a zealot who had believed her son a prophet, (1) so Spock did not question the glyphs. Nor did he question why Sybok had not been with him when he had met the others on the Haulat. They would have shunned him, and since there was no reason for Sybok to subject himself to their provincial views, his lack of attendance was not surprising. "Cloistering yourself away again, Little Brother?" Sybok asked. "One would think you'd become a monk, the way you wander off for hours at a time."

"I have not wandered off," Spock said.

"Then you're hiding."

"No," Spock said.

"Oh, that doesn't sound like the truth to me" Sybok countered.

"I am not cloistered nor am I in hiding. I am sitting in plain sight. You found me, did you not?"

"Ah, yes, but then, I always know where to find you, don't I?" Sybok grinned. He came away from the stairs and sat on the floor with Spock. "So..." Sybok smoothed his robes around him, making himself comfortable, "Why are we 'sitting in plain sight' among the pipes and dust?"

"I needed a moment," Spock replied.

"A moment for what?"

"To compose myself."

"Why?"

"Because I am discomposed," Spock snapped back.

Sybok's eyes gleamed with surprise. "Anger, Spock? Good for you! Let out that perturbation, Little Brother!" Spock glared at him. "That's it!" Sybok said.

"Leave me be," Spock growled threateningly, but his body spoke a more defensive language as he wrapped his arms around himself protectively.

"An ineffective barricade," Sybok said as he poked Spock's arm. "It won't keep your emotions in, and it won't keep your half-brother out."

"Go away."

"No."

Spock glowered at Sybok. "Get away from me."

"No." Sybok leaned in closer, putting his face directly in front of Spock's, challenging his younger sibling with, "Let loose your anger, Spock, before it devours you."

"I am a Vulcan," Spock said.

"Yes, you are. Ever our father's son. You use the sheer force of your will and your physical strength to - to do what, Spock? Restrain all you feel; your pain, your emotional turmoil?"

"Yes."

"You're an impressive and inspiring creature, Little Brother, but these feelings are larger than yourself, and you know it. Trying to smother them with your body is as illogical as trying to smother a wildfire with a handful of lint."

"I must try."

"Why?"

"Because, I - Because if I do not -"

"If you do not - what? You'll go mad? You'll prove yourself your mother's child? Speak to your fear, Spock. Give voice to it."

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because speaking to it gives it strength," Spock said.

"Is your fear a living creature? Does breathing into it, bring it to life?" Sybok put out a gentle hand, but Spock pulled closer to the wall to keep his brother from touching him again. "Spock, it's a feeling – a manifestation; a physiological reaction to traumatic stimuli - not a mythical shaka (2) that can draw power from the mere speaking of its name. You know this. Use your intelligence. You are a scientist, aren't you?"

"Yes - "

"Then tell me, Scientist, what happens to a contained energy source when it's put under compression?"

"The greater the compressive force, the greater the energy output -"

"And if that output reaches a critical stage and venting is impossible?"

"Combustion... Detonation..."

"The container explodes."

"I am not a mechanism or a warp core."

"No. You are a living spirit: a katra surrounded by soft tissue, dense bone and electrical impulses. You are not made to live inside a jar. Release yourself."

Spock turned his face away, his body starting to shake with the force he fought to contain. "If I let this go... I will lose myself."

"You are already lost, Spock." Spock looked at Sybok, and Sybok, his face soft with compassion and understanding, continued, "Look within - "

Spock took in a shuddering breath, shaking his head.

"Is this man hiding within the bowels of Engineering, Spock, son of Amanda of Earth? The same Spock who stood against the Transitional Council and fought to retain his rights and dignity in the face of the Ek'tevan Prerogative? The one who dared, even as a child, to stand against our formidable father? The one who made overtures of kun-ut (3) to his pretty Human Lieutenant, even though Vulcan society squirmed with self righteous distemper over the prospect?"

Spock looked away again, and muttered a dejected, "No. He is not."

"Then we must banish this imposter and restore the true Spock, mustn't we?"

"I do not know how," Spock admitted, his voice breaking.

"Yes, you do."

"I cannot," he mumbled.

"You can."

Spock's breath became rapid and ragged. His arms constricted around his body; his strength causing bruises as his grip tightened. Tremors overtook him, shaking him from head to foot. Spock pressed his eyes and lips shut, and turned his face to the wall. Heavy, thick salt-laden tears eked out from between tight lashes and started their slow way down his cheeks. He gaped, soundless, demoralized, afraid... until he finally drew a deep breath, raised his face to the ceiling, and let out a cry of anguish that filled the cavernous room. It reverberated along the scaffolding and echoed through the hollow spaces on the deck; a sound so piercing, so harrowing, so full of misery that Pa'shu jumped away in alarm.

When that single, long scream of inconsolable pain ended, Spock coughed and a mist of green blood splattered against the wall. The scream had torn his vocal cords and burst blood vessels in his throat.

Exhausted and emptied, he fought for composure, willing his breathing to steady and forcing his body to stop quaking. He brushed away his tears and watched the skin on his fingertips thirstily suck the moisture back into his body. He wiped his mouth to remove the trace of blood, before looking around. Sybok was gone, and Pa'shu's eyes were wide, her head tilted in a non-verbal question.

"Sybok?" Spock croaked over his enflamed vocal cords. There was no response. "Sybok?" Spock's head canted to the right and then up again. He rose slowly to his feet, using the wall to steady himself. He looked at Pa'shu, saying as calmly as he could with his ruined voice, "Sarlah du k'nash-veh. Tal-tor Dr. Surrey etek bolau." (4)

De'Vrille was manning the main Communications station when the call came from Starfleet Command. He set the silvery ear bud more securely against his ear so he could hear the transmission better. "USS Enterprise," he said. "CS De'Vrille, responding (5). Go ahead, Command."

Captain Kirk arrived at Medical Conference Room One for the meeting and found Dr. McCoy, Sarek, Sa'aat and Lieutenant Uhura standing outside the door. No Chapel, Kirk noticed. McCoy had his arms folded across his chest, and Sa'aat had his hand on the wall beside the door and his eyes closed. Kirk noted the white, ROOM OCCUPIED light over the door was already alit. If everyone was in the corridor, then who was in the room? His gut filled with a creeping dread. "What's going on?" he asked.

"Surrey's in there with Spock," McCoy said.

"- Prepping Spock for the meeting?" Kirk said, hopefully.

"I don't know. When I got here to set up - " McCoy gestured to the small stack of PADDS at his feet, "- and tried to go in, Surrey pushed me out saying he needed a minute with Spock. Then he locked us out. That was over thirty minutes ago."

"Is Spock all right?"

"Don't know yet."

Kirk frowned and turned to Nyota, hoping she would have more information... even though he knew if she did, she would have already imparted it to McCoy. She looked worried but in control of herself. Being with Spock - for what, two years now? - was rubbing off on her; she could shield her emotions pretty well when she put her mind to it. She shrugged, shaking her head at him; she knew less than McCoy about the current situation.

"Where's Chapel?" Kirk asked.

"A call came in from Command as we were preparing to come here. She's handling it."

Kirk had to smile a little; he was impressed McCoy trusted Christine so fully. Not many CMO's (6) in the fleet would have allowed their Head Nurse to take a Command call. He gestured toward Sa'aat, and asked no one in particular, "What's he doing, by the way?"

"Spying on Spock," Nyota said, irritated.

Sa'aat opened his eyes and slowly turned his face away from the wall, although his hand remained where it was. To Nyota's accusation, he responded with a reserved, "The word 'spying' implies covert action, with hostile intent, to obtain secret information. That is not applicable in this instance. I am being vigilant on Spock's behalf and monitoring his status."

"You're imposing yourself on his thoughts and conversation without his permission," Nyota countered, although she knew that the only reason why she was verbally punching on Sa'aat was because she was frustrated, concerned about Spock, and envious of Sa'aat's ability to connect with him even through walls.

"So, what's Spock's status?"

"Captain!" Nyota scolded.

"It won't hurt Spock for us to know," Kirk said, looking to Sa'aat for an answer.

"Vacillating between agitated and dismal," Sa'aat replied. "He has walled himself into his mind, so reading him is difficult, but impressions do leak through."

"He's still in control of himself?"

"For the moment -"

"Stop it!" Nyota demanded. "Prying into his mind without his consent is awful!"

"Okay, at ease, Lieutenant," Kirk put his hands to Nyota's shoulders, giving them a gentle squeeze. He understood she was both anxious and protective of Spock, and she replaced her hot glare at him with a less insubordinate and more apologetic nod.

Faced with Nyota's unparalleled love for Spock, the captain was both overjoyed his friend and First Officer had someone who loved and accepted everything he was; and jealous, wishing he'd had more of a chance with Uhura himself. A beautiful, smart, tough in a she-bear-kind-of-way woman, Nyota set off a surge of longing and lust within him he could not easily ignore. As her captain, he understood the regulations regarding fraternization and nepotism, and the fine line between admiring a handsome woman and sexual harassment. Yet, just the sight of her made him regret the fact he had been more than a little inebriated when they first met; that she'd found him hiding under her roommate's bed in his underwear; and had witnessed him cheating on the Kobayashi Maru.(7) He had given her the impression that he was a horny, dishonest drunk. Sometimes, he wanted to kick himself in the –

The conference room door swished open, and Dr. Surrey stepped out, letting it close behind him. Even dressed in his full uniform, Surrey looked rumpled. He ran his fingers through his curls before saying, "I need to talk to you all a little bit before we proceed."

"As I told you, sir, Dr. McCoy is engaged in a mandatory, closed-door meeting with Captain Kirk, and is unavailable at this time," Christine calmly repeated to the domineering man on the view screen.

Starfleet's Surgeon General, Myles Cameron, a medical doctor with the rank of Commodore (8), glowered at her, his bushy eyebrows meeting in the center of his forehead. His hands were folded on the desk in front of him, and the knuckles were going white from the force he was using to keep himself from banging a fist on the tabletop. A veteran of fifteen years, he was not used to subordinates acting so skillfully as a defensive lineman for their CMO. He was, at first, supremely irritated, and then a little envious of McCoy. He wished his staff were half as effective at intervening on his behalf as this Chapel seemed to be.

"Very well," he conceded, careful not to lose the angry gruffness in his voice (more from concern Chapel might see it as a sign of weakness than anything else). "I'll explain the situation to you, but I want to hear from McCoy as soon as his meeting ends. Understood?"

"Of course, sir," Christine answered with a smile designed to be both lovely and soothing.

The Commodore cleared his throat, "We've received an emergency transmission from New Vulcan."

Dr. Surrey told them Spock had suffered another hallucination while in Engineering, This was Surrey's way of revealing to the captain how Spock's condition was continuing to deteriorate, while at the same time demonstrating to him that Spock still had enough good sense to seek out help when he needed it. The cloud and the silver lining; Spock wasn't at all well, but he wasn't so sick that he couldn't recognize his own incapacity. Kirk wasn't mollified by the knowledge. "What kind of hallucination?" he asked.

"- His stepbrother Sybok," Surrey said. "Spock then made the connection between this hallucination, and his previous one during the dinner with Sa'aat... So, he understands that Sybok has never actually been here."

"How did he react to that?"

"Better than I thought he might, but it still threw him for a few minutes. We'll be addressing it more in his next therapy session."

"He's agreed to more?"

"Yes - of his own accord. He wants to continue the process to its natural, 'logical' conclusion, he said. He also asked me about the meeting today," Dr. Surrey continued. He told the others he had informed Spock they had additional information which might put his present mental state into clearer context, but which might prove to be more traumatic for him; and although Surrey wasn't sure they should go forward, Spock had insisted they proceed. He wanted a full accounting of what the others knew. "He said he sees no logic in withholding the truth from him any longer."

"Nor do I," said Sa'aat.

"Yeah, we know," Nyota crossed her arms before putting her fingers against her lips to keep from saying anything else. She was getting snarky, and she had promised herself she would project only thoughts of wellness and love toward Spock during this meeting. She couldn't fulfill her promise if she were harping on Sa'aat.

"What do you think, Doc?" Kirk asked Dr. Surrey.

"Spock's mind is under a great deal of pressure right now, and I'm worried the complete story of the trauma inflicted on him could cause him to suffer a shariv t'kae, a mind-storm, and his brain might rush to neutralize it. I also have no idea how his more fragile Human psyche will react to the news."

"Spock is the one living in his body," Sarek said. "He is not an undisciplined child without a defined character, or lacking in self-governance. We must trust him to know what he can and cannot endure, and assume he will ask for assistance if he requires it... as he had already done in the past. I, for one, will not continue to evade a conversation with my son about these unpleasant subjects. This all must be laid out in the light of day and dissected, like a dead mor'gril (9), before it starts to putrefy and irreparably poisons him."

"I agree," said Sa'aat. "Although I understand your emotionally-based reticence to, as you may see it, inflict more pain upon Spock by telling him the truth, you must acknowledge and understand that the majority of his present difficulties have been a result of the fragmenting and suppression of the memories associated with his ordeal on New Vulcan. If all is revealed to him, he will have truth and context to assist him in understanding and coping with what his mind is struggling to comprehend; he may then be able to take more appropriate and more effective action to cleanse himself of the upset. We - Sarek and I - will be here to lend stability, containment, and support to his Vulcan mind should he require it."

Although he, too, was apprehensive about what the truth might do to Spock, Kirk had to admit the Vulcans' logic was inescapable. "That sounds reasonable to me."

"Okay," Dr. Surrey said. "But I think I should inform you he's pretty pissed that so much information has been kept from him by so many of his friends and colleagues for so long."

"All the more reason we should not delay his education any longer," said Sarek.

Kirk asked, "Do I need to call Security, Doc?"

"No, I don't think so," Dr. Surrey said, wanting to squelch that idea before it went any further. "I would rather not have a lot of red-shirts around him, if we can avoid it, Captain. Spock already feels we're ganging up on him, and I don't want to feed into that by bringing armed guards into his line of sight..."

"Is he paranoid?" McCoy asked.

"In my professional opinion, no, not in the clinical sense; he's rational, lucid. He's not delusional. He is feeling vulnerable and a little persecuted right now, but when taking everything into consideration, who can blame him?"

"But you're still worried," McCoy said.

"Yes. I have no idea how he might react to this. He's a half-Vulcan under unprecedented stress. We have to be ready for anything."

When Surrey opened the conference room door, Captain Kirk was the first one through it. He noticed immediately that the large white conference table which had dominated the room during their last meeting was now pushed against a wall, and the chairs now formed in a horseshoe in the center of the floor. They had been in a full circle when Spock first entered the room in search of Dr. Surrey, and Surrey had explained to him that the arrangement had been meant to imply an air of informality, equality, support and cooperation, rather like a communal hug. However, Spock had found the configuration far too personal. The idea of having so many others around him, in a proximity that encouraged touching and invited other physical interaction, made him uncomfortable in his present state of mind. Dr. Surrey had accommodated Spock's request to adjust the setting, breaking out part of the circle to give Spock an "escape route" if he needed one.

Spock himself now stood opposite the large table, against the far wall, his shoulders slightly hunched and his hands hanging at his sides, balled into fists. His tight hands and lips spoke of the control he was exerting over himself even though his features looked calm and passive.

"Mister Spock," Kirk said in greeting.

Spock nodded, "Captain - "

"What's wrong with your voice?"

"I strained it earlier this afternoon," Spock explained.

Kirk looked at Surrey, and the doctor gesticulated a Let it go, I'll tell you later in reply.

As the others settled into chairs - Surrey directing them to leave an end chair open for Spock - Nyota walked to Spock, and the captain saw the Vulcan's body unclench a little at her approach. When Spock extended the ozh'esta to her - not in front of him, as a command, but near his side, in an entreaty - she smiled, touched her fingers to his and then gathered his hand in both of hers. He gently drew her closer to him and rested his forehead against hers in a gesture that was becoming commonplace between them when they wanted to be intimate in a public setting. Spock croaked softly in his ravaged voice, "I did not have the opportunity before to apologize to you."

"Apologize for what?" Nyota asked.

"For leaving you alone with Pa'shu last night, and not informing you of my location. I am sorry."

"Spock. Spock," Nyota said, pulling back just enough to focus on his face. "Although I do appreciate the courtesy of a message, you don't need to tell me where you are every minute of the day. Honestly. If you need to be alone; that's okay..." She looked around them. "Where is your shadow, by the way?"

"My what?" Spock asked, puzzled.

"Pa'shu," Nyota clarified.

Spock pointed to the corner nearest the door. The sehlat was nestled there with her head resting on her front paws, but her eyes were open and her brows twitched as she watched the people move around the room. Nyota thought it odd the sehlat had chosen a spot so far from Spock. On the other hand, maybe he had put the distance between them himself; she wasn't sure.

She also wasn't sure what she was reading through Spock's touch. He wasn't linking directly, but she was aware of agitation, irritation, confusion and concern radiating from him. Although undefined, the feelings were strong enough to leak past his personal, conscious barriers. "How can I help you?" she whispered to him.

"I believe you are doing all you can at this moment, k'diwa. Thank you," Spock, his voice cracking - from his injury or his pent up emotions, Nyota couldn't tell - replied just as quietly.

"Well, kids," Dr. Surrey asked them softly. "Are we about set?"

"Yes, Doctor." Spock raised his head and allowed Nyota to walk him over to the chairs. She took the seat next to Dr. McCoy, and Spock took the seat next to her on the open end of the horseshoe, where he wasn't surrounded. Surrey noted when they sat, Nyota pulled Spock's hand, still clenched between hers, onto her thigh. She is displaying her support for him, and at the same time seems to claiming him in front of the others. That was an interesting gesture; he hoped to be able to discuss it with her sometime in the future.

"I, uh, I know Dr. McCoy called this meeting, and I'll turn the floor over to you in a minute, Doctor; if that's okay," Dr. Surrey said before sitting down.

"Sure. Knock yourself out," said McCoy.

Sarek and Sa'aat looked at one another, unfamiliar with the colloquialism, but said nothing as Dr. Surrey continued. "Well, as I see it, there are three major pieces of information we have to impart to Mister Spock: one, the issue of the female T'Cloo; two, the issue of T'Pau; and three, the issue of Semuk. If we can agree to confine ourselves to those topics, I think it will help to keep the meeting moving forward, and prevent us from inundating Mister Spock with excess trivia. How does that sound to everybody?"

Kirk, McCoy and Nyota all nodded, Sarek bowed slightly and Sa'aat said, "Agreeable." They all looked to Spock waiting for a response from him. He glanced at Nyota and gripped her hand loosely. "Continue," he said.

"I just want to add, too, Mister Spock, if at any time during this meeting you feel overwhelmed, or distraught, or if you just need to take a break, let us know," Dr. Surrey said. "Okay?"

"Continue," Spock repeated.

"Ooookay," Dr. Surrey took the seat across from Spock. "Then let's proceed to issue one. Dr. McCoy?"

McCoy shifted in his chair, and shuffled through the PADD's he'd brought with him. He said, "This PADD contains photographs of the five females presented to you during your plak-tau. Sarek and Sa'aat informed me they've already named the females for you, so this might be a little redundant. The fifth of your plak tau females, Spock, the one Sa'aat helped us to identify as T'Cloo, was of the Sreem Maat." He passed a PADD to Spock displaying the woman's image along with the minimal data he had thus far on her.

Spock disengaged his hand from Nyota's to accept the device. He looked at T'Cloo's image, then flipped quickly through the pictures of the other females, before returning to T'Cloo. "Semuk's clan," he said as he glanced at her picture. He looked up at Dr. McCoy, noting, without expression, "You referred to her in the past tense."

"Yes," McCoy acknowledged. Man, he picked up on that fast! "We believe she is deceased, although we haven't been able to verify the cause of death, and we don't know yet what happened to her body after Semuk claimed it."

"What cause of death is currently listed?" Spock asked. Adept at reading, comprehending and retaining written information at great speed, he had already looked for the answer on the PADD, but couldn't find it. He already suspected he had been the cause. Why else would the others have tried to conceal her death from him?

"We weren't sure at first," McCoy said. "But Sa'aat witnessed her removal from the surgical arena after your plak-tau, and he had his operatives on New Vulcan do a little more digging and - "

Unsatisfied with McCoy's meandering response, Spock looked at Sa'aat for a more direct answer. "Her neck was broken, the force transecting the medulla spinalis above the C1 vertebrae," (10) Sa'aat informed him.

"Her brain was separated from her spinal cord," Spock translated.

"Yes. Death may have been instantaneous, although, she may have also survived for a short time and then suffocated."

"Good lord, Sa'aat," McCoy growled. He looked at Spock, trying to soften the blow. "We don't know she surv -"

"And I did this to her?" Spock asked, although it sounded more like a statement.

"A blow from you did the damage, yes," Sa'aat said. "However, her death occurred while you were under the effect of the plak-tau inducing drug. It was not a conscious or willful act on your part."

"Deaths sometimes do occur during the plak-tau," Sarek reminded his son. "Although tragic, such killings are not criminal in nature. There is no intent to cause injury; it is accidental. All Vulcans who have undergone Pon Farr and been in the throes of the blood-fever know and understand this. No one blames you, Spock."

They are trying to reassure him, Surrey understood. He was grateful the Vulcans were far more sympathetic to Spock's dilemma than their outward appearance suggested.

Spock remained expressionless, looking at T'Cloo's image a while longer. He traced the outline of her unusually elongated ear and realized he had never heard her voice or recognized her unique scent or acknowledged her as an individual. He had killed her, yet he had not known her. "Willful or not, consciously or not," he said, his torn voice low, "if I caused her death, then I must be held accountable."

"Before you martyr yourself, Spock," Sa'aat said frankly, "remind yourself T'Pau was also there." Spock's head canted sharply to the right and then straightened again. Everyone saw it, but no one said anything. Sa'aat continued, "She witnessed T'Cloo's injury and did nothing to assist her. She is as culpable in her death as you are; even more so, since her mind was clear at the time. She knew what had happened, and although she had ready access to medical intervention, she did not use it on T'Cloo's behalf."

Spock accepted this with a slow nod, but was not placated. "Still, T'Cloo is dead," he said. "She... was older than I... Did she have offspring? A spouse?"

"No. Like many others, she lost her immediate family when Vulcan was destroyed," Sarek informed him.

"Then, she may have been seeking to reestablish her bloodline through me... and I interfered with that."

"Don't do this to yourself, Spock," McCoy warned softly. "It isn't and wasn't your job to give her - or any other woman on New Vulcan, for that matter - back what Nero had taken from her."

"But I was in the position to do so."

"So were hundreds of other males on the planet. The loss of part of her family's maternal bloodline isn't your fault."

Disconsolate, Spock turned off the PADD and set it by his foot. Whatever else he felt or thought about T'Cloo, he was going to keep to himself for the time being. He winced at the pain forming again in his pelvis, and then looked at Dr. McCoy. "Continue," he said, his expression flat, his breathing controlled.

"All right," McCoy said with a sigh. Although he understood Spock's proclivity for keeping his thoughts private, McCoy didn't like it. He might have felt better if Spock would just yell, or punch something - preferably none of them - or even swear a little bit. The Vulcan's self-absorbing silence made him nervous, both for his own safety and for Spock's. He'd seen Spock explode once and it wasn't pretty. (11)

When the doctor didn't immediately begin speaking, Spock prompted him with, "I believe the second topic of discussion was to be T'Pau, Doctor McCoy."

"Yeah, well," McCoy didn't know where to begin, so he said, "We've pretty much come to the consensus she's entirely off her nut."

Sarek and Sa'aat looked at one another, puzzled, and Spock explained, "Dr. McCoy believes T'Pau conducted herself in an atypical manner."

"I think she's insane," McCoy said bluntly. He glanced at Surrey, "I know that kind of an evaluation is more along the lines of your work, Doctor, but that's how I see it. When we were on New Vulcan, she was aggressive and irrational, and displayed an acute acrimony and hostility I believe verged on the psychotic."

"The current Transitional Council on New Vulcan seems to agree with your assessment, Doctor McCoy," Sarek stated. "T'Pau was deemed riyeht-kashik (12) and forced to relinquish her seat on the Council after declaring war on the Federation. Her behavior after her removal was also questionable, culminating in her sudden disappearance from her villa in the main city. She has recently resurfaced in a cave in the desert area of Mazhiv Solai."

"What? I didn't know about that," Kirk said.

"The news only came to me yesterday," Sa'aat explained.

"Well, I've heard of going underground," McCoy snorted, "but that's ridiculous."

"What is she doing in a cave?" Kirk asked.

"I have not yet had the opportunity to investigate," said Sa'aat.

"What does this have to do with me?" Spock interrupted, a slight pique entering his tone.

"She was the Abru-gla-tor (13) of your plak tau," Sa'aat said.

"Of that I am already aware."

"She was also your sixth," said Sa'aat.

McCoy wagged his head again at Sa'aat, "Don't you have any tact?" he asked. "You don't just blurt stuff out like that. Good God, man, have some compassion."

"I state facts," Sa'aat said. "Facts are neither compassionate nor dispassionate; they simply are."

While this exchange went on, Spock sat motionless, his rapid eye movements the only indication of the thoughts racing through his mind. He blinked as though confused, and then, focusing on Dr. Surrey, asked, "My sixth? What is he saying?"

"What does it sound like he's saying, Mister Spock?" Dr. Surrey asked softly, wanting Spock to acknowledge that he understood Sa'aat's words... but not wanting to have to say the words himself.

Spock shook his head. "No - " he uttered, refusing to believe he had been mated to T'Pau along with the others. Nyota reached out to him, to comfort him, but he drew away from her touch and left his chair. He panted as he walked to the wall and placed his hand against it, bracing himself. He held his breath for a moment, in an effort to steady it, and shook his head again. "No - "

"The genetic evidence is irrefutable, my son," Sarek said.

Spock continued to shake his head, rejecting the information. "There is no logic to it," he said. "What would possess her? What purpose could it serve? Why would she seek coition with me? Certainly not for procreation. She... she saw me as a half-breed, impure, deficient. You are mistaken -"

"There is no error," said Sa'aat.

"Both the medical tricorder and scanner support the conclusion, Spock," Dr. McCoy admitted. "You were bred to six females not five, and T'Pau was the sixth."

Spock let out a small, anguished gasp and his face pinched with brief but brilliant pain. Kirk, feeling a sensation that could only be describe as emotional whiplash streak through him, filling him with agony and confusion, put his hand to his head before it vanished as quickly as it had started. He glanced around the room and saw both Surrey and McCoy squinting; they'd felt it, too. When he looked back at Spock, the Vulcan was hunched over slightly, as though he had a pain in his gut but was trying to stand erect in spite of it, looking directly at Sa'aat. He said, "This was the information you saw on the tricorder when you came to me after the plak-tau."

"Yes," Sa'aat admitted. "Although at the time, there was not enough evidence to deduce the entire truth. I waited until I had the opportunity to identify the genetic signature as hers, and then found adjunctive information to support my conclusion."

Spock's gaze drifted to the floor, then rose again, hardening. "What adjunctive information?" he growled, his tattered voice going flat and dark.

"Before you were subjected to the conditions of the edict," Sa'aat answered, "I placed a vip-nei (14) in the surgical arena."

"Oh my God!" Nyota exclaimed.

"What's a vip-nei?" Kirk asked.

"A vipladayek nei or 'recording seed'," Sarek explained. "It is a tiny pip-sized digital recording device used by the military for covert surveillance."

"What?" McCoy shouted.

"Crap, Sa'aat," Kirk said just as loudly. "Why didn't you tell us that before?"

Sa'aat ignored them, remaining focused on Spock. "I did not trust T'Pau and Semuk not to harm you. I wanted eyes on you at all times, in the event I was compelled to leave the room. The vip-nei recorded everything that happened. However, following your plak-tau, we were summoned back to the Cathedral so quickly, and then forced to leave the planet so suddenly, that I did not have the opportunity to retrieve the device until much later."

"Did you retain the recording?" Spock's voice sounded numb and distant, as though disconnected from his body.

"Yes," said Sa'aat.

"And you saw everything?"

"Yes."

Spock's stoic mask momentarily fell, and his large eyes filled with pain and humiliation as the truth struck him. "Then there is no question - "

"None," said Sa'aat. "T'Pau abused her position as Officiate, and took you when you were too enervated to object or defend yourself."

Spock faced the wall, turning his back to the rest of the room, and for the second time Kirk felt a wave of anguish hit him in the chest and head, rattling through his body like the concussive force of a sound he couldn't hear. Throughout the ship, others were also stricken.

Christine was leaving the Medical Bay when, as Spock's psionic shockwave struck her, she stumbled and fell against a biobed. A med-tech rushed to assist her, asking, "Nurse Chapel, are you all right?"

She looked up at him with tears filling her eyes. "I don't know," she admitted. "It felt like something just came out of nowhere and slapped me in the face hard enough to knock me over."

At the same time, on the bridge, Lieutenant Sulu pitched forward in his seat banging his head against the edge of the equipment in front of him. Ensign Chekov, seated at the station beside him, jumped to Sulu's side. "Vhat happeened?" he asked as he eased the lieutenant away from the console.

Sulu blinked, shook his head and then put a hand to his forehead to make sure his skin was still intact. "Never felt anything like it - " he said, breathless with pain. "It feels like someone just shoved a poker through my eye socket."

Chekov reached forward, pressing a key on the pad in front of Sulu. "Medical team to the bridge, please," he said.

Further away on C-Deck, as the emotional wave disbursed, a female crewman on her way to her fencing class went suddenly pale, staggered and crumpled to the floor in a heap.

In Medical Conference Room One, none of the Humans knew what to say to Spock to help ease his misery and mortification, so they all remained silent. He was still facing the wall, seemingly oblivious to the fact that others had had been struck by the uncontained surge of his emotions, and his breathing had escalated to a slight pant. His eyes were still closed when he finally turned his face back out toward the room and asked Sa'aat in low voice, "What else did you see?"

Nyota's look begged Sa'aat not to say any thing else. Sa'aat marked her expression, but answered Spock anyway. "When T'Pau finished, she initiated a kashek fo-dan (15), and allowed Semuk to enter the arena."

"Do I dare ask what that is?" Kirk said.

"A kashek fo-dan is a mental shield erected by the plak-tau Officiate to protect other males in the vicinity from the male in the blood fever," Sarek explained. "It forms a barrier through which the plak-tau male cannot see."

"You mean she rendered Spock blind?"

"Blind to Semuk's presence," Sa'aat said, "but otherwise seeing - and feeling."

"Semuk was the third topic," Spock muttered. He grunted as a spasm of pain flashed through him, and put his hand to his right temple. "Continue," he croaked. When Sa'aat was slow to respond, Spock pressed his head harder and demanded more loudly, "What else did you see?" Everyone in the room, except Nyota, gasped slightly at the anguish and rage emanating from his question.

"I think we need to take a break," Dr. Surrey suggested.

"No," Spock barked between tight teeth. Chest heaving, eyes narrow with confusion and shame and entreaty, he turned, braced his back against the wall, and said to Sa'aat, "K'nash-veh du vesht'ri'yeht-fam, osa-savensu. Var-tor nash-veh ra vesht gla-tor du." (16)

"Don't, Sa'aat," Nyota pleaded.

Sa'aat stood, looked down at the floor and said to Spock, "Sehmuk klush-tor du shar-tor sha'veh nekhaya, eh k'lash-tor du." (17)

Spock's whole body began to shudder. "Po ha?" (18) he uttered.

"Spahk, tu kupi-tor rai-vel - Tu vesht tenai-tor fam." (19)

"Po ha?" Spock asked again, his voice quavering as he pressed his eyes shut. His mouth gaped as though he were in pain, but at first, no sound came from him except the wheezing of his breath past his torn vocal cords. He bent over, pressing both hands to the front of his head. "Po ha?" he cried.

Nyota jumped up to go to him, but Dr. Surrey grabbed her wrist, holding her in place. "Spock - " she pulled against Surrey's grip. "Nam-tor la' nash-veh, k'diwa." (20)

The sclera of Spock's right eye suddenly turned dark green with blood, and with a painful wail, he fell to his knees. As his emotions burst through his mental barriers, the visceral shockwave hit the others with unbridled force, causing them to double over and clutch their heads. Once more, throughout the ship, crewmembers were struck down by the emotive blast. Only Nyota remained unaffected, and she used the opportunity to pull away from Surrey and rush to Spock's side.

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(1) T'Rea: All most other Trek-sites state that Sybok's mother was never named, her name was listed on the Memory Beta site, which reads in part, "...T'Rea was a Vulcan female alive in the early 23rd century. She was a Vulcan princess who would become the first wife of Sarek, and would later become a High Master of Gol. She was the mother of Sybok. T'Rea and Sarek would mate only one time, which would result in the conception of their son, Sybok. Born in 2224, he was the first son of ambassador Sarek and T'Rea. The existence of this son was kept secret from Sarek, and T'Rea divorced Sarek when she ascended to the position of High Master of Gol. The marriage was annulled. (TOS novel: Sarek..."

(2) Shaka: the Vulcan word for "fiend" or "demon"

(3) Kun-ut: the Vulcan word for "marriage"

(4) Sarlah du k'nash-veh. Tal-tor Dr. Surrey etek bolau.: Translated from the Vulcan this means, "Come with me. We need to locate Dr. Surrey."

(5) CS: short for Communications Specialist.

(6) CMO: short for Chief Medical Officer.

(7) Drunk, horny and dishonest: These incidences were taken directly from scenes in the 2009 "Star Trek" movie.

(8) Commodore: a rank above Fleet Captain and below an Admiral, also known as a "rear admiral lower half" or a "Branch Admiral". It wasn't unusual for an officer of an admiral's rank to reign as the Starfleet Surgeon General (SSG). The SSG has authority over all of Starfleet Medical, and has the power to permanently relieve from duty any medical personnel he/she deems to be "incompetent". Author's Note: Surgeon General Myles Cameron is my own creation; he doesn't exist in Trek canon.

(9) Mor'gril: on Vulcan the mor'gril were wolverine-like animals that were psionically aware. If the mor'gril was not killed quickly, it would link its mind to its adversary and force the adversary to experience the full effect of its death.

(10) The medulla spinalis is the spinal cord. If the spinal cord is severed above the C3 vertebrae, breathing ceases and is no longer possible and the victim will suffocate without immediate intervention. According to Wickipedia, "...Spinal nerve C1 is called the suboccipital nerve which provides motor innervation to muscles at the base of the skull. C2 and C3 form many of the nerves of the neck, providing both sensory and motor control. These include the greater occipital nerve which provides sensation to the back of the head, the lesser occipital nerve which provides sensation to the area behind the ears, the greater auricular nerve and the lesser auricular nerve. See occipital neuralgia. The phrenic nerve arises from nerve roots C3, C4 and C5. It innervates the diaphragm, enabling breathing. If the spinal cord is transected above C3, then spontaneous breathing is not possible." In my original story, "The Ek'tevan Prerogative", T'Pau was present when T'Cloo was injured, and did nothing to intervene.

(11) This is in reference to the scene in the 2009 "Star Trek" movie when the emotionally compromised Spock was goaded into a violent reaction by Kirk, on the bridge of the Enterprise, and tried to strangle Kirk to death.

(12) riyeht-kashik: the Vulcan term for "not right minded" or "insane".

(13) Abru-gla-tor: Vulcan term for "overseer". In my story "The Ek'tevan Prerogative", when Spock was going through the chemically induced plak-tau on New Vulcan, Sa'aat had explained, "...T'Pau controls [the women]. That is her role in this interaction. She is... the Officiate here. She regulates which female comes into Spock's sphere of perception and at what time. She keeps the others quiescent until they are required, and sets those that have been successfully mated into a dream-filled sleep..." Nyota also told Dr. McCoy, "When Vulcan males are in the plak-tau, they usually perceive other males as competition for the females, and will kill them if they enter the mating space… Sometimes the Officiate will have a guard with her, but she has to shield him with her mind so the male in the "blood fever" can't see him or recognize him as another male…"

(14) Vip-nei: this is not part of Trek canon; I made up the device and its name.

(15) Kashek fo-dan: Literally translated from the Vulcan it means "mind shield". In my story "The Ek'tevan Prerogative", Nyota explained to Dr. McCoy, "When Vulcan males are in the plak-tau, they usually perceive other males as competition for the females, and will kill them if they enter the mating space… Sometimes the Officiate will have a guard with her, but she has to shield him with her mind so the male in the "blood fever" can't see him or recognize him as another male…" T'Pau had initiated a kashek fo-dan to keep Spock unaware of Semuk, thus allowing Semuk to attack him.

(16) K'nash-veh du vesh'ri'yeht-fam , osa-savensu. Var-tor nash-veh ra vesht gla-tor du.: Translated from the Vulcan this means, "With me you have never been false, honored teacher. Tell me what you saw."

(17) Sehmuk kuhsh-tor du shar-tor sha'veh nekhaya, eh k'lash-tor du.: from the Vulcan, this translates as, "Semuk beat you to secure your submission and then raped you."

(18) Po ha: "Po" is the Vulcan word for "why", "po ha," means "Why?" ("ha", the word "yes", is put at the end of a sentence to form a question)

(19) Spahk, tu kupi-tor rai-vel - Tu vesht tenai-tor fam.: Translated from the Vulcan this means, "Spock, you could do nothing; you are not to blame."

(20) Nam-tor la'nash-veh, k'diwa: translated from the Vulcan it means, "I am here, beloved."