Leave Me Lying Here

Title: Leave Me Lying Here (12/?) Copyright 08/23/03

Author: Lydia NightShade

Pairing: Jack/Will; Ana Maria/Elizabeth (More implied than graphic portrayal)

Rating: NC-17

Warnings: Swearing, sexusexual slander, uncaring father, angst…

Disclaimer: HA! I own nothing! I’m a pathetic college student that can’t seem to stop writing gay porn! LoL! It’s a sickness really….or an obsession….hmmmm. The title is a line from the Veruca Salt song Volcano Girls. I don’t own that either I just think it goes well with the fic and I love Veruca Salt!

Beta: Mistaya!

Feedback: It puts the spring in Springfield!

Summary: Jack cleans Will up and finds out what happened. Will, thinking he needs to earn his stay, tries to seduce Jack.

Author’s Notes: I’m running out of ways to ask for feedback! Ahhhhhhh!!!

Author’s Notes 2: *~*~*~* denotes scene change or passage of time and “speech” ‘thoughts’. Okay here we go! I was just watching I love the seventies and found out Foxy Brown chops off a guys peepee and puts it in a pickle jar to give to his evil girlfriend…..I GOTTA RENT THAT SHIT!!!! Now that’s a feisty woman! Row!

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“I… I don’t have a home… I have nothing… I’m alone… completely alone.”

The words had chilled Jack to the very bone. They were so ominous, so cold, and so empty. What had happened between the time he lost the twerp at the club and when he found him with those lowlifes? He’d showed up in time… hadn’t he? He shook his head; of course he had. Will was still clothed when he found him… well, the red shirt was history, but it wasn’t like he’d paid for it anyway.

He pulled up to the hotel, which fortunately wasn’t too far away because a chopper (1) sucks in the rain, and hurried over to the door. He shooed Will inside and locked the door. He was sopping wet, as was Will. Good thing he’d hung the sign “Maid Service Requested” because they were going to need lots of towels.

“Why don’t you get out of those wet clothes,” Jack offered, not knowing what else he could do to help the kid. Will stiffened at Jack’s words. So he was right… that /was/ what Jack wanted. Will shivered at the thought… he knew what he had to do, but he really didn’t want to.

“O-okay,” he mumbled. He meant to go to the bathroom… but he couldn’t seem to make his feet move. He felt Jack come up behind him and touch his shoulders. Will flinched at the contact, but he didn’t pull away.

“Come on lad, you’ll freeze to death in those clothes,” Jack cooed softly. He knew he should be furious with the brat for running away again, but for some reason he just felt sorry for the kid. Will looked like he’d had his heart ripped out and stomped on. “I’ll clean you up.” He used his hold on the slim shoulders to guide Will to the bathroom.

“Take off the pants and shirt,” he instructed, exiting the bathroom. Will stood there frozen for a moment, not knowing what to do. Was he supposed to be naked when Jack came back? Or should he come out into the bedroom? With trembling hands he started to take his clothes off. When he heard Jack coming back he panicked and wrapped a towel around his waist.

“Hey, remember these?” Jack half joked, holding up Will’s bright blue boxers. Will nodded and felt confused when Jack handed him the black thermal, his boxers, and a pair of socks.

“Um… thanks.” He pulled the thermal over his head and dropped the towel so he could put his boxers on. He sat on the toilet in order to put his socks on… his toes were extremely cold.

“Here, let me clean up your face,” Jack offered, dipping a washcloth under the faucet and soaking it in warm water. He knelt down in front of Will and started to clean up the dark smudges all around the boy’s eyes. “You’re starting to look like a raccoon,” Jack teased, but it didn’t seem to make Will laugh. The kid was just staring at him like he expected him to do something.

“There you go, all nice and pretty again,” he chimed. He noticed something flash in Will’s eyes, like he was hatching a plan…. strange. Jack was about to get up again when Will leaned forward and placed a timid kiss to his lips. Jack almost fell flat on his ass. “What are you doing?” he asked totally flabbergasted and completely turned on.

“It’s what you want isn’t it?” Will mumbled flatly, grabbing Jack’s hand and running it up his thigh. “Go ahead… take what you want,” he whispered seductively, ‘forcing’ Jack’s hand all the way to the juncture between his legs. He moved Jack’s hand and moaned as the older man finally snapped out of his shock and started to work Will through his boxers. Jack wasn’t /entirely/ sure he was awake. This was his wet dream come true!

He continued to work Will, enjoying the small moans coming from him, as he pulled the teen down for a kiss, a /real/ kiss. He’d wanted to kiss Will, unforced, for the longest time. He gently worked his tongue past the soft lips and explored the moist cavern, gorging himself on the boy’s taste. He heard Will’s moans turn to whimpers and he pulled back.

“What’s the matter?” he asked breathlessly. Will smiled awkwardly and shrugged.

“N-nothing… c-can we move to the bed… um… I just think that… that it would be more comfortable… wouldn’t it?” he stuttered, fidgeting in his place… the boy seemed uncomfortable in his own skin. Jack smacked his forehead and hopped up.

“Of course! Where /are/ my manners?” he laughed, taking Will’s hand and leading him to one of the beds. “Do you prefer top or bottom?” Will shrugged and played with his hair nervously.

“W-which… whichever y-you… p-pr-prefer,” he started to chew on his nails as he looked up at Jack expectantly, as if waiting for orders.

“Well, I like being on top of my lovers… makes me feel so roguish,” he squealed in his gravely voice. “Why are you so nervous? Haven’t you done this before?” Will flinched, but shook it off.

“O-of course… I just… I don’t… know you… that… well… yeah, that’s it,” he lied, forcing a smile. “Shall we?” He let go of Jack’s hand and sat down on the edge of the bed before scooting back so he was lying in the middle. Jack crawled up so his knees were on either side of the boy’s thighs.

Will’s breathing was becoming shallower and he was sweating from something other than arousal. Speaking of which, Jack noticed, with great disappointment, that his handy work was for nothing as Will was completely limp again.

“What the hell?” he barked. How could the kid have control that good? He was hard as a rock… didn’t Will want this? After all… he started it! Jack mentally smacked himself for the childish excuse and focused on his task at hand.

“What? Did… did I do something wrong?” Will asked sounding rather frightened. Jack scratched his head and squinted in confusion.

“You do want to do this, don’t you?” Jack had to admit he found the situation rather odd that his meek hostage suddenly started trying to seduce him… but Jack was also an opportunist. Hell, he hadn’t had any tail in about six months, which meant he was about two cases of rum away from humping a goat!

Will didn’t respond, he just pulled his captor down and started to suck on the older man’s neck. Jack’s response was a feral groan that echoed in Will’s ear. The teenager squeezed his eyes shut and tried to force his body to not flinch to Jack’s touches. He /had/ to do this if he wanted Jack to take care of him… he had to submit. At least Jack was being gentle… not cruel like Gibbs or forceful like Avery. He would get used to it, he told himself.

Jack pulled back to remove his shirt before helping Will to do the same. Will tried not to cover himself with his arms, but it was a reflex… especially after Avery. Jack held Will’s hands and gently pushed them to the side.

“Trust me, kid, you have /nothing/ to be embarrassed about.” He started kissing a trail down Will’s neck, sucking on the juncture between collarbone and neck. “You’re skin’s so soft… and you taste so good,” he moaned against the youth’s skin. He was completely lost in the sensation of the young lithe body. He reached up to stroke Will’s face and he encountered moisture.

“What the?” he looked up to find Will crying again. ‘Jesus! I’ll never understand this kid! He’s worse than a pregnant lady on estrogen for crap’s sake!’ Will turned his head away and covered his face. “You really don’t want to do this do you?” Jack asked softly, sitting back on his heals. Will started crying openly and Jack had no idea what to do.

“This is it… this is… this is all I’m… all I’m good for!” Will sobbed, curling on to his side and covering his face. “I’m sorry… I thought I could do this… that it was what you wanted!” He dissolved into tears again and had to take a few ragged breaths to calm himself. “I don’t have anywhere else to go and you’re the only person besides the Swann family to take care of me!”

“What are you talking about?” Jack yelled, completely confused and unbelievably horny.

“I called my f-f-fath--- I called home… or what /was/ home. H-h-he called me a f-f-f-faggot and said he was ashamed of me… and that he never w-wanted to adopt me! T-t-then he told me he had no son!” he wailed, completely miserable. Jack didn’t know what to do. He remembered what the kid’s father had said when he asked for ransom, but he couldn’t believe the man had said that to the kid’s face… well… sort of.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered, placing a hand on Will’s shoulder. Will pulled away and pulled the thermal back on.

“I hate it… I hate the touching… I don’t want to be touched.” Jack found that tidbit rather interesting.

“Why? Why do you hate being touched?” Will pulled himself up into a sitting position and pulled his knees to his chest.

“It’s dirty… I’m dirty… he ruined me!” Jack felt hatred brewing in his gut, but he didn’t understand why. He barely knew the kid! Why should he care? “Why did he do that? Why did I trust him? I’m so stupid! I should have listened to Lizzie… oh, god Lizzie!” he sobbed, clutching his head. “I’m never going to see her again! He never even wanted me! Why does everyone want to hurt me?!” Will was becoming hysterical; he started rocking and pulling on his hair. Jack knew he had to calm him down; Will was going to hurt himself. He tried restraining Will, but the teen fought him.

“No! Get off me! Stop it! Please just stop!” Giving up on the pinning, Jack decided he’d do what he’d guessed no one else had ever tried with the twerp. He wrapped his arms around him and held Will to his chest. He stroked the boy’s hair and rubbed his back, speaking calmly.

“Hush now… it’s okay… I’m not going to hurt you,” he cooed. Will continued to struggle at first, but eventually he calmed and just cried into Jack’s chest, even clutching onto the man like a lifeline. “There you go… let it out…”

‘Unfuckingbelievable!’ he thought as he continued to comfort Will as the boy cried his heart out into his bare chest. ‘Well, I’ll be damned… Jack Sparrow has a heart after all,’ he mused cynically.

“Why didn’t he pay the ransom?” Will asked, a dark tone in his voice. Jack considered lying, but how much worse could the kid really feel? Jack cleared his throat and tried to think of the nicest way to phrase what the boy’s father had screamed in his ear.

“Well… um… it was /my/ impression that… he was /not/ a fan of your… /sexual/… preference,” he cleared his throat again and shifted slightly. “I’m… sorry…” he mumbled. ‘I seem to be saying that a lot lately. Strange… I /never/ used to apologize… heh!’ He heard Will sniffle and then felt the kid ont onto him even tighter.

“He s-said he should have let me die in t-the street… that the w-world would be better o-off. Why was I born this way? Unlovable…” Jack couldn’t believe it… but he thought he might actually have felt his heart wrenching!

“You’re not unlovable. You said something about this Lo… Li… Liza Minelly! No, Lizzie! That Lizzie person… she must love you if you like her so much… right?” Will sniffled and nodded against Jack’s chest. ‘Phew! That was a stab in the dark… thank you Jebus (2)!’

“Yeah…” he whispered. “But I’ll never see her again… I can’t leave her in that house, Barbossa’s after her.” He pulled back and stared up at Jack with wide, teary eyes. “You have to help me! /Please/… help me get her away from him… I’ll… I’ll do whatever you want… even… even… I mean… you know…” Will couldn’t make himself say what he was willing to do to save his sister. He’d hate it, but he’d do anything for her… she was the only person to show him unconditional love since his mother and father died.

“I’m not your friend, kid… and I’m not in the business of being a rapist… no matter how much I wish I were right now… do you /try/ to be this desirable or is it natural?” he grumbled, seriously wanting an answer.

“But it won’t be rape… I won’t fight… I’ll…I’ll let you do it…” he insisted, clinging to Jack. “Please… help me…” he begged. Jack’s expression was unmoved. Will had to convince him. He bent down and slowly licked his way up Jack’s chest and kissed his nipple. “You said you wanted me… don’t you deserve what you want?” Jack groaned at the ministrations; the kid knew what he was doing— he’d give him that!

‘Oh, just let him do it… he wants to /so/ badly…’ Jack’s Id instructed him. He had to admit he really wanted to.

‘Don’t you dare!’ his Superego screeched. ‘He’s vulnerable and you /know/ he doesn’t really want to. Is this the road you want to go down? A dirty old pervert that exploits young innocent boys?! Shame on you!’

‘You can’t rape the willing you frigid old twat!’ the Id countered.

“Just because I have /morals/ doesn’t mean I’m frigid! You give me a /willing/ partner and I’ll show you a sex scene that would make the /saints/ jerk off!’

‘You don’t have the balls! Those belong to me!’

‘I control the body! You’ll never get stroked again!’

“ENOUGH!!” Jack bellowed, completely scaring the pants off of Will.

“I’m sorry!” He backed away and tried to curl in on himself. “But I need your help. I’ll get you money somehow,” he whimpered, rivers of tears flowing down his face. “I thought you wanted me to submit to you… you tried it at the house and you wanted to buy me alcohol… then the ‘get out of those clothes’ line… what am I doing wrong?” he moaned, his desperation clear.

“Why would you think me buying you booze meant I wanted to fuck you? You don’t have any money and they wouldn’t have served you, plus the master is /supposed/ to provide for the pet!”

“Avery got me drunk before he… and your partner made me drink his whiskey, said it would help or make it better… so I thought…”

“You thought that with the way I’ve acted in the past and was dressing you up and then buying you alcohol that I was planning to rape you… I see…” Jack played with the braids on his chin, understanding finally coming to him. “No wonder you ran away…” he laughed at the memory. “You really soaked me with that shit… never been /pink/ and sticky before,” he started to chuckle and to his delight noticed that Will had joined him.

“Sorry ‘bout that,” Will smiled shyly and tucked his hair behind his ears. “I know you don’t like me… and I know we certainly aren’t friends… but you’re the only other person I know… besides Lucy and Frank… please don’t cast me out.” Will’s voice trembled and he looked so unbelievably vulnerable. Jack groaned and ran his hands down his face in annoyance.

“Alright…” he moaned exasperatedly. “I’ll keep you around for a while… but you better not give me so much shit anymore… you have officially become expendable, savvy?” Will smiled genuinely and bounced over to Jack, hugging the old biker tightly.

“Savvy. Thank you so much! I won’t be anymore trouble, I promise.” Jack was a bit taken back by the sudden mood swing and the show of affection. This boy was a /complete/ mystery to him. He returned the hug awkwardly for a few moments before he couldn’t take it anymore.

“Okay, enough of that! Now if I’m going to be your new… caretaker… you have to do what I say. I’ll treat ye fairly as long as you don’t give me grief. But about this sister business, mate… I’m sorry, I see no profit in it for me… and it’s bad enough I’m being nice to you. And if I run into anyone I know and they ask… we’re fucking, savvy? Don’t tell them I’m ‘taking care of you,’” Jack sniveled the last line, shivering at the thought.

“Why don’t you want anyone to know you’re being a decent citizen?” Will asked, bewildered. Jack flailed his arms around and shushed Will insistently.

“Don’t… /say/… that!” he growled. Will had to hide his laughter at the man’s insecurity over his soft side. “I’m /not/ a decent citizen!” he spat with disgust. “Why would you say that? Why? Why? Why? WHY?!”

“You really are crazy…” Will laughed, shaking his head. He heard his stomach rumble and he blushed. “Um… is there anymoizzaizza?” He asked timidly.

“No… I had to chuck the leftovers because it was growing hair… that’s the problem with no refrigeration. We can get some more… noooo, Chinese!” Jack jumped off the bed with a silly look on his face and grabbed the phone. “What do you want? I was thinking sweet and sour chicken with white rice, savvy?”

“C-can I have beef and broccoli?” Jack considered it and then shrugged.

“Don’t see why not… hell, while we’re at it let’s get some soda, soup, and egg rolls.” He dialed the number and placed his order. “Yes, and just charge it to our room… no, thank /you/!” He hung up and flopped down on his own bed. “So… now what?”

“Don’t get mad… but I thought you were strapped for cash… and it’s not that I’m ungrateful, but how can you afford all this?” Will asked, rather perplexed by the reckless spending. “I mean the room, the food, the clothes and makeup… it all costs money.”

“Well, obviously… it’s just not my money,” Jack smirked, reaching into his pocket. “Port Royal really is a lovely place… full of rich people… low crime… loose pockets,” he explained, holding up a Visa Gold Card. “Been living off it since I got into town… the trick is to /replace/ the wallet so that they don’t realize the credit card is missing right away,” he instructed, relishing the chance to corrupt the youth in a nonsexual way for once.

“It’s amazing I keep getting away with it… I mean look at the name, do I really look like a Gilbert?” he scoffed, almost insulted that no one questioned the name.

Will held the credit card in his hand, grimacing at the name, “Gilbert Grape? Who the hell names their kid /Gilbert/? And what kind of last name is Grape?”

“Some crazy hick with a special-ed brother, and big ol’ Ma probably,” Jack mused. “I’ll have to ditch it soon. Good rule of thumb… never hold onto stolen property for more than a week… two if you’re /really/ in a pinch,” he said, once again dawning his ‘teaching’ voice. “I could probably hold onto this one a bit longer, that bloke must have had a million of the things!”

“Do you ever do things legally?” Will queried, somewhat put off. “Your luck’s going to run out eventually,” he warned.

“If you want to stay with me, we do things my way… if you don’t like it, I can set you up with a rather nice pimp… he only rapes his whores about once a week and he lets them keep almost twenty percent of their trick’s money,” he snapped. Will flinched and tightened his grip on knees, clutching them to his chest.

“Why do you always do that?” Jack asked, frustrated. Will glared at him in confusion.

“Do what?” Jack motioned with his hands at him.

“That! Flinch… whenever I mention sex in any capacity? I thought you weren’t a virgin… why so jumpy then?” Jack asked, genuinely interested. Will shifted uncomfortably and looked down at the mattress. He laughed nervously and shrugged.

“I don’t know…” he lied. Jack groaned skeptically and pursed his lips. “Mmh“Mmhmph. So why the ‘I don’t like getting touched’ comment? Oh, and my personal favorite, ‘He ruined me’?”

“That’s none of your concern!” Will snapped, turning from Jack and lying down.

“Going to bed without supper?” Jack quipped, rising from his bed and sneaking over to Will’s.

“I’m resting… it’s been a long day and I feel tired.” He felt Jack’s hand sneak around his waist and he tried to dash for the bathroom, but it was too late. The biker had him. “What are you doing? Stop it!” He squirmed and thrashed, trying to get out of the man’s hold. Jack rolled over onto his back so that Will was lying on top of his stomach. Will felt a sense of shock roll through him as he found himself staring up at the ceiling.

“What on earth are you doing?!” he grumbled, still trying to escape the unwanted hold.

“I wanna know… come on, tell me!” Jack mock whined, shaking the boy slightly. “I’m not letting go until you doooo,” he sung childishly. Will was determined to get free, though, and he started kicking Jack’s shins. “OW! Little bugger!” Jack griped, biting Will on the neck in response.

“Oooooowww!” Will screeched as Jack’s teeth pinched his flesh. He elbowed Jack, finally forcing the man to release him. Will rolled off Jack and made for the bathroom, the only place of privacy in the room. Jack recovered quickly and made a dive for the youth. He belly flopped on the carpet, but he managed to drag Wdowndown with him.

“Gotcha! I win! Now you have to answer my question,” Jack chimed triumphantly, crawling up Will’s body and straddling him. He pinned Will’s wrists against the carpet and sat on the lad’s bum.

“Get off me! This isn’t a game!” he screeched struggling futilely. Jack only held him tighter. He leaned down over the boy and looked him in the eye.

“You’re not going anywhere, ‘til you do what I want,” he replied simply. The words triggered a bad memory for Will and he tried to buck Jack off, but he wasn’t strong enough.

“Stop!” he moaned, feeling the tears start to well in his eyes. Jack heard the fear in Will’s voice and knew he’d done something wrong. “You’re scaring me,” he whimpered piteously, crying into the carpet. Jack quirked an eyebrow at the odd response.

‘No, please! Not again…’

Will’s frantic plea to Gibbs suddenly rang in his ears. Jack jerked his hands back suddenly as if Will’s skin burned him. ‘So /that’s/ why he’s so jumpy.’ Will sat up and scooted back on the carpet a few paces, putting a comfortable amount of space between them.

“Sorry,” Jack grimaced, feeling that old familiar guilt creepin’ on back. “I’m guessing you didn’t really enjoy your first time did ye? A little too rough for your liking?” He tried, not sure exactly what the hell he /should/ say. Will whimpered before he started to full out cry again. Jack flinched and scrunched up his face, completely uncomfortable.

“Oh, shit… sorry!” he apologized, moving slowly towards the youth. “Aw, come on… it’s okay… really! This shit happens /way/ more often than you think!” he blurted out, thinking for some deranged reason, that the information would be comforting. Will only cried harder, wailing out in agony at the thought of hundreds of teens like himself or Lizzie going through what he had.

“Stop… /doing/… that!” Jack whined, flapping his hands around and looking at Will hopelessly. “Look, I’m really bad at the crying thing… never liked it… haven’t felt an emotion in ten years, okay… what do I do?!” Jack abruptly found the sobbing teen in his arms again, clinging to him. “Oh… um… okay… I can do this… this works…” he reassured himself, awkwardly wrapping his arms around the boy.

“There, there…” he comforted flatly, completely confused and nervous. He hadn’t had anyone depend on him for emotional support be and and it was disturbing him more than he cared to admit.

“It was my Coach…” Will mumbled against Jack’s shoulder. Jack made a noise of confusion and furrowed his brow.

“Huh?”

“It was my Coach… my first time was with my Coach… I used to play soccer,” Will explained, starting to compose himself again. “He told me I was his favorite,” he hissed bitterly. “And I believed it.” Jack could hear the self-loathing in Will’s voice and decided he needed to visit Will’s high school at some point…

“Wait! Was that the guy pulling you into the school that day we kidnap-… er… met?” Jack asked, memory suddenly kicking in. Will pulled back from the embrace and stared at Jack, a contemplative look on his face.

“Yes… heh… I’d almost forgotten that… you’ve saved me twice now, I guess.” There was an odd tone to Will’s voice and Jack wasn’t sure if he liked it. “He… he was going to… he said he’d really make it hurt this time.” Will shuddered at the memory and sniffled loudly. If Jack hadn’t kidnapped him when he had… Avery would have brutally raped him.

“Sick fuck!” Jack blurted out before he could stop himself.

“Didn’t know you cared so much…” Will breathed, enjoying the slight flush of embarrassment that covered his captor’s cheeks. He had to admit he was surprised by the intense reaction. His own /father/ didn’t even seem to care, but Jack, his /kidnapper/ looked like he wanted to skin Avery alive.

“I don’t like perverts and rapists.” Jack stated confidently. “Even though my actions may speak otherwise as of late,” he muttered as an after thought, giving Will a sideways peek to see if the youth had heard him. If Will did, he showed no sign.

“Well… now you know everything,” Will said sadly, shrugging. “Can we just watch TV until the food comes?” He looked at Jack questioningly and flashing his best baby seal eyes. Jack didn’t really know what else to do with the situation so he nodded.

“Sounds good… let’s never speak of this again, savvy?” He said quickly, rising from the floor before finally putting his shirt back on and moving to his bed. He flopped down on it and waited for Will to join him. To his surprise Will curled up next to him, resting his curly head on Jack’s chest. Jack flinched.

“Is this okay? I… I just… it’s comfortable,” he fumbled over the explanation, slightly embarrassed to admit he was actually starting to feel /safe/ around the older man. It was crazy after all! His kidnapper made him feel safe?!

‘And savior…’ His Superego whispered.

“It’s… fine…” Jack replied, caught totally off guard. Will smiled sleepily and slumped in closer. Jack was warm… comfortable… safe…

“My savior…” he mumbled, but Jack didn’t hear it.


Tbc….

Sorry about all the Id, Ego, and Superego things… psych class took over and they just pound that into you when you’re a psych major… over and over and over and over!!! And then you find out that Freud was actually a loadcrapcrap and they made you know it for fucking nothing!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!! O.o Oops…heh…sorry about that!

Anyway, if you don’t know the Id is your animal instincts… think the little red Devil on your shoulder. The Superego is the morals and values that have been engrained into you by society, environment, and religion… it’s the last thing to develop because you aren’t really born with a sense of right and wrong because how can you know? And lastly your Ego is like your consciousnconnconscious self… it’s your personality… you! So in conclusion, you really do have an angel and a devil on your shoulder! Dum, da, da, da!! *fifties announcer voice* Psychology… making those cartoons you watch just /that/ less amusing! *twitch*

(1) Chopper is another term for a motorcycle… I could be spelling it wrong cause I’m dumb…
(2) Jebus: Have you watched the Simpsons? Well Homer says it and I’ve heard a few other people use it and my buddy and I use it all the time… in fact it’s what she calls her car! But since we had the horrors of a Catholic School edumacation saying Jesus itself brings up bad memories so we use Jebus… besides… it’s funny!! ^_^