The Voyage of Galilea

When I was ready to leave my room, the servant offered me the purple robe to take with me as a souvenir. I thanked her for her gesture, but I wanted nothing. As I left my room, another servant walked me down the foyer. The torches didn’t burn, and the room was dunk in darkness. With a wave of my hand, I told the servant I needed no escort. The heavy doorways opened in front of me, and I left the fortress.

The cruelness of the wind froze my heart. I wanted not to look behind me. The air I breathed was intoxicating…I smelled poison. I breathed poison.

It was dark. I had limited vision. The fog still prevailed and my eyes were full of tears. I braced my body to protect me from the bitter cold. I started to shiver. I fell down a couple of times because I didn’t see the broken branches on the ground.

At a distance I heard the wolves howling a sad cry…calling upon the moon.

I too looked up to the moon, I beg of her to guide me.

My legs hurt me. My body still ached and I could not walk any further. I remembered well where my voyage had started…I had to go back to the exact same point. I kept walking amidst the horrible pain. My tears began to fall like rain drops, one by one. My heart was shattered…I had no strength to survive his harsh words…

I let my body fall on the ground…I was worn out…My skin turned purplish with the cold.

I curled myself to a fetal position and I said a prayer out loud for the Angel of Death to find me. I cried every tear in my soul and I closed my eyes, hoping I would never have to open them again.

My dreams took me back to my grandfather’s lab. There I was listening to his incredible adventures in Transylvania. I was a little girl, bubbling with curiosity and asking a million questions. I so loved to spend hours in the attic, buried in books and ancient maps of Romania…I was happy then. I had everything I needed. I never got tired of hearing the stories of Lucy and Mina of Bram Stoker’s novel. As I grew older and my obsession for Dracula was consuming, I longed to be Lucy so I could feel the presence of the dashing Count over me, his shadow above me, and his venom inside me.

I had no life.

I lived my life following an illusion, a cursed legend. I gave up on love, without knowing it. I didn’t have the comfort of a loving friend. Even the stars had given up on me. They were jealous, for, at times, I prefer to chase the constellation of my own obsession.

What was I? What had I become?

I slowly opened my eyes and I awoke to the sound of my own babbling. My mouth hurt. I tried to move my hands and they were stuck. As I slowly regained my consciousness, I found myself in the dark…Yet I knew the place too well. My place. My reality. My solitude.

I didn’t know if I had landed properly. Most likely I fell asleep during the trip…I don’t know…I didn’t care anymore.

I didn’t want to be where I was. I didn’t want to be anymore.

Yet Death is wise and it doesn’t come when she’s told…It comes when she must. I had little respect for Death. I had made love to man that had defied Death itself and continued to exist beyond it. Death had forsaken me that night. She had her revenge. She left me to my suffering and my agony.

My life made no sense to me. I stood up slowly and I faced the machine that had led me to paradise. I faced it and it mocked me, it laughed on my face. My time-traveling masterpiece brought me happiness and it took it back, and it laughed and laughed on my face.

I thought I was done with crying. The echo of his voice followed me close, as hunting as the forests of the Carpathians. To add to my torture, his body, the smell of my skin as he touched me…that, too, harassed me…Our bodies in motion…His hands on me, inside of me…that also punished me…My whole life was a punishment.

I looked around my lab…How absurd…My books, the mess on my tables, the wall clock I never fixed, the humidity stain on my ceiling that I never cleaned up…All around me was laughing at me…I had failed.

Oh Lucifer! You won! Had I know you were behind of all of this! Leave me! I beg of you leave me!

My thoughts laughed at me too.

How long was I gone? Days?

I laughed softly…bitterly, sadly…

I didn’t turn on the lights. I walked around in the dark.. Crying. I walked outside the room and I saw my apartment. Little furniture. Books. In the dark all seemed bigger and scarier. I walked carefully to my room. My bed was made. I had left my room clean in case I would not return. I found the note I wrote for my brother in case I didn’t return.

Dear Colin,

I know you believed in me. I know that you will miss me if I am gone. I have found my happiness and I have found my purpose. Though I am far and I have defeated the rules of nature, I am always going to live in your heart. I am not alone and I will be taken care of.

My purpose in life, my future itself lies in the past. It may sound absurd, but this is the only glory I seek. Nothing else.

In a box by the window, there are my most precious books and that telescope you always wanted. They are for you.

Everything else, I want to donate it to different libraries. You will find the addresses in the box as well.

Colin, I will love you forever and no harm will ever come to you.

Give my love to Mom and Dad. I hope they can forgive me…I know they will.

Always,

Galilea

I was going to burn that letter, but some strange force stopped me and I blew the match I had lit. I saw the box by the window. I put the letter on top of it.

I had turn on the light of my bed table. The clock was ticking hard. I always hated that noise. Time. I hated the word and its sound. Time. I used to laugh at him. Him too was laughing me…His laughter was deafening. Time slapped me on my face and pushed me around…Time…who said I could defeat you?

Forgive me. You too. Please forgive me.

I undressed slowly and I lay on the floor naked. My body had a new shape. My breasts had blossomed candidly in the underworld of pleasure.

I thought of Aleera. Her beauty, her wantonness…Her kisses which taught my lips to open to ecstasy. I thought of her hands and their touch. I thought of her laughter, her careless giggles…I thought of her words, her sadness, her inner fear…I thought how absurd that she was ever deemed a monster…I missed her too. I loved her so.

Vladislaus. Count Dracula. Had I loved the monster, my heart would still be whole. I loved the man. I adored him. I had loved him for a lifetime and beyond. What? Was he trying to protect me? Was he so touched that he could not bare it? I had made my choices. I needed no protection. I wanted you. I wanted to have my life lived by your side. I want no pity. I wanted you. I wanted to deliver you of your sadness. I wanted to paint eternity with the colors of the rainbow. Had my hands not learned to please him…Had my body not been desecrated by his lust, I would still have my dignity to cling to. Cursing his kiss, my fingers ran over my body and they met their fate inside of me…I let them be…I let them go…I moaned as I cried more tears…I moaned to honor the memories of what my body was when my body had his…

Pleasure had mercy on me as I climaxed on the floor…I moaned and I stirred myself like an insect…The agony of pleasure…I swallowed pride and dignity…and I swallowed my tears.

I drifted away again.

The god-awful noise from the streets awoke me, and I found myself naked, lying on the floor. My eyes stung. I had cried so much. My eyes were swollen.

In a few moments I woke up and I got inside the shower and I washed away the salt of my tears, the bile of my agony. If I had life still to live, then I had to live! Fuck! Fuck me! Fuck me for loving you this way, Vladislaus! But I am alive, Count! I am not dead like you. Fuck me! Fuck me because I was weak! But guess what? I have a heart. A heart full of your poison, but blessed me my heart full of you! I have a heart! I have a heart! Fuck you, Count! But you know…I am not a coward like you! I have a heart….

Those were the last tears. I promised myself.

The water ran red from my hair. Henna.

No more memories. I beg of you God. No more memories.

I went to my lab. I walked tall and proud like a queen would. Death was the punishment to that which would laugh at me. Death.

And so I walked to my traveling device. One by one, I yanked its pieces. I tore its arms. I smashed the screen, so no images would hunt me. One by one I destroyed the pieces of my first and only masterpiece. Yes, the memories would live within me forever. But I would not have you “Count” to laugh in my face. Fuck you too!

So it was done. My machine was nothing but a bunch of tin. A useless piece of shit!

I smiled.

I went out. I went out and I let the fresh air greet me back. This was my time. I belonged here.

I made up my mind in an instant. I would move to a different city. I would go away far from where it all started.

And I started to prepare myself for it.