Gilbert's New Girl

So there I was stuck with my lovesick brother and the object of his affection. Mostly I felt like a cuckoo in the nest, but I guess being around two people in love has its compensations. Gilbert and Tally did most of the chores because nothing was a chore to them as long as they were together. Of course there were a couple of things I felt uncomfortable about, I didn’t particularly like the fact that they showered together. Oh I know you’re probably thinking that I would have been more upset by them sleeping together, but I didn’t ever have to sleep in their bed. I had to use the same shower, you know? And it kind of irked me that every time Tally went out into the garden to smoke, Gilbert followed her like a faithful puppy dog. It was just stupid little things like that I found annoying. Still, it was nice to hear music and laughter in our house on a regular basis, and as much as I wanted to dislike Tally, I could never find enough reasons about her to add up to anything other than a growing fondness. Sometimes, I could almost see Tally through Gilbert’s eyes, and sometimes I could almost understand why he loved her. I already knew why she loved him. As expected, it was Tucker with his simple, but always right on target way of looking at things, who explained it to me.

‘Tally sees Gilbert far more clearly than anybody else in this town can. She came here and she had no way of knowing any of the old stuff, anything that happened in the past. All she sees is Gilbert, and the girl is smart enough to know when she’s looking at a good person.’ It was on the tip of my tongue to say that I knew Gilbert was a good person, but Tucker read my mind and I read his. It was saying ‘Shut up and listen Amy,’ so I did. ‘See, the way I see it’ Tucker said, putting his head close to mine, ‘All that Goth stuff that Tally first showed up in, well that was a sort of disguise. She didn’t want anyone getting too close, you know? And it worked on most of us, right? We all thought she was some kind of weirdo, but that first day when Gilbert first saw her in Marty’s café, he did something no one else around here even thought of doing. He smiled at her, and not that tight little smile he saves for customers he doesn’t like, we’re talking the full beam on ‘guaranteed to make you smile back’ smile. The one we don’t get to see too often.’

Tucker saw the cynicism in my eyes. ‘So that’s it? You’re telling me Tally fell in love with him because he smiled at her.’ Tucker ran his hands through his receding hair. ‘No, it was more than that. Maybe you’d have to have been there to understand it, but it was like they recognised each other. The smile was like a signal, like Gilbert could see through her disguise and he was inviting her to see through his.’ I shook my head at him. ‘You’ve been watching too much science fiction on t.v. You make Gilbert sound like some kind of alien who’s disguised as a human. There is no disguise! Gilbert has nothing to hide.’ Tucker threw himself back onto my bed, leaving me sitting upright on the edge. ‘Amy, Gilbert’s been hiding his whole damn life. What do you see when you look into his eyes? Tell me what you see?’ I got up from the bed and walked over to the window, I wanted some distance from him. ‘Strange as it may seem to you, Tucker, I don’t spend much time gazing into my brother’s eyes, and frankly I’m a little concerned that you do.’ I kept my back to him, but I could hear Tucker getting off the bed and crossing over to where I was standing. He stood behind me, and rested his chin on the top of my head. He took both of my hands in his and said, ‘I don’t just look into Gilbert’s eyes, you know? I look into yours too, but up until recently there wasn’t much difference between you. I’d look and I’d see anger and bitterness, resentment, loneliness and pain, hurt and disappointment.’ I leaned back against Tucker, happy for once to have the warmth of his body against mine. ‘And now,’ I asked him. ‘What do you see now?’ He kissed the side of my face and said, ‘Take a look in your brother’s eyes and you’ll see.’

After Tucker went home that night, I stayed in my room for the longest time, just thinking about what he had said, and thinking about the way things had worked out for me and Gilbert. Once, years ago, when Gilbert was drunk he said something to me, something that struck me like a thunderbolt. He said that as a family, the only purpose we served was to make every other family in Endora feel better about themselves. ‘They count their blessings every day, grateful that they’re not a Grape.’ I was a little drunk too, but my guard was still intact so I told him he was talking bullshit when in fact he had scored a bullseye with his comment. Gilbert was less given to pretence than I was; he knew that most of the townsfolk looked down us while pretending to sympathise with all of our troubles. Maybe I just had too much pride or something, but I could never be that honest with myself….until now. Now, it was time to face facts, but I’m not a very brave person. I didn’t have Gilbert’s courage, and as much as I professed to be mortified by the frequent displays of his ‘fuck this town and everyone in it’ attitude, I knew I could use some of it right now.

Downstairs in the kitchen, Tally was hoping to repeat her only culinary success by producing another perfect meatloaf. She looked up as I entered the room and flashed me a smile. Gilbert had his back to me as he cleared up the mess Tally tended to make when she cooked. The radio was playing Al Green’s ‘Let’s Stay Together’ and Gilbert was singing half to himself and half to Tally. ‘Let me be the one you coming running to, I’ll never be untrue’ he sang as he sidled up to her, and Tally had to dig him in the ribs with her elbow before he realised they were no longer alone. Gilbert turned round to face me, holding some plates in one hand and a bunch of cutlery in the other and I walked over to him and did something I never thought I would. I took his face in both my hands and looked into his eyes for one long minute. So what did I see? I saw love and hope, kindness and trust. I saw happiness and tenderness, and maybe just a trace of the old hurts. I saw my brother and I knew why this girl loved him.