Frost's Soulmate

Help Me Remember How to Smile

~*~

"Can you help me remember how to smile
Make it somehow all seem worthwhile
How on earth did I get so jaded?
Life's mystery seems so faded

I can go where no one else can go
I know what no one else knows
Here I am just drownin' in the rain
With a ticket for a runaway train

Everything is cut and dry
Day and night, earth and sky
Somehow I just don't believe it"
-Soul Asylum

~*~

Raven made sure the headband was on correctly so her hair was out of her face. She could already hear Jez downstairs noisily playing with Mr. Whiskers. She walked down and saw her daughter running through the living room dragging a string for the vampire cat to chase. “Morning, Jez. Are you ready for your lessons?”

Jez sighed but took the toy mouse off the string and threw it for the cat. She then followed her mother into the study. “What are we studying today?”

“English.” To Raven’s delight her daughter was brilliant. She was already reading and writing at a second grade level. They went over her reading and writing. This was her life now. Taking care of Jez and Mr. Whiskers. They lived in a small enclave run by witches. She had disappeared very well.

That wasn’t to say that she was happy. She missed Deacon so much that it was now a physical ache. He had tried to get in contact with her once, sending an emissary. She had sent him back with a broken nose and moved to another enclave.

She had never spoken bad about Deacon to anyone except Mr. Whiskers who couldn’t tell. She let Jez believe that her father loved her but couldn’t be around. It was better than the truth. She had spent these five years celibate. The thought of other men did nothing for her.

“Can I go play now?” Jez asked noticing that her mother’s attention had wavered.

“Yeah, but finish the chapter before you go to bed, and take Mr. Whiskers with you.”

The tom cat had grown incredibly attached to her daughter. She knew that if anything were to happen he’d come get her or die protecting Jez.

She sighed and put on some music and started cleaning. She was humming along with Bon Jovi’s “Living On A Prayer” and dusting when the song stopped. Annoyed, she walked over to the CD player. She froze when Smokey Robinson’s “You’ve Really Got a Hold On Me” began. She looked around but there was no one in the living room. She didn’t have this song on any of her CD’s though. She had refused to get any CD with it on.

Trembling, she whispered, “Deacon?”

“I figured it was fitting,” his voice came behind her but she didn’t move. “This song was playing our first time together. Do you remember?” She nodded wordlessly. “Nice house, and you did a very good job of hiding yourself this time.”

“Why are you here?”

“I’ve missed you, Raven. It’s time for you to come home.”

She crossed her arms still facing the CD player not trusting herself to look at him. “And my daughter? What about Jez? Go away, Deacon. Leave us alone.”

“I told you before, sweetheart, I take care of what’s mine.”

“I don’t belong to you. And Jez sure as hell doesn’t. I’m a slut remember?”

“Damn it, Raven… you’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?”

“I don’t care what you say. All I want is for you to leave. Now.”

“I’m sorry for what I said. I was wrong... and completely out of line.” The words seemed wrenched out of him. “I love you, Raven. I want you, and our son to come home.” Her eyes were wide as she turned and gazed up at him.

“I- I don’t think I can do this again,” she whispered.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he assured her. “Where’s our daughter? You said her name was Jez?”

“Deacon, we can’t-”

“Sit with me. We need to talk.” She led him to the kitchen and they sat across from each other. “I know she’s ours. I’m sorry that I doubted your fidelity. Its just… this wasn’t supposed to be possible.”

“I know that. There’s a difference between being in shock and complete irrational fury. That was the only time; in all the time I’ve known you, that I was scared of you. That’s saying a lot since you’re a scary son of a bitch when you want to be.”

“I wouldn’t have hurt you, not even if you did sleep with someone else. I wouldn’t hurt you or Jez either. You’re my world.”

“That’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me, but-”

“That’s the sweetest thing I’ve ever said to anyone, but if you tell anyone I’ll deny it. Then I’ll have to give you a spanking.”

“You’d enjoy that too much.”

“Probably,” he smiled.

“Would you like to meet your daughter?”

“Very much but I can’t go back out in the sun.” He ran a hand down his cheek and showed her the suntan lotion. “I’m melting.”

“Shut the blinds and I’ll go get her.”

“Thank you, Raven.”

“I won’t keep you from our daughter. That doesn’t mean things are okay between us. They aren’t and won’t be for a very long time.”

“I understand.” She left and he shut the blinds before going into the bathroom and washing the suntan lotion off his face. She came back after a few minutes with a young dark haired girl behind her. The little girl looked up at Deacon with big blue eyes. Deacon swallowed thickly. “Hello, Jez.”

“Hi,” Jez smiled. She looked up at Raven questioningly. Raven smiled reassuringly. “My mommy said that you were…” she looked at Raven again who nodded. “Are you my daddy?”

“Yes,” Deacon nodded. Jez grinned and ran towards him hugging him. Deacon’s eyes widened as he brought his hand to rest on her back. He looked at Raven who was smiling.

“Mommy said that you couldn’t be with us right now but I always knew you’d come back!” Jez exclaimed. Mr. Whiskers rubbed against Deacon’s leg demanding his own attention. Deacon was lost for a few minutes before Raven came forward taking Jez’s hand.

“Let’s go sit down,” she suggested. “Then you can tell your dad about yourself.”

“Okay!” Jez said happily. She looked up at Deacon as she sat down in between the adults. “Can I call you daddy?”

Deacon felt a strange twisting sensation in his chest. “Sure, you can, kiddo.”