The Pon T'Keshtan

CHAPTER SIXTEEN:

"Spock!" Nyota said aloud. At their station in the Medical Bay, Kirk and McCoy perked up.

"They've reached him?" Kirk asked.

"Well, it's about bloody time!" McCoy blinked, bleary-eyed.


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Spock, thin and naked, somehow looked younger, a waif come in from the storm. His faded, translucent body glistened with oily water, and was splattered with ash and black sand, as though he'd been too close to an explosion. His chin drooped to his chest; his right hand, limp on the lip of the well, seemed to be cradling something Nyota couldn't see. His left arm was extended horizontally from his body, fingers outstretched, as though trying to touch something invisible. His muscles trembled as if they were exhausted but dared not relax. As Nyota and Sa'aat approached, his arm swung in their direction, like the needle of a compass.

Nyota's mind flashed to the tiny silver compass Spock had purchased at the bazaar on Jagusch-McGillis. Ever since he'd given it to her, she kept it tucked inside her bra between her breasts, near her heart. She felt for it, but it didn't seem to exist in this place. My compass!

"Seshan-kharat-thonek," Spock muttered without speaking and Nyota blinked and said, "Spock?"

His voice, even though whispery and weak, filled her mind and made her heart skip, as he said, "Pak-tor-fam tun-tor ish-veh." (1)

"Spock." Nyota attempted to run to him, but Sa'aat, still holding the tether, had stopped moving. When she could go no further, Nyota turned to him. "What now? Why can't I go to him?"

"He is not ready to receive us into his consciousness."

"But he's reaching for us -"

"No. He is projecting, continuing to shield you even though the storm has abated. He is not yet aware you are here." Sa'aat Sa'aat indicated the clear bubble around her and stepped in closer. "Give him a moment."

"Pak-tor-fam tun-tor ish-veh. Pak-tor-fam tun-tor ish-veh. Pak-tor-fam tun-tor ish-veh," Spock repeated like a whispered mantra, as the others continued their slow progress toward him across the star-shaped cobblestones. "Pak-tor-fam tun-tor ish-veh. Pak-tor-fam tun-tor ish-veh."

His arm still outstretched, he lifted his head and turned vaguely toward them, but he still wasn't looking at them, not able yet to focus on them. His head lolled slightly on his neck, as though it took all the strength he had just to keep it upright. Nyota saw that the right side of his face, from his temple through his hair and to the back of his head, bore five long wounds, as though a great beast with heavy claws had ripped his skin and bone open to his brain. Green blood, cauterized, burnt black in some places, had dried around the wounds, over his ear, and down his neck and shoulder. His right eye was completely black.

"Oh my God, he's hurt -!" Nyota gasped.

"Yes. The shariv t'kae is a damaging phenomenon. But, remember, what you see here is not literal. The wounding is metaphorical, a representation of what he has undergone. And, as you see, his wounds no longer ooze, and are not festering. He is healing himself. There may be scars left behind, but he has survived, thus far."

"Pak-tor-fam tun-tor ish-veh," Spock continued to utter.

"Take care not to lose it." Nyota translated aloud. "Take care not to lose - what? His mind? His memories? Why does he keep repeating that?"

"Repetition facilitates focus and harnesses the mind to a single thought or purpose."

"Like a meditation."

"Yes."

"Pak-tor-fam tun-tor ish-veh."

"Can't you help him, Sa'aat?"

"Once he recognizes me, yes, but I dare not force awareness. Spock has been battling for his sanity with all his strength - while still protecting you. He is fragile, used up; that is why he appears semi-opaque to us. Too much exterior force now may topple him."

"What can we do then? We have to do something."

"We will remain here, and wait for him to fully form in this place."


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In Dr. Surrey's rooms, Pa'shu had backed herself into a corner, surrounding herself with blankets and pillows while Surrey kept his distance, sitting on the floor nearby, ready to help if she needed him. He was amazed by the contortions an animal as large as she could put herself into; at one point, her back paws were splayed in front of her, and at another point, all her feet were up against the wall as she tried to find a comfortable position in which to give birth. She finally settled on a squat that let her rest the heavier front half of her body on the floor. With each contraction, Pa'shu grunted, panted through her nose and pushed, lifting her stubby, tufted tail.

The cub first appeared as nothing more than a bulge between her anus and vagina. Then the birth sac, a taut, straw-colored balloon of translucent flesh filled with anionic fluid, extruded. Pa'shu licked and chewed it until it burst and spilled its watery contents onto the floor. Another push and a deep grunt, and a sopping, goo-covered cub no bigger than a guinea pig slipped out. It was smoky gray and white - an odd contrast to its mother's dun-colored coat. Its eyes were pressed shut, and it didn't move.

Dr. Surrey leaned in, worried the cub was stillborn; but Pa'shu, unconcerned, licked it firmly with her raspy tongue, warming it, cleaning it, and stimulating it to breathe. She rolled it over with her muzzle and snuffled it, filling her nose with its newborn scent; identifying it as hers. It eventually squeaked, and then gave a cry that sounded so much like a Human newborn it startled Surrey. Woo-aaah! Woo-aaah!

Surrey grinned. "Oh, how cute is that?"

Woo-aaaaaah!

"Is it a boy or a girl?"


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As Spock gradually became more aware of his surroundings, his form lost some of its translucency and the adolescent rendering became more adult; his muscles thickened, his body lengthened, his voice became stronger. Lessening his detachment, he started taking in deeper breaths, frowning as he forced his good eye to focus. When he stopped thinking and mind-speaking the repetitive mantra, pak-tor-fam tun-tor ish-veh, he mouthed the words; but after a while, even that stopped.

As comprehension seeped in, he looked at the hand pointing toward Nyota. He still didn't see her, but he suddenly seemed to realize the outstretched hand belonged to him. Spock slowly drew it to his face, examined it with his good eye, and then curled and flexed his fingers before letting it drop to his naked lap. As soon as the hand fell, the protective bubble around Nyota collapsed. She braced herself, expecting to be inundated with Spock's feelings and thoughts, as she usually was when the two of them touched in a meld. Instead, her mind was infused with a sort of soft static and the distant sounds of Spock speaking to himself in Vulcan. She looked to Sa'aat. "Why is there so... little... of him in my mind?"

"He is not yet fully conscious; not yet fully self-aware."

Spock then noticed the cobblestones, and traced the outline of one with his bare foot. He lifted his hand from his lap and put it into the water, then lifted it to watch the water run between his fingers, down his arm and off the end of his thin elbow. "Kanu pukeshta-tor bosh-manu panu," he mumbled, "worla oren-tor uf yauluhk nam-tor masu." (2)

As his perception improved, the water in the well behind Spock deepened and became more agitated. At the same time, Nyota's mind filled more fully with his inner sounds and sensations. When the well was near to overflowing, pencil-thin aqueducts, made of aventurine and decorated with symbols, started growing around it, almost like living things, carrying the water through the courtyard in all directions, connecting with distant unseen walls and the bejeweled ceiling. When one of the channels grew toward them, Sa'aat and Nyota had to step out of the way to make room for it. Nyota lifted a hand to touch the water, but Sa'aat caught her arm.

"Each conduit is a line of thought. If you put your hand into it, you will disturb his concentration."

Several illuminated lenses in the sky began to glow brightly, catching Spock's attention. He looked up, and almost tumbled backwards into the water, catching himself with both hands. In that motion, a tiny phial filled with pale yellow light slipped from his right hand, rolled across the lip of the well, and teetered on the edge. Spock made a small, pained noise, and snatched it up before it could fall onto the stones. "Pak-tor-fam tun-tor ish-veh," he gasped, and clutched the phial against his throat.

He coughed, and then groaned in pain. His whole body seemed to ache more as his sensory perceptions began to return to him, and Nyota felt it. She squinted as his pain hit her in the center of her head.

Spock doubled over and panted for a few seconds before attempting to refocus. When his pain subsided, Spock began to count the stones in the courtyard - still holding the phial close to his skin - starting with those closest to him. Even this simple mental exercise was difficult, and he had to restart several times. He was using his native tongue, and Nyota's brain quickly translated everything into Federation Standard, but even then, she wasn't sure she understood most of what he was talking about. "If the radius of each stone is eight-point-two-four inches, then... the diameter is sixteen-point-four-eight, and the circumference is... is... fifty-one-point-seven-three-three." Spock frowned. "Creating an area of two-hundred-thirteen-point... three-one..."(3)

Number-strings.

Arithmetical calculations.

As his recitation continued, more ducts were added to the water system in the courtyard until the place was a massive tangled web of stone and moving water.

"The absolute magnitude of an object can be calculated given its apparent magnitude, and luminosity distance, DL, where DL is the star's luminosity distance in parsecs, wherein one parsec is approximately three-point-two-six-one-six light years.(4)

"Warp speed is equivalent to the speed of light in a vacuum, times the warp factor to the power of three.(5)

"The lifetime of a black hole is proportional to its mass cubed..."(6)

For several minutes, Spock challenged himself, posing and solving a variety of logic queries, puzzling over increasingly complex formulae, using the rational, analytical, objective side of his brain. The left side, the Vulcan side, as Nyota viewed it. It was the stronger part of him, she supposed, but she prayed the Human side of him, the emotive, creative, subjective side hadn't been obliterated by the shariv t'kae. All the physical damage she saw - the head wounds, the bloodied eye - was on his right, and that worried her.

The scientific monologue seemed to calm Spock, and the longer he talked, the more focused he became, the more aware, the more lucid. And the more solid his figure became. He clutched the phial and rolled it between his fingers, as though the tactile sensation aided his concentration, until, finally he stopped speaking, and looked up.

He narrowed his eyes and blinked at Nyota, as though his vision was blurred and he wasn't sure what he saw. There was no recognition in his eyes, no hint of passion or other emotion in his thoughts, and Nyota felt heartsick. She made her way to him through the entangled aqueducts, ducking under some, stepping over others, Sa'aat a step or two behind. When she was close enough that the beams radiating from her colorful aura were within reach, Spock stood carefully, letting the pale green light from her heart-space diffuse against his skin. He put his palm against the spot where the light struck him, as though trying to hold the brilliance inside his body, and then looked into her face. It was several seconds before he uttered without speaking, "K'diwa?"

At the utterance, his recollections of her, and his affection for her, filled her mind like a constellation expanding in the dark universe: all light and stellar matter collected around a bright core. Tears rolled down Nyota's cheeks, "Yes, Spock, yes!" She opened her arms to him, and he allowed her to enfold him, and her light to fill and warm him. He sighed, breathing her in, and pressed his face to her skin to soak up her loving energy; the colors of their auras – hers bright, his slightly faded – synchronized. His heartbeat slowed momentarily to match hers before speeding up to its normal rhythm again. He ran his mouth over her collarbone and shoulder and up her neck, kissing her lightly at first and then feverishly as his lips sought hers. She stood on her tiptoes to meet his mouth, and when they kissed, the sky opened and a cascade of glittering gems fluttered around them, melting into their skin like snowflakes and briefly filling their bodies with more color and radiance.

Behind Nyota, Sa'aat was silent, unmoving, unmoved.

Speaking against Nyota's mouth, Spock muttered, "Afer-tor du nash-veh, k'diwa. Nash-tor paki-on nash-veh heh du na'shariv t'kae." (You found me, my beloved. I thought I had lost both myself and you in the mind-storm.)[7]

"Fai-tor nash-veh, Spahk-kam, fai-tor nash-veh! La'nash-veh. La'nam-tor dular," she replied between kisses to his mouth, chin and jaw line. (I know, Spock, I know! I'm here. We're both here.)

"Du eh nash-veh." (You and I.)

"Eh Sa'aat. Kuv na'fam ish-veh afer-tor-fam du nash-veh." (And Sa'aat. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have found you.)

"Sa'aat hah?" Spock asked, nuzzling her hair. (Sa'aat?)

"Hah," Nyota looked back at Sa'aat, a bit concerned. "Za'nash-veh nam-tor ish-veh, Spahk-kam. Gla-tor-fam du hah?" (Yes. He's right behind me, Spock. Can't you see him?)

His lips against Nyota's shoulder, Spock lifted his eyes to Sa'aat. "Khushik sasu," he said. (The crystalline man.)

"Hah." (Yes.)

"Hah, gla-tor ish-veh." Spock pulled himself up to his full height, and gave Sa'aat a well mannered, if exhausted bow. "Tobeg-tor nash-veh, osu - eh tobeg-tor t'nash-veh nuhk'es-fam heh zherka-bosh. Nam-tor ish-veh hah -?" (Yes, I see him. Forgive me, sir - and forgive my lack of manners and emotionalism. You are-?)

Nyota put a hand to her mouth, and new tears filled her eyes. "Oh, Sa'aat... He doesn't remember you."

Unexpected emotion hit Sa'aat like a hammer to the chest. For a moment, he felt as though he had stopped breathing, ceased to exist, and the mercurial heart in his crystalline form seized into a tiny hard ball. He coughed to relieve the pressure in his body and brain and then took in a deep breath to compose himself. His inner core took on a greenish cast, as though the copper had suddenly oxidized and tarnished. His voice was calm and flat as he asked Spock outright, "Vokau-fam nash-veh Spahk hah?" (Do you not remember me, Spock?)

Spock squinted, trying to see Sa'aat better and help his injured mind to refocus and remember. "Tra'namtor fa'vokaya hi kobat nam-tor tersaya svi'kashek t'nash-veh. S'wilat fai-tor ish-veh than nash-veh, osu, hah?" (There is some recollection, but the connection is weak in my mind. From where do I know you, sir?)

Sa'aat remained collected, in control of himself. "T'du savensu wuh'wak vesh'nash-veh - fa'akarshif." (I was your teacher once - a long time ago.)

"Savensu hah? Lu nam-tor nu'ri-sasu nash-veh. Svi'kelek t'sa-mekh t'nash-veh. Hah." Spock's eyes brightened. "Gla-tor nash-veh i k'lek il pid-trensu ish-veh! Ya'akash nafu deshker lau-nash-veh hah?" (Teacher? When I was a young man... in my father's house. Yes. I see you are now an Adept or High Master! May I ask a personal query?)

"Ya'akash nash-veh nafu istau ish-veh, Spahk-kam." (Ask me whatever you wish, Spock.)

"Svi'haolvaya la t'nash-veh, afer-tor nash-veh katra if bolau ver'katra. My'tyez-tor van-kal fal-tor-plak kup du hah?" (In my travels here, I have found a katra which needs a katric-vessel. Can you perform the ritual to transfer it?)

"Katra hah?" (A katra?)

Spock showed Sa'aat the tiny glowing phial. Sa'aat held his hand, palm down, over the phial and closed his eyes. After a few seconds, his eyes opened and looked at Nyota. "Fascinating."

"What is it?"

"It is Amanda Grayson."

"What?"


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Pa'shu let Dr. Surrey hold and rub down her firstborn with a warm towel, while she walked in tight circles in her little den of pillows and attended to her second. The second cub had arrived as simply as the first, and had almost identical coloring. Surrey wondered if all newborn sehlats were this color, or if they got their coat from their papa. Pa'shu licked it all over to get it squirming and squeaking, and then took a few seconds to lap up the afterbirth before hunkering down in her nest to rest. Dr. Surrey placed cub-number-one near her teat. Sightless, it wriggled against her warmth, somehow found a nipple, latched on and started nursing. Cub-number-two was right behind it.

While Pa'shu and her cubs rested, Surrey cleaned and dried the floor, gathered the soiled blankets and towels, tossed them into the laundry chute in his bathroom, got some new, heated blankets from the replicator and placed them over and around the animals. Pa'shu, rolling onto her side, so the cubs could nurse freely, looked once at Surrey, sighed contentedly and dozed off. She was snoring within minutes.

Smiling like a new father, Dr. Surrey grabbed an unused pillow and lay on the floor next to the family. Occasionally, he carefully stroked a cub with his fingertip. "You are so unbelievably tiny," he said in the soft, high voice most Humans employed when speaking to a child of any breed. "How are we ever going to tell you two apart?"


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Nyota and Sa'aat looked at Spock, as Sa'aat asked, "Tor-yehat ish-veh uf hah?" (How is this possible?)

Spock explained that on the day Vulcan was destroyed, he had gone to the Katric Ark on Mount Seleya to retrieve his parents and the elders. Nyota nodded to Sa'aat; she had almost lost Spock that day and remembered it very well. While there, Spock continued, he told the elders that there were only seconds left before the planet imploded, and he took his mother's hand to lead her into the open where the Enterprise's transporter beam could reach them. She had first held his hand and then clutched his arm as they exited the Ark. It was during that contact, Spock speculated, the transference of his mother's katra had taken place.(8)

"I didn't think a Human could do anything like that," Nyota said, amazed.

"If she was at the Ark and immersed in deep meditation when Spock arrived, then her mind was already in a state of expansion and fluidity," Sa'aat said. "She had lived on Vulcan for most of her life, and knew the customs and rituals well; well enough that even though she was Human, she was allowed to meditate in the shrine. If she believed death was near and wanted to link with her only son in those final moments, she might have clung to him on every level possible. When her body was lost, her spirit may have snapped away from it, remaining with him."

"But... If Amanda has been with Spock all this time, then why didn't he feel her? Why wasn't he aware of the transference? Why... why couldn't I feel her when he melded with me?"

"Hers is a Human spirit, less trained, less adept, less powerful than a Vulcan katra. It is a feeble essence." Sa'aat motioned to the phial, "As you can see, it hardly generates an aura at all -"

"Nam-tor kobat hi fator-ik sagaya," Spock added. (The pulse is weak, but persistent.)

"And it is housed in a phial like the containers created by The Duv. Perhaps Spock's brain did not know what to make of it when it entered him, and banished it to The Duv, where it would be difficult for it to interfere with his conscious mind... or to be perceived by others. However, like most Humans, she was persistent and made herself known. His nightmares of the great machine destroying homesteads buried in the ground... She may have been trying to tell him that his mind was attempting to crush her, blocking the sun - the illumination of her presence."

"How did you know about his nightmares?"

"Nurse Chapel imparted the information to me." Sa'aat said, and then, before Nyota could inquire further, went on with, "When the shariv t'kae caused Spock to retreat inside himself, to follow the currents through his mind as he sought to heal himself, he found the katra... Actually, a transference explains much," he said. "We call those who are the unexpected or unwilling recipients of another's katra the val'reth. They can suffer much, holding within their bodies and minds the essence of another."

"Like having multiple personalities?"

"Yes. Some Vulcans have been driven mad by it. In the last moments of Vulcan, before the black hole consumed it, billions were in a state of desperation and flux... They may have reached out to relatives, clung to whatever matter was available to them in an attempt to preserve their katras. There may be Vulcans on New Vulcan filled with essence of the dead and not know it... That might explain the emotional, illogical behavior we have seen in some... This is a revelation. The Council must be made aware of it."

"Vesht gla-tor nash-veh svi'duv t'duv. Ha'ge-sfek. Leh-tehik t'au," said Spock. (I saw them in the Shadow's shadow. Points of light. Thousands of them.)

"Is that possible?" Nyota asked. "Can there still be katras surviving so long after the destruction of Vulcan?"

"Surak's katra survived for centuries," Sa'aat answered.

"Osu," said Spock, and Sa'aat looked to him "My'tyez-tor van-kal fal-tor-plak kup du hah?" Spock repeated to Sa'aat. (Can you perform the ritual to transfer the katra?)

Sa'aat nodded, "Sos'eh, Spahk-kam. Hi dungi bolau gol-tor nash-veh." (Perhaps, Spock. But I will require assistance.)


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Captain Kirk and Dr. McCoy were startled when Sarek, who had been standing still beside Spock's bed and focusing his mental energy on his son, suddenly snapped to attention and turned to one of the camera-units recording the events in the medical suite. "Kirk," he commanded. "Meet with me."

Kirk's expression was all questions when he met Sarek in the corridor outside Spock's suite. "What's happening, Ambassador? Is Spock all right?"

"Gilgreni," Sarek said.

Gilgreni stepped from his station by the door. "Yes, Ambassador?"

"Ensure no one enters."

"Yes, Ambassador."

Turning to Kirk, Sarek asked bluntly, "Is it possible for your engineering staff to manufacture a small sealed container made of jasif crystal?"(9)

"Um... I'm not sure."

"Then let us find out together." He took Kirk by the elbow, and led him down the corridor at a quick pace. The captain had never seen Spock's father display such urgency before, and it was unnerving.

"What's going on?"

"Time is of the essence. I will explain on the way."

Twenty minutes later, Sarek returned to Spock's room with a container on a little cart.

Manufacturing the foggy jasif crystal had been a simple process once Sarek had given Scotty the mineral's requisite chemical signature and molecular structure. Forming the crystal into the shape Sarek wanted was only a matter of inputting a template into the ship's transporter system, transporting the rough crystal out and transporting it back, in a form based on the template. The final product was a vaguely feminine, stylized bust about twelve inches high, with a keyhole-like symbol on its throat and a small hollowed-out area inside the skull.

Once the door to Spock's room closed, and Gilgreni was again at his post in the corridor, Sarek rolled the cart next to Sa'aat and placed a hand on the figurine's head. He then put his free hand on the back of Sa'aat's head, creating a physical conduit between them. "Fator," he muttered, as he entered a meditative state. (10)

From their stools in the monitoring room, Kirk and McCoy watched as everything once again went stock-still in Spock's suite for several minutes. It was as though the whole room was holding its breath.

"What's happening?" McCoy asked Kirk, his voice hushed even though he knew that those in Spock's room couldn't hear him.

"I don't really understand the whole process, but... They're trying to pull a spirit out of Spock and place it into that figurine. Sarek called the process the Fal-Tor-Plak."

"Spock's... what, possessed or something?"

"Not exactly... They think it's his mom."

"What?"

"Shhhh!" Kirk waved McCoy into silence. McCoy scowled at him before returning his attention to the monitor.

Sa'aat, eyes still closed, body motionless, moaned. A dull light appeared in the center of his forehead, under his bangs. He drew a deep lungful of air and the point of light moved from his forehead, along the crest of his head, and back toward Sarek's hand. Another deep breath and the light jumped the small gap between Sa'aat's scalp and Sarek's palm.

The captain had never seen Sarek express any emotion, except perhaps mild startlement; even when his homeworld was lost, he had remained a paragon of strict control and stoicism. However, as the light slipped through his arm, across his shoulders and into the jasif bust, thick tears escaped Sarek's closed eyes, and his face tightened with deep anguish before relaxing into bright joy.

The transference was over within moments. Sarek opened his eyes, removed his hands from Sa'aat and the vessel, and took a moment to compose himself.


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As soon as the transference was complete, Sa'aat collapsed to his knees beside the well. Both Spock and Nyota attended him immediately.

"Osu," said Spock.

"Sa'aat, are you okay?" Nyota asked.

"I had not come here with the intention of performing such a feat," Sa'aat said as they helped him to sit on the edge of the well. He leaned forward, resting his head in his hands for a few moments.

"Navun-bosh nam-tor ish-veh, osu, hah?" (Was it successful, sir?)

"Nash-veh dva-torni hah, Spahk-kam. Hi etek lau ki'uzh wat. Saguhsh-ik nam-tor pideshan." (I believe so, yes, Spock. However, we may have a new problem. The exertion was exhausting.) Sa'aat said, slowly lifting his head. To Nyota, he added, "My energy levels are depleted. We may have difficulty extricating ourselves from this place."

Spock took Nyota's hand and interwove their fingers. "Kup-hafau-fam la etek hah?" (Can we not stay here?)

"Ri, k'diwa." (No, beloved.)

"Po hah?" (Why?)

"La'dift-tor-fam etek, Spahk-kam," (We don't live here, Spock.) Sa'aat said, and he looked to Nyota. "The longer we stay here, the more difficult it will be to leave."

"How can I help you?"

"Keep him still and focused while I re-center myself. When the time comes, you will need to do whatever I tell you, without question or delay. I do not have the energy to fight with you, nor the time for explanations. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I think so."

Sa'aat watched Nyota draw Spock to another point on the lip of the well and sit with him. She pulled his hand, still clutching hers, into her lap and leaned into him so their foreheads touched. She muttered little endearments and encouragements to him, in Vulcan and in Federation Standard, sometimes speaking to him like one might a child, at times speaking to him as a powerful male who had obligations to meet and people who depended upon him. Spock listened to everything she said, his eyes never leaving her. Even when he shut his eyes to nuzzle his face against hers, he was looking at her - with his mind, his heart.

The Woman gave Spock purpose, Sa'aat understood. The Woman gave him hope. He would live because of her, for her, with her. Spock's connection to her, his desire for her, had led them to him, had made the finding him possible. Had she not been there, Spock might have eluded Sa'aat and been lost forever, a ghost hiding in his own body, trapped within the confines of his damaged brain, until Sa'aat's strength ran out and he had to leave Spock's mind or die there.

Sa'aat knew this. Yet, even as he rejoiced that his friend had been found nearly whole and recoverable, Sa'aat lamented. The idea that most of Spock's memories of him had been destroyed by the shariv t'kae was painful. It hurt to realize Spock's thoughts of him could be so easily eradicated; that he was somehow so - expendable. Sa'aat understood it was illogical for him to grieve over the loss of Spock when Spock had never been his, but his soul wept anyway - thick, heavy Vulcan tears - with a depth of sadness Humans would never experience or understand. It was the kind of raw, agonizing bereavement that had, long ago, driven the warrior Vulcans to self-scarification and the madness of the B'elak Paar (11); that caused them to scream at the night sky, and then send armies to kill within their enemies what they could not kill within themselves. The Stilak T'Lak'tra, the Monsters of Sadness; in Vulcan mythology, they gave birth to the god Kal-ap-ton, the ancient personification of grief.(12)

However, all things in the Universe seek a balance, and, as Surak had taught them, "a man without logic is like a beast led by the ring in its nose." Where grief lies, joy stands nearby, and logic could act as the bridge between the two. Although there was undeniable sadness in the fact that most of Spock's memories of him were obliterated, logic dictated that as long as they were alive, they could build new memories together. Their relationship was not destroyed, only the past version of it. The future afforded them new opportunities, new ways of defining their friendship in terms that might otherwise not have been possible. All was not lost. "Passions stir up strife, logic appeases the mind," Surak had written, and the words were still true even centuries later.

Sa'aat used logic as a salve against his pain and cleared his mind. He began generating the mental canal they would use to leave Spock's psyche and disengage from the meld holding them together. His crystalline body became clearer; the oxidized pith in the core of his form slowly lost color until his entire body was as transparent as glass. With this level of clarity achieved, he stood and stepped carefully into the center of the well, the waters of Spock's consciousness billowing, foaming, and lapping around his legs.

"Leaving here will be somewhat like being expelled from an orbit," he explained to Nyota and Spock. "You may feel torn away from a haven, displaced, disoriented, suffocated. It is at that time you must be at your strongest. If you falter or struggle against me, I will not be able to hold onto you. And you will be lost - irretrievably. Tell me you understand this."

"Ken-tor nash-veh, osu," Spock said, and Nyota echoed, "I understand."

Sa'aat extended a hand to Spock. "Come into the well with me."

Spock stepped into the water first, and then helped Nyota step over the lip of the well. He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles as they walked toward Sa'aat. When they reached the center, the waters beneath them seethed and heaved, and for an instant Nyota felt as though she was being consumed.

Sa'aat closed his eyes, and lifted his hands over his head. "Haulat, gol-tor,"(13) he called out, and in the Shuttle Bay, the Haulat blazed with sudden power, its light flooding the compartment, blinding everyone and every instrument around it. At the same moment, a column of white light plunged down from the bejeweled ceiling over the well, engulfing Sa'aat, Spock and Nyota.

"Fortify yourself," Sa'aat said in a voice that seemed to come from everywhere.

"How do I do th-?" Nyota hardly had the chance to say before she was whisked away, as though she were a tiny pea being sucked through a straw or a capsule being vacuumed through a long, white pneumatic tube. Her momentum created a pressure that made her insides hurt. She couldn't breathe. Even though Sa'aat had warned this might happen, when the moment came, it was still terrifying. Then the movement stopped, replaced by a horrible sense of weightlessness, as though she'd been flung off a cliff and was hanging in mid-air before gravity caught her.


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Her back hit the medical suite's floor and a few seconds passed before the lights flickered on, and Dr. McCoy and Nurse Chapel stood over her, checking her vitals.

In the Shuttle Bay, the glowing force surrounding the Haulat dissipated as the ship drifted from the ceiling toward the floor and floated there silently. The tech crew and engineers who had been temporarily blinded, blinked vision back into their eyes, but saw spots for almost an hour afterward.

On the medical suite's floor, Nyota lifted a shaky hand to protect her eyes from the glare of the overhead lights.

"Your pupils are dilated, honey, so everything probably looks weird to you," Christine was saying.

Nyota turned her head and saw Sa'aat lying in a heap on the floor on the other side of Spock's bed, Sarek and Gilgreni tending to him. Captain Kirk was standing on her side of Spock's bed. Nyota couldn't see his face, but she reached out and tugged on the cuff of his pants until he acknowledged her. "How are you doing?" he asked softly, looking down at her with a smile.

She couldn't speak for a few seconds. She had no air to voice the words her mouth wanted to form.

"Give yourself a second, Nyota," Christine said. "Everything in your brain isn't reconnected yet."

Nyota tried several times to say Spock, and Kirk, reading her lips answered quietly, "He's still not awake, but he's just sleeping now; he's not unconscious anymore. It looks good. You did good."

As Medical Bay personnel arrived with hover-gurneys, Dr. McCoy cautioned everyone to remain as quiet as possible. "Uhura and Sa'aat to ICU," he directed. He then looked at Sarek, saying, "Let me check you out, too, Ambassador, just to be on the safe side."

Sarek was reluctant to leave his son and the vre'katra, but nodded, allowing a nurse to escort him from the room behind Sa'aat's gurney. Nyota extended a hand to touch Spock's bed before her gurney was taken from the room. When she couldn't reach him, she dropped it to her chest - and felt the small lump of her silver compass tucked inside her bra. Tears filled her eyes again, though she wasn't quite sure why she was crying, and Christine asked gently, "Are you okay, honey?"

Nyota nodded. "We found our way," she said in a ragged voice.

Christine smiled. "You always do."


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(1) Seshan-kharat-thonek. Pak-tor-fam tun-tor ish-veh : " Seshan-kharat-thonek" is the Vulcan word for "compass"; literally translated it means "magnetic direction meter". The sentence, "Pak-tor-fam tun-tor ish-veh," translate as, "Take care not to lose it." In Chapter 8 of this story, this is what Spock said to Nyota when he gave her the compass.

(2) Kanu pukeshta-tor bosh-manu panu, worla oren-tor uf yauluhk nam-tor masu. Translated from the Vulcan this means, "Children born to a water-filled world never learn how important water is." This is actually paraphrasing the words of author William Ashworth, in his book, Nor Any Drop to Drink, ©1982, in which he wrote: " Children of a culture born in a water-rich environment, we have never really learned how important water is to us. We understand it, but we do not respect it." Author's note: The water analogy works both with Spock's coming from a desert planet were water had to be respected, and also speaks to his current mental dilemma where once his highly organized and knowledge-filled (water-filled) mind has gone through trauma - and he's realizing how important that knowledge is to him.

(3) Check the math; I think it's right

(4) Absolute magnitude: This is a celestial object's brightness.

(5) Warp Speed: This is based on the old TOS formula; the formula changed a bit throughout the series and movies. An in-depth discussion of the formulae is available at the "Warp Velocities FAQ" site on-line.

(6) This according to "Black holes aren't black - After Hawking they shine!" presented by Angie, Matthias and Thorsten, Team C007571,ThinkQuest Internet Challenge 2000. "...The formula tells us that the lifetime of a black hole is proportional to the cube of its mass. That means a massive black hole takes proportionally much longer time to evaporate, and the process of evaporation accelerates as the black hole slowly loses its mass. This is known as the "runaway" effect."

(7) Conversation: Usually I would put the translations in an end note, but some of the conversations in Spock's mind are going to be too lengthy for endnoting, so I added the translation from the Vulcan to Federation Standard right in with the rest of the text. I hope it's not too distracting.

(8) The scene at the Katric Ark: This was based in part on the scene in the 2009 motion picture "Star Trek" and in part on Trek canon. In Trek canon, any transference of a katra from person to person requires that there be physical contact between the parties, preferably skin-to-skin contact. If you watch the Katric Ark scene in the 2009 movie closely, you'll see that Spock and Amanda are touching throughout it, and Amanda only releases her hold on Spock right before the cliff collapses under her. I just took all of these preexisting elements and created a scenario in which Amanda could have transferred her essence to Spock.

(9) Jasif crystal: According to the Memory Beta site, this kind of crystal was often used to create vre'katras (katric vessels also called "Urns of Memory") "...Traditionally, Vulcans would craft such items from volcanic glass, jasif crystal or polished tir-nuk wood."

(10) Fator: the Vulcan word for "continue" or "proceed".

(11) B'elak paar: the Vulcan phrase for exaggerated self-pity.

(12) Author's Note: Kal-ap-ton is the Vulcan god of grief, but the Stilak T'Lak'tra, the Monsters of Sadness, are my own creation.

(13) Haulat, gol-tor: this translates from the Vulcan as "Haulat, assist!"