Gilbert's New Girl

Regrets are hard things to live with, you know? And I have more than my fair share of them, and a lot of them are about the way I’ve treated Gilbert over the years. I’ve used him and abused him, and taken my spite out on him more than anyone else, certainly more than he deserved. Why did I do it? Because I knew that he was a good person and although from time to time, he might snap at me, I knew he would never bite. Gilbert got rid of his anger on the lawn, but an inanimate object wasn’t good enough for me. I lashed out at him because I saw my own misery mirrored in his eyes, and by the time it was over between him and Becky, I could hardly bear to look at him. I couldn’t stand to see him suffering the pain of rejection because I still hadn’t dealt with my own.

I was twenty one when I met…….him. He was my first boyfriend and I truly believed I was in love with him. I thought he loved me too, but like the good, old fashioned girl I was, we never went further than kissing and cuddling until after he proposed and I had that engagement ring on my finger. We were busy planning our wedding, and for some foolish reason, I actually believed that I would be able to walk away from all the responsibility of my family. I was more than happy to leave Janice and Gilbert to deal with Momma, Arnie and Ellen. Like my older brother Larry, I wanted out and marriage seemed like the best escape route. But I should have known better. Gilbert, I could count on, but Janice was less reliable and she panicked when it dawned on her what my marriage meant for her. I don’t know how calculated her actions were, but if, as she claimed, she acted on impulse, she still managed to score a direct hit. My little sister seduced my fiancé right under my very nose!

I caught them in bed together and my world just fell apart. My fiancé at least had the grace to feel ashamed, but Janice brazened it out, telling me, ‘Well, if you were any good in bed, he wouldn’t have been so keen to jump into mine!’ To this day, I still can’t figure out why I was unable to forgive my fiancé and yet I forgave Janice. But what does it matter now? He left, never to be seen or heard from again, and before I had a chance to come to terms with his betrayal, Janice found a job in Des Moines, packed her bags and went. I remember trying to bribe Gilbert to go to Des Moines to stalk Janice because I was sure that the two of them were shacked up together, laughing at me. Gilbert was only fifteen or sixteen at the time, but he had enough sense to refuse my request. Years later, Gilbert told me that as far as he could tell, Janice was terrified of being left with the responsibility for the family and so she derailed my plans, and then made a quick getaway while I was still reeling from shock. It took me a long time to get over, you know? Gilbert was great. He spent hours listening to me bemoaning my loss, when I knew that he’d have rather been out on the prowl with Tucker, waiting for Donna Stark or Marie Donleavy to pounce on him. Even then, Gilbert was never short of admirers.

Over the years, there have been one or two other guys who were interested in me, but my confidence had taken such a blow that I never really gave any of them a chance. And so I ended up with Tucker; a good man who deserves more than being treated like some kind of consolation prize. In his way, Tucker gets his own back on me, because he never lets me forget that first and foremost he is Gilbert’s friend. Any glimmer of hope he has for a romance with me is overshadowed by his deep and unwavering loyalty to my brother. Sometimes I’m not sure if Tucker loves me, but I have never doubted that he loves Gilbert.

The year was drawing to a close and maybe that’s why I was feeling sort of melancholy; that kind of empty feeling brought on by the knowledge of another year gone. Fortunately for me, Gilbert was still on a high and it was hard to stay miserable when confronted by his new found joy in living. He even made it through the anniversary of Arnie’s death without succumbing to the dark depression that usually enveloped him. Tally made him dig out all the old family photographs and we sat around on that winter afternoon looking at pictures of Arnie and telling stories about him. Once or twice, Gilbert’s voice sounded thick with unshed tears, but for the first time ever he was able to smile as he remembered Arnie. The other thing that made Gilbert smile was the increasing number of townsfolk who were beginning to regret boycotting Lamson’s Grocery and forcing its closure. That winter was one of the coldest on record and everyone was bitching and moaning about having to drive all the way out to Food Land just to buy a quart of milk or a loaf of bread.

Indeed, Mrs Fisher who worked as a secretary at the Town Hall had the gall to ask me if I could get Gilbert to bring her groceries from Food Land! ‘Oh Food Land’s prices might be cheaper’ she said to me, ‘but by the time you add on the cost of gas to get there and back, you’re not really saving anything.’ I couldn’t believe she was serious! I walked away from her, shaking my head in disbelief as she called after me, ‘Tell him I’ll make it worth his while!’ I can’t tell you how much I wanted to slap her stupid face! How dare she think that a ten dollar tip was going to make everything okay. I was furious, but when I told Gilbert about her offer he laughed like it was the funniest thing he had ever heard. Sometimes, I just couldn’t figure him out, you know? I was so angry with the townsfolk for whining about something they had brought on themselves and all Gilbert could do was laugh! There wasn’t much to laugh about two weeks later when Food Land paid Tally off. They kept Gilbert on, but with most of the temporary staff gone, they no longer needed extra help in the staff canteen.

Poor Tally, she really wanted to work but there was nothing for her here in Endora. I came home from work one evening and found her in tears. She had gone to Marty’s Café to ask if he needed any waitresses, but all she got from Marty was a load of abuse. ‘He said the last person he wanted working for him was Gilbert Grape’s whore.’ Tally was distraught. ‘I’m not a whore, Amy. I love Gilbert and he’s the only man I’ve ever been with.’ I gave her a hug and made her some tea. ‘I think it would be best if you didn’t mention this to Gilbert.’ I said to her as she sipped her tea. ‘Gilbert’s not a violent man but I think this might make him angry enough to punch Marty into the middle of next week.’ Tally nodded and dabbed her eyes. ‘Why are people so angry with us, with me and Gilbert? Is it so wrong to fall in love with someone who’s not the same age as you?’ What could I say to her? ‘Tally, it’s not wrong, it’s just not usual and most people are afraid of anything different. See, everyone in this town thought they knew Gilbert and they expected him to be the way he’d always been. Mr Responsible, Mr Hard Working…..Mr Best of a Bad Bunch. And then you came along.’

Tally blew her nose and took a deep breath before saying, ‘I came along and changed everything. Even you didn’t like it at first, I knew you thought I was just using Gilbert, but it wasn’t like that Amy, not even for a second. I didn’t come here looking for a boyfriend, and if anyone had told me I would end up falling for a man of forty, I would have told them they were crazy.’ Of course, I now had no reason to doubt what Tally said. She was just as surprised to find herself in love with Gilbert as he was when he realised the depth of his feelings for this young girl. Tucker had always said age was just a number and I used to think he just said it to make me feel better about being six years his senior, but now I saw that he said it because it was true. So Tally said nothing to Gilbert about the incident at Marty’s Café and explained away her puffy eyes on watching a re-run of ‘Love Story’ on television. ‘I’m sorry I look such a mess.’ Tally said sheepishly, but Gilbert frowned and said, ‘You don’t need to apologise to me Tally. You always look perfect to me.’ Yet another glimpse of what love can do to someone. It never occurred to Gilbert to tease her for crying over a movie the way he would have teased me. Age is just a number and ‘love means never having to say you’re sorry.’