Ad Infinitum
folder
Pirates of the Caribbean (All) › Slash - Male/Male › Jack/Will
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
18
Views:
2,441
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Pirates of the Caribbean (All) › Slash - Male/Male › Jack/Will
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
18
Views:
2,441
Reviews:
4
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
Disclaimer: We do not own the Pirates of the Caribbean movie series, nor any of the characters from it. We do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Interlude - Outtakes, Part 1
And now, something completely different:
Characters: Jack, Will, Gibbs, Elizabeth, Calypso, and featuring the world famous Director, Eddie
Pairings: Very much fulfilled J/W, unrequited J/E, canon W/E
Warnings: Crack. Blatant Product Placement.
Summary: Sometimes, things do not go according to plan, er... script.
A/N: Born out of chat and our depraved minds, a glimpse behind the scenes of Ad Infinitum.
****
Hocine Bibo Aut In Eum Digitos Insero?**
**(Do I drink this or stick my fingers in it?)
****
FADE IN:
EXT. – BLACK PEARL – DAY
DIRECTOR:
Ok, everybody, places! Places, everybody! We’ll just take it from the top, shall we? Lizzie, you need to lie down. You’re supposed to be dead, remember?
LIZZIE:
This isn’t fair! You promised me a meaty part!
JACK:
(quips)
Meaty. Ha! Good one!
LIZZIE:
Go ahead and laugh, Jack. It wasn’t YOUR part that was cut!
JACK:
(raises finger to make point)
Technically, dear Lizzie, your part wasn’t exactly “cut”, more like pulled. Or jerked, yes jerked, like jerky.
LIZZIE:
Shut up, Jack!
JACK:
(ignores her)
Of course…
(looks at his raised finger)
… Eddie here could have just cast your finger. Since that’s the real “meat” of the story.
LIZZIE:
(sputters)
Why you… I’ve had it with you, you rum-soaked…
JACK:
Speak for yourself, darling. I am not the one floating in a bottle of rum.
LIZZIE:
AUGHH!!!!
DIRECTOR:
(waves arms in air)
CUT!! Now really folks, we need to take our places. Lizzie, you lie down there, try to look dead. Jack, you’ve just pulled off the finger. This is traumatic for you. You’ve kissed this woman, remember? She was your paramour, in your dreams…
WILL:
What? When did THAT get into the script?
DIRECTOR:
It makes for a more interesting story. A pirate, torn between two lovers. His heart broken, his… Jack? Quit playing with the finger!
WILL:
Oh, for god’s sake…
CALYPSO:
You called?
DIRECTOR:
Not now. You are not scheduled until the scene after next.
(raises megaphone)
MARKERS! CAMERAS! ACTION!
INT. – BLACK PEARL – NIGHT
JACK:
(conversing with finger in bottle)
Sure, go ahead ignore me. You’ve made your point. Oh wait, you always point…er bloody pointer finger, never know where they might show up. Or what they might get up in, er...to. You don't mind if I take a quick sniff, do you? Don't want you fingering into my territory, if you get my point. You might think you have the rights, but WRONG! And it won't do you any good pouting. Pointers don't pout, they point, which brings me to a very good point, what's the point of even keeping you around? I think I'll just set you outside the door, that way poor Will doesn't have to feel fucking guilty every time he looks at your scrawny carcass…
DIRECTOR:
CUT! That is NOT in the script!
JACK:
Sure it is, says right here... page 2, yellow copy, scene 32 BS
DIRECTOR:
That's B.
JACK:
Oh, yeah, right. Ha! That ‘S’ is actually a smashed bug, remember the blighter well, had the audacity to be suckin' me blood. Not that I wouldn't mind a bit of suckin', just not by something of the six legged variety. Two legs and a dangling participle will do nicely…
DIRECTOR:
All right everyone! Let's take it from the top, cue the moon
INT - BLACK PEARL CABIN – NIGHT
JACK:
Elizabeth, I hate to have to break the news so bluntly, but as you are nothing but a putrid, rotting hunk of....
DIRECTOR:
CUT!!!
JACK:
Sorry
DIRECTOR:
From the top, and let's try and get it right this time, please?
JACK:
Right! Er, left. I think it is a left pointy finger thingie... or what's left of a left, can't really tell, they do tend to look the same, now that I think about it. Hmmm... You know, come to think of it, I should have grabbed BOTH pointers, could have made music with them, you know, like them sticks the islanders use to make their rumba music with, a cha-cha, a cha-cha... Will would love that, we could be a trio, I bet I can make him hum.... rat-a-tat-a-thumb-de dumb. Aye, dumb. Not a thumb. Bugger. I think I will end this standoff once and for all and just stick Miss Skin and Bones outside, she's looking a bit pale, could use the fresh air…
EXT. – BLACK PEARL – NIGHT
GIBBS:
Oooh, rum!
(coughing sounds)
GIBBS:
Jack! The finger's gone!
JACK
Really?
GIBBS:
Well, the good news is, there's still some rum left.
JACK:
Well, we'll just have to wait til it comes out.
GIBBS:
Er, Cap'n, did you mean what I think you did?
JACK:
Mister Gibbs. We can't very well find Elizabeth without it.
EXT. – BLACK PEARL – DAY
Three days later…
JACK:
Gibbs! You haven't had the urge, not even once?
GIBBS:
Sorry, Cap'n. Seems I'm stopped up tighter than a cold man's nuts
JACK:
????
GIBBS:
Mixed metaphors.
WILL:
(impatiently)
We need something to unstop him. But what?
JACK:
Where's that sea witch when you need her?
CALYPSO:
You called? Again?
JACK:
Tia!
CALYPSO:
Calypso to you, Clue-less.
WILL:
We have a problem, Calypso.
JACK:
(to Gibbs)
Well, go on, tell her what you did.
GIBBS:
Er, you highness, goddess sir...
JACK:
Well spit it out, man.
WILL:
Don't you mean...
JACK:
Well, that too, but what you REALLY need is...
CALYPSO:
You don't need me, you need the Syrup of Figs and Elixir of Senna.
I just happen to have some. (turns to camera and smiles her wickedest smile) Guaranteed to unstop the most stubborn of clogs.
JACK:
You're shitting me?
CALPYSO:
No, he is, or will be…
Several hours later…
JACK:
Good thing we have some of that sweet smelling oil left. Best be keeping her away from the rum from now on.
(holds up oil soaked digit)
Hmmmm…
(evil grin)
WILL:
No. Absolutely no.
JACK:
Will, darling dearest?
(chases him around the set)
What do you say to a threesome?
FADE OUT
****
Characters: Jack, Will, Gibbs, Elizabeth, Calypso, and featuring the world famous Director, Eddie
Pairings: Very much fulfilled J/W, unrequited J/E, canon W/E
Warnings: Crack. Blatant Product Placement.
Summary: Sometimes, things do not go according to plan, er... script.
A/N: Born out of chat and our depraved minds, a glimpse behind the scenes of Ad Infinitum.
****
Hocine Bibo Aut In Eum Digitos Insero?**
**(Do I drink this or stick my fingers in it?)
****
FADE IN:
EXT. – BLACK PEARL – DAY
DIRECTOR:
Ok, everybody, places! Places, everybody! We’ll just take it from the top, shall we? Lizzie, you need to lie down. You’re supposed to be dead, remember?
LIZZIE:
This isn’t fair! You promised me a meaty part!
JACK:
(quips)
Meaty. Ha! Good one!
LIZZIE:
Go ahead and laugh, Jack. It wasn’t YOUR part that was cut!
JACK:
(raises finger to make point)
Technically, dear Lizzie, your part wasn’t exactly “cut”, more like pulled. Or jerked, yes jerked, like jerky.
LIZZIE:
Shut up, Jack!
JACK:
(ignores her)
Of course…
(looks at his raised finger)
… Eddie here could have just cast your finger. Since that’s the real “meat” of the story.
LIZZIE:
(sputters)
Why you… I’ve had it with you, you rum-soaked…
JACK:
Speak for yourself, darling. I am not the one floating in a bottle of rum.
LIZZIE:
AUGHH!!!!
DIRECTOR:
(waves arms in air)
CUT!! Now really folks, we need to take our places. Lizzie, you lie down there, try to look dead. Jack, you’ve just pulled off the finger. This is traumatic for you. You’ve kissed this woman, remember? She was your paramour, in your dreams…
WILL:
What? When did THAT get into the script?
DIRECTOR:
It makes for a more interesting story. A pirate, torn between two lovers. His heart broken, his… Jack? Quit playing with the finger!
WILL:
Oh, for god’s sake…
CALYPSO:
You called?
DIRECTOR:
Not now. You are not scheduled until the scene after next.
(raises megaphone)
MARKERS! CAMERAS! ACTION!
INT. – BLACK PEARL – NIGHT
JACK:
(conversing with finger in bottle)
Sure, go ahead ignore me. You’ve made your point. Oh wait, you always point…er bloody pointer finger, never know where they might show up. Or what they might get up in, er...to. You don't mind if I take a quick sniff, do you? Don't want you fingering into my territory, if you get my point. You might think you have the rights, but WRONG! And it won't do you any good pouting. Pointers don't pout, they point, which brings me to a very good point, what's the point of even keeping you around? I think I'll just set you outside the door, that way poor Will doesn't have to feel fucking guilty every time he looks at your scrawny carcass…
DIRECTOR:
CUT! That is NOT in the script!
JACK:
Sure it is, says right here... page 2, yellow copy, scene 32 BS
DIRECTOR:
That's B.
JACK:
Oh, yeah, right. Ha! That ‘S’ is actually a smashed bug, remember the blighter well, had the audacity to be suckin' me blood. Not that I wouldn't mind a bit of suckin', just not by something of the six legged variety. Two legs and a dangling participle will do nicely…
DIRECTOR:
All right everyone! Let's take it from the top, cue the moon
INT - BLACK PEARL CABIN – NIGHT
JACK:
Elizabeth, I hate to have to break the news so bluntly, but as you are nothing but a putrid, rotting hunk of....
DIRECTOR:
CUT!!!
JACK:
Sorry
DIRECTOR:
From the top, and let's try and get it right this time, please?
JACK:
Right! Er, left. I think it is a left pointy finger thingie... or what's left of a left, can't really tell, they do tend to look the same, now that I think about it. Hmmm... You know, come to think of it, I should have grabbed BOTH pointers, could have made music with them, you know, like them sticks the islanders use to make their rumba music with, a cha-cha, a cha-cha... Will would love that, we could be a trio, I bet I can make him hum.... rat-a-tat-a-thumb-de dumb. Aye, dumb. Not a thumb. Bugger. I think I will end this standoff once and for all and just stick Miss Skin and Bones outside, she's looking a bit pale, could use the fresh air…
EXT. – BLACK PEARL – NIGHT
GIBBS:
Oooh, rum!
(coughing sounds)
GIBBS:
Jack! The finger's gone!
JACK
Really?
GIBBS:
Well, the good news is, there's still some rum left.
JACK:
Well, we'll just have to wait til it comes out.
GIBBS:
Er, Cap'n, did you mean what I think you did?
JACK:
Mister Gibbs. We can't very well find Elizabeth without it.
EXT. – BLACK PEARL – DAY
Three days later…
JACK:
Gibbs! You haven't had the urge, not even once?
GIBBS:
Sorry, Cap'n. Seems I'm stopped up tighter than a cold man's nuts
JACK:
????
GIBBS:
Mixed metaphors.
WILL:
(impatiently)
We need something to unstop him. But what?
JACK:
Where's that sea witch when you need her?
CALYPSO:
You called? Again?
JACK:
Tia!
CALYPSO:
Calypso to you, Clue-less.
WILL:
We have a problem, Calypso.
JACK:
(to Gibbs)
Well, go on, tell her what you did.
GIBBS:
Er, you highness, goddess sir...
JACK:
Well spit it out, man.
WILL:
Don't you mean...
JACK:
Well, that too, but what you REALLY need is...
CALYPSO:
You don't need me, you need the Syrup of Figs and Elixir of Senna.
I just happen to have some. (turns to camera and smiles her wickedest smile) Guaranteed to unstop the most stubborn of clogs.
JACK:
You're shitting me?
CALPYSO:
No, he is, or will be…
Several hours later…
JACK:
Good thing we have some of that sweet smelling oil left. Best be keeping her away from the rum from now on.
(holds up oil soaked digit)
Hmmmm…
(evil grin)
WILL:
No. Absolutely no.
JACK:
Will, darling dearest?
(chases him around the set)
What do you say to a threesome?
FADE OUT
****