Clutching My Cure

Chapter Nineteen


{ "I’m not sure what Obi-Wan feels, but deCrion is deeply in love with him." }

Bruck’s words of only a moment ago echoed in Qui-Gon’s head like a death knoll. Tearing his gaze away from his former lover and apprentice’s, he shifted uncomfortably in the chair.

"I’ve been strapped to this chair all day. I don’t suppose it would be possible for me to be allowed access to the fresher?"

Xanatos bristled at the sardonic tone but moved forward anyway. Removing a key from off his belt, he stepped behind the Jedi Master and began to unlock the cuffs that bound Jinn to the chair. One was left in place on the Jedi’s saber hand, a long length of durasteel chain attached before being wrapped around a massive marble statue. Satisfied that Jinn had the ability to move freely about the room while also remaining secured, he gestured toward the door leading to the fresher.

"It’s all yours."

Qui-Gon rubbed at his chaffed and red wrist as he strode toward the facilities with understandable eagerness. As he waited for his guest to return, Xanatos took a seat on the edge of the silk draped bed and pondered his next move. If he did what he felt was best for everyone involved, he risked alienating Obi-Wan for good. The younger man would no doubt be outraged to have the object of his fury released.

A groan slipped from between Xanatos lips as he fell back on the soft bed, eyes sliding shut. The truth was he had lost the hate toward Jinn that had driven him a long time ago. Time and distance had taught him to accept that he had been far from blameless in the events on Telos all those years ago. In truth, he had hurt and betrayed his mentor far more than Jinn had him. Crion had been skillfully deceptive in twisting the truth in order to assure that his son sided with him. Looking back, Xanatos was embarrassed at how blindly gullible he’d been.

"You were young and confused." Qui-Gon’s gentle voice spoke quietly from above him. Opening his eyes, Xanatos was disconcerted to find that the Jedi had approached without him sensing it. The Force suppressing collar was still in place which made Jinn’s reading of his internal thoughts even more baffling.

Smiling down at the younger man, Qui-Gon put his mind at ease. "I know you better than anyone, Xan so it’s not difficult to decipher the reason for the scowl on your face."

Xanatos sat up abruptly, forcing Jinn back a step. "I’m not scowling."

A hint of laughter in the deep voice. "Of course not. Bruck tells me you’re in love with Obi-Wan."

The words fell between them with the force of a seismic charge, their gazes locking once again. Uncomfortable with the idea of discussing his new lover with his old, Xanatos cleared his throat before responding.

"Really? Was he as open about sharing his own feelings toward Obi-Wan?"

"Yes." Qui-Gon smiled somewhat sadly. "I suppose that’s something new my apprentice and I can now share and bond over. Both of us hopelessly in love with men who will never love us back."

Flushing at the pain lacing the words, Xanatos hesitated before speaking honestly. "I did love you. Once."

Qui-Gon squatted down in front of the younger man, the chain on his wrist rattling as he cupped a smooth pale cheek. His thumb slowly stroked the satin texture of pale skin, the feel bringing back a host of memories. Once. A simple word and yet it had the power to cause indescribable pain.

"I’m glad the two of you have found one another." Sapphire eyes widened at the heartfelt admission. "Although it grieves me to know how hurt Bruck will be, my heart, and the Force, tell me that the two of you belong together."

Xanatos couldn’t halt the next question from leaving his lips, even though he had no idea why he felt a need to know the answer. "Is Bruck the only one who will be hurt?"

"No." Pale blue eyes shimmered with open sadness. "But I forfeited my right to having the love of either of you long ago. I was a proud, arrogant fool and it cost me two very special people. That is the greatest torture in the galaxy, to live with the knowledge of what my actions have cost so many, but especially Obi-Wan."

Xanatos stiffened as he saw something in Qui-Gon’s stare change. It was the only warning he had before his former lover leant forward and captured his lips in a kiss. Soft and non-threatening, it felt almost like a benediction. Before he realized what he was doing, his own lips had parted to allow the kiss to deepen. It didn’t take long for him to come to the conclusion that not only was it wrong, but not what he wanted. Although it brought back nice feelings of nostalgia, there was no passion or emotion involved from his side of things.

Just as he’d decided to break it off, the sound of a shocked indrawn breath reached his ears. He and Qui-Gon both turned toward the door to find a pale and anguished Obi-Wan staring at them with an expression of dazed betrayal. Xanatos opened his mouth to explain but snapped it closed just as quickly. Perhaps it was time to end this before they both got hurt even more.

"Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon breathed as he shot to his feet.

The young man retreated a step, nearly falling as he tried to distance himself. Xanatos stood with a forced nonchalance and brushed a wrinkle from his silk shirt as he ignored the chameleon eyes that bored into him. Pleading and nearly begging for him to offer up a reason for what Obi-Wan had walked in on.

"Qui and I were just getting reacquainted, brat."

Qui-Gon’s head snapped around, his eyes questioning and confused. Squelching nearly overwhelming feelings of guilt, Xanatos steeled himself to remain unflinching beneath both men’s stares. Obi-Wan finally managed to gather himself enough to respond, his hands clenching at his sides.

"Well, don’t let me interrupt your happy reunion," Obi-Wan spat in a quivering voice.

As the young man spun on his heel in order to flee the scene, Qui-Gon took a hurried step forward. Xanatos hand on his arm brought him to an abrupt halt and allowed Obi-Wan to leave unmolested.

"What was that all about? Why aren’t you going after him?"

"This is for the best. It’s obvious he can’t get over the past and I refuse to live the rest of my life with a person so consumed with anger, they can’t see anything else." Making his way toward the door, Xanatos paused and offered the older man a small sardonic smile. "Give me a few days to work things out and we’ll see about getting you and Chun back home."

Qui-Gon was left staring at the closed door in open mouthed shock at his announcement.