Xeno

A/N: a friend of mine wrote me a little giftfic, which involves everyone's favorite copter finally getting over his...issues. Friend has given me permission to post this fic here for y'all to enjoy as well (because copter gettin' laid is too good to keep to oneself!!) This explains some June's upset in "Culture Clash". Sorry to post out of order, but I just heard got permission from the author, so, yay!

Published WITH PERMISSION. This story was not written by me, but a friend who wishes to remain anonymous.

****

I want your pyscho, your vertigo stick
Want you in my rear window, baby you're sick – Lady Gaga

Barricade sulked in the garage, hating the old pick up truck parked in the driveway. June didn't have company over often, even avoided it when she knew he was going to be around. Tonight, however, June was entertaining a coworker in her kitchen, both of them chatting over their drinks. He listened in on them shamelessly, wanting to know the moment this newcomer was going to leave. Unfortunately, June had offered to take her to a new cafe in town. He was going to have to wait a few hours, it seemed.

The woman's name was Rachel, and she was a librarian at the university where June worked. There wasn't anything interesting about her, as far as he could tell: no tits to speak of, drab brown hair, and glasses. Plain, plain, plain and entirely easy to overlook.

The way her jeans hugged her ass, though, that was something – no. No it wasn't anything at all. Barricade knew that was a Bad Road to go down. Things were going so well with June, after all. No need to mess it all up on account of a librarian having one set of attractive curves.

Barricade redirected his attention back to their conversation, and quickly became bored. They liked to complain, it seemed, about everything that involved the university. Some of it he understood, but the rest of it was lost on him. He perked up when they made plans to leave for the cafe, holding out for the chance that June would cancel at the last second.

“So, you driving, or me?” Rachel asked. “You know where we're going, and I've seen you driving that sexy little Mustang around.”

There was a pause on June's part, but not a long one. “Yeah, I'll drive. Let me find my keys.”

What keys? Barricade thought. This was going to be interesting.

“Is my truck in the way?” They were getting closer. He could hear June's boots stomping louder than necessary, as if warning him that they were coming.

“No, it should be fine.”

The door opened, and Barricade instinctively triggered the garage door opener. June faltered, but Rachel was digging in her pocket for something, and missed it. June sent him a nasty look, but he played innocent non-sentient car in the garage.

“God, I love Mustangs,” Rachel said, walking around his front to reach the passenger's side door. “I may hate Ford, but I always make an exception for these beauties.”

“They're nice cars,” June said, sliding into the driver's seat. She fumbled with her set of keys, starting when Barricade magnetized his ignition column so they stuck to it. So long as Rachel didn't look too closely, they'd be fine.

He waited until June's hands were on the keys before starting his engine. She hesitated a moment, then realized he was going to let her drive. They pulled around the pick up truck, and then were on their way.
“So,” June said, in a tone that Barricade decided he didn't like. “Besides Mustangs, what else are you mechanically inclined to?”

Unfair, thought Barricade. She was going to regret this. Oh yes she was.

“Out of everything? Trains,” Rachel said, and Barricade's engine made a funny noise.

“What, like bullet trains?” June giggled, cutting off any remark Rachel might have about the engine.

“Oh hell no,” Rachel shook her head. “Real trains. The ones where you can see the parts moving. When I lived in Detroit we used to go to the Henry Ford Museum, and I'd spend most of the trip in the train yard or on the train itself. Just watching those things pump gets me all, well...”

Rachel squirmed in her seat and Barricade's engine hitched. The look June leveled at his dashboard could have shorted out his circuits if it had been any angrier.

“Aside from trains, military aircraft really gets me going,” Rachel said, and something terrible clicked in Barricade's processor.

“What, like, F-22s?” June asked, and Barricade considered stalling his engine to stop that train of thought. Oh hell, had he just made a pun?

“Sure,” Rachel shrugged. Starscream already had Jennifer, and June knew it. What was she trying to do here? “Even Predators, but more because they're cute, rather than sexy like the F-22. I kind of like the butch aircraft better, though. You know, C-17s, Black Hawks -”

“Pave Lows?” June interrupted. The look Rachel gave her wasn't one of surprise or suspicion, just a realization that hey, we like the same stuff, don't we?

“Definitely,” Rachel said. “Too bad they retired that model, though.”

“Yeah,” said June, but Barricade could tell she hadn't known that. She was more interested in sports cars, after all. The conversation finally turned back to bitching about work, but June kept shooting his dashboard sly little smiles.

They knew exactly what they were going to do.

*****

It had taken weeks to set up, but Barricade thought June had done a fantastic job. It wasn't like they could just throw her at Blackout and except the magic to happen, after all. June continued her friendship with Rachel, dropping more than enough hints to make her curious. There had been plenty of rumors about giant alien robots running around the planet, so meeting Barricade hadn't resulted in her passing out.

The second part made June nervous. What if their mutual interests weren't as mutual as she first thought? She'd hate to drive away a friend who now knew about a top-secret alien species all because she was having sex with one of them. June thought she must have handled it well, because Rachel's reaction was, well, accepting.

“So you have this super advanced alien robot living in your garage,” Rachel had said. “And you fuck him?”

“Actually,” Barricade had called out from his spot in the garage. “I fuck her.”

That would have been the part where a sane person ran screaming. Instead, Rachel asked: “How?”

So June had told. Rachel had listened.

The third part was conning Blackout into another xeno excursion, which was Barricade's job. It was probably the easiest part: all he had to do was tell Blackout he still owed him a favor, make it sound convincing, and he would oblige. He wasn't so begrudging when it came to xenos after all.

With the final part they finally ran into a problem when Rachel wasn't at home, and wouldn't answer her cell phone. Had she wised up and decided to excise them from her life? June wouldn't blame her if she did. There were sexual deviants, and then there were sexual deviants.

When she finally answered her phone, she was out of breath. She'd been out running with her dog, and she'd seen a copter go over that wasn't the local news chopper. It had really been something, she'd said. Then she'd asked if it was a friend of theirs.

There was no point in denying it, June decided, and Barricade agreed. So she'd said: “We're coming to pick you up. There's someone we want you to meet.”

*****

Blackout had no idea how he got roped into these things. Didn't they have better things to do besides running around with squishy little xenos? He thought they did. And yet here they were.

He was currently skulking about a park in his alt mode, which hadn't been easy for him to get into thanks to the trees. Still, Barricade had insisted on this location, knowing it would be safe enough for all of them. Blackout assumed he'd taken his xeno here before.

It wasn't long before the Mustang drove into range, kicking up gravel as he sped up the dirt road. Once he stopped, both doors popped open and two xenos stepped out. Blackout felt a twinge of unease, feeling uncomfortable. Why did everyone insist on forcing their perversions on him? And why wasn't he better at saying no?

“Hello again, Blackout,” June called out, walking with her friend as Barricade transformed.

“Hello Barricade's xeno,” Blackout said, then caught the murderous look Barricade sent him. “Uh, hello June. And June's friend.”

“This is Rachel,” June said, looking up and down the copter's length. It was easier to talk to someone when you could see their face. He was being shy again.

“Blackout,” Barricade hissed, and the copter finally transformed. June and Rachel craned their necks to look up at him.

“God, he's gorgeous,” Rachel said, and Blackout practically preened. For someone so 'uninterested' in xenos, he sure liked getting their approval.

“You hear that?” Blackout asked Barricade. “Gorgeous. Not adorable. Gorgeous.”

Barricade faked gagging, and both June and Rachel laughed.

“Tall, dark and handsome,” June said, sending a look towards Barricade. “And adorable.”

“Let's not bring that up again,” Barricade said, cutting off anything Blackout had to say. “Why don't you sit down, desk fan.”

The nicknames, Blackout decided, needed to stop. He wasn't too fond of being mocked in front of the xenos, after all. Still, he did as instructed, sitting cross legged on the ground so no one had to hurt themselves looking up at him. He watched the new xeno suspiciously, wondering if he had walked into another set up. Why else would she be here?

“Cut it out, Blackout,” Barricade snapped. “We're doing you a favor.”

“Oh? How's that?” Blackout glared at Barricade.

“Rachel here has a thing for military aircraft,” he said. And trains, but that was something they were going to have work out on their own. “Turns out you're one of her favorite models.”

“I told you,” Blackout said slowly, trying for menacing. “I'm not poking one of your xenos.”

“She's not mine,” Barricade said a bit too brightly. “She's yours.”

Blackout looked down at Rachel, who shrugged. Her expression was mostly neutral, and it made him question whether she wanted to be here or not. May be Barricade and his xeno would leave, and they could pretend they did something. The only problem was that Barricade knew when he was lying. It was kind of unfair.

Rachel broke away from the other two to walk towards him, and she looked more than a little hesitant. “We don't have to do anything you don't want to. I mean, it's not like we can't, uh, think of something else to do.”

“Yeah,” said Blackout, feeling his rotors tightening. “Sure.”

Rachel gave him a questioning look. “Can I...?”

She looked down at his legs, and he nodded, shifting his weight back some so she had more foothold. He repressed a cringe when she climbed up on his lap, reaching out to catch his armor to steady herself. Rachel looked over her shoulder. “So, uh. You guys just going to watch or something? I'm not a big fan of audiences.”

“Thank you,” Blackout said, some of the tension leaving his rotors. It was probably a small miracle that they had found such an agreeable xeno. June and Barricade exchanged looks. It was very clearly one of those looks.

“We'll meet up later,” June said quickly, as Barricade folded down to his alt mode. In a matter of moments the pair was speeding off, leaving nothing but a cloud of dust in their wake.

Blackout suddenly regretted wanting them gone, feeling incredibly exposed with his – with a xeno standing on his legs. He didn't know what she was expecting; to be honest, neither did he.

“Well,” said Rachel, looking up at him. “This isn't awkward.”

“What did they tell you?” Blackout asked, hoping he didn't sound too anxious. He still couldn't believe he was here. What was he thinking, letting Barricade strong arm him into this?

“Lots of stuff,” she said. “Weird stuff, but cool stuff. If you don't want to do this, it won't hurt my feelings or anything. I'm not quite sure what's supposed to happen anyways.”

“Xenos aren't really my thing,” Blackout said, already relieved. She wasn't so bad, he thought. “Wait, didn't they tell you...?”

“How they do it?” Rachel nodded. “Yeah, in vivid detail. Sounds pretty wild, if you ask me.”

Blackout wasn't certain 'wild' described it, but any response was lost when her hands found his interface hatch. He held very, very still, wondering what the chances were that she had touched that without knowing what it was. Probably very low. He wouldn't put it past Barricade to tell her everything she didn't need to know.
“You don't like hu- uh, xenos?” she titled her head, puzzling out how the interface hatch worked.

“I just think they're weird,” he replied, twitching when her fingers traced the edges of the hatch. Was she seducing him, or just being curious? He had no idea.

“You know what's weird?” Rachel asked. “Talking to a helicopter that's actually a giant robot from outer fucking space.”

“Um,” Blackout said, then realized he had nothing else to say. It had never occurred to him that the weirdness worked both ways, after all.

There was a click as his interface panel opened without him consciously telling it to, and she snatched her hand back. He moved his legs at the same time, and Rachel's arms flailed to try to balance her. Blackout raised one hand, gently pushing her back upright with his palm. He kept his hand where it was, just in case. Yeah, just in case. Humans fell over all the time.

Of course, touching xenos seemed to give them ideas, and this one took it upon herself to run her hand over one of his fingers. She parted her legs, straddling the finger and bracing her hands on his chassis to stay upright. He remembered June being warm on his floorboards, and Rachel was warm, but between her legs it was hot. The rest of her started heating up when she moved her hips, rubbing across the cool metal He nudged her experimentally, and was rewarded with an oddly pleased sound.

This was going well so far, he thought, except something seemed wrong. He didn't think xenos interfaced with their clothing on. And Barricade had stripped June of whatever she'd been wearing the last time. Blackout had no idea how to get Rachel's clothes off. His fingers were too big and clumsy, and he didn't want to hurt her. Wait, when had he decided to keep going with this?

The clothing problem solved itself when Rachel leaned back, resting her weight on his finger, and pulled her shirt off. Alright, that was a start.

“Huh,” said Blackout, staring. “Yours are smaller than Barricade's xe- June's.”

“Smaller...?” Rachel looked up at him, then down at her breasts. “Oh, yeah. Well, I've been told I've got a great ass. Makes up for it.”

“Oh,” he craned his head to see around her, where the aforementioned ass was sitting on his finger. “You, uh, have a great ass.”

Rachel gave him a blank look, then smiled. “Thanks.”

Great, now she knew he was lying, if only because he had no idea what made what attractive on a xeno. At all.

“Hm,” said Rachel, eyeing his module. She looked behind her, at the gravel, and then over at the grass under the trees, frowning. “This might be easier if you lie down. You know, if that doesn't hurt your rotors or anything.”

Blackout felt oddly touched by her concern, even if it was unfounded. Without a word, he spread his blades and laid flat on the ground, one hand behind Rachel to keep her steady. Once he was down, he held still, letting her situate herself. She sat down on the middle of his chest, removing her shoes and chucking them over his side. When she stood up to shimmy out of her jeans, he got a good look at her backside, interrupted only by a tiny strip of cloth that covered her nether regions. It was so tiny, though, he wondered what it was even for.

Once that was off, she stuffed it into her pants and threw those over the side as well. Without all the clothing, Blackout could smell her. He was caught halfway between intrigued and repulsed, aroused and disgusted, shuddering when she pulled his module out of its socket. She looked it over curiously, holding it like something she knew about, but had never dealt with before. Which was more than likely true, if June didn't want her touching Barricade.

Rachel ghosted over its length with her fingers, and Blackout moaned. It happened again when her fingers followed the path of the winking green lights, and he felt less and less weird about this. When she put her mouth to the module, his head dropped back, memories of what June had done rushing back to him. He almost missed her kneeling on his chassis, bracing herself on his armor.

Blackout looked up when she turned the module around in her hands, and she positioned it up against her port. He could feel that it was wet, and the smell of her seemed to magnify tenfold. She gave him a questioning look - all he had to do was say no, and she would stop.

He nodded, and Rachel started to push the module into her port. Blackout's processor reeled at the sensation, and his hands went up to hold her. He thought better of it, stopping them just inches before touching her, and they dropped back to the ground. Fistfuls of gravel were pulled up when she slid the module out a few inches, and then back in. She repeated the process, and Blackout squirmed – this wasn't right at all.

“Stop,” he panted. This wasn't how Barricade and his xeno had done it all. It didn't feel very good. “Just – just put it in.”

Rachel nodded, biting her lower lip. She pushed his module all the way inside, eyes fluttering closed in the process. Blackout had never felt anything like it before, and as carefully as he dared, let out a pulse from his datastream. Her eyes flew upon, and she let out a small yelp in surprise.

“Y-yes?” Blackout asked, withholding another pulse as best he could. This was not Barricade's mouth, so he had to control himself.

“Oh, fuck yes,” Rachel breathed, one hand readjusting her grip on his module, keeping it firmly in place. Her other hand clutched at his armor, entire body shaking in anticipation and arousal. Blackout let out another pulse, causing her thighs to close around his cables, then open again, unsure of how to get the most out of this.

It hardly mattered what her legs did when he let his datastream go, picking up in speed and intensity. He tried to focus on the sounds she made, but they were getting drowned out by his own enthusiastic moans.

Rachel's hips moved in time with his pulses, back curving as she bent double, breathing hard and gasping.
Against that, Blackout didn't last long. He overloaded with a bellow, cable jerking as the energon shot into the xeno's port. He heard and felt her own overload before he faded out, systems spiraling into a haze of pleasure.

When he came back to himself a moment later, the xeno was sprawled across his chassis, his module already held carefully between her hands. She was warm against his armor, wet and leaking fluids from between her legs. That really should have been gross, but at the moment he didn't care.

“Oh,” said Rachel, gingerly setting his sticky module down near its socket. “Wow.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she nodded. “Though I might suffer hearing loss problems in the future.”

“What – oh,” Blackout looked away from her, embarrassed. “Sorry.”

“Nothing to be sorry about,” Rachel said, pushing herself upright with her elbows. Frowning a bit, one of her hands probed her port, curious about the energon. Barricade had told him it made them tingle a bit, but was otherwise harmless.

Blackout supposed xenos weren't so bad, after all. It was weird, yes, but Barricade had a lot of weird ideas that actually turned out pretty well. And hot.

“Hmm,” Rachel said, rubbing the blue substance between her fingers. Mixed with her own fluids, it was slippery and viscous. He couldn't quite place the look on her face, watching curiously as her hand slid between her legs again. “Ohhhh.”

Blackout strained to see what she was doing. Her hand was at an odd angle, and her fingers were not in her interface port. That was weird. Barricade hadn't mentioned anything like this before.

He started when her other hand picked up his module, and he realized with a small twinge of disgust that his own energon was stuck to his chassis. Energon wasn't supposed to get everywhere like that. It was -

“You good to go again?” Rachel asked, startling him again. She gave him an amused look, as if she was well aware of the reason for his fidgeting.

“Uh, if the green lights are blinking, then yeah,” Blackout said, wishing he didn't sound so stupid. He wished for it again when she laughed. “What?”

“Green,” Rachel said, her thumb sliding over a node and making Blackout tremble. “The universal color for 'go'.”

Blackout had nothing to add to that, too busy watching his module vanish between her legs, then press against -

She made a sound he hadn't heard before, he made a sound he hadn't heard before, and Barricade had definitely never said anything about this.

*****

“They do not.”

“They do too. I saw, uh, yeah, saw it myself.”

“I'm going to have to side with Barricade on this one,” Starscream interrupted. “No offense, Blackout, but he knows better than you. As do I, for that matter.”

“But she did!” Blackout said hotly.

“Humans only have one interface port,” Barricade said, his tone weary, as if there was no point in discussing this further. “Your xeno does not have two.”

“She does,” Blackout wasn't going to drop it, apparently. Barricade was going to take a small victory over how he hadn't corrected the 'your xeno' comment. “After we – you know, she put, uh, it in her other, uh -”

“Her mouth?” Starscream suggested, but Blackout shook his head.

“No, it was right next to her first port,” Blackout said, and Barricade boggled at him.

“That,” he said. “Is not an interface port.”

“Oh,” said Blackout. “Then what was it?”

“Never mind,” Barricade said quickly. He didn't want to ruin Blackout's first real xeno experience by explaining it all to him. It would be better if Rachel told him herself, anyways. “Just – well, congratulations. Your first xeno. We're proud of you, Blackout.”

Blackout didn't look too excited about the congrats. “What was it?”

“Ask her when you see her next, Blackout,” Starscream said, standing up. “Now, we have real work to do, don't we?”

Barricade sprang to his feet. Saved by Starscream – he could practically kiss the jet. They left Blackout to glare after them, but Barricade was in high spirits. Not only had Blackout not rejected the idea of having his own xeno, but he hadn't said he wasn't going to see her again.

First free cycle he got, Barricade was calling on June. They had some celebrating to do.