First Hunger

First Hunger Chapter 2: Vicious Circle

Later, after Dracula has finally left me to my solitude, I feel the daylight creeping up. My whole body tingles and feels as if drained of all energy. I realize that I have to lie down, and just after finishing this thought, I fall down onto my bed.
No time to undress, I am paralyzed by the moment the sun comes up. My dreams are filled with horrible nightmares, images of bloodstained claws flashing through my mind.
The dark breathing of a Werewolf forms a bizarre rhythm to the series of images that follow.

Anna, making her last breath, staring horrified into my animal-face.

Carl, petrified with fear after I nearly strangled him to unconsciousness in a sudden fit of burning rage.

Dracula, wearing a surprised and triumphant smile on his lips, while watching my metamorphosis into a creature of darkness...
Dracula, the man I have so much in common with. Now we have not only a common past, but also we both share eternal life. Suddenly my sleepy mind starts to re-live a scene...a scene I had forced myself to forget and hide it in the deepest corners of my subconsciousness...

* * *

After making last prayers and taking Anna’s ash to the crypt of the Valerious Family, all the days of fighting and the lack of sleep finally took their toll on me. Carl found us a chamber to stay and just after I entered the room, I literally crashed onto the bed and fell into a dead- like sleep. Nothing could wake me.
Not even a door, flying open.
Not even Carl’s screams or his neck, snapping loudly.
And not even the feel of strong arms, lifting me up and taking me away.

Not refreshed at all, I woke to the pleasant sounds of a piano, being played in the room where I lay, my body positioned in a strange angle. After quickly adjusting my eyes to the gloomy light and taking in my surroundings, the warrior in me took over.

Dracula. Right in front of my nose.

Calmly playing Beethoven and wearing an overly tragic face. By my heartbeat he knew I was awake and moved away from the instrument, quicker than my eye could follow his actions.

"Ah, you are awake, good, good.“he stated the obvious with an annoying smirk on his face.
"How...“I was still struck by the fact of seeing him alive, after I’ve sent him to hell.
Dracula quickly spun around and, with a snort, replied:“Ever heard of the story about a cat having more than one life? Well, I guess you left too quickly, after you graced me with these...“and he cocked his head to the side to show me four large scars.
Instantly I remembered that moment when I dug my werewolf claws into this demon’s flesh. It had felt so good. So...satisfying.

"This will take me quite some time to heal again. And it will cost you your mortality...“he suddenly raised his voice angrily.
The nasty ever-present smirk disappeared then and the demon showed his fangs, trying to get to my neck. I reached for my stake, but it was gone. I tried to wake my reflexes, but there were none. I was unable to move.
He chuckled darkly, while watching my desperate attempts to get to my feet.
"Poor Warrior. Where is God, when you really need him?“and he yanked away my golden necklace with a cross I used to wear to get better access to my throat.

My scream that followed was long and full of disgust, pain and disappointment. In myself. I completely had failed my mission, the Valerious-Family was wiped off the earth for nothing, and what remained was the monster and me.

Dracula’s true meaning of revenge occurred to me, when he had finished sucking me dry. I was not able to restrain my body from using all it’s powers to get to the blood that flowed so freely from Dracula’s open wound at his wrist.
Like a dayfly my consciousness held on for dear life and my mouth slowly closed around the demon’s wrist to take in the thick essence.
What then followed was the ultimate damnation for a warrior like me and pure triumph for the vampire: My drained and hungry body was unable to stop the feeding. While I greedily drank from the wound, a new eerie feeling entered my brain...Submission.
I tried to fight it with all my willpower; I almost managed to rip away my lips from Dracula’s wrist. But the demon, which held my head while I had fed, just increased his grip on me and I had no choice as to continue.
He exactly knew what was going on with me.

"Do not think you will ever get away. This moment will bind you to me and you will have no choice as to follow your instincts now", his heavy accent rolled into my ears like a brick into my stomach.
But still my hunger seemed to be greater than my reason and after what seemed like hours to me, he retreated his wrist. The blinding pain of hunger vanished and made space for new and cruel feelings.
My heart, making it’s final beat, before stopping.
My body, cooling and slowly dying.
The inner demon that demands to be freed.
The constant gnawing thirst for warmth...
It all crushed me and I wanted to turn away from it all forever. Instead, I have to live with all this forever.

Dracula watched the whole scenery with a satisfied smile around his lips. I twisted and turned, lying on the floor and trying to hide my face from his view, when I felt a first physical change coming up.
"Let it happen, submit to it", my Maker hissed and snatched away my arms to directly look me in the eyes.

For him, this was all a game, all an amusing scenery to watch and absorb.

I could tell that my eyes had changed as well. The hunger that had re- awakened with the effort of the physical change had caused my view to turn blood red. I caught my heavy breath at the realization of this drastic change and turned my head to take in the room with this new version of view.
My look passed the ice-cold form that was Dracula and moved further into corners and alcoves, where it identified small beating hearts from rats, hammering rapidly in my sensitive ears. I tried to cover my ears in a weak attempt to hide away from all this once again.
But my hunger didn’t allow me a break. It automatically went further, exploring the small creatures´ lives, the blood pulsating through their small bodies. It felt as if I was the rats, I was in them...

I wanted to scream from madness, but all that managed to leave my mouth was a pathetic whimper.
My Maker took this as an opportunity to grab my face and whispered in a maniacal voice: "Isn’t it beautiful?"
"It’s Hell.“my reply erupted from my trembling mouth.
Dracula began to laugh triumphantly and spun around in the room, absorbed in a dance with the black of night. I couldn’t stand this any longer and slowly fainted at the view of Dracula, who still waltzed with joy and energy...

I wake from this nightmare, expecting to be covered in sweat. But all I feel is my cold body, still heart and empty veins.
Again I realize that this was no nightmare. My life was the nightmare. Every day my mind reruns this scenery, forming my own vicious circle. Reminding me of my fall and putting me into feelings of shame, submission and.hunger.

Then I hunt...

TBC...