Fear and Loathing in Baltimore COMPLETE

She had been surprised by the name on his uniform.

“Wade? It’s not Cry-Baby anymore?”

“We all have to grow up sooner or later.”

“Funny. I never thought you’d grow-up.” It was said with so much sincerity that Wade didn’t even think to be insulted.

She told him she had wondered if she would run into him. Her grandmother had recently passed and she was back in Baltimore to tie up a few loose ends. Wade wasn’t surprised. Everyone in the city knew that the powerful Vernan-Williams woman was ill. He hadn’t known of her passing but it had been years since he had seen Mrs. Vernan-Williams, let alone spoken to her. When Allison had left for college, his ties to the family that never wanted him fizzled and he hadn’t stepped foot on their land since. He thought of those last days when he still considered Allison’s family his own. She had made him feel welcome. For the first time in his life he wasn’t an outsider. But when she left, he was flung back into that life quicker than he could think.

“So, what have you been doing with yourself Allison? I noticed New York plates. I take it you live there?” The two sipped coffee in a dimly lit diner. Everyone there knew Wade and had responded with lazy enthusiasm when he walked in with a pretty lady.

“Yes, I stuck around after graduating NYU. I couldn’t bare to leave. New York is the most exciting city in the world, Wade. Everything happens there first. By the time they hear about it here, it’s already old news there.” She spoke excitedly about her small apartment and circle of friends. Without realizing it she had become swept up in the spirit of the city, going to poetry circles and listening to the revolutionists speak. She mentioned names Wade had never heard of. Alan Ginsberg, Abby Hoffman, Jack Kerouac. Names of people she insisted would someday be considered geniuses but were now starving without recognition. She had gone to Washington to hear Martin Luther King speak and had sat with her friends in a smoky pub and wept the night he was murdered. Wade listened and smiled as he heard the stories of the woman Allison had become. He had missed this amazing transformation and wanted to slap himself for it.

As Wade sat across from her at the diner, listening to her speak, he still couldn’t believe it. Was it really Allison? Was she really sitting in the booth, regaling him with tales of her adventures. Her face wasn’t as delicate as it used to be and her blond hair was longer but there was no denying it. It was Allison, aged 10 years in an instant. In his mind she was always 17. Young, pure, and naïve. But here was this mature, intelligent woman sitting in front of him. It was Allison, but not the girl he remembered. He realized that he was meeting this woman for the first time and the thought excited him.

He told her about the gang and what had become of them. She laughed when he told her about Milton.

“Who would have thought?” she giggled as she pulled a cigarette from her purse. “That Milton Hackett would become a priest and I would celebrate the sexual revolution?”

Wade lifted his eyebrows. “You did?”

She took a drag on the cigarette and smiled. It was a smile Wade didn’t know. “There’s a lot about me you don’t know Wade.”

He looked down at his hands and played with the loose cuticles. He wondered how much about him she still remembered.

When Allison offered to drive him home he didn’t refuse. Perhaps she knew he didn’t own a car. Perhaps she’s seen how he insisted almost bitterly on paying for their coffee even though he had to rummage through his pockets for the measly 20 cents. Whatever the reason was, Wade only knew he didn’t want the night to end. It had gotten dark far too quickly and he wasn’t ready to be alone. He wasn’t ready to say good-bye to her. Wade had waited ten years to see Allison again and an hour over coffee wasn’t enough for him.

But as the two rode in silence, he began to worry what Allison would think of him when she saw the building he lived in. The apartments had been slums when she left and they were still slums. Cheap rents and high crime. Girls like Allison knew of those neighborhoods but never would dare to step foot in one. When he told her to take the left off of Main St he realized there was no point in hiding it. Allison was a smart girl. She probably already had the whole thing figured out. He worked at a gas station for Christ’s sake. He wasn’t going to be living in one of the fancy townhouses off Elm. He swallowed his pride and told Allison where to go, cringing as they turned into the parking lot of his building.

They sat in silence for a moment, Wade hesitating. He didn’t want to open the door. He didn’t want to leave. Allison glanced over at him and sighed. Was she trying to read his mind?

“Can I come up and see where you live?” He wasn’t expecting that. Did he want her to see where he lived?

“Sure.”

They walked up the narrow staircase and Wade never felt so self-conscious. This wasn’t Allison anymore and he wondered how much she was judging him. They heard voices behind every door. There were fights and loud music and behind one door they could hear glass shattering. Wade looked at Allison. If she was scared, she wasn’t showing it. She smiled, her pretty blue eyes filled with comfort and a touch of pity. Wade knew the look well and chose to ignore it. He turned his key in the three locks on the door and it opened with a gentle shove of his shoulder.

“Welcome to the Presidential suite,” he said with a grand gesture. Allison walked in without so much as a smile and Wade felt something in chest sink.

She walked around the small room, taking it in. Wade noticed how out of place she looked. Covered head to toe in expensive black she clashed with the run-down wood paneling and beat-up furniture. It made him wonder how out of place he looked with her. Had they always been that way? When he thought back on their times together, he was always keenly unaware of their differences. In his mind they were the same despite their backgrounds. But now, standing in the dilapidated room, their differences were more apparent than ever and somewhere deep inside he felt angry.

“It isn’t much but it’s a place to hang my hat,” he said, trying to sound optimistic. She smiled at him as she continued her tour, touching everything that was there to be touched. Wade smiled back. She didn’t look disappointed or sad. She looked like she was shopping, rummaging through odd knickknacks, trying to find the one that suited her. There wasn’t much there for her to see, but what there was she was taking the extra effort to commit to memory.

As Wade turned his back to toss his keys on the small table by the couch, Allison moved along the wall of the room to a small closet. It was in an odd location. Too far from the front door to be a coat closet and too far from the bathroom to be a linen closet. She gently turned the handle and opened it.

“No!” Wade called from the other side of the room. “There’s nothing in there.” But it was too late. Allison scanned the contents of the deep closet. There were records and large stacks of sheet music. Piled high along the top shelf were a row of old hubcaps, rusted with age. Leaning against the wall of the closet was the old guitar she remembered so vividly. She leaned against the door and felt something cool and smooth brush her cheek. She stood back and ran her hand along the familiar black leather jacket hanging on a hook on the inside of the door. She leaned in and smelled it, filling her mind with memories of late night motorcycle rides and drive-in movies.

“I can’t believe you still have all this.” She sensed Wade standing behind her as she noticed the photograph pinned to the wall next to the jacket. She pulled it off and turned to him.

“I remember the night this was taken,” she said. He stood in front of her shaking as she held the picture of the two of them, smiling in each other’s arms. “You had just sung at Turkey Point and your grandmother insisted she take this picture.”
“Yeah, that was quite a night.” Allison looked at him but he couldn’t meet her eyes. His shame flooded him like a rapid river. She looked back at the photo and remembered.

“Yes it was. It was the night I told you I was leaving.”

“Good thing Grandmother took the picture before you told me. Would have been a lousy shot if she had waited.” He was trying not to sound angry but it crept out anyway. The secrets he held were now out in the open, available for her judgment. It stung that now Allison knew just how desperately he clung to those old days. He wondered how pathetic he must seem to her.

“I can’t believe you still have it?” She ran her thumb over the two smiling faces, remembering how quickly that night had turned sour. She was amazed that somewhere in this man’s life she still existed. She wondered how often he thought of her.

“Yeah, well it’s unbelievable what some people refuse to throw away,” he said sarcastically. He gently took the photo from her hand and pinned it up next to the jacket. He liked that the two rested side by side in their secret cell. He liked to think they reminisced together like a pair of old man. Allison smiled at him and turned to the guitar resting against the wall.

“Do you still play it?” she said, running her hand along the neck of the guitar.

“From time to time. Just not for others.”

“Would you play for me?” Her face was relaxed and sweet and Wade felt a familiar rush of adrenaline. He hadn’t played his guitar in front of anyone for nearly five years. He supposed it was fitting that Allison be the one to break the spell. He smiled as he grabbed the guitar and moved his way to the couch. Allison took the space next to him as he tuned it and gave it a few gently strums.

“Any requests?”

She grinned and looked up as she thought. “Play something familiar.”

As he began to play, Allison took in the sight of him. Sitting there, playing his guitar, singing to her, suddenly he turned into the boy she remembered. He was older and less arrogant but it was him. Cry-Baby came rushing back into the room and she felt her heart rise into her throat. He was still beautiful and still had the power to make her feel wonder and excitement. She suppressed the urge to touch him as he played. She wanted the moment to last.

As Wade sang he felt Allison’s eyes on him. He tried to remember what it had been like when she would come and hear him sing. She would smile at him, hold his hand, sing along. They were a pair. A funny shoe for a funny foot. And here he was again singing for her. But it was different now. Allison had grown out of her awkwardness and had become someone real. Wade, however, was still the silly shoe and now had lost the one person who could complete him. The anger slowly began to rise into a boil and while he tried to ignore it, he couldn’t. He was the same goddam person he was when she left. He had nothing to show for the last ten years. Allison wasn’t the enemy but in the steaming moment he felt like she was. She was everything he wasn’t and he instantly felt rage at the thought of it.

Wade stopped playing and looked at Allison, the small smile on her face only boiling his blood more.

“Why are you here Allison?”

“I told you. My grandmother died and I…”

“No, why are you here, in my apartment? Why did you come up here.” The anger was clear in his voice and he did nothing to hide it. He stood outside of himself and watched in terror as he stamped down on the poor girl.

“I…I wanted to see you. I wanted to…to…spend some time…” she couldn’t get the words out. She could barely think. What did he want her to say? What had happened in the last few moments?

“No! Why are you really here?” He stood up and Allison jumped back into the couch as the guitar slammed onto the floor, sending a loud pounding throughout the room. He glared down at her and she tried to calm herself.

“Why do you think I came here Wade?”

“To gloat. To remind me that I’m nothing.”

She stood up slowly as she narrowed her eyes at him in disbelief. “Is that what you think?”

“Goddammit Allison, why else would you come up here?” He was yelling but he couldn’t stop. “What else could you possibly want from me?”

“Nothing,” she said, shaking her head furiously at him. “Absolutely nothing Wade.” She ran to the door.

Watching her leaving Wade was suddenly ripped from his trance. What was he doing? He didn’t mean what he was saying. He didn’t want her to go. She couldn’t leave. Not like this. He ran after her.

“Allison, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean it.” He caught her midway to the door and held her arms. She spun around, the venom shooting from her eyes making him feel even lower than he had.

“You really want to know why I came up here tonight Wade? Because for the last ten years I haven’t been able to go a day without thinking about you. Because every man I’ve met I compare to you. Every man who has ever touched, every man who’s ever kissed me. You’re so much in my mind that it’s consuming me from the inside out. Jesus, I haven’t made love to a man without comparing him to you.”

Wade looked at her in bewilderment. “But Allison, we never…”

“In my mind Wade, we’ve made love a thousand times…and no man can live up to the promise of you.” Her eyes were wide and Wade could see the puddles of tears forming at their base.

“Allison, I probably couldn’t live up to it.” She pursed her lips and her jaw became so tight that Wade wondered if it would break.

“I guess we’ll never know, will we Wade.” Her voice was angry and hurt. She lifted her head in a feeble attempt to hold back the tears before turning quickly towards the door. Wade chased after her, desperately trying to take back everything he said, his shame mixed with the shock of her confession.

“Allison, please don’t go.” She fumbled with the locks on the door, turning them every which way, never getting it right. The door wouldn’t unlock. He put his hand to her arm, trying to pull her towards him.

“Don’t touch me,” she shot back, slapping his hand away. She turned the same lock again and again. “Doesn’t this fucking thing open?”

He watched her as she angrily turned the locks over and over. The tears were running down her smooth face and he became flooded with memory. The same tears had fallen the night she told him she was leaving. She had cried, holding onto his arm, promising her ever lasting love. She had cried into his chest and told him she would wait forever for him. He hadn’t believed her, but Allison didn’t lie. She never lied. She had just confessed to him that she did wait for him. Suddenly everything about her became familiar. This was Allison with her gentle blond hair that smelled like fruit and summer. This was Allison whose blue eyes could mesmerize him with a simple glance. It was the face that had brought him so much comfort when he conjured it up in his mind’s eye. She was all he ever wanted and she was about to walk out the door and out of his life forever.

Wade grabbed her wrist and she struggled against his grasp. He found her other wrist and held it tightly, turning her to face him. She tried to pull away, trying to slip from his hold and he knew he’d need to find some way to make her stay.

“Let go of me!” Her voice shook through her tears as she tried to pull from him. All she wanted to do was escape. The hurt had filled her so completely she couldn’t think. But Wade’s grasp on her was too strong as she couldn’t break from it.

“You can’t leave Allison!” he pleaded desperately.

“Fuck you Wade!” she spat back. He knew if he didn’t do something fast she would be gone.

With his hands still firm around her tiny wrists, he turned her body and her back slammed against the door. He pinned her wrists above her shoulders, on either side of her head and peered down into her eyes. She stood there frozen, shocked into stillness. She didn’t know whether or not to be frightened.

“I can’t let you leave me again.”

His face was so close to hers Allison could feel his breath on her skin. She looked into the deep brown hollows of his eyes and could see the pain. Wade couldn’t bare the strain any longer and crushed his lips to hers. He kissed her with such pressure that it almost hurt. But there was no fight left in her. Allison matched his passion with her own, kissing him with unrelenting fury.

All the power and drive was thrust into his kiss and Wade slowly released the grip he held around Allison’s wrists. He wrapped his arms around her middle, pressing their bodies together. Allison flung her arms around his neck, pulling his head closer to her. As she laced her fingers into the soft, dark hair, she felt as if time had been erased. She was suddenly seventeen again, nervous and uncertain, but hopelessly submissive to Cry-Baby’s orchestrations.

She opened her mouth and he snaked his tongue between her lips. It was all too familiar. It was the kiss she had been searching for the last ten years. This was the boy who had taught her to kiss. The one who had shown her how good it could feel. And his kiss would always be the right one. Their tongues danced together amidst the melody of their heavy breathing and muffled moans as if no time had passed. They knew each other’s tastes, moves, bodies, better than anyone else’s and they both could feel how right it was.

Allison lifted her leg and wrapped it around Wade’s waist, crushing the bulge in his pants into her pelvis. Wade grabbed her leg and held it as his body weight pressed her against the door. He sucked on her bottom lip before kissing down the column of her neck, gently biting the flesh beneath her jaw. She lifted her hips to meet his in response and moaned as the hardness between his legs pressed deeper into her stomach. She could feel the rush of heat and moisture between her legs and knew she needed him to touch her. She’d waited too long.

“Oh god Cry-Baby, fuck me. Please fuck me,” she begged. Her mind was in a whirlwind and she didn’t grasp what she had said. Desperation had taken over and she needed him inside her. But her words had an immediate effect on Wade. Her words sent a flood of heat to his groin which he couldn’t contain much longer. He lifted Allison up and she gasped as her feet flew off the ground. He carried her over to the couch in the center of the room and sat down, bringing her down on his lap. He pulled her sweater over her head and kissed her as she quickly unbuttoned his shirt, finally running her hands down his smooth chest. Wade undid the clasps of the thin lace bra and Allison tugged the binding garment off without breaking their kiss. They crushed their bodies together, finally feeling skin against skin.

Wade reached under Allison’s skirt, cupping her behind as she moved against his denim covered erection. She shifted her weight from one side to another, allowing him to pull her panties down. She undid the button and zipper of his fly, reaching past his briefs to free his member from the strain of its confinement.

“Oh Christ, Allison,” Wade growled as she held his erection in her hand. In his fantasies he had made love to Allison but now it was real and he couldn’t wait. She lowered her body onto his cock, burying him deep inside of her. They both gasped, holding their breaths as Allison took in the entire length of him. She began to rock her hips, moving him in and out of her body. He held onto her hips as she slowly quickened her pace, moving faster and faster, building up to the inevitable. Allison felt the familiar rush of warmth in her stomach as she found the right pace and moved above Wade.

“Oh god Cry-Baby!” she cried as she came powerfully, throwing her head back in the intensity of the moment. Allison’s screams and the tightening of her inner muscles around his cock sent Wade over the edge. He thrust his hips up, slamming himself deeper into her, mirroring her with his own savage orgasm.

Their bodies rocked together and they clung to one another as they came down from their orgasms together, both breathless and covered in sweat. Allison sat up and looked into Wade’s eyes. She was still trying to catch her breath.

“I’ve needed you for so long Wade.” They were the words he had waited ten years to hear.

“I’ve needed you too Allison.”

They fell back onto the couch, curled up in each other’s arms. It felt right. It felt safe. And they fell asleep knowing that the other was there beside them.

**********************************

Wade woke the next morning to the unfamiliar sounds of someone moving about in his kitchen. It took him a moment to remember the events of the previous night. But as he sat up from the couch, still in his jeans, the buttons of his shirt undone, it all came back to him. He smiled as he heard Allison humming, her sweet voice filling the apartment like air. Her voice sounded the same. It was still light and airy, almost like the chirping of a bird. He hadn’t realized how much he had missed her singing.

He stood up and buttoned his jeans, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he walked into the kitchen. Her hair was down and messy and she wore one of his white t-shirts which seemed to fall right at the top of her thigh. She was a sight, moving about the small room as if she had been there all along. She heard him walk in and turned to him with an impish grin.

“Well, good morning Mr. Walker. I trust that you slept well?”

Wade’s neck hurt from sleeping oddly on the couch and his leg was still asleep from laying on it all night, but he without a doubt had slept soundly. He walked over to her and gathered her into his arms, kissing her sweetly.

“Can I wake up to this every morning?” He had meant for it to come out lightly but both of them could sense the truth behind it.

“I would make you some coffee but you don’t seem to have any. If fact, you don’t seem to have much of anything in this kitchen. Do you ever eat here Wade?”

“Can’t say that I do. I’m a regular over at the diner around the corner.”

“Well, I say we go get some breakfast and then you can go with me to grandmother’s house.” Wade peered down at her as she smiled innocently into his eyes. “I have to meet her new lawyer and sign a few papers. Then we’ll have the whole day.”

“I like the sound of that,” he said, kissing her again. “But first things first…” And she squealed as he lifted her up into his arms and carried her into the bedroom.