Some Guys Have all the Luck

Some Guys have all the Luck

Disclaimer: We do not own the Matrix, the Matrix owns us.

Summary: Celia takes Lara for her makeover to Mauricio, Celia’s flamboyantly homosexual cousin who works a small miracle on Lara’s appearance. Please read and review!

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Queer Eye for the Straight Girl

“Girl, are we gonna have fun or what?” asked an overly keyed up Celia. She had been referring to the moment when she and Lara could go back to her place to begin Lara’s transformation from wallflower to smouldering temptress. This was going to be an extreme overhaul, but Celia was up to the challenge to help her friend.

After a few short moments, Lara answered with quiet uncertainty, “If you say so.”

From the moment Lara had told her friend about her date with Jones, Celia had been bubbling with uncontained exuberance. Her large brown eyes had kept looking at the face of the clock that hung just above the elevator doors, wishing that its hands would move faster. However as the old adage says, “A watched kettle never boils.”

The last few hours of the workday crept by at a snail’s pace, and at this rate, five o’clock would never arrive. The girls tried fill the gaps time with idle chit chat and pretending to do their work until the long awaited hour when they would be released from their self imposed, albeit temporary incarceration. The truth was both Lara and Celia had finished what was left of their assignments ages ago thanks to their proficiency to do their respective jobs.

Then finally it came, the best part of a laborious day, quitting time.

With a collective sigh, the women of the Agency secretarial pool shut down their computers for the night and gathered their personal belongings before they were to exit the building.

“Come on dudette, let’s get the hell out of here before that slave driver Smith asks us to stay behind and work overtime.”

Sighing wearily, Lara said, “Celia, you read my mind. The last thing I want to do is run into him.”

After slinging the strap of her plain black leather purse over one shoulder, Lara made her way out of her cubicle to follow Celia to the elevators. The only problem was they would have to walk past Smith’s office and much to Lara’s displeasure, his door was wide open.

Both she and Celia knew that this was Smith’s nightly ritual. He kept the door to his office open on purpose so that he could get a gander at the secretaries and make his selection. He would pick out an unfortunate girl almost every single night in much the same fashion farmers choose animals for the slaughter.

Thank the Mainframe that neither she nor Celia had fallen prey to Smith’s insatiable appetites, but one never knew when their turn would come. What confounded Lara the most is why Smith had never slept with Celia, she was certainly attractive enough. With her exotic Hispanic features and fiery disposition, she turned the heads of several male employees including an agent or two.

I guess the fact that she dresses like she shops at Hookers ‘R Us doesn’t hurt either, Lara mused. She knew that her friend’s scandalously short skirts and low cut blouses had even made the Architect take a second look.

Lara on the other hand, although not necessarily unattractive, never felt she had the goods to garner the attention of any man. She was what most people would call a Plain Jane; hiding her beautiful hazel green behind a pair of thick glasses which made her seem even more invisible to the world than she already was.

That’s the way I like it, if people can’t see you then they can’t hurt you, she told herself. It didn’t help matters that she insisted on dressing a little behind the times with flower print dresses that did not compliment her figure at all. Although she was petite in stature, she still possessed very womanly curves. However, no one could appreciate her ample bosom, wasp like waist or round firm derrière under the matronly attire she wore to work everyday. The icing on the cake was her hairstyle. She had been wearing her lacklustre brown hair pulled back in bun for so long, that Celia was beginning to think that it just grew out of Lara’s scalp that way.

“You really got to do something out that bun, hon. What are trying to do, make the cover of Librarian’s Monthly?” Celia had teased her once.

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Now Lara offered up a silent prayer to whatever god was listening that Smith would not notice them as they made their way past his office. She and Celia were almost home free when suddenly…

“Ms. Alvarez, may I have a word with you?” Smith’s voice rang out from behind them.

Damn, so close, thought Lara despondently. Then a sense of alarm washed over her as she thought worriedly, I wonder what he wants with Celia.

Both women slowly turned around to find Agent Smith standing behind them with his arms crossed in front of his chest and sporting an expression of displeasure on his face.

Uh oh, this can’t be good, thought Celia. Smith hardly ever left the trappings of his elegant office unless he was on assignment or he was going to dismiss an agency employee after a thorough tongue-lashing.

“Yes Agent Smith, is there anything wrong?” Celia asked innocently. She tried to keep her voice light to disguise the uneasiness she was feeling.

Ignoring Lara’s presence he began to verbally chastise Celia about her work performance or lack thereof.

“Ms. Alvarez, as you know, we monitor all of our employee’s on line activities here at the Agency. It has come to my attention recently that you have been surfing the internet during work hours, which as you also know is strictly prohibited per the employee handbook.”

“Agent Smith, I…,” Celia began to say.

He had raised his hand in front of her face to silence her and said, “Save your explanations, Ms. Alvarez. I’ve seen the activity reports. Seems you have some very interesting places that you visit on line. The Victoria’s Secret website for one, where you spend a considerable amount of the salary we pay you.”

Celia felt a lump in her throat, which she quickly gulped down. Fear had paralyzed her usually sharp tongue. She could go a round with the best of them, slaying all who opposed her with her razor sharp wit, but she was no match for Smith, he was too damned intimidating. Added was the fact that Smith would seek retribution towards any one, especially a woman, who dared talk back to him made Celia shut her mouth from saying anything that might get her fired.

Lara was also fearful, for she too was guilty of similar offences. Using the company computer to conduct personal business, and making long distance phone calls to her mother in Canada were also things frowned upon at the agency that employed her.

Confident that he now had Ms. Alvarez’ full attention, he arched one of his eyebrows as he resumed his verbal tirade, “Then there are the Hugo Weaving fan sites where you spend hours downloading pictures. Now really, Ms. Alvarez, although Mr. Weaving is a fine actor for a human, does he really merit the time you give him? Time, may I remind you, which should be spent doing your job?”

Feeling as if she were about to faint, Lara was certain that her friend’s dismissal was close at hand. Why else would Smith have singled her out? She risked a quick glance over at Celia and saw that her usually sun kissed complexion had blanched with trepidation and uncertainty. As her heart went out to her friend, Lara’s mind filled with hateful thoughts of Smith.

You bastard, she thought unkindly. Leave her alone you creep. I guess picking on defenceless women makes you feel like a real he-man, huh? Well you are nothing but a great big loser in my book!

Celia by this time had closed her eyes as she cringed with the absolute certainty that Smith was going to give her the axe.

What he said next however, completely and utterly shocked them both.

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“Holy shit, Celia! I can’t believe that Smith asked you out! Oh my God, it’s Smith! Eww!” Lara said with a shiver of total revulsion.

Celia just sat in her seat on the subway car, staring off into space, too dumbfounded to speak. Only one thought kept playing like a broken record in her head.

Smith asked me out.

Smith asked me out!

Oh my dear God. Smith-asked-me-out!

What made matters even worse was the she had quickly responded with a resounding, “Yes.”

Her answer however was not the one she wanted to give. Celia desired more than anything to tell that skinny Icabod Crane wannabe to take his offer of a “date” and cram it up his ass. On the other hand, the fear of losing her job outweighed her need to keep her dignity so she had answered in the affirmative to save her skin.

“Oh Jesus, Lara, what am I going to do? I don’t want go out with that asshole anymore than you do! I’d rather sit through a root canal, a slow painful root canal.”

Feeling sorry for her friend’s dire predicament, Lara laid a sympathetic hand on Celia’s shoulder and said, “Don’t worry girl, we’ll think of something. We always do.”

Warmed by Lara’s reassuring gesture, Celia smiled at her as she responded, “Yep, we always do! Besides, tonight is not about me or Smith. We’ve got to get you ready for your date with that hunk, Jonesy!”

“Jonesy, eh? Since when did you start calling him that?” Lara asked with an amused tone in her voice.

“Since he asked out my best friend, that’s when! Besides, I’m not blind to his positive attributes—he’s got the shoulders and chest of a weight lifter and one nice rock-hard ass! Now come on, get your purse, our stop is coming up next.”

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Agent Jones was burning the midnight oil, thanks to that blowhard, Smith. At the last minute, he had presented Jones with the insurmountable task to compile the past quarter’s kill/capture reports.

When Jones began to protest, Smith had snidely informed him that the spreadsheets had to be on the Architect’s desk no later than eight o’clock the next day and if they weren’t, there would be hell to pay.

Jones’ wrath was just simmering beneath his stoic veneer as he begrudgingly accepted his assignment. God, how he longed to thrust out his hand and snap Smith’s scrawny neck in two. The sound of cracking bone would have been music to Jones’ ears, but instead he glumly sat down behind his desk as he watched a very smug Smith walk out of his office.

Arrogant bastard, he thought. Your days as the cock of the walk are numbered Smith, just you wait and see.

Then with a furrowed brow, he strained to concentrate on completing the mountain of paperwork that still graced his already cluttered desk. Try as he might, however, he just couldn’t keep focused on his work.

Thoughts of Lara kept creeping into his data processor, tantalizing his senses like the soft touch of a lover’s caress. He couldn’t help remembering how her lovely hazel eyes took on a deeper emerald tone when she had accepted his invitation. Her soft lips had curled up into a slight smile that made him weak at the knees. At that moment she had never looked more beautiful. He would give anything, anything at all, to make her smile like that again.

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“Mauricio? Hey, babe can you do me a huge favour?” Celia said into her cell phone. She and Lara were trudging up the street that led to her studio apartment in the heart of Mega City.

Who in the heck is Mauricio, Lara asked herself. Celia had never mentioned him before. What could my crazy Puerto Rican friend be up to, she wondered. God only knew what kind of harebrained scheme Celia Alvarez might have hatched up.

With a sense of anticipation laced with the fear of the unknown, Lara tried her best to keep up with her friend. Celia was almost a seven inches taller than the five foot Lara, and it was all in her legs. For every decisive step that Celia took, poor Lara had to take three.

Celia was still engrossed with her telephone conversation with the mystery man on the other end of the line to notice that her petite co-worker was practically racing to keep pace with her.

“Yeah, Maury, I’m almost at my place. I’m about a half block away. Just don’t forget to bring all your stuff, okay? Remember sweetie, you owe me so don’t you dare back out now!” Celia chirped into her phone. Then she ended the call by pressing the red “End” button on the cell phone’s touch pad. Gingerly sliding the phone back into her imitation Prada bag, Celia turned to a panting Lara and said, “Okey dokey, you’re all set!”

“Set for what?” Lara asked in between breaths.

“For your make over, you silly girl! Mauricio is my cousin. He’s going through beauty school right now and he doesn’t have his license, but he is good. Trust me, okay?”

“Celia, I don’t know. I haven’t been to a salon in almost ten years, not since they did that awful perm and they supposedly were experts. Now you want me to place myself in the hands of someone that is still going to school?” Lara wailed with exasperation.

“Chica, you are such a worry wart! My cousin is great! He does the hair and nails of my entire family and you’ve seen how great we all look! Jesus, Lara, live a little! Take a chance. You’re not that frightened little girl from Ontario anymore! There’s a hot mama underneath that school teacher exterior and it’s time she comes out!”

Sighing with resignation, “All right, you win, but if I come out looking like a French poodle, I’m going to kill you!”

Celia flashed a brilliant smile at her worried friend as she said confidently, “I wouldn’t call the coroner just yet, if I were you.”

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Mauricio Perez had been waiting for his cousin Celia on the stoop in front of her modest apartment building. The bag that contained all of his beauty school supplies was heavy and the strap was digging painfully into his shoulder.

He was a tall lanky man with olive-color skin, dark piercing eyes and a hook-like nose. Mauricio’s features were exotic to say the least and resembled those of an Indian maharaja rather than a gay Puerto Rican. His long jet-black hair was slicked back and tied up neatly into a ponytail that ran down to the middle of his back.

Mauricio was modestly dressed by his standards in a black pair of button fly jeans and crisp white cotton shirt. He usually paraded around in garish bold outfits by day, then in his beautiful high fashion designer dresses by night. Mauricio knew that he was burning the candle at both ends, trying to put himself through beauty school by moonlighting as a drag queen, but it would be all worth it when he had his own high-end salon.

When his eyes saw Celia turning the corner he yelled out, “It’s about time, girl! I was getting ready to go back home!”

Celia shouted back, “You better not, or I’ll kick your ass, Miss Thing.”

Lara wondered if the shared hostility between the cousins was genuine. She soon got her answer and was very relieved when she saw Celia give her cousin a sisterly hug.

“Why do you have to be such a bitch, Creepella?” Mauricio mused.

“For the same reason you are, you god dammed queen!” Celia replied with mirth in her tone. Then turning to her friend she quickly made the introductions.

“Maury, this is Lara. Lara this is Maury, our saviour.”

“Dios mio, Celia. I’m not the Second Coming you know. The last time I checked I don’t walk on water!” exclaimed Mauricio as he flapped his arms about flamboyantly.

Then Mauricio stepped off the stoop and began to walk around a suddenly shy Lara. She tried to shrink away from his dark probing eyes as they scanned every inch of her. She in turn just stood on the sidewalk apprehensively biting her lower lip. He said nothing during his inspection, which made Lara very nervous.

God am I that horrible that he has to give me the once over like a drill sergeant, Lara wondered desperately.

Then much to her surprise Mauricio stopped right in front of her gently placed his hands on her shoulders and said excitedly, “Sweetie, you definitely need some work, but I have a good foundation to work with. You’ve got good bone structure and your eyes are gorgeous. There are the eyes of a tigress, yes they are!”

Relieved, Lara gave him a shy little smile and said, “Thank you.”

Turning away from her he addressed his cousin, “We don’t have a moment to lose! I want to get started right away!”

Swivelling back around to face Lara, Mauricio placed his long elegant fingers under her chin he said with a smile, “Don’t worry, doll. Consider me your fairy godfather. I’ll take good care of you.”

“Fairy is right,” Celia murmured to herself.

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Mauricio had never spoken truer words. He had taken good care of Lara, not that it had all been painless however. The waxing and tweezing of Lara’s unkempt eyebrows had stung like the dickens, but the Brazilian bikini wax had been indescribably excruciating. A woman should be given general anaesthesia before having her pubic hair torn out by the roots, Lara thought disdainfully. Her nether region was still throbbing from the after-effects.

The waxing experience aside, Mauricio had worked on her quickly like a man possessed. A dye job here, hairs trimmed there. Then she received a deep facial scrub and mudpack followed by a full service pedicure and manicure. To Lara’s frustration she was not allowed to look at herself in the mirror, and worst yet her glasses had been taken from her. Luckily she was slightly nearsighted so she could still see somewhat. However judging from Celia’s exclamations and reactions to her friend’s metamorphosis, Mauricio was doing a good job.

After nearly four hours, it was nearly time for Lara’s unveiling. Mauricio was putting on the final touches of make up, then stepped back to survey his handiwork, “Honey child, you are flawless, simply flawless. I have to say it’s the best work I’ve ever done.”

An astonished Celia chimed in, “Cuz, for once I have to agree with you. You’re an artist! A fucking Michelangelo, that’s what you are!”

Lara had grown anxious to see what had been done her, especially after hearing what Celia had to say. She was fidgeting in her chair like a hyperactive child, dying to be handed a mirror.

Celia was grinning from ear to ear; she could hardly conceal her enthusiasm when she yanked Lara off of her perch and stood her in front of a red velvet curtain that draped a full-length mirror.

With glittering eyes, she looked upon her transformed friend. Squeezing Lara’s hand with her own, Celia asked, “Are you ready to see the new you?”

Lara was barely able to speak. She felt her circuits going haywire and she couldn’t help thinking that her system was about to crash from the excitement. She took in a deep breath and nodded quickly.

Needing no further encouragement, Celia tugged away at the velvet curtain and removed it from the mirror with a flourish.

“Ta-da! Say hello to the new and improved Lara Rodgers!” Celia announced happily.

As stared at her reflection, Lara had been rendered speechless. The woman peering back her from the other side of looking glass was completely unrecognizable. Gone was the bookish secretary with the god-awful hairstyle. Instead there stood an auburn haired goddess with bejewelled emerald eyes.

My God, I don’t remember my eyes being this green before, and my new hair color is so rich and so vibrant, she thought in wonderment. She also noticed that Mauricio had given her a more contemporary hairstyle with some soft layers that framed and complemented her face.

Lara was extremely pleased that Maury had not been heavy-handed in the least with the cosmetics. The make up he had applied perfectly matched her complexion and he even did a good job of concealing the tiniest of flaws. As she continued to admire her reflection, she mused, Celia was right, Mauricio is an artist! If she didn’t know better, she could have sworn that he manipulated the Matrix code to bring about her transformation.

“Well? What do you think? Do you like it?” Mauricio asked hopefully.

Twirling around, Lara quickly scooped up the man that had been responsible for her newfound beauty into her arms and squeezed him tightly. With tears of happiness stinging her eyes she said joyfully, “I love it! Thank you so much!”

Laughing, Mauricio slightly pulled away from Lara’s embrace to hold her at arms length. When he noticed the tears, he quickly removed a neatly folded handkerchief from his shirt pocket and began to carefully dab at her eyes.

Gently he cooed to her, “Hey, Sunshine, what’s with the waterworks? Don’t cry sweetie, or your mascara will run. If you keep it up then you’ll look like Rocky Racoon and we don’t want that, do we?”

His attempt at humour brought on a smile that lit up her entire face. Mauricio smiled back when he saw Lara’s inner beauty shine through that smile. She looked radiantly gorgeous.

“Hey don’t I get a ‘thank you’? I am the one that got you two together in the first place!” Celia piped up all of a sudden with mock anger.

“Oh Celia,” Lara said reassuringly, “You know that I wouldn’t have even gone through with all this if it weren’t for you.”

Reaching over she grasped her friend’s hand in a gesture of gratitude.

“Okay, enough with the love fest. There’s still one more problem we have to fix and it’s a big one!” Mauricio chimed in like a mother hen.

Perplexed, both women turned and stared at him as Celia asked, “What problem? She’s perfect!”

With a snap of his fingers and a twist of his wrist, Mauricio starting move his head back forth as if he were experiencing whiplash.

Ignoring Lara, Mauricio lashed out at his cousin, “Listen little Miss Fix-It, her face may say Max Factor, but the dress screams Salvation Army! I’m not going to let all of my hard work go to waste if she insists on dressing like she shops at the flea market! It simply won’t do!”

Celia also began to speak about Lara the third person. It was as if she weren’t even in the same room with them. “Well what do you suggest, Ru Paul? Dress her up in one of your frocks that you try to pass off as haute couture?”

“Watch it Celia, I don’t have time for any of your drama! Lord knows I have enough of my own!” Maury said wistfully as he fanned his face with his hands.

“Okay, I’m sorry,” she apologized. Then as if she had had an epiphany Celia clapped her hands together and said, “Oh, I know! I could lend Lara one of my outfits. You know that I’ve always had sense of style.”

“Yeah, for a streetwalker,” Mauricio muttered under his breath, trying to keep his off-the-cuff remark to himself. However thanks to Lara’s keen sense of hearing, she had heard every word, causing her to laugh out loud.

“What did you say?” Celia asked suspiciously.

“Nothing, nothing at all,” Mauricio answered innocently as he looked over at Lara and gave her a quick wink. Then with the confident strides of a runway model, he sashayed over to Celia’s walk-in closet, dramatically threw open the doors to take a peek inside.