The End Justifies the Means

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A Fireside Conversation


"But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams."

William Butler Yeats


I wanted Padmé to see the real me. I wanted her to know I was sincere in my attentions. So I put away the courtly graces in favor of speaking from my heart and telling her exactly what was in my soul.

Even I cringed at the cliché's that came out of my mouth. It was like a bad holovid.

Every word uttered seemed more pathetic than the last, desperation overruling the voice of common sensllinlling me stop before I made an even bigger fool of myself. My panicreasreased with each painful second. The expected and hoped for reciprocation from Padmé never came. I had to watch as she shifted uncomfortably in her seat by my side, her brown eyes skittering away, never making contact with mine for very long.

The sick feeling that had made its home in the pit of my stomach grew with my every breath. Nothing was going as I’d planned. But the voice of fear spurred me on, successfully drowning out caution and reason. I had to make her understand.

"Padmé, listen to me….."

My attempted plea was cut off when she jumped to her feet and began to prattle on about our positions as Jedi and Senator, about duty and responsibility. Yet in the very next breath she inadvertently confirmed that she had feelings for me. I couldn't understand how she could be so rational and cold about it.

"I am not going to give into this." Padmé said with an air of finality.

I turned away from her, unable to stand the expression of hardened resolve that was crushing my hopes and dreams. My mind raced for something, anything that would change her mind. And then the solution came to me. I couldn't understand why it hadn't occurred to me before.

I turned back, watching her from the shadows like an animal set to pounce.

"It wouldn't have to be that way. We could keep it a secret."

The stunned look on her face sent my heart plummeting. Gods, why did she have to be so stubborn! Gritting my teeth in frustration, I briefly considered the idea that perhaps the Order was right for no other reason than it would mean not having to deal with difficult women!

"Then we would be living a lie – one we could not keep up even if we wanted to. I could not do that. Could you, Anakin? Could you live like that?"

I bit back the bitter smile that was threatening to curl my lips. If it meant claiming her as my own, I could damn well do anything. Hell, with regards to Padmé I was already past the point of no return when it came to right and wrong. But I didn't tell her that. Recognizing a stalemate when I saw one, I changed tactics and pretended to agree with her, even while my mind once again began working on a way to overcome her objections.

I had no doubts that I would find away – none whatsoever.


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Tatooine Garage – Remnants of a Confession


“From the deepest, darkest
Depths of Hell
There rises a passion
The fury of which the universe
Has never known.”

Greg Phillips


Nightmarish reminders reached out with long bony fingers to prod me mercilessly. Haunted by unspeakable images, I awoke to find myself lying across Padmé's lap, one of her hands resting lightly atop my head, its fingers threaded through my hair. She was slumped to the side in what looked to be a very uncomfortable position and even in sleep her brow was knit with worry.

Vague impressions of being held and rocked comfortingly solidified, turning into actual memories that set off distant warning bells. For one blissful moment I could not recall how or why I came to be in Padmé's arms on the floor of the garage. Then with a suddenness that turned my blood to ice came the horrifying realization that my nightmare wasn't a figment of my imagination but very, very real; a waking nightmare where my mother lay stiff and unmoving due to my failure to reach her in time.

Swallowing the lump in my throat, I carefully eased myself into a sitting position so as not to disturb Padmé, grimacing when stiffened muscles groaned in protest. I shifted the sleeping girl with gentle hands until she lay more comfortably in my lap, her head resting in the crook of my arm. I glanced at the slice of darkened sky visible from where I sat, noting the angle of the moon lit shadows. Even after all that time I was still familiar with Tatooine nights. There was still a long time before morning came.

The sound of a soft incoherent murmur from Padmé drew my attention away from the starry sky. For a long while I studied her face in the dim light of the garage and then I sighed esigesignation. She wasn't supposed to be there with me. I'd told her I wanted to be alone to mourn in private. But the real reason was I didn't trust myself around her, not when I was trying to cage the volatile animal still roaming unleashed inside of me.

It had been almost a full day since I had exacted vengeance and the raw energy still hummed in my veins like the effects of a strong drug. I closed my eyes wearily, pushing the pain down, holding it in and lettit bit burn its way through my body, taking a strange comfort in it. The addictive power was simmering just beneath the surface with such force it was a tangible entity. Anger, hate, and fear continued to tumble around inside my head making it difficult to take in the enormity of what I had done and how I had done it.

Gods, it had been awe inspiring though. It had been like having the capability to tap into an energy source with the ability to fuel a thousand suns or destroy entire worlds - all in the time it took to blink. And it had been mine. The knowledge that it could be again filled me with both exhilaration and dread. To be engulfed with that pure surge of raw power, to be able to do anything . . .

The sound of children and women screaming rang in my head. High pitched wails and uneven keening in that harsh, guttural language of the sand people. Dead eyes staring up at me from a bloodied face, her broken body cradled in my arms. Her tormentors crushed and dissected, their remains scattered about the harsh terrain for the desert predators to feast upon. Dead - all dead in payment for murdering my mother. No burials or funeral pyres for them. Vicious animals did not deserve such considerations.

The hate and anger had been put to good use. In those gut wrenching moments I’d been unstoppable, all powerful.

Why couldn't I stop hearing the screams?

"I'm so proud of you, Ani."

Too late to save her despite the constant visions that had tried to warn me. Bitterness hardened my heart. I should have heeded those dreams which had haunted me for months. Blame, blame….someone had to be to blame.

"Dreams pass in time." Obi Wan's worthless platitude came back to me.

Obi Wan. The name of my Master hissed past my clenched teeth. I never should've listened to him. I'd told Padmé that it was all Obi Wan's fault. Was it? If not his, whose? Perhaps it was the Order's for following such arcane and unfeeling rules and traditions?

Absently I traced the smooth curve of Padmé's brow. The warm weight of her body against my thighs, chest and arms was invoking dangerously tempting feelings. Lips, moist and inviting, were beckoning me closer while an inner voice urged me on; urged me to take comfort in her soft, sweet flesh.

She needed her rest, I knew that. Owen had told me she hadn’t been able to sleep the entire time I was gone. That thought made me hesitate but once again the temptation proved too great and surrendering to it, I bent to cover her mouth with mine.

The first kiss woke her, rousing her from a sleep I should've let continue. Padmé's eyelids fluttered open slowly to reveal brown eyes still clinging to the realm of slumber. Taking advantage of her rather dazed state I kissed her again, tasting her with a sweep of my tongue, and was rewarded with a tentative response. One soft hand came up to lightly rest against my cheek before sliding to the back of my neck to pull me closer. Immediately, I deepened the kiss as passion took a firmer hold and overruled common sense.

//Let me love you, Padmé//

With a violent shove, she was out of my arms and scrambling to her feet, desperate trepidation shining in her eyes, her body ridged with tension. All my frustration and feelings of rejection surfaced, sending me to my own feet and towards her with the intention of continuing what had been started. Memories of the spurned kiss on the balcony and the way she had pushed me away from her in the meadow poisoned my every thought.

“Anakin, no. I-I am sorry. We can not….I can not.”

I heard her words but they didn't really register. Stepping forward, I reached out for her only to be brought up short when she pulled back sharply, her cry of 'no' seeming to bounce off the thick earthen walls endlessly.

The air buzzed around me, crackling with the dark energy that had overtaken me the day before. I’d just managed to push it down when she spoke again, her words imperious and condescending like they’d been that first day on Naboo; the day she’d batted me down in front of the queen and the others.

“We have discussed this already. It is not possible for us. We agreed.”

Her words were reasonable, the tone was not and it set loose the anger I had just fought to suppress.

Padmé knew she had made a mistake, her expression betraying her, and I fed off the nervousness and unease emanating from her as if it were a banquet. Still, I couldn't quite bring myself to move towards her, a barely discernible voice warning me to keep my distance. It was useless. The need for release proved too great to suppress. Holding in the energy was burning a hole in my stomach and sending a shooting pain through my head.

Before I even realized I’d done it, the tray of food Padmé had brought me earlier lifted, flying through the air to hit the wall with a satisfying crash. The items resting haphazardly on top the workbench quickly followed, the noise deafening in the confined space. The dark power flowing through me began to ebb slightly and I thought the worst was over. Relief that I had not taken my rage out on Padmé moved through me but with it came the horrified awareness that I could easily have done so with hardly a qualm. And then I heard it.

//….childish temper tantrum//

I picked up her thought as easily as if she’d spoken those infuriating words out loud. The darkness roared louder as every slight suffered came rushing to the forefront; taunting me, mocking me. All I wanted to do was punish her, to make her feel the same humiliation that she had caused me. And underlying everything was the desperate hunger for her that was screaming to be appeased….whether she was willing or not.

When I swung around to face her it was with a curiously detached feeling. The animal had taken over and I relinquished control with an odd sense of relief. She had ignored my wish to be left alone and now she would see why she should have listened to me.

Why would she never listen to me?

There was a sharp intake of breath from Padmé and she took a quick step backwards, realizing too late that I had picked up on her provocative words and thoughts. I saw the path her gaze then took, her eyes darting past me to the open doorway to judge her chances of reaching safety. The smile on my face was cruel. Everything about her, from the tensing of her muscles to the look in her eye declared her intention to run. Thus warned, I easily thwarted her attempts to get by me, our intricate steps resembling a dangerous dance. With a growing sense of devilish delight, I stalked slowly towards her, maneuvering her further away from her only means of escape, further into the shadows of the dim interior.

A temper tantrum? Her opinion stung viciously. I wasn’t a child and I would prove to her how wrong she was. My narrowed eyes locked with her frightened ones, the smile vanishing from my face as quickly as it had appeared.

“Childish? You think me childish, Padmé?" I asked, hostility lacing each word.

She took another step backwards, her eyes riveted on my face as she shook her head in the negative. Ah, but it was too late, she herself had set this in motion and I had every intention of seeing it through. There was a lesson to be taught here, one that I was determined she would not forget.

I continued advancing on her until further retreat was made impossible by the wall at her back.

{Not just the men but the woman and the children}

The visual image of her looking at me like I was some kind of monster flashed before me, egging me on. Padmé stared up at my smirking face with dawning dread. At last she was beginning to understand that I was not one of her prim and proper suitors or an intimidated co-worker who could be treated like a lap dog. Her mounting fear shown in the depths of her chocolate eyes and a perverse thrill ran through me.

Oh yes, the gloves were definitely off.

I loomed over her trembling figure, her demeanor so different from that of the cool and composed girl who could cut me to the quick with such ease. I reached out to run a lazy finger down the side of her face, a mocking challenge in my eyes. A small sound of distress escaped from her when I suddenly grasped her chin in what I knew was a painful grip. I leaned down leisurely, letting the unnerving silence stretch out until her body was screaming from the tension.

So she didn't want me? It was time to remind her of the way the mighty senator had responded to a former slave with barely a hint of est.est. She had caught fire in my arms without much effort on my part. Would an innocent girl have responded the way she had done, I had to ask myself bitterly. I deliberately ignored what I knew in my heart to be true in favor of the now familiar jealousy rising to torment me. The dark thing inside rose up to whisper - lady or whore?

“Tell me, milady,” I spat the courtesy title contemptuously. “Did you find me childish when I made you moan and sigh beneath me?”

Padmé flinched violently, her entire face turning pink at my vulgar taunt. It didn\ccurccur to me that I was turning a precious memory into a degrading one. I was only aware that I hurt and I wanted her to hurt too.

"Anakin…." She whispered, the fright making it a breathless plea.

I shushed her, not wanting to hear anymore about duty, positions, or that our being together was wrong. My gaze fell to her mouth where her bottom lip was full and lush under the pad of my thumb. I traced it slowly while I considered her. There was something about Padmé, something different, which was mesmerizing; an appealing mix of vulnerability and fear, so sweet and soft. She was mine for the taking. As if she could read my mind, a tremor ran through her delectable body and my decision was made.

With more force than was necessary, I shoved her back so that she was practically wedged in the dark corner she had unwittingly let herself be trapped in. Again she spoke, this time practically begging to be let go but I was intent on the punishment I was so sure she deserved. Besides, as I had told her once before, I found that I liked to hear her beg, especially in that sweet breathless voice she was using.

The single fat tear that slowly rolled down her face caught my fascinated gaze. I watched it abstractly for a few seconds, my grip on her shoulders tightening, and then I leaned in to catch it with the tip of my tongue. Everything was in that salty drop of liquid; fear, sorrow, despair, and hurt. I savored it like a fine wine, drinking in the subtle nuances. And then I swiftly bent down to trace its path up the curve of her cheek, my tongue rough against her delicate skin. The act felt decadent and dirty. I liked it.

To my surprise, Padmé pressed forward, tilting her face up for better access, while her hands clung to my leather vest. I noted her little sigh of pleasure with cynical detachment. The desire to hurt, to lash out from the pain pushed me onwards.

“Let me love you.” I whispered into her ear, nuzzling my cheek against hers with studied calculation.

Padmé's will was weakening; I could feel her defenses crumbling on every pass that my hands made down her back and over her shoulders. I slid my hands up her torso and cupped her breasts through the annoyingly thick fabric of her tunic, watching her with burning eyes as she whimpered. Seconds later she surrendered and let her head fall forward to rest against my chest in a silent admission of defeat.

Her acquiescence should have been enough but the dark force wanted more.

Triumphant, I continued my sensory assault, rubbing my cheek against hers, tonguing and nipping at her ear, letting my breath warm her flesh and send shudders down her spine. My hold tightened and I pulled her against me until I could feel every part of her body against mine. Then I was at her mouth, delving inside to taste and stroke her with my tongue, using my teeth to nip at her tender lips, applying brutal pressure to quell any attempt to pull away.

I devoured the scented flesh of her neck, sucking and nipping hungrily, leaving marks of possession to remind her later who she belonged with should she still have doubts. I wanted her to think of me when she studied those love bites in the mirror.

It was the arousing cries sounding at the back of her throat that finally broke through the haze of desire that had almost made me forget the lesson I was supposed to be meting out.

Almost.


****

“I am not afraid of you, Anakin Skywalker.” Padmé snapped.

Not afraid of me? Force, even I was afraid of me!

Gods, didn't she realize….? Some part of me that wasn't tainted with the intoxicating power rose up and pushed past the anger in desperation to try and warn her. But the darkness crept up again wiftwiftly wrestle control away, poising itself for the opportunity to take me completely over.

It was not a long wait.


****

“No! Do not touch me!”

The sting of her palm when it contacted the side of my face took me by surprise. For a moment, I was too stunned to think or move and then the blinding, black rage descended on swift wings.

The blow was the absolute last straw. Every hurt, every slight, real or imagined, fed the beast within. I was tired of her denial and the insipid reasons for it. I was sick of being pushed away when she had admitted that she had feelings for me. In an instant the horrid sense of unworthiness and the embarrassment of having lived half my life as a slave – heavy weights that were my constant companions - all coalesced into a burning lump in my chest. It was as if I was standing outside my body watching myself, my mind disconnected and unable to exercise any control, helpless to protect the girl I had worshiped for so long.

In the time it took my heart to beat once, I closed the distance between us, turning her burgeoning look of contrition to one of fear and shock. But her feelings were irrelevant, this was about what I wanted and damn the consequences.

With a rough hand, I grabbed Padmé's loose hair, fisting it ruthlessly before yanking her head back so hard I could see the tears of pain start to form in her terrified eyes. Simultaneously, I slammed her back against the wall, grinding my hips against her, leaving her in no doubt of what was going to happen.

Once, I'd been convinced that Padmé didn't know how to play the cruel coquette but the darkness within believed otherwise. She was no different from any other woman I had known, except they at least had been straightforward in what they wanted and had not played the false innocent.

The games were at an end.


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Cold Comfort


“Open yourself to me
Let me thrust my soul
Deeply, deeply into yours
Unleashing the demons within...”

Greg Phillips


My mouth came crashing down over Padmé's just before her scream could work its way out. The remnants of the suppressed cry vibrated against my lips and I greedily swallowed the breath that would have carried it to prying ears. A faint meta tas taste of blood greeted my tongue as I forced my way past her resistant lips to brutally plunder her warm recesses.

I ignored her struggles, crushing her between my body and the wall without mercy. When Padmé tried to twist her face away from me, I stopped her with a vicious tug, forcing her head back in a painful arch. The little whimper of pain muffled against my mouth blended seamlessly with our harsh breathing and the sound of our bodies as she scuffled with me in a desperate but ultimately ineffectual attempt to escape.

Letting my free hand rove, I eagerly explored the swell of her breast and the curve of her hip before gripping her backside, squeezing roughly, making sure to bring her in direct contact with my arousal. The darkness inside me continued to feast on her terror, gaining strength from the fear and panic that she was sending out. The ever widening ripples in the Force washed through me, exciting me, inflaming the blood in my veins.

Somewhere in my mind a voice cried out in protest, screaming that I shouldn't hurt her, that I had to let her go. But those remonstrations were ignored in the same manner in which Padmé's struggles were. It was all too easy to block out those words that the dark part of me didn't want to hear. Another surge of anger and lust coursed through me violently, consuming me, drowning out everything but the primitive need to dominate. Ten years of Jedi training were proving no match for the intense feelings that were controlling my actions.

Padmé somehow managed to work an arm free as she continued to resist the inevitable. Like a cat she tried to claw at my face before twisting her fingers in my hair and pulling with more strength than I would’ve given her credit for. My head was jerked back and I grunted in pain and irritation. Frightened brown eyes stared up at me, silently beseeching me to release her. Her staggered breathing filled the air, her chest heaving with effort.

On some detached level, I absently noted the way Padmé's body was shaking against me, the way her bruised and swollen lips were quivering with shock, and I felt nothing; not guilt, not remorse, just a total absence of emotion at her distress. My wants and needs were all that mattered.

I rejected her unspoken request that I stop what I was intent upon doing. The time for restraint was long gone.

I smiled tauntingly at her, the side of my face suddenly tingling anew from the slap she had inflicted minutes earlier. Mockery lit my eyes as my gaze bore into Padmé's. With deliberate contempt, I grabbed her hand away from where it still desperately gripped my hair, twisting her wrist cruelly before slamming it back against the wall. Using my height to my advantage, I held it high so that she had to stand on her toes to alleviate the stress on her body as it was stretched taut. The twinge of pain that crossed her face pleased me. Holding her gaze I ground my hardness against her, making the action both contemptuous and sultry.

“No, please.” Padmé moaned.

My smile grew a little wider as I took a moment to relish the power I was exercising over the 'oh so' prim and proper senator. Conveniently, I forgot how she had accepted me into her arms with hardly a moment's hesitation after I had confessed my hideous crime. I dismissed the memory of her rocking me comfortingly for hours without a word of reproach. Instead, I concentrated on every hurtful word Padmé had ever said, hum humiliation inflicted in front of others, her teasing flirtations that raised my hopes only to dash them when she reverted back to icy formality, and, most of all, her denial of her feelings for the sake of a political role.

With those painful thoughts swirling in my head, I once again caught her mouth to mine and forced her lips apart in a punishing assault. The violence of the kiss caused our teeth to clash together, forcing a choked cry from Padmé that dwindled down to a pathetic little whimper.

Padmé's continued resistance was only increasing my determination to have her. The tempting little struggles she made sent our bodies rubbing together in all the right places. The friction she was unwittingly helping to generate merely incited my appetite. I growled low in my chest in lust.

Just as I was losing myself completely to the feel and motion of her soft body, a faint voice resounded in my head, reaching out to squeeze my heart and twist my insides. The Force bond that I’d forged with Padmé when first we met came alive with a ferocious bellow and, for once, it wasn't at my instigation.

There were no actual words sounding in my head, just powerful emotions that reached out and punched me, leaving distinct impressions that were difficult to ignore. The sense of betrayal and fear that Padmé was experiencing hit me in hard waves through our shared connection and for a moment I hesitated, torn between the dark and the light. But the darkness had its claws firmly imbedded in my soul, its hold far too strong to be cast aside. Anger and hurt worked quickly to suppress any feelings threatening to stop me from what I was so intent on taking. I squashed the niggling feelings of shame and repulsion at my actions and let other less noble emotions take back the reins.

My lips blazed a trail down the exposed column of Padmé's neck, sucking in the delicate flesh none too gently, leaving the betraying marks of ownership behind. The scent and taste of her filled my senses making me oblivious to anything but the girl I held imprisoned between my body and the wall.

It was only gradually that I became aware Padmé had ceased her struggles and that her body was sagging in exhausted defeat like a rag doll. I released her wrist from where I still held it pinned and her arm fell down uselessly to her side like dead weight.

The victorious feeling I expected at overcoming her resistance never came. All I felt was increasing frustration and an empty desolation. Having a lifeless doll in my arms, passive and unresponsive, was not what I wanted at all. I wanted her fire, her spirit, I wanted that spark to flicker and light her eyes with reciprocating passion.

Damn her, why did she have to fight me at every turn? It wasn't supposed to be like this!

Angrily, I shoved a knee between Padmé's legs, while I continued to taste her scented flesh, nipping harder than I should. She gave a hoarse cry of fear and stned ned at the intrusive action of my knee but then fell back into that unnerving silence. It was then I realized that, with the exception of that panicked cry, she had long ago ceased making all the little involuntary and endearing noises she usually made when she gave herself over to passion.

My mind categorically refused to accept defeat. Determined to provoke a response, any kind of response, I wrenched the neck of her tunic aside to expose her shoulder, scrapping my teeth along her collarbone sharply, leaving a long red line on her creamy skin. Padmé flinched but otherwise did not react.

I drew back slightly to observe her pale, upturned face with speculative and hungry eyes. The expected tears were surprisingly absent and though I couldn't quiathoathom why, I was faintly disturbed to see she remained dry-eyed.

Padmé's eyes were clamped shut, closing me off and keeping me out of her soul. She was slipping away from me, retreating inside her mind to a place that even I couldn't go. I frantically pressed her more tightly to me, my heart crying out in pain.

{Don't leave me! Please, don't leave me!}

Through the Force I sensed she was on the verge of slipping into unconsciousness. I couldn't allow that! I had no compunction about using my handhold in her hair and jerking her sharply to keep her from passing out. Immediately, my lips descended to hers again, desperation driving me to kiss her with brutal hunger. The insatiable need I had for her twisted my insides into agonizing knots.

Tears pricked at the back of my eyelids. What was I doing? What kind of man would treat the woman he loved more than life itself with such contempt? But I couldn't stop.

I abandoned my grip at the back of Padmé's head, moving both hands to cup her face as I continued to plunder her mouth recklessly. When I felt the first stirrings of a response I was arrogantly pleased. When that response turned into a wildly passionate onslaught a moment later, I jerked back in surprise, breaking away from her suddenly searching tongue and eager lips, not trusting her, sure that her change of tactics was some kind of trick..

Our eyes met and held for a brief moment as I searched her face for signs of deception and then she was surging forward, pressing herself against me, stretching up to place kisses and sharp nibbles at my neck. I was too stunned by the turn of events to do anything but try to remain upright as she repeated my name over and over in a breathless whisper between kisses.

Reflexively, I started to raise my hand to caress the back of her head. But half way to its destination I froze in shock. My tunic and leather vest were pulled apart and two warm hands slid in to caress the bare skin of my chest. I stared down into fathomless brown eyes dazedly, my mind simply not able to cope with what was happening.

Padmé flushed pink under my scrutiny, hesitation warring in her expression, and then her hands were slipping up to caress my face, before trailing down my chest and over my abdomen in curious and arousing exploration. The feel er ser small hands caressing me, the erotic way she was using her fingernails to draw circles on my flesh was setting me on fire.

My breath sounded loud and furious in the silence of the desert night. I was held mesmerized by the look in Padmé's eyes and the way she was suddenly regarding me. I sucked in a startled breath at what I thought I saw reflected there. I couldn't believe it, not after the way I had treated her, not after I had used her with absolute disregard of her wishes.

When Padmé leaned in to press a kiss over my heart without taking her eyes off of mine, I gasped at the sensation that shot through me. My eyelids fluttered and I groaned as her soft lips and tongue worked in tandem.

No, no. Gods, it wasn't right! I had forced all of this on her and I had to stop it; had to stop it now before it was too late.

The sharp taste of desire in my mouth was like bitter fruit taken off the vine too soon. I wanted nothing more than to push her back against the wall and take her swiftly before she finally came to her senses and realized the consequences of her provocative actions.

Expecting her to draw back, I had just opened my mouth to speak when I felt her wet, hot tongue lick a path across my flesh. When she flicked and nipped at my nipple as if she had done it a thousand times before my hips jerked and I almost exploded like an untried schoolboy.

What in Sith's hell!

Before I could examine my motives too closely, I pushed her roughly away, suddenly afraid of this wanton creature who had taken Padmé's place. I dug my fingers into the flesh of her upper arms with punishing force, keeping her at arm's length. We were both breathing hard and Padmé's eyes were wide with confusion and, gods, some soft emotion that was unthinkable after what I had done.

She couldn't possibly want this….could she? Mentally, I grappled with my conflicting desires. All my Jedi training came back in a rush. I had betrayed Padmé's trust, abused her giving nature, physically and emotionally hurt her in a way that I had no idea I was even capable of. Force, I had been prepared to take her against her will! And truth be told, I was still teetering on the edge.

I was convinced she wasn't aware of what she was doing. She was overwrought, confused and operating on too little sleep. And, what was worse, and much more heinous, I suspected that she was reacting at least partially to the unfair Force influence which I had been subtly using to manipulate her since departing for Naboo.

What had I done?

Yet the black fury continued to murmur enticingly, sending my pulse racing, stoking fir fire of lust that still lay smoldering, ready to flair up at thightightest inducement. Its urgings contradicted everything that I always thought I stood for. The darkness didn't care about any of that, it only wanted to satisfy its lust by forcing into submission the one who had opposed it. It wanted me to behave like an animal.

My entire body was shaking with the effort to keep from dragging Padmé back to me. I wanted her with every fiber of my being. The ache was profound and I could feel myself weakening, sliding down that slippery slope of no return.

Everything was made worse by the fact that Padmé's gaze remained unwavering, full of accept and and hope, full of goodness and light. Shiny and bright, her beautiful eyes mocked me with what would never be. The lack of condemnation lurking there settled the heavy mantle of guilt on my shoulders. I didn't deserve her confidence, not after what I had tried to do. She was my angel, bruised and dented, but still whole – no thanksme. me. A wave of sickness hit me and my stomach heaved with bitter bile.

The death grip I was maintaining on Padmé loosened of its own accord and my eyes involuntarily flickered longingly over her inviting mouth.

You have to protect her, my mind screamed, temporarily drowning out the insane urges of that dark force still too close to the surface for comfort. You want her, so just take her, the other voice goaded mercilessly.

NO!

With a final roar my humanity won out and I pushed Padmé away with something akin to horror, backing away quickly to leave her an unrestricted escape route and distancing myself from temptation. Taking a deep breath to clear my head, I blocked out the sight of her standing there in bewilderment, her lips swollen and her neck marked and bruised. I couldn’t bear to look at her a moment longer. My criminal actions didn't warrant the almost loving look hovering in her eyes. I was foul, unclean, with bloodstained hands; hands that would forever remind me of the carnage they had caused.

Sorrow pressed down on my chest like a lead weight making breathing difficult. I felt the lowest of the low. With a heavy heart, I waited for the inevitable sound of her panicked footsteps as she fled from me as she had done that day on Naboo. Only this time I knew there would be no second chance, no forgiveness to be had. There was no apology that could wipe the memory of this night from her mind. Atonement for my inexcusable brutality wouldn't be bought by a calculated apology on bended knee and no amount of Force suggestions could take away the pain I had caused.

Holding myself ridged in preparation of having my last remaining dream die a horrible but deserved death, it took me several minutes to realize that Padmé had not moved. The unbearable silence was louder than the roar of a thousand star fighter engines in my ears. The quiet mocked my attempt at being honorable in the face of losing my one chance for love. I waited a moment longer, hardly daring to hope, still nothing.

What was she waiting for? Did she think I was made of stone?

Finally, I could stand it no more. I reluctantly cracked open my eyes to find she hadn't moved an inch, that her eyes had apparently never left me. There was a look of sorrow on her face that tore at my heart and made my throat ache with longing. I had done that to her, me, the man who was supposed to protect her because she was his everything.

"Padmé?" I whispered questioningly, preparing for the moment when she snapped out of whatever spell was keeping her immobile.

I was woefully unprepared for what happened next. Under my stunned gaze, Padmé slowly reached for the hem of her knitted tunic and pulled it over her head only to let it drop carelessly, almost seductively, to the floor. It was an invitation engraved with passion and need.

My eyes were instantly drawn to the silky camisole that exposed the golden flesh of her shoulders and the gentle swell of her breasts. The desert night air was chilly and her nipples hardened swiftly, thrusting against the material provocatively. A tremor of desire ran through me and I swallowed hard.

Padmé arms fell back down to her sides but she was having a difficult time preventing the instinctive action to cover herself from my hungry gaze. The occasional twitch, a movement started and then immediately stilled, belied the boldness of her action. The sweet shyness of it all made me want to cry.

Without the long tunic that had draped down to mid-thigh, her skirt was almost indecent; the light blue material so appropriate during the heat of the day was too thin for a Tatooine night. In the murky moonlight filtering in, the curve of her thighs and the graceful line of her calves were clearly visible through the flimsy, semi-transparent fabric. Considering the innate shyness she was fighting to suppress it was just as well that she was unaware of exactly how much was on display.

Forgetting for a moment exactly why this was all happening, I indulged myself, letting my gaze roam over the tantalizing sight before me. It was only when I reached the angry red scratch along the previously unmarred skin at her collarbone that I was jarred out of my reverie. I had done that to her intentionally in an effort to provoke a response. The memory of the way her body had flinched away from me rose to torment me.

At my side my hands twitched. The urge to touch her warm skin, to trace the mark I had made on her, was overwhelming and it sickened me. Self-disgust at my baser needs washed over me and I made a ruthless attempt to squelch the tide of desire threatening to consume me once more. Gods, I was no better than the worse kind of mindless, rutting beast.

Abruptly, I spun around, leaving Padmé staring at my back. If I continued to look at her it wouldn't be long before I acted on my carnal thoughts. I had to salvage what I could and that meant protecting her from me.

“Leave me.” I said in a voice rough with tension. “Go to the ship where you’ll be safe and I’ll – I’ll see you in the morning.”

“I am not leaving you.”

Stunned, my shoulders shook with the effort of keeping myself under some semblance of restraint. Didn't she understand what she was inviting down on her head? Where the hell was her sense of self-preservation? I clenched my fists into tight balls, fighting it, fighting myself.

Anger and utter desperation colored my next rasping words.

"Padmé, you don’t know what you’re doing.”

“Yes, I do. I need you.” She replied without pause.

Sithspawn! Her naïve innocence was going to be the death of me. I was barely holding on, my nerves were strung to the breaking point, my body was screaming from the effort of keeping myself in check. I had to get her out of there…now!

The unexpected touch of her hand running up my back seared my flesh through the layers of Jedi clothing and I jumped, whirling around to face my unknowing tormentor. Air hissed past my clenched teeth in frustration, my jaw ridged with the effort I was being forced to exert.

Through narrowed eyes, I watched Padmé take the few small steps necessary to close the small gap between us. Every forward movement she made destroying the invisible barrier that I had erected; each step bringing her closer and closer to a danger she surely couldn't comprehend. If she had even the vaguest understanding of what was loose inside me she would turn tail and run immediately and never look back.

{You'd go after her. You know you would}

Not good.

Then everything seemed to move in slow motion. Padmé's face was a study of concentration as she very determinedly reached out to grasp onemy cmy clenched hands. With gentle pressure she pried my fist open and then brought it up to her chest to lie palm side down over her heart. She pressed her own hand atop mine; trapping me with kindness I hadn't earned. Her skin was cool to the touch and I felt the shiver that ran through her at the contrasting temperatures of our bodies.

Beneath my hand I could feel the rapid tattoo of her heart, its furious thumping betraying her nervousness. I was mesmerized by the hypnotic beat reverberating against my palm and the sudden warmth as her skin flushed a rosy pink. My tentative hold on my emotions grew even shakier. I felt like a frayed rope slowly unraveling at the point of damage, the last remaining skein the only thing keeping me from breaking apart forever.

A husky voice spoke, breaking the silence.

“Anakin?”

My name on Padmé's lips drew my startled attention and a shudder ran down my spine at the hidden emotion in her tone.

Deep brown eyes met mine. It was as if she could see right through me, right into the dark corners of my soul. I could only imagine what horrors she saw in that place where fear and anger warred with each other like two opposing armies; both intent on absolute destruction.

Where once I couldn't bring myself to meet her gaze, now I was unable to look away from the hypnotic swirling flecks of gold mixing with the familiar brown.

Padmé spoke in a slow whisper.

“Anakin……I need you to make me complete.”

She spoke so quietly I almost didn't catch the words at first. When they finally did register their import slammed into me with the strength of a charging bantha and I couldn't find the air to breath. The similarity to the words my mother had uttered moments before she died in my arms was too much for my fragile hold.

{Now I am complete}

My mother's accented voice echoed in my head, filling me with a desolate ache, carving out an empty place that clamored to be filled.

Death stalked those I loved. My mother's broken, bloody body, stiff and lifeless would turn to dust in the ground of this accursed planet as if she had never existed; as if she had never been there to love me.

{Why'd she have to die?}

The last unraveling strand of the rope restraining me snapped violently and I sucked in a harsh breath, the air returning to my lungs with burning intensity. Padmé's eyes widened with fear or surprise, I didn't know or care. She had burned her bridges and she would have to live with the consequences of that act; just as I would.

I could not have stopped what followed even had I wanted to. All the pain, all the loss I had experienced, everything I had done out in the desert, hit me with the strength of a tidal wave and I groped at the only lifeline left to me. Padmé had had her chance to leave and had not taken it.

Now she was mine.

The growl that rumbled from my chest reverberated in my ears as I jerked Padmé forward into my arms, claiming her lips in a frantic and voracious kiss that shook me to the center of my being. There was no other thought than losing myself in her. I needed to feel her warm naked flesh beneath my hands, against my body, with nothing keeping us apart. I needed to wrap my hands in her long hair, to taste every inch of her, to feel her walls flutter around me, welcoming me to the only real home I had left.

I needed her to make me complete again. Only she could save me.

Falling to my knees, I pulled Padmé down with me to the filthy floor of the garage. I had just enough presence of mind to grab the discarded tunic and spread it haphazardly on the ground before tumbling down with Padmé beneath me. The time when I could go slow and be gentle had long since passed. Need and the insatiable hunger gnawing at me overrode every other consideration.

I made no attempt to remove her burdensome clothing by normal means, my hands were clumsy and rough and they ripped the thin fabric easily, instantly reducing her skirt to little better than rags and baring the lower half of her body to my touch. The camisole followed next. With a violent wrench I ripped it away to reveal the sight long denied me until that moment. Padmé's small whimper of hurt receded to the back of my awareness as my breath caught in my throat, her beauty and perfection finally revealed.

A feral moan sounded from me seconds before my hands and mouth found their way to her sweet breasts. Padmé's breathy moans and cries of pleasure as I licked and sucked at her flesh caressed my ears, her frantic pulling at my vest and tunic inflaming me beyond anything I had ever experienced before.

It was a wild coming together of lips, hands, tongue and teeth, our bodies soon slick with the sheen of sweat. When she cried out and arched up off the floor, I couldn't hold back any longer. One hand remained to knead her soft flesh, to tease a hardened peak, while the other worked furiously at removing the pants that were keeping me from reaching heaven.

Finally free, I slid a shaking hand up the smooth expanse of naked thigh. The resounding rip signified the removal of the last offending article of clothing that barred me from where I most wanted to be. My searching fingers delved experimentally into the apex of her thighs to be met by liquid heat. An animal-like groan was forced from me. Padmé's sweet scent proving her readiness sent electrical pulses straight to my groin. I was tempted to bury my face between her thighs and taste her but I wanted to be inside her more. I consoled myself with a quick kiss placed against her damp curls; her unique flavor coating my lips and I licked her essence from them hungrily.

Surging upwards, primitive instinct took over and I was unable to wait a moment longer. I roughly forced Padmé's legs apart, my haste making me graceless and clumsy, and moved between them. Poised at her entrance, her fearful whimper and tensed limbs reminded me that she was a virgin still. I wanted to be gentle but the want and need were making it impossible. I barely managed to grind out a tortured apology before thrusting forward to sheath myself to the hilt in her tight warmth.

My mouth smothered the heart-wrenching scream that rose in her throat as her body went ridged at the painful invasion. I froze, muscles shaking with the effort of holding myself still, trying to give her time to recover, for her body to adjust to the unfamiliar. The sight of her eyes screwed tightly shut against the hurt nearly killed me. I took a deep breath. What was done was done, there was no going back.

As slowly as I could manage, I began to move inside her, spreading her thighs further apart, and eliciting a low moan of protest from her. Gods, the feeling of being inside her was incredible and immediately felt guilty at experiencing pleasure while she still bit her bottom lip to keep from crying out again.

I was awash with erotic sensations as I thrust again and again into her soft flesh. Her hot, velvety walls engulfed me, taking me to a place where everything was safe and good; where darkness did not dare tread. I pounded into her with desperate abandon, delighting when I felt her begin to tentatively move with me.

Padmé's breath was coming in short, little gasps that were rapidly turning into moans of arousal and I felt the sting of her fingernails as they dug into my sweat slicked back. But her eyes remained shut and suddenly I couldn't stand not being able to lose myself in the deep brown pools as I moved with ever increasing urgency within her. I needed to see her eyes, to be assured that she knew exactly who was taking her, loving her.

“Look at me, Padmé.” I demand roughly. “Look at me.”

At my tone, her eyelids flew open and our gazes locked, reducing our world to the movements of our bodies as I thrust into her over and over. She belonged to me now and I wanted to make sure she knew it.

//Mine. Mine. Mine. Mine//

I used the Force thought like a battering ram, each word accompanied by a hard stroke that reached her very core. Yet that was still not enough to satisfy me. Her eyes widened as my gaze bore ferociously into hers. I was intent on leaving Padmé with no doubt that I was inside her; body, mind and soul, and that I would remain there forever.

She had had her chance to leave me and had not taken it. There would be no going back for either one of us. If she didn't already know it, she soon would. I had let one woman go in my life and lost her in a horrific manner. I would not make the same mistake with Padmé.

Indecision and fear flitted across her face as I invaded her mind along with her body and then an almost weary look of resignation settled over her features.

“Yours, Anakin, always yours.”

My heart sang at her words. The sense of triumph at finally hearing her acknowledge that she was mine, that she belonged to me, soothed but didn't quite tame my jealous nature. I knew I wouldn't truly be happy until we were legally bound together as man and wife. Thoughts of all that could go wrong before that desired event could take place haunted me.

“Never forget that, Padmé.”

Before she could respond to my words of warning, I bent to capture her mouth in a fierce kiss that told her in no uncertain terms that I would hold her to her pledge.

Padmé began to move with me without need of any guidance. The ancient instinct for coupling asserted itself over her inexperienced body. I gripped her hips, thrusting myself in to her velvety warmth. Every time I pulled back I felt I was losing something only to find it again as I slid back in. The sound of our bodies coming together accompanied our moans and cries as I rocketed towards impending release.

I slipped my hands under and over Padmé's shoulders, using my hold to angle deeper. My climax was fast approaching and when she threw her head back and sank her nails into the flesh of my upper arms, I went over the edge. Her name sounded from me over and over, stars exploding behind my eyelids as I let go, emptying myself deep inside her. Our mouths crashed and melded in a wild, frenzied kiss that seemed to go on for an eternity.

Finally, spent and exhausted, I collapsed on top of Padmé and rested my head against her naked breasts, luxuriating in the musky scent mingling with the smell of glistening skin and that faint tang of vanilla I would forever associate with Padmé.

Gentle hands caressed my damp back, tracing random patterns, exploring the swells and hard planes languidly. Our labored breathing gradually faded and I turned my attention to the beaded moisture clinging to the soft skin that beckoned me closer.

I liked the way her breath hitched in her throat as I licked and nipped my way from her breasts up to her lips. The culminating kiss was gentle, unlike the hot and furious ones exchanged previously. I smiled against her mouth when I felt her wind my dangling Padawan braid around her finger.

Reluctantly, I lifted my head only to lose myself in the beauty of her face. I traced its graceful lines with a languid gaze. Deep in my chest my heart constricted painfully at the intensity of emotion that she invoked. I had loved her since I was nine, though there are those who would say it isn't possible for a child to form such a bond. Those people are fools, for I had persevered and now she was mine, forever.

Carefully, I brushed a damp strand of hair back from her forehead before bending to taste her lips once more. I felt the stirrings of arousal in my groin. I already wanted her again. Regretfully, I resigned myself to waiting. I had hurt her. My romantic plans to build her pleasure with skillful care and then gently initiate her in the ways of love had been dashed by my blinding need. I had been weak and Padmé had suffered for it.

I vowed then and there to never give in to my anger and fear again. I told myself that it was an isolated occurrence brought on by the stress and shock of losing my mother in such a horrible way. I would learn from the experience so that next time temptation made itself known I would be able to resist.

Somewhere inside me the dark thing laughed

Ignoring the niggling voice offering the unwanted reminder that I had been walking a fine line between light and dark for sometime, I rolled onto my back bringing Padmé with me. She burrowed into me, nestling at my side with a tired sigh. I drew her head down to rest against my shoulder, enjoying the feel of her hand as it idly caressed the contours of my chest. Her soft breath skittered across the base of my throat, warming the skin in its path. I turned slightly to the side and placed a kiss at her crown, inhaling the scent of her hair.

Thoughtfully, I rubbed my hand up and down Padmé's bare arm. Of course, that vow didn't mean that I wouldn't continue to use my abilities to ensure that I achieved my heart's desire. Nothing would stand in the way of our marriage. Not the Senate, nor the Jedi, and especially not the girl curled at my side.

{Mine, now and forever}

It would all work out, I told myself firmly. My visions had never been wrong before.


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TBC
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