PotC MST

“Dead Man’s Willie”

A/N: This badfic was written by my good friend Tali, who’s work you can find here: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/471873/ (yes, if you write me a badfic you get a plug for your work) remember, send all badfic to AlienEeeter@yahoo.com

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Jack craned his head to watch Will and Elizabeth make out on the floor behind the couch. “She said there would be rum,” he complained. “I don’t see any rum, and I could really use some right now.”

“Use your imagination and try opening that door over there.” Norrington told him, laying on the white coffee table, waiting for death to come.

“Ah. Yes. Thank you.” Jack hopped up to the big white cabinet, which was filled top to bottom with bottles of Bacardi. “I’m saved!” He reached out to take a bottle and dropped it on the floor in surprise. “It’s cold!”

“That’s a refrigerator.” The devil woman was no longer dressed as the devil, but was dressed similarly to the rest of them, only her hat was made of plastic, and she wore an eye patch behind a pair of wire rimmed glasses. On her feet she wore blue converse instead of boots. “It’s good cold. You should try it.”

“It’s unnatural,” Jack protested.

“In any case. Where’s Will and Elizabeth? Get up here you two.” She waited until all four were paying attention. “I have brought you another fanfic.”

“What is fanfic?” Norrington asked her.

“In the future we there are these, um, stories about the four of you. And people write their own stories based on them. I have used my superior intellect to bring you from the past to the future, so I can torture you with them. I’ll send you back when I get bored.”

“How comforting.”

The devil woman held out a sheaf of paper. “Who wants to read?”

“I will,” Elizabeth said. As soon as she had taken the papers the woman disappeared in a cloud of purple smoke. She stood in front of the couch as the three men sat down, Jack between the two. He set his cold bottle of rum on the table, watching it apprehensively as condensation collected on the bottle.

Title: Pirates of the Carabean: Dead Man's Willie

Elizabeth: Well that’s a lovely title, isn’t it?

>>>>Author: ~Tali
Rating: R/NC-17
WARNING: SLASH

Will: NC-17, slash? What are these codes supposed to mean?

Jack: Slash. Maybe it means we’ll get to see some blood. You know, slashing ppl up and all.

>>>>>Disclaimer: I do not own the charecters, the Carabean, or any pirates.
Feedback: Please!! *bounces like a crack monkey* I welcome any and all cummers! *wink wink nudge nudge*

Norrington: I have a feeling we’re doomed.

>>>>>Jack Sparrow was dead. He was very dead. One might say he was dad as a door nail, but I would not.

Norrington: If only he would stay that way.

>>>>>Because Jack Parrow was alive. He was alive within the heart one special boy. A handsome boy.

Jack: oh dear lord. Not this again. And it’s *Sparrow* Captain. Sparrow.

Elizabeth: Well, maybe in the future you do prefer boys. I can see how they would come to that conclusion.

Jack: What’s that supposed to mean?

Elizabeth: Oh, you know. You’re just so. . .swishy.

>>>>>>A girly boy. With chocolately, if not a wee bit greesy from lack of cleaning, curls and a sweet elfish face.

Will: (noticing that everyone is looking at him) What? It’s not talking about me!

>>>>>>He seemed sweet and innocent. He seemed in love with his beautiful fiance, who seemed to be in love with the dead pirate Captin Jack Sparrow.

Norrington: It is talking about you.

Elizabeth: Honestly! These people have no sense of my character. Why on earth would I be in love with Jack?

Jack: Well why not? I am very pretty.

Elizabeth: Yes, but you like boys.

Jack: I do not!

>>>>>This is where our story begins. Will was on a ship. But he wasn't alone. He was on a ship with Pirates.

Will: Pirates seem to be my lot in life.

>>>>>He was stuck with Norrigton who was snot faced drunk and smelled something horrid.

Norrington: I have to protest.

Jack: What’s to protest? You calling the writer a liar?

Elizabeth: Actually, James. . .you could use a bath. How long has it been, really?

>>>>>>Then there was the two traitor pirates, who were obviously much in love with one another, though they liked to pretend they weren't,

Will (nodding knowingly): Pintel and Regetti. Absolute poufters.

>>>>> Will could tell. He knew gay when he loked at it.

Will: No I can’t! (others look at him, and he flushes red) I can’t.

>>>>>> Then there was Gibbs and that backstabber that evil curr Barbosa. He hurt Jack. Will hated people who hurt his beautiful and manly Captin.

Elizabeth: (laughing hysterically) I’m sorry. It’s too funny.

>>>>>> Will shuddered and sighed. He was also stuck with that back stabbing whore of a fiance.

Elizabeth: Oh. Suddenly not funny. Will, I only did it to save our lives! You understand, right?

Will: Of course I do.

Elizabeth: I didn’t enjoy it at all.

Jack: (under his breath) Yes you did.

>>>>>>How could she. How could they? How could he? Will loved Jack. AAnd Jack had convinced Will that he loved him back. They had made beautiful sexy together.

Norrington: An excellent grasp of the Queens English there.

>>>>>Will leaned against the rail of the ship and sighed looking at the ocean. He could almost feel Jack breathing on his neck. WHimpering and groaning, pounding his big thick staff into Will's sweet heart shaped bum. Will would clench and Jack would bite...

Norrington: William Turner, you have a disgusting mind.

Will: It’s not me!

Jack: Norrington. As your captain I command you to switch places with me.

Norrington: Captain of this couch? I don’t think so! I’m not getting--hey! (Jack gets up and tries to wedge himself between Norrington and the arm of the sofa.)

Will: It isn’t me! It’s someone else’s sick fantasy, not mine. My fantasies all involve, uh, other things. And other people!

Elizabeth: This is kind of amusing. I’ll read on, shall I?

Will and Jack (still trying to get on the other side of Norrington): No! (Norrington finally gets off the couch in disgust and Jack settles happily as far from Will as possible)

>>>>>he loved that about Jack, he was a biter. "Will... my beautiful Willie Boy... YESH..." He slurred alot durring sex, Jack did. Mostly because he was drunk alot of the time.

Jack: What an excellent idea! (grabs the rum and opens it, even though it’s still cold) Horrible stuff. (drinks more)

>>>>> Will would pant and push back keening like a beached whale in desperation for more of anything Jack had to give.

Norrington: Beached whale? Oh dear.

Elizabeth: It is a little. . .much, isn’t it?

>>>>>>That was probley why he chased after Jack like he did. He missed him when he was lubbin on land. He wanted Jack's sexy furr lined arms wrapped around him at night, and his rum soaked breath was something he missed waking to every morning.

Elizabeth: Oh, is that what goes on every time we get separated, Will? It’s no wonder I love Jack. Not that I do. Because I most emphatically do not.

Jack: Of course you don’t, luv. Rum?

Elizabeth: Thank you. (takes bottle and they pass it back and forth for a few minutes)

Will: I could you some of that myself.

Jack: I ain’t drinking after you. Pouftness could be catching.

>>>>>Elizabeth was all sharp skinny angles and bones.

Elizabeth: Why are they making fun of my weight? A woman is supposed to be thin.

Jack: you ever been with a skinny woman?

Norrington: It’s true, a bit of cushioning is nice.

Will: Yeah. Nothing like a nice round bum to grab onto. . .(catches the others staring at him) female bum!

Elizabeth: Are you trying to tell me I’m not attractive?

Jack: Very attractive. But too skinny.

>>>>>>He hated Elizabeth now. She kissed his Jack.

Elizabeth: I’m never going to live that down, am I?

Will: Never.

>>>>>He would resque Jack and kiss him! Kiss him in front of Elizabeth and make her jealous.

Elizabeth: Doubtful. I might even like to watch.

Will: Elizabeth!

>>>>>Then he would jump Jack's sexy dead bones.

“Well, that’s the end,” Elizabeth said. “Wasn’t that fun?”

“No!” Jack replied. “Will Turner, if you come within ten yards of me, I’ll--”

“You’ll what?” Will stood and took a step towards him.

“It’ll be bad, I promise you that,” he insisted when he realized he didn’t have any weapons on him.

Their host returned with more smoke, still in her pirate costume sipping on a pina colada. “Have fun?”

“Give me back my sword,” Will insisted.

“No can do.”

Elizabeth sighed. “Then we’re going to need a lot more rum.”