Losing My Way

*Disclaimer* I do not own any of the characters or the movie “London”. This is just a fanfiction I created.

“Losing My Way”
Chapter 2 –Downpour
By darthpeanut


Alana was in a daze. Her day seem to be moving in a slow motion and for once, she really wished she could have not woken up. The rain wasn’t helping her mood and it showed no signs of letting up. This morning had started off wonderful.

She woke to the sounds of the shower going and realized Sid had gotten up, so she grabbed one of his shirts and headed to the kitchen to make them breakfast. As she was cooking them pancakes, she turned the T.V. to find out if the rain was going to let up. The weather report showed no signs of it, and she finished up the pancakes and went to retrieve the syrup. She didn’t know why Sid placed it so high and just as she managed to get it, Sid had assaulted her with kisses and sex that she was all too willing to give into. Once they had finished the activities she set to finish setting them breakfast when the phone could be heard. Seeing as Sid made no attempt to answer his phone, she too let it ring. When the answering machine picked up it wasn’t until who called caused her day to go sour.

“Sid, its London, I know I haven’t kept in touch but, I am going to be in town next week and wanted to stop by and see you. Give me a call back at 555-382-3848.”

Hearing her voice caused her to drop the plate causing it to shatter. She quickly picked up the pieces and placed another plate in front of Sid, then hurried to his bedroom closing the door behind her. She didn’t expect him to follow her to see if she was ok. She headed into the bathroom and turned the shower on. It wasn’t until she stepped in that she let herself cry.

‘Why did she have to call?’

She had been with Sid for the last year and a half. She had seen him at such a low, she couldn’t bare to see him like that again. London may have been beautiful but she wasn’t perfect. She had expensive taste, to which Sid would cater to in a heartbeat but she was quick to go for a man who could take her places and tell her he loved her. Which is why she left Sid in the first place. She wanted to be told she was loved not shown. When she left Sid, she made sure to brag about her new man every chance she would get. She would brag about his job, what he would get her, the sex, anything to bring Sid down and it worked. Soon Sid was at a low point. Then she decided to move to L.A. with this guy. Even after sleeping with Sid, she still left and didn’t even have second thoughts. She was moving to the Hills and was damn proud of it. Sid took a complete downward spiral. She had to watch all this from the sidelines. She had to watch as former friends turn their back on him in favor of London’s “I’m the victim” act. She watched as day by day he would lose himself.

*flashback Author’s POV*

One day Mallory had called her to ask if she could check up on Sid because she couldn’t get a hold of him. After writing down the address she found herself at his apartment door, unsure of how he would react. But upon knocking, his door opened and she could see into the apartment. Even though she had called for him and got no response she stepped in. Looking around, she saw tons of alcohol bottles. The place reeked of booze and she could smell cigarettes and weed. It wasn’t until she got into the living room and looked around that she could see Sid in the bedroom. His face was flushed, his eyes red and his appearance was haggard. She had started towards him and could hear him mumbling. Tears flowed down his face and upon taking a closer look, you could see a little blood on his hand. She rushed to him and saw that there was a blade in his other hand. Grabbing his wrist she noticed that there were several cuts. Some old and there was one that looked recent, too recent and it was looking like it was getting infected.

‘Oh Sid, why are you doing this to yourself?’

Sid finally took notice that there was someone in the room with him and that she was touching him.

‘She left, she left. Did she not love me at all?!’ he sobbed.

‘Oh Sid, come on. I need to take a look at your wrist, and you could do with a shower.’

She got up and grabbed on of his arms to hoist him up. He numbly followed still sobbing. She didn’t know whether he was drunk or high, but judging from the contents in his apartment it was probably both, but he needed to sober up a bit, and get some rest. She took him into the bathroom and made him sit on the toilet as she went to his medicine cabinet to see what he had to treat his wrists. She glanced at him to see him staring at her, but she couldn’t tell if he really saw her or if he was in a day dream. Finding some peroxide and some bandages, she turned and knelt in front of him. She could feel his breath while she worked on cleaning the infected wrist. She could feel him jerk when the peroxide would sting and hear the sharp intake of breath he took. These were good signs. He was alert enough to feel pain. Once she was done cleaning the wound, she carefully wrapped it. When she finished and looked up, she realized that he was close to her, extremely close to her. This caused her to blush and back a bit. His blue eyes never left her as she stood and backed away. She turned to the shower and turned it on. As she stood there letting the water hit her hand, waiting for it to turn a certain temperature, she was completely aware that he was still staring at her. This caused her to twitch. Once the water was perfect, she turned to him, his blue eyes never leaving her.

‘Can you shower on your own without killing yourself?’

Sid looked at her then the shower and back to her. He stood shakily and stumbled his way towards her. As he got closer he removed his shirt and tossed it. Her eyes widen, and she turned as she notice him work to remove his pants. She made a beeline for the door but he beat her to it. The act itself caused him to become lightheaded and she used her body as a wall as he slumped over.

‘Don’t go.’

Looking up at him she was very much aware that his face was inches from hers. That and he was completely naked. This caused her to blush and he noticed it. Righting himself, he took his time and headed to the shower and let the water hit him. He could hear the door close over the water, and he stood there for a moment before he slide himself to sit on the bottom of the shower for a while. Turning off the water a while later, he placed himself in his bed, not bothering to put any boxers on. He didn’t hear anything so he assumed she had left. Soon he fell asleep.

When he woke the next morning, he could smell food. Actual food that wasn’t take out at that. This freaked him out a bit and without thinking he rushed out of bed into the living room to find the girl from before in his kitchen cooking. Looking around, he noticed his apartment was spotless. No more beer bottles laying around, and his apartment didn’t have an odor to it. The windows allowed a small breeze to come in and his eyes turned back to the woman. She hadn’t noticed him yet. The breezed picked up, and it was then he noticed he was very much naked. Making no noise, he went back to his room to his bathroom. He brushed his teeth and washed his face, slipped on a pair of boxers and headed out to the kitchen and was greeting by the rambling girl.

‘OH good, your wake. Mallory had sent me here to check up on you yesterday…… I made breakfast for you because you lost some blood and I figured you’d need energy. I also cleaned a bit and I started some laundry for you---'

He pushed her to the counter, startling her and before she could protest he caught her mouth in a kiss. He was fierce with this kiss and left no room to let her go. When she started to react and participate, he lifted her to sit on the counter. He moved his hands up her skirt, never did his lips leave her and felt for her panties. Grabbing the sides, he effectively ripped them, pulling the fabric and tossing them aside. Lifting her up off the counter he moved them a little ways out the kitchen and pressed her to a wall. Her hands braced his shoulder and he used his to move them above her head maneuvering them into one of his, he used his now free hand to move his boxers down and pushed himself into her. He heard her gasp and moan as he entered her and began to thrust into her faster. Her nails dug into his skin, yet he paid no attention to the pain only the way she felt. He could feel her tightening around him and his own climax was approaching. Pushing them off the wall, he led them to the couch, falling back so that she was on top. Her body rocked and he met her body’s every movement. Her climax hit moments before his and both collapsed in a heap. Once their breathing steady, the girl looked at him with a huge blush and got off of him quickly and flattened her skirt and rushed out of his apartment barely closing the door behind her. Sid could only stare as the girl left. He never could remember her name. Pushing himself off the couch he closed the door all the way. He went to the phone and called Mallory to find out who she sent over.

*end of FlashBack*

Alana was jolted out of her memories by a hand waving in her face. Looking to her blond friend Tania, she gave an apologetic smile, and judging by the look she was getting she knew she was going to have to explain. Not like they had anything better to talk about at work, so after explaining this morning events, Tania gave her this look of sheer shock.

“So his ex just calls out of no where, and he doesn’t even reassure you he has no intentions of seeing that bitch?!”

“Tania! He was probably in shock too. She was his first love. What can I do about it? He is a grown man..”

“Yeah, one in a relationship already. Seriously. When you left the room, he should have came after you, reassured you that you’re the one for him, tell you that he loves you…”

“He has never said he loved me. And I don’t think he will.” Alana sighs. She takes a glance at the picture of her and Sid that was taken just a few months after their first meeting.

“I don’t think he loves me. He has never said it, and I don’t think he will.”

“Did you tell him..”

“No. And I don’t plan too. Maybe if she hadn’t called but not now. I have to be prepared to let him go because I don’t want to be cheated on. I don’t want him to have to feel anything when she shows up.”

“Lana. Girl no one should have to put up with it and yet, you have. You went for a man who is so hung up on his ex that he has no other thought pattern. Have you ever thought to your self is he thinking of her while being of me?”

Looking over to her friend she let the tears she had been holding back for a while spill. “All the time. I can’t measure up to London. You’ve seen her. She is beautiful and its no wonder men fall for her. Look at me. My hair is kinky and untamed. I have no real figure and I have blemishes. What the hell he saw in me to keep me, I don’t know. I can’t never be like her. I can’t be that beautiful because I know I can never have his heart. He may let me have his body but his heart is and will always be with her and for that I hate the bitch. I hate that she strung him along and in the end made him into this soul that was so lost. I hate that she managed to turn so many people he once cared for against him. But what can I do? He loves her. He thinks her the most perfect thing on this planet. How can I compare to her? I can’t and I don’t think he can ever love me, but so long as I know he isn’t alone, I am happy for him even if it leaves me miserable so long as I know he has someone with him, its easy to be this way.”

“Its not healthy. You can do so much better than that. So if he leaves you to be with her when she comes what will you do? Your willing to be in this open relationship with a man who can’t love you? Hell I don’t think he cares for you!”

“He cares. He has his ways of showing it. If I have to let him go then I will.”

“I don’t know what to do with you, your way to nice and often it gets you hurt. For once I just want to see you truly happy. What are you going to do?”

“When the time comes I’ll tell you. For now I have to live with this.”
Alana turned to look out the window. The rain was still pouring. She would just have to deal with this. It was the only way, even if the outcome hurt her, so long as he is happy, she would be happy for him. Even if logic says she is being stupid. She glanced at the clock on the wall, 6:35pm. It was time to go home. She thought to go to Sid’s but, after this morning she opted for her own apartment. She ended up missing the bus and already completely soaked, she trugged on in the rain. Reaching her apartment building, she dug into her purse for the key. Once in, she turned on a lamp and made her way down the hall to the bathroom. Turning on the tub, she went out the apartment to retrieve the mail from the box. Shuffling through past the two bills and the junk mail she placed everything on the counter and headed to the tub.

After her nice long soak, she placed on her nice fluffy white robe and went to her kitchen to make herself some tea. Careful not to burn herself, she headed to the window that faced the front of her apartment. The rain still had yet to let up and showed no signs of. She could make out blurs of people but one blur caught her eye. She would recognize that green jacket from anywhere and placing the cup down she rain to the door, making sure to grab some shoes before running out. Careful not to get hit by any cars she crossed the street to where the green jacket was. There he stood in all his glory, soaked to the bone and looked up at her.

“Are you crazy!? Do you want to get sick Sid? What are you doing here, never mind that, come on lets get you in before you catch a cold!”

She reached and grabbed his arm and he allowed her to drag him into her apartment building. Upon entering her apartment, he took the time to look around. She had pictures adoring the wall and some of the tables and he could see a few of them and even some of just him. She had busied herself to go grab towels and left him alone. Her apartment was definitely different from London’s. While London’s had to be the in-style type, Alana’s was home like. It didn’t feel like you were in a show model. Everything was inviting. He could see the kitchen and the hall that lead to her room from where he stood and he took note that he was getting her floor wet. When she came back with the towels, she bossed and fussed him to take off his shirt, carefully drying him off.

After leaving a towel on his head, she started to work his pants off and the simple act made him hard. But she chose to ignore it. Gather the pants to his feet, making him step out of them. She took notice that his boxers where too wet, groaning, she tugged them off, still ignoring the hard-on that was inches away from her. She stood upright, handed him one of the other dry towels and took the wet clothes to the laundry room. When she returned, she ushered him to the couch and proceeded to mess with his hair. He noticed that she no longer wore her robe, which had gotten soaked in the rain. Instead she wore a thin silk tank and a pair of really short shorts that barely covered her ass. Not that he was going to complain. However when she gave him that look that said explain he knew he wasn’t going to get out of it. Why had he been standing out there in the first place? Ah that look this morning. She moved to the opposite end of the couch as him.

“Sid-“

“Your going to leave me.” It wasn’t a question. And as the words left his mouth he notice her face look from confusion to a startled look.

“Sid I-“

“Your going to leave. You were quick to leave this morning. Why?”

This definitely wasn’t the conversation she wanted right now. If she left it was obvious why. Why did he bother to do this now? She wasn’t ready for this conversation with him.

“Sid-“

“Your just like her, you leave when someone needs you.” He hadn’t actually meant that. And he saw her flinch at the comparison. “Alana I’m-“

“Don’t bother Sid. You’ve said enough even if it wasn’t a lot.”

“Alana no-“

“Just stop it Sid. Just say what you want to say to me. Tell me that I’ll never be good enough, that I can’t compare to her because she is the most perfect. Tell me I am nothing that I’ve wasted my time because thats what everyone else seems to think. I’ve defended you when no one would and I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve tried to help you move on but obviously that’s not going to happen.”

Alana got off the couch to where her forgotten cup of tea was. Staring out the window, the downpour fit her mood perfectly now. The tears that ran down her face much like the raindrops running down the window. From the couch all Sid could do was stair as she turned her back on him. He couldn’t bring himself to love her, but he didn’t want to see her get hurt. Yet here she was crying and for what? Him. She put so much faith in him yet he was throwing it all back at her. He stood from the couch and moved behind her. Being that he was taller than her, he wrapped his arms around her, moving the cup from her hands and placing it on the table. He maneuvered their bodies back to the couch and laid their bodies across the soft material.

“I’m sorry.”

She knew what he was sorry for. He couldn’t help it she knew that. This was horrible timing for a lot of things. If only she knew the extent of what he was sorry for. Sitting himself up, he moved her so that she was straddling him. She wouldn’t look him in the face and he could see her tears flowing freely. She sniffled a bit and he moved his hands to her face. Using his thumbs he wiped the tears away and she shot her glaze at him. He gently kissed her lips and she weakly responded back. He may not love her like she loves him but he would show her that she does mean something to him. Taking his hands from her face, he continued to kiss her, willing her to participate more. When she reacted the way he wanted, he moved his hands to her waist, moving them up the thin fabric of her tank top. Breaking the kiss to remove the tank top, he began to place kisses on her neck, moving to her collarbone. His hands grabbed to her breasts kneading, and teasing her nipples causing her to moan at his ministrations. His hard-on was becoming painful, but he would take the pain. This was for her. He lowered one of his hands from her breast to her thighs. Using his fingers, he moved up her small shorts to her vagina. That got a throaty moan from her. He slide a finger into her pumping slowly causing her hips to buck. He increased the speed as she bucked harder. He inserted another finger and she gripped his shoulders and shuddered in delight at the sensation. This feeling she was getting was causing her to feel high, almost unearthly. So close to ecstasy, so close to feeling the most absolute pleasure she would ever feel.

‘soooo close, oh my…’

Sid moaned her name into her neck and everything went numb. That once high feeling came down to a crash and she jerked away from him. The look on his face was enough and she pushed herself off his lap and ran down the hall to her room, locking the door behind her. Sitting in the dark and glancing out the window, she allowed her tears to flow as she silently cried. She could hear the sounds of steps out side her door and the knocks, but she chose to ignore them. She could hear Sid call out to her but she couldn’t bring herself to respond. When the steps and knocks ended, and the sound of the apartment door opening and closing filled the apartment, she stood and looked out the window. In the rain she could see Sid rush through the downpour to his car. Before getting in, he took one more glance to her window, got in his car, and headed down the street. She turned away from the window and sat back on the bed. Glancing back at the window the downpour seemed to capture just how she felt at the moment.

*NOTES* Sorry if the POVs change a lot. This chapter was meant to capture how Alana is handling this while also filling in some gaps.