Secret Boxes
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1 through F › Brokeback Mountain
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
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Category:
1 through F › Brokeback Mountain
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
7
Views:
1,953
Reviews:
0
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
I do not own Brokeback Mountain, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chapter 2
Jack drove along the road towards Texas. He knew he should stop and rest. He’d already driven 14 hours to get there and now he was faced with another 14 hours of lonely road. He driven there feeling like he would burst with happiness. That he owned the world. Now, as he drove back to Texas and Lureen and fuckin’ LD, he felt like he was breaking into tiny pieces. He couldn’t handle this dual life anymore. He was sick of lying and pretending. He was sick of being Ennis’ dirty secret. He was sick of Ennis denying him, rejecting him over and over. He loved Ennis, he knew that, but he also knew that love wasn’t always enough. Jack would tell Ennis now if he thought it would make any difference. With that thought, the tears came fast, his breath catching. He tried to stop them but they just kept coming.
Ennis…fuck…I love you so much…but I cain’t handle this…cain’t handle drivin’ away from ya no more…I jist cain’t. It’s always on yer terms Ennis del Mar. When we meet, where, fer how long. You say jump I jist ask how fuckin’ high. Why has is always gotta be on yer terms? Why do I always hafta be the one tryin’? Why don’t ya fight fer us? Ya ashamed of me aren’t ya cowboy. Ashamed of lovin’ me. You ain’t never gonna be with me…no matter whut I do, ya ain’t gonna do it.
Jack felt his anger rise again. He was sick of the whole fucked up situation. He was sick of being Ennis’ lap dog. He was sick of being the only one trying to make the relationship work. It was time to take charge and sort this whole fuckin’ thing out.
With that thought, he slammed on his brakes and made a U-turn, heading right back to Ennis.
He is gonna fuckin’ listen to me whether he likes it or not. We’ve gotta get this shit sorted.
When he pulled back in, Ennis’ truck was gone.
Think ya can git rid of me Ennis del Mar? Think ya can jist turn me away like that? Well think again.
He turned the engine off, wound the window down, lit a cigarette, grabbed the bottle of Whiskey, took a deep swallow and just waited. He would wait here all night if he had to.
*******
Ennis was in town. He’d taken his daughters to dinner and was sitting in the diner waiting for their ice-cream to arrive. Afterwards he had to take them back to Alma, then had to go home. Though, he knew full well, that place wasn’t home. The only times he ever felt that he was home, was when he was with Jack.
Jack, that I jist turned away like a goddamn door to door salesman. I hurt him…again. What the fuck is wrong with you del Mar? Why did ya do that? Ya coulda jist asked him to wait, or come back later today when the girls had gone home? Why did ya turn him away? It was the truck weren’t it? It was thinkin’ ‘bout those ten people Jack had spoken to in Riverton lookin’ fer ya. Ya wonderin’ whut people think of ya aren’t ya? Well…whut does Jack think ‘bout ya now? He fuckin’ hates ya…that’s whut. Ya love that man and you’ve fuckin’ destroyed him…how does that feel del Mar?
Junior had noticed that her daddy was being very quiet. She knew he didn’t talk much anyway, but this was a strange quietness. He didn’t look at her much, his head was down the whole time. He looked sorta…deflated. Like all the air had been sucked outta him.
Somethin’ bad musta happened. That friend of his…Jack…musta had some bad news. But he looked so happy, they both did, when he arrived. Then they walked off and talked, then Jack stormed off so quick he didn’t even say goodbye. It was then that daddy looked so sad. Somethin’ bad happened between ‘em.
“Daddy?” she asked, when Jenny had gone to the bathroom
“Yeh darlin’?”
“Whut did ya friend Jack want?”
Ennis’ head shot up and he looked at her deeply. She may have only been 12, but she could see the way her daddy was swallowing hard, like she did when she was trying to not cry.
“He err…he jist popped round to say hi…he was…err…he works sellin’ farm equipment ya see and err…he was passin’ through…so dropped by to see me”
“Why didn’t ya invite him along with us?”
“’cause this time is jist fer us”
“Oh. Jist he seemed real upset when he left. Did somethin’ bad happen?”
Ennis swallowed hard again. To hear his own daughter say what he was already thinking was painful. He was already struggling not to cry as it was, this was like a sharp knife in his heart.
“No…errr…Jack he’s…he’ll be…it ain’t…nothin’ bad happened darlin’. Don’t you worry ‘bout it”
“Is he yer friend ya go fishin’ with? Yer friend from Texas?”
“Yeh…he is”
“Oh right”
They lapsed into more silence. Junior wasn’t stupid. She knew something bad had happened no matter what her daddy told her.
“Daddy? Can I ask ya somethin’?”
“Sure Darlin’”
Please don’t let it be ‘bout Jack…I cain’t handle much more
“Why ya always sad?”
“I ain’t always sad sweetheart. I ain’t sad when I’m with you”
Or when I’m with Jack…shit…no…don’t think of that…don’t
“Ya are sometimes. I want ya to be happy daddy. Ya seem real lonely”
“I jist miss you girls. That’s all”
And Jack…I’m always missin’ Jack…fuck stop it!
“Maybe ya could see ya friend more. Ya always seem happier when ya gonna be meetin’ ‘im.”
Shit…no…please stop Junior…please stop…ya killin’ me darlin’…please no more
“I cain’t see him more Junior. I gotta work, so does he”
“Oh…I see. He does live a long way away. Maybe he’ll pop in and see ya again soon, if he’s passin’.”
Doubt that…probably never see him again…not after whut I jist did…fuck
“Mebbe”
“Well I hope so. Would like to see him again. He seems real nice”
“He is nice”
“He got real blue eyes. I ain’t never seen eyes that blue afore”
When Junior said that she blushed slightly. She did think her daddy’s friend was very handsome. His eyes were so deep blue, so warm and they had this sparkle to them, like he had little fireworks going off in them, or the sun was shining from them. She noticed that her daddy had blushed slightly too and had this tiny smile at the corners of his mouth.
He looks embarrassed…like he thinks the same thin’…that he seen that sparkle too
She ducked her head shyly as did her daddy. Luckily Jenny came back and saved them both
“Is the ice-cream here yet?”
“Not yet darlin’”
“Hope it comes soon!” she said excitedly, bouncing in her seat slightly.
Ennis…fuck…I love you so much…but I cain’t handle this…cain’t handle drivin’ away from ya no more…I jist cain’t. It’s always on yer terms Ennis del Mar. When we meet, where, fer how long. You say jump I jist ask how fuckin’ high. Why has is always gotta be on yer terms? Why do I always hafta be the one tryin’? Why don’t ya fight fer us? Ya ashamed of me aren’t ya cowboy. Ashamed of lovin’ me. You ain’t never gonna be with me…no matter whut I do, ya ain’t gonna do it.
Jack felt his anger rise again. He was sick of the whole fucked up situation. He was sick of being Ennis’ lap dog. He was sick of being the only one trying to make the relationship work. It was time to take charge and sort this whole fuckin’ thing out.
With that thought, he slammed on his brakes and made a U-turn, heading right back to Ennis.
He is gonna fuckin’ listen to me whether he likes it or not. We’ve gotta get this shit sorted.
When he pulled back in, Ennis’ truck was gone.
Think ya can git rid of me Ennis del Mar? Think ya can jist turn me away like that? Well think again.
He turned the engine off, wound the window down, lit a cigarette, grabbed the bottle of Whiskey, took a deep swallow and just waited. He would wait here all night if he had to.
*******
Ennis was in town. He’d taken his daughters to dinner and was sitting in the diner waiting for their ice-cream to arrive. Afterwards he had to take them back to Alma, then had to go home. Though, he knew full well, that place wasn’t home. The only times he ever felt that he was home, was when he was with Jack.
Jack, that I jist turned away like a goddamn door to door salesman. I hurt him…again. What the fuck is wrong with you del Mar? Why did ya do that? Ya coulda jist asked him to wait, or come back later today when the girls had gone home? Why did ya turn him away? It was the truck weren’t it? It was thinkin’ ‘bout those ten people Jack had spoken to in Riverton lookin’ fer ya. Ya wonderin’ whut people think of ya aren’t ya? Well…whut does Jack think ‘bout ya now? He fuckin’ hates ya…that’s whut. Ya love that man and you’ve fuckin’ destroyed him…how does that feel del Mar?
Junior had noticed that her daddy was being very quiet. She knew he didn’t talk much anyway, but this was a strange quietness. He didn’t look at her much, his head was down the whole time. He looked sorta…deflated. Like all the air had been sucked outta him.
Somethin’ bad musta happened. That friend of his…Jack…musta had some bad news. But he looked so happy, they both did, when he arrived. Then they walked off and talked, then Jack stormed off so quick he didn’t even say goodbye. It was then that daddy looked so sad. Somethin’ bad happened between ‘em.
“Daddy?” she asked, when Jenny had gone to the bathroom
“Yeh darlin’?”
“Whut did ya friend Jack want?”
Ennis’ head shot up and he looked at her deeply. She may have only been 12, but she could see the way her daddy was swallowing hard, like she did when she was trying to not cry.
“He err…he jist popped round to say hi…he was…err…he works sellin’ farm equipment ya see and err…he was passin’ through…so dropped by to see me”
“Why didn’t ya invite him along with us?”
“’cause this time is jist fer us”
“Oh. Jist he seemed real upset when he left. Did somethin’ bad happen?”
Ennis swallowed hard again. To hear his own daughter say what he was already thinking was painful. He was already struggling not to cry as it was, this was like a sharp knife in his heart.
“No…errr…Jack he’s…he’ll be…it ain’t…nothin’ bad happened darlin’. Don’t you worry ‘bout it”
“Is he yer friend ya go fishin’ with? Yer friend from Texas?”
“Yeh…he is”
“Oh right”
They lapsed into more silence. Junior wasn’t stupid. She knew something bad had happened no matter what her daddy told her.
“Daddy? Can I ask ya somethin’?”
“Sure Darlin’”
Please don’t let it be ‘bout Jack…I cain’t handle much more
“Why ya always sad?”
“I ain’t always sad sweetheart. I ain’t sad when I’m with you”
Or when I’m with Jack…shit…no…don’t think of that…don’t
“Ya are sometimes. I want ya to be happy daddy. Ya seem real lonely”
“I jist miss you girls. That’s all”
And Jack…I’m always missin’ Jack…fuck stop it!
“Maybe ya could see ya friend more. Ya always seem happier when ya gonna be meetin’ ‘im.”
Shit…no…please stop Junior…please stop…ya killin’ me darlin’…please no more
“I cain’t see him more Junior. I gotta work, so does he”
“Oh…I see. He does live a long way away. Maybe he’ll pop in and see ya again soon, if he’s passin’.”
Doubt that…probably never see him again…not after whut I jist did…fuck
“Mebbe”
“Well I hope so. Would like to see him again. He seems real nice”
“He is nice”
“He got real blue eyes. I ain’t never seen eyes that blue afore”
When Junior said that she blushed slightly. She did think her daddy’s friend was very handsome. His eyes were so deep blue, so warm and they had this sparkle to them, like he had little fireworks going off in them, or the sun was shining from them. She noticed that her daddy had blushed slightly too and had this tiny smile at the corners of his mouth.
He looks embarrassed…like he thinks the same thin’…that he seen that sparkle too
She ducked her head shyly as did her daddy. Luckily Jenny came back and saved them both
“Is the ice-cream here yet?”
“Not yet darlin’”
“Hope it comes soon!” she said excitedly, bouncing in her seat slightly.