Hindsight

Hindsight
Kireania


AN: Okies here's chapter two already ^.^ No I don't have a beta and I'm sorry to anyone that has a problem with the way I write. I got a review last chapter that I just didn't understand but thats ok it's ok to leave reviews you think valid even if I see no reason to them. I don't write the way they pointed out so I have no clue why they gave me that review. Just left a little confused.

Thank you for all the reviews and all the support. Now to those of you who mentioned that I should read the comics. Send em to me and I will read them. Trust me it is not out of a lack of not wanting to read them that I haven't read them. This fic might actually benefit from them. I went and read a summary at wikipedia today and learned a few things. Heheeh my other story (not the HBxJohn) is going to disregard just about everything...I'll explain better when I start to post that story. This one though with the turn I put on it should be able to stick decently enough, hopefully.

This is also one of my first attempts at first person. It's not my first but it's a new style to me but I really wanted this chapter like this and most likely either the next chapter or chapter four will be first person as well. I'm trying to set up my character so tell me what you think I need honest criticsm (I can never spell that. Thanks. Read and Review

Warnings: Nothing much in this chapter. Mention of abuse and some nakedness. Thats about it. Not at the big stuff yet.


Chapter Two: Not as Bad, Not Quite Right


It wasn’t so bad this time. At least what I remember wasn’t as bad as usual; I passed out very quickly this time. I ache but that doesn’t tell me much about my injuries I always ache after a session.

I really don’t feel like opening my eyes or getting up but I must. If I don’t they’ll come up for me and they’ll make me get up in such a way that my session will have looked like a piece of cake.

Rolling to my side and bite back a groan as needles shoot through my abdomen. So that’s where they focused this time, lovely. Last time it had been my upper back, sitting in a chair to eat or lying down to sleep had been hell. The only bitter sweet relief I had during my recovery was those hours where I am allowed to online. Those hours where I talk to him.

I quickly shove him to the back of my mind and lock him away. If my family catches that thought they will… well I don’t know exactly what they will do, I doubt they will kill me, but they might try to kill him. I can’t allow that.

Squeezing my eyes shut I grimace as I push my arms against my cot and painfully lift myself off the creaky old mattress. My abdomen is screaming in protest, wanting no needing to remain still to recover from the abuse that it had endured less than six hours ago. My lungs heave in sympathy as they work to ease the pain by increasing their normal rate. This never helps but it is a normal reaction and I can’t seem to help it.

It takes a moment but I am soon up in a sitting position, the pain is already being ignored thus turning it into nothing but a dull throb. That is until I stand up. I almost pass out again but I manage from sheer will to not allow that. A whimper escapes me and I instantly regret it. If my family hears anything from me I will regret it. After nothing happens for a few moments I assume that none heard my sound.

I’m not even going to try and stretch right now. Turning my neck I look around my nearly pitch black room, my eyes easily seeing everything. My clothing for the day is laid out, just a little dress that inhibits nothing but covers everything. Besides my sessions when I wake up in pain, I am not touched. I am usually either ignored and locked away or yelled at. I don’t move right away but I look up at the ceiling and see the light that’s pouring through a few cracks in the stone…it’s at the angle and brightness that tells me that I am actually late in waking up today.

That gets me moving. Those cracks might not let in much light but I have learned to read them so that I know the time and I am rarely off by more than a minute or two. I have to scuffle over to where they put my clothes my normal walk uses my abdomen too much. Grimacing, I bend down to get the outfit using all my strength to not make a sound. I have to hurry.

Closing my eyes for a moment I steel myself against the pain that I know I’m about to put myself through but I have to. The consequences would be so much worse if I don’t. A deep breath and I am suddenly moving at my normal pace, my stomach screaming at the intensity. This hurts.

Within a few minutes I am finished my morning routine of getting ready but I am not finished. I have to go downstairs still. I don’t stop my deep breathing nor do I stop to let my muscles relax. I instantly open my door and begin to head down the stone stairs. The stone is cold and sends chills up my bare feet but that feeling only helps to numb my body to any and all feeling.

This is why my family thinks I heal quickly. I can handle pain better than they can. I can grit and bear it because I know that they will cause more if I don’t. I do heal fast but not in just a few hours, not with what they cause. I’m not that good. They don’t understand that but they don’t want to. They see what they want and do what they want and that’s how they’ve been since I can truly remember.

I feel every jarring step that I take but I let no sound escape as I descend closer to those that control my life. I stop on a step as a thought hits me. Today’s my birthday. I’m seventeen today. I hope they’ll let me be for a little today he said he’d be on to wish me a happy birthday…again I have to shove him away. I can’t risk him yet the longer I know and speak with him the more I yearn for him and the more he’s in danger.

Tightening my control I continue my descent and finally touch down on the last step at the same time as my eldest brother came to it to start heading up, so they were just going to come for me. That’s later that usual.

His cold eyes speak much more than his voice does but they both send chills through me, “I see you finally decided to wake up. Some of us actually have to get up on a routine, you know?”

He doesn’t want me to answer that so I just lower my head. He turns back and just leaves me there and I quickly follow making sure that I’m not limping or showing pain in any way. He enters the kitchen and I follow standing off to the side waiting for them to finish so that I can clear off their dishes then get my own breakfast from my mother. They usually just have coffee or milk in the morning by the time I’m down. All of them wake up earlier than I do and eat before I’m even downstairs; it’s like they hide what they eat from me.

My father grunts and just gets up and leaves heading towards his study or otherwise known as the library, I’m not allowed in there. Mother nods at me and I start to gather everyone’s dishes and take them to the sink where I just wash them clean while my meal is prepared. This is normal for us and it can probably be the only time where I am allowed to do something and get something in return that’s not a punishment.

I dry the dishes after thoroughly cleaning them and leave them in the proper piles for my sister to put away as she always does. A moment later she is there and she shoves me out of the way and I can’t help it, with my abdomen as sore as it is, I fall and a whine slightly. I curse at myself but my sister is just laughing at me while everyone else is frowning. My sister, Dali, is really cruel to me. She loves to blame me for things that she breaks and it always works, there’s no point in me arguing no one will believe me.

I force myself back up and before she can shove me again I move out of her way or so she just didn’t get the idea again. Of course I hadn’t noticed that she was moving to do it again so when I moved she lunged and missed thus running into the sink. I heard the thud and turned around so quickly I almost fell over from pain again but I held it back. I was horrified. This was not how I wanted to start my birthday out.

I looked from my mother to my two brothers and then back to my sister, my eyes were wide and my mouth was open just a bit in shock. My eldest brother, Syan, was cold as ever, I swear he’s an ice cube. There was no emotion on his face or in his eyes. My other brother, Adam, is actually younger than my sister but still older than me, I am the youngest. He is trying not to laugh. They don’t get along that well him and my sister. They both are cruel and find enjoyment in the other’s pain as well as everyone else’s, me being one of their favorite targets.

My mother is being awfully quiet about this whole thing so I look back at her and though she doesn’t look happy she doesn’t seem to be extremely pissed either…and her look is actually directed at Dali.

“Dali, stop messing around. Put those dishes away and then go practice.” Her words were harsh and firm. There was no room for argument and though Dali was shocked at being yelled for once she instantly obeyed. I blinked at my mother my mind could only think of one thing. Something big had to be happening soon. Mother never yelled at anyone but me.

Those eyes turned to me and a bowl was placed in my hand. Ah, my breakfast. I took it and sat down without a word and began to eat. My stomach protested but I ignored it knowing that I might not get any later if I didn’t eat any now. Boiled potatoes, boiled chicken, and some corn all mixed in a small bowl. That is my breakfast and I munch on it hungrily. I must have thrown up last night because as soon as I start eating and ignore the pain from eating I realize how truly hungry I am.

I look up as I chew and I notice that it’s just my mother and I now. My siblings had left and my mother is now just watching me eat with a look on her face if she’s debating something. I know my mother and I know that she doesn’t debate anything, so whatever this is, this is big. And I know I’m right when a moment later Zenir walks into the kitchen.

Zenir is my fiancé. My mother and father arranged the marriage between us when I was eleven and every year they make sure that they made the right choice and every year its still him but the process of choosing him over others is kind of biased and I kind of stick with Zenir ‘cause I’m used to him… Looking away from him I’m suddenly full. This doesn’t shock my mother; I don’t finish my food all the time anyways. She takes the bowl away from me as she is talking with Zenir in whispers that I catch, but don’t understand.

They’re speaking in a different language, one that I don’t know. I stand up and wait to be told where I can go. As is the custom with engaged couple Zenir walks over to me and kisses me lightly on the forehead and then on my lips. But then says nothing else as he walks out after finishing talking with my mother. Usually he says morning or something that I just nod back to but today it’s nothing. I’m confused.

“Go to your room.”

I nod silently at the order and leave my bowl where it is and head back up to my dark room to ponder what is going on. I hope that I’ll have a little time on the computer today. I want to talk but with the way things look I’m not sure if I’m going to.

I practically run up the stone steps to my room. I need to run otherwise the curiosity is going to get the best of me and I might go snooping and get in trouble. I reach my down heaving from lack of air and pain. I hurt so badly right now. Opening the door to my room I enter the dark room and let my eyes adjust. This is my little nook. I close the door thus putting myself in complete darkness and my eyes fully adjust and I still see everything perfectly. I navigate through my small room and lay on my bed.

My stomach is truly now just a dull throb in the back of my mind, my thoughts are running all over the place overriding any signs of pain. What could be going on today? Why is Zenir here? Why didn’t mother yell at me? What’s Red doing right now?

I bolt up in my bed as a horrifying thought occurs to me. What if they’re going to do another experiment to me? I’m already no longer human because of their experiments, so there’s not much more they can do but their last one almost killed me and those hurt worse than the sessions.

These experiments my family does to me explains a lot of my weirder features. I can see perfectly in near pitch black. I can smell and detect blood in just about any increments and tell you how old it is. I can also tell you who it’s from. The scariest part of the blood one is that when I acquired that feature I also got a little taste for blood. I like it now. I’m not allowed to have any but I do crave it. I can hear really well, I can climb/ jump and I can heal really fast. I think I might be a little stronger than a normal girl but I don’t know.

I move to the far back corner of my bed and curl up in a ball with my knees to my chin and shake a little. This hurts my stomach but it’s a much more comforting position to be in at the moment. And actually I must have fallen asleep because the next thing I know I’m jolting awake because I hear footsteps coming up the stone steps.

I sit up and instinctually look up and judge the time of day that it is. Before it was about 750am when I had come back up. Now it was closer to about 1145 in the morning. Blinking I try to figure out how I fell asleep when Syan comes into my room. I blink up at him and wait for him to speak. The light that shines in from the hallway is enough to illuminate my room for him to see and is more than enough for me to have to shield my eyes for a second.

“Mother says you are to leave your room for the rest of the day. You will have your normal time at the computer but as for the rest of the day there will be something else.”

I nod silently as I always do and get up slowly. Finally able to see without spots I follow him out of my room and down the steps. My stomach is mostly numb now so there is little to no pain. There is silence between us as we walk down the steps but that’s fine, Syan scares me. He leaves me at the bottom of the steps with a look and I just go off to the room where the computer is held. A smile creeps up on my face as I close the door behind me. I look around the room and then hustle to the chair and sit down instantly.

This is my haven much more than my room. I boot up the machine. And close my eyes and listen as it whirls to life. This is the only connection I have to the outside world, to him. When they first showed me this it was only given to me to frustrate me because I had no way of knowing how to use it. But slowly I learned. I now can use it to its fullest and it holds my greatest secret and never betrays me.

I open my eyes and click on the internet button and load it up. Screens pop up as usual and I ignore them. I go to a site that I know by heart and I type in the URL without a mistake. A download button appears and I press it and accept the user agreement. I download the basic package and soon I’m logged in and I’m no longer trapped in my horror house. I can access him.

I can’t help but pout when I realize that he’s not on right now but that’s ok, I’m actually a little early today. I can wait. I go through my mail while I’m waiting. He’s left me messages, most of them silly or updates about his cats that are pregnant. I laugh to myself not loud enough to be heard but enough to make me forget about me terrifying thoughts from earlier.

A beep signaling his arrival draws my attention away from some trash mail. I smile brightly and then frown as I automatically check the IP that he’s on. It’s not his. I send him a message asking him.

His response explains a lot but I’m paranoid so as usual I ask for proof. It takes a moment, obviously he’s not typing, but I get the line that I need to see. It is indeed my Red and his friend Myers. I relax and soon they have me laughing and because I don’t want to draw attention I am trying to stay silent which makes my stomach pain flare up, ow. I say that and thank John for allowing Red on. Just this small connection calms me greatly.

Red picks up on my pain even through the computer and comments on it…OH MY GOD WITH MYERS THERE TOO. I feel so embarrassed, I barely know him and though he sounds nice I don’t need his pity this soon into knowing him. I’m so close to just signing off and letting Red know I’m pissed. I’ve done that before. But I don’t, I need his comfort right now. Luckily he drops it and I’m praying that on the other end John isn’t asking him what he meant.

We start talking and I accidentally mention that my fiancé is here and there’s no comment for a moment. I know instantly what Red is doing. His eyes are narrowing in jealousy and he’s growling. He’s told me himself after he lost a bet between us that is what he does when I mention Zenir. I smile; it feels good to know that he wants me even though he doesn’t even know what I look like.

I mean I don’t know what he looks like either but I don’t really care. I imagine he is pretty tall with big muscles, he said he works out a lot. He also mentioned a bad guy look people seem to think he has so I don’t know what to think about that, so maybe dark hair with bright eyes. I have come to the decision that even though it’s impossible I want his eyes, in my imagination at least, to be gold. It’s just that each member of my family has a different eye color so every time I see a normal eye color I see their eyes and I just want a clean slate…well until I see him, if I do.

I chuckle as I finally get a reply. From John first though. I have to hold in another giggle as I read John’s message. He just backed up what Red told me himself. John just asked me why Red was growling. Teasingly I type in “Because he’s jealous” and send it. Sure enough a moment later John has typed in Red’s response I’m almost rolling. Red denies being jealous and swears he just doesn’t trust the guy, that he’s never met. I send that last little tidbit and wait for the inevitable response.

We continue to jibe and make fun at each other, John hopping right on in and having a blast. I lose track of the time and don’t notice it again until I hear someone walking by. I freeze up instantly. Looking at the bottom of the screen my eyes widen as I see the time. I ran over my time. My family could walk in here at any moment and see my conversation. Oh no how reckless can I get today.

I hurriedly type that I have to go saying that my time was up. Red instantly apologized for keeping. But it wasn’t his fault it was mine, I want to stay here and talk with him for so long that I live to just talk with him and I tell him so. I say bye once again and I sign off.

Quickly I delete the program I just used off the computer and erase any evidence that there might be that I was on a sight that could be linked to me chatting with other people. Figuring out how to do this with computers has been my life saver because this is the only reason that I can still talk to Red. I’m just finishing shutting down the computer when the door opens and Zenir steps into the room.

“Your mother says that you’re over your time and that you are supposed to be finished by now.” Not as cold as Syan but not warm either. I push everything out of my mind as I am once again reminded as to where I am and who I am.

“I’m sorry. I lost track of time…” Zenir frowned but he was not around me all the time, he did not know that I did not lose track of time that easily. Nodding he, grudgingly decided to accept that answer.

“Just this once, I’ll cover for you. Consider it your birthday present.” I gave him a nod and a small smile. I appreciated that. Usually on my birthday his form of a present was a “Thank you.” Just one. He knew I never heard those words any other time so he figured once a year was good enough. So this year he was covering for me. That’s a big leap, but one I wasn’t going to question.

He led me out into the main area and to my extreme shock there were people there, and not just a few. There had to be at least twenty or so people gathered around. When Zenir and I entered they all stopped talking and stared at me. I swallowed thickly tried to inch behind my fiancé but he had somehow managed to grip my arm without my knowledge and that stopped me from moving. Dammit.

Unfortunately when Zenir stopped to speak with one of them the others came closer to me. I wanted to back up but I didn’t not wanting to get in trouble. They were all staring at me as if I had something on my face even though I didn’t. The guy that Zenir was talking to called out to the group and a group of females came forward. Zenir pushed me to them.

“They’ll be watching you for the rest of the day. Just do what they say. You’ll understand later.” I want to ask and I open my mouth to but I close it right away at his glare and nod. Zenir might not be as cold or as hard all the time but that doesn’t mean I can argue.

I follow the group and they lead me to other parts of the house that I’ve never been to. We have an underground cave in my house. Wow. It’s huge. They tell me to strip and at first I don’t want to but they are insistent and the oldest woman has a crop and smacks my back with it. I wheeze in pain and a moment later I am naked before them. Whatever is going on I don’t like it. I want to go back to the computer or at least back to my room.

My eyes follow the old woman’s fingers as she points at something. My eyes adjust and I see the pool of water. They want me to go in that? Not wanting to feel that crop I start walking towards the water, I notice the younger females follow me, they aren’t naked but they are down to the bare minimum. Two go in before I do and two more follow behind me. I am so confused about what’s going on but I don’t ask.

The water is freezing but all it does is allow my body to numb to any residing aches and pains I have left from this morning. I have healed over the hours since I have woken up. And this cold water is numbing the muscles causing them to forget their pain just that much more. I relax for a few moments until I feel the other girls’ hands on me. I stand up straight and move away.

“I can wash myself”

“No. They will cleanse you. They will make sure you are cleansed properly. Now hold still.” My discomfort goes unnoticed except that I am threatened with the crop if I do not comply. Gritting my teeth I sink back into the water and try to ignore the feeling of their hands on my body.

One washes my hair, one my face and arms, one my chest and back and the other my lower half. I can barely deal with the one that does the lower half. They are all very meticulous with how they are cleaning. Each one making sure not to miss a single part of me, I am sure my face is red. Finally I am allowed to rinse and they make sure I am soap free before I am led back to the rocky shore where there are slipper waiting so that my feet are covered.

I am greatly relieved as a towel is wrapped around me and I dry off but my relief soon vanishes. That one bath took almost two hours with how concise they were, and now the old woman is saying that I have to go through it three more times. My mismatched colored eyes are wide and I‘m wanting to scream but I don’t, I want to cry out for Red but I don’t. I want a lot of things, but I don’t do any of them. I don’t think I can.

One of the girls escorts me to a chair to sit while I wait for the next bathe to begin. It’s about four in the afternoon right now. I had almost an hour and forty five minutes on the computer today and I’m already yearning for more, while dreading the next bathe to begin. If the next three were as long as the first one then these bathes would last until ten this evening. I like bathing but that’s a little much.

All too soon I am motioned back to the water. The towel is taken from my frame and the slippers are taken from my feet. I notice this time that different girls have different parts. Perhaps they all have to switch. Sighing in annoyance I just close my eyes and do as I always seem to do with everything, I give up.

I was right. Each bath was two hours long. I was in and out of the water until about ten thirty at night when I was finally wrapped in a freshly warmed towel and slippers and brought back upstairs. The halls are different now. They’re all draped in dark fabrics and its gives the house an eerie feel to it. Shivering I pull the towel closer. The young girls that bathed me were gone, their parts were done I guess, but the old lady wasn’t, she came with me to this new room and followed me in.

She hobbled her way to the large bed that was decorated in the center of the room. On the bed spread there was a skirt and a top. The skirt was black while the top was a blood red. The outfit was stunning in my opinion so when she told me to put it on I was shocked. I don’t hesitate though, I don’t need another hit from this hag, besides I like this order.

Dropping my towel I put the skirt on first and smile when it fits me perfectly and then the top just slips on over my breasts. I’m not that big in the chest area but I once heard my sister complain that mine were bigger than hers so I guess I have a good size, Dali is a B cup or something like that and since I’m bigger than her I’m whatever comes next.

There is a mirror in the room that I was led to and I suddenly notice that besides the mirror and the bed that nothing else is decorated. The room is actually quite plain. My musings are cut short when I see my reflection. My blond hair is hanging down to hips loosely unlike I usually have it strands of it are framing my face thus causing my eyes to seem to pop. Their colors swirling deep inside, my eyes are the results of my parents’ experiments just like some other things are. I have one violet eye and one red eye and the pupil isn’t the normal circle shape that human’s have. No, mine are more like a cat’s shape, more diamond like. But at this time with this outfit I think it all just fits for once. I wish I could take a picture for Red.

A tutting sound gets my attention away from the mirror and I realize that it’s the old woman. She’s calling me over to sit in front of an old vanity. I walk over, loving how the soft material of the skirt feels against my skin and sit down. I allow her to do my hair quietly, my mind is racing. Why is all of this happening? What’s going to happen? Is there a party? Is tonight the wedding? Is everything going to be ok?

I don’t know why but I feel like something is going to be really wrong. I feel like I should run away and get out of here but I’m scared to do that. I just don’t know what to do. I barely notice what the hag is doing to my hair but I do notice when she is done because she stops touching me.

I finally raise me eyes and look at myself and I gasp. It looks amazing. I look like a…a…I don’t even know what I look like. I just know I look amazing. There is a silver flower vine braided into my hair on both sides catching wisps of hair over some of the leaves and the flowers. The rest of my hair is down and smoother than silk. I look up to say something but she is gone.

I don’t know what to do but I do get the unspoken message:

Don’t leave.

So I have to wait here until they come for me. I think I can do that.


A/n: Please read and review.