Falling Down

CHAPTER 2: FROM GOOD TO WORSE


"Sarah-freakin'-Williams, would you get up already?"

Sarah opened her eyes blearily and rubbed her forehead, getting that disorientated, muggy feeling one has when you've slept either far too little or far too much. Where was she? She looked up above her, focusing on the ceiling. Her ceiling. Right - she was in her bed, in her New York apartment. But who was-

Before she could finish that thought, a pillow hurtled across the room, hitting her squarely in the face, accompanied by a cry of: "Sarah!" Sitting upright, Sarah grimaced at the young woman standing at the end of her bed, and managed a half-hearted wave. "Morning, Holly."

"Morning?!" Holly was incredulous, "It's one in the afternoon! What were you drinking last night?" She continued exclaiming in much the same sort of style as she yanked the bedsheets off of Sarah, drew the curtains, turned on the kettle and the radio in the small kitchen next door, and generally woke up the apartment with as much noise as possible. Sarah let it wash over her - after two years of living with Holly she was more than used to it. In fact, a week didn't seem complete without her roommate bursting in at least once and forcibly dragging her out of bed.

"You've got mascara all down your face, girl. You look like a fucking panda."

Sarah rolled her eyes, "Thanks, Holly."

"Don't mention it. Here," Holly tossed a packet of make-up remover pads at her friend, "don't forget: cleanse, tone and moisturise twice a day. You're not going to be a leading lady again if you turn into some wrinkly old granny."

Obediently cleaning off what was left of last night's make-up from her face, Sarah suddenly remembered just why she was sleeping in such a state of disarray. Opening night! The memories of her performance flooded back to her, and she couldn't contain the grin on her face. Holly plonked a chipped mug of coffee on the bedside table beside Sarah, and emptied a plastic bag of - newspapers? - onto the bed, nodding to the collection with a smile. "So, according to these, you were the shit last night."

"Holly, are those reviews?!"

"I grabbed them this morning. Don't say I'm not good to you," she glanced at her watch, and then began to walk out of the room as quickly as she had first entered, blowing a kiss as she left through a side-door in the kitchen to her own half of the apartment. "I've gotta go check on Emily, be back in five, okay? Drink your coffee, princess."

Trying hard to contain her nervous jitters at the thought of real reviews, Sarah resolved to leave the papers until she was a little more awake. Adjusting her green shift-dress (which was hardly appropriate night-wear) as she sat on her bed, she drew up her knees and began to gingerly sip her coffee, wrinkling her nose a little at the taste - Holly always made it so strong, it was like drinking a jumbo espresso.

Still waking up, she allowed her thoughts to drift to her roommate. Holly Greaves was attending the same drama college as Sarah, although she was specialising in backstage work - designing costumes and sets, learning how to source props, coordinate lights, do make-up and hair, and so on. And, like Sarah, she was attending the college thanks to a charitable grant, hence the reason they had ended up sharing a room. Holly had dropped out of high-school at seventeen, after two months of missed periods had finally forced her to accept the obvious: she was pregnant. Her parents said they would be supportive whatever her decision, and eventually Holly decided to keep the baby, even though her boyfriend wanted nothing more to do with her. When Emily Greaves was born she looked just like her mother, from her dark brown eyes and hair to her olive complexion, and everyone agreed she was a beautiful baby.

But Holly - headstrong, fearless, and relentlessly foul-mouthed - was not the type to sit back and resign herself to a life of childcare. A few weeks after the birth she began to apply to every organisation she could think of who might be able to help her further her education, despite the fact she was lacking a high school diploma. After months of rejection most people would have given up, but Holly was relentless - and eventually she got the scholarship and grant she so needed.

Sarah remembered how when they first started living together she and Holly had fought like tooth and nail. Both of them had been rather spoiled when they were younger, and each hated the idea of sharing her personal space with a girl she hardly knew. Had it not been for baby Emily, they might still be fighting to this day.

Sarah's problem was that the longer she stayed in New York, the more she missed Toby. They had grown so close that, and she had spent so much time with him, that in many ways she had practically brought him up. She cringed at the thought of how badly she had treated him when he was younger. Now she missed the silliest things about him – like reading him stories, or peering in his room before she went to bed to check he was safe. And so, feeling restless, she volunteered to babysit Emily a few nights every week, so that Holly could go out.

Holly was incredibly thankful for the gesture, and surprised to finally find someone her own age who was used to the constant crying and demands of a young baby. Gradually the two girls began to spend more and more time together, and now the only term that could describe their relationship was 'best friends'. In such a short space of time, each had had a great influence on the other. Sarah found that Holly taught her to stand up for herself more, to be braver, and shed some of her childish immaturity about the real world. And the more time she spent with Sarah, the more Holly learnt to let down some of the walls she had put up during her pregnancy, and to trust people and make new friends once again. As for Emily, even though she could never replace her baby step-brother, Sarah doted on her until she felt like the baby was the little sister she never had.

Finishing her coffee, a much more alert Sarah pulled herself out of bed (muttering a small thank you to whoever discovered caffeine) and started to get dressed, hanging up her outfit from the night before and pulling on simple white t-shirt and pair of jeans, and, as an afterthought when she shivered slightly, her old black leather jacket. Brushing her long, dark hair vigorously, she tried to focus her attention on anything but the pile of newspapers. It doesn't matter whether they say it's good or bad, it's only your first proper production, don't start freaking out... But try as she might she soon gave in, and pulled the first one from the heap, hastily flicking forward to the theatre section.

She stared, dumbfounded. It was... good. Really good. "Antigone" was given four stars, and just a quick glance at the adjectives in the article ("amazing", "surprising", "impressive") could tell her that the critic thought the play a success. Quickly, she grabbed the next paper, and the next, and the next. It was unanimous. Of course, she told herself, none of these newspapers were the major dailies - the play was hardly on Broadway, or even off-Broadway, just a small three-night student production - but at that moment, Sarah couldn't have cared less. They liked the play. They liked her acting in the play. She felt untouchable.

But then, one headline caught her eye. "LIKE MOTHER, LIKE DAUGHTER: A STAR IS BORN". Curious, she unfolded the rest of the paper and began to read. It started much like the other pieces, congratulating the cast on a surprisingly strong production, but then...

"...the heroine, Antigone, played with striking talent by twenty-year-old Sarah Williams. Miss Williams is, of course, the daughter of eminent stage actress Linda Williams, who is currently based in Paris after a recent tour of Germany. Readers will doubtlessly remember her award-winning performance as Nina in last summer's Broadway production of 'The Seagull'. Just as famous for her personal life off-stage as her work on-stage, Miss Williams divorced her daughter's father some years ago to become engaged to her then co-star, Jeremy Jones, though the marriage ultimately did not take place, after gossip of infidelity on both sides. Her recent decision to move to Paris has added fuel to the rumours that she is currently dating French film-star..."

Disgusted, Sarah crumpled the paper in her hand, and angrily looked back at the articles she had only skimmed over before. To her horror, she discovered much of the same in those pieces: "daughter of Linda Williams...", "surely some of her talent must come from her mother, Linda Williams...", "the resemblance to her mother is striking...", "Linda Williams will be returning to New York in the spring for a new production...", "Linda Williams, a muse to countless directors and playwrights...", "Linda Williams was photographed last night at the famous nightclub...", "Linda Williams could not be found to comment on rumours of her being cast in a big-screen adaption of..." The name "Linda Williams" swum up in each and every review. "Antigone" was warmly received, even praised, and Sarah's performance was congratulated by everyone, but it seemed her name could not be mentioned without sidetracking onto the latest news of her mother's antics.

Sarah didn't hate her mother. After all, Linda had helped her get into drama college. But Sarah hadn't actually seen her for several years, and it had been months since their last brief, hurried, five-minute conversation on the phone. Sometimes Linda acted as though she didn't even have a daughter. When Sarah had been younger she had idolised her mother's glamorous adult world of fame - the parties, the alcohol, the private clubs, the money, the fabulous outfits - but now she saw it as the thing that had taken her mother away from her family. And now, as Sarah was making a career for herself, to be compared to her mother, held up against her, talked of almost as an after-thought to Linda's own fame...

"It's not fair!" Sarah cried out, pushing the papers away from her. "It's just... it's not fair!"

But that's the way it is... Her mind seemed to whisper to her, but she shook her head fiercely. It wasn't fair, and she wasn't going to pretend to be happy about it. Was this what her life was going to be? An echo of her mother's? Not-quite as talented, not-quite as famous, everybody saying only she got roles because of her name, not her abilities? Blinking back tears, she grabbed her bag and keys, pulled on her shoes, and ducked into the next room to say a quick goodbye to Holly and Emily. She had some papers she needed to drop off on campus, and then she needed to go to the theatre to get ready for the second night (although, she thought glumly, there was little point in her performing at all). She'd walk rather than take a taxi – anything to keep her mind off of the unfairness that was her mother.

--

The main college building was practically deserted, with most of the students having already left for their summer holidays. The only ones remaining were in the play with Sarah, and were dropping off a few last minute essays, or grabbing forgotten books. A few who were in the chorus of "Antigone" waved excitedly at her from their lockers.

"Hey, Sarah, did you hear about Alex?"

"No," Sarah shook her head with a fond smile as she walked over to them. "What's that idiot done now?"

"He got his scholarship!"

"He got his... what?" To say that Sarah was confused was an understatement. Alex had never told her about any scholarship.

"Yeah, I didn't know about it either," one of the guys, Michael, grinned and shook his head. "He applied to this musical theatre academy in London without telling anybody. It's based in the West End - much more specialised than this place."

"And he heard from them this morning!" Adriana, a slight redhead, took up the story. "He's got a full scholarship to start training there next year! Isn't that amazing?"

Numbly, Sarah fixed her smile on her face. She was an actress, wasn't she? She wasn't going to let her disappointment show. "That's wonderful," she said. "I'll congratulate him this evening. See you guys at the theatre!"

Turning around she walked quickly out of the building and off the campus, trying for the second time that day not to cry. She and Alex had been getting along so well, and after he had walked her home last night, she thought that they were going to... She was happy for Alex, she really was, she knew that this was everything he had ever dreamed of, but to leave so suddenly, and without warning her first...

She spied an old tin can lying on the sidewalk in front of her and gave it a vicious kick, sending it spiralling off into an alley. "It's not fair!"

In her head, she was back in high school, three years ago. At seventeen she'd been dating her first serious boyfriend, Robert, and everything was going great. They got on well, they really liked each other, they'd even started talking about having sex - but then his dad was suddenly transferred to another country, and in a matter of weeks the rest of the family, including Robert, had moved overseas to join him. Sarah hadn't seen him since. And now Alex would be leaving as well... "Am I cursed or something?!" Sarah found herself shouting out to the thankfully-deserted street, as she flung her back against a brick wall, fists clenched.

She took a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself. Okay, this had been a really shitty day. But what was it that Holly always said? "When life gives you lemons, you squirt lemon juice in life's fucking eyes." It wasn't fair. It wasn't even a little bit fair. But...

"That's just the way it is," Sarah whispered to herself. "That's just the way it is." She repeated it over and over like a mantra. It wasn't fair, but there was nothing she could do about it by complaining. That wouldn't solve anything. She'd learnt that much in the Labyrinth-

She let out a frustrated sigh, and pushed her head back against the wall. She had to stop thinking about the Labyrinth! Pulling herself together, she straightened her jacket, and continued walking to the theatre. The only thing she could do was carry on.

Just because the papers were more interested in her mother than her, it didn't mean she should stop putting everything into the play. Letting down the rest of the cast and the audience wouldn't solve anything. Holly was coming tonight, having found another babysitter - didn't her best friend's opinions matter more to her than those of some second-rate theatre critics? And as for Alex... Sarah knew what a hard decision it was to follow your dreams at the expense of a relationship. Hadn't she left behind Toby to come to New York? She couldn't blame Alex, and there was no point in moping about it.

So, as she entered the theatre, in spite of everything, Sarah resolved to give the play her all in the penultimate show. People who had known her as a teenager would be surprised. In spite of everything, she was finally acting like a mature adult. Who would have thought it?

--

AN: Another introductory chapter, but don't worry, things kick off in the next instalment! I hope you're all enjoying my portrayal of Sarah - I'm trying to make it as realistic as possible, and tie it into the film as much as I can. For example, I gave Jeremy (who, as any die-hard fan knows, is portrayed by David Bowie in a photograph in the film) David Bowie's original surname... Jones!

Please leave a review to let me know what you think so far, and thank you for reading!